Downfall
by Black Crystall Draygon
Summary: This is a tale of the Marauders about 2 years after they left Hogwarts. AU. It improves later on don't judge by the first chapter. Be kind, please. Warnings: SLASH SBRL, language, drug abuse and torture later.
1. A Visitor

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. The rabbit and J K Rowling own it all. Though I DO wish (very often) that Sirius and Remus belonged to me._

_Warnings: This is GRAPHIC SLASH (meaning male-on-male interaction of the sexual kind) Please don't read it if you don't like it and then flame me. I'll just laugh, because I have warned you. It'll only show how stupid you are if you do._

_Notes: This takes place just after the Marauders have left Hogwarts. I like happy endings so I'll just ignore what it says in the books and make them all impossible anyway. Also, just to get it off my chest, I'm really incredibly annoyed at JK Rowling since OotP!!! How could she kill of ?!!! Nope, not going to spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it, but anyone who has, you'll understand if you feel the same and if you don't … what the hell? Right, that's done._

**Chapter 1 - A Visitor**

Sirius leant back in his chair, staring absently into the fire. This was the life. His own home, his own rules, his own life. And there was only one thing missing. And that was going to be solved in November. It would be sooner, but Remus was in Australia for another week, and then he was going to visit some relative in Russia. And when he came back, his parents would want him for a while, and then …

And then Sirius Black's life would be complete. He sighed and snuggled backwards. He shut his eyes and sighed contentedly. Lilly and James were scheduled to be married next summer, Remus would be with him before the year was out and he never ever had to see his family again. What could be better?

Sirius yawned, suddenly tired. He sloped off to bed, to dream of Remus…

-------

Suddenly, in the middle of the night, there was a knock at the door. Eventually, it turned to hammering and Sirius finally woke up. He scrambled into a sitting position, the covers a tangle around his legs, scratching his head. The hammering started up again, so Sirius lurched to his feet and pulled on his dressing gown. He half-fell down the stairs and went to the door, rubbing his eyes. He opened it and stared rather stupidly at the man standing outside. "Remus."

"Hi. Look, sorry for just dropping in, but …"

"Wait, wait, don't explain yourself on the doorstep for God's sake! Come in," Sirius laughed. Remus smiled and went into the house. Sirius led the way into the cosy lounge, where the fire still crackled merrily, and slumped down on the couch. Remus sat down opposite him on another couch. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Just … arriving on your doorstep. I came back from Australia early, because my uncle was coming. It's my uncle's fault I'm here, he's staying with my mum and he's … well, basically, he's a homophobe. The second he found out about … about us - he - he went mad. I … he's Mum's brother, so I couldn't ask him to leave, especially as he came over from America just to see her. I was pretty angry at the time anyway, so I left. Sorry."

Sirius got up and went over to Remus, sitting down next to him. "Don't be sorry."

They sat in silence for a long moment, staring at each other. Sirius grinned and opened his arms so that Remus could fall into a tight hug. Sirius held him, murmuring, "It's OK, sweetheart. Forget him. What does it matter, so long as we love each other, right?"

Remus looked up at Sirius, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Yeah …"

Sirius smiled gently. "It's good to see you, Remus."

He felt the werewolf shudder at the sound of his name. "Miss me?"

Remus snuggled closer, sliding his arms around Sirius, his eyes shut. Sirius kissed the top of Remus' head as he started to sob. "God, yeah …"

"Shh, love. Come on, let's go to bed …"

He got to his feet, Remus holding him almost painfully tight. "Want me to carry you?"

Remus was starting to shake, so Sirius didn't wait for an answer but picked the werewolf up. He frowned when he did so. Remus was far too light. "When was the last time you had a square meal?"

Remus sniffed and shrugged. "When I got home?"

"When was that?" Sirius asked, carrying Remus into the hall. The concern was easily visible on Sirius' face as he watched Remus closely. He didn't meet his eyes when he muttered, "About … two weeks, maybe?"

Sirius almost exploded. "REMUS LUPIN ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING FOR TWO WEEKS? You idiot! You'll starve!"

He took Remus straight into the kitchen and dumped him at the kitchen table. "Sorry, Sirius …"

Sirius didn't reply, but started banging around in cupboards looking for something edible. Remus got up and went to the fridge. He pulled out some tubs of yoghurt and looked at the date. "Sirius, don't you ever check expiry dates? These went off last month!"

Sirius growled, "Sit down, you! You're not well!"

Remus shoved the yoghurt back on the shelf, shut the fridge and sat down obediently. Sirius poured out a bowl of cereal for Remus and slammed it down in front of him. "Eat it. If there is a scrap left when I've finished cooking this, I'll - I'll … Well, you won't like it, whatever I decide to do! Just eat it."

Remus began to eat quickly. Sirius scolded, "Don't wolf it down. It's not going to disappear, and you don't want indigestion."

Remus slowed down, watching Sirius as he pulled out a frying pan and some eggs and bacon. "Sirius, really, this'll be enough - "

"It will not! What would your mother say to me if you die of starvation? Just get that down your neck, and stop complaining."

Sirius cracked the eggs and put the pan on the stove, flicking his wand at it so that it began to cook. He then shoved the bacon into the microwave and set it going. Three minutes later the microwave bleeped at them while Sirius was forking eggs out of the pan. He took the plate over and tried to take the bacon out with his fingers. He succeeded, but burned his fingers in the process. Sticking them in his mouth and glaring at Remus, who was laughing like a maniac, he took the plate to him and got a knife and fork for him.

"When you've eaten that we can go to bed," he muttered around his fingers.

"Let me look," Remus replied, his mouth full. Sirius held his hand out to Remus, who inspected his fingertips, still forking egg into his mouth. Eventually, he pulled out his wand and said a healing spell. Sirius yelped at the magic, as it stung while it healed, and stuck his fingers back in his mouth.

"Oh, be quiet. It'll heal in a minute. Be thankful I'm not dragging you to St. Mungo's."

"Me go to St. Mungo's! You're the one who needs to go there! You're too thin, Remus!" Sirius barked, his voice cracking with emotion. Remus finished off his eggs and said, "I'll be fine. Got any ketchup? Or mayonnaise?"

Sirius went to a cupboard and pulled out a jar of mayonnaise and a bottle of ketchup, slamming them down on the table in front of Remus. He used a bit of each and started on his bacon. Sirius sat down opposite him and leaned his head on his arms, which he had folded on the table in front of him, so he could watch Remus. Eventually, Remus finished and leaned back. "That was really good, Sirius. Where'd you learn to cook like that?"

Sirius shrugged, blushing, and stood up. He pulled Remus to his feet. "Still want me to carry you?"

Remus smiled and snuggled close to him. Sirius bent so he could swing Remus into his arms. He carried him upstairs and into the bedroom, shutting the door with his foot. He gently lay Remus down on the bed and leant over him. "I love you."

Remus smiled. "Come to bed, Sirius."

Sirius shrugged off this dressing gown, dumping it on the floor. Remus' eyes scanned his body then moved back to his eyes - reluctantly. Sirius was stark naked. He raised his eyebrows. Sirius crawled onto the bed over him and snuggled up. "Don't you look at me like that. I wasn't expecting you to burst in on me, was I?"

"Sorry - "

"I'm glad you did, Remus."

Remus closed his eyes and sighed when Sirius said his name. Sirius leant up on one elbow and started to undo Remus' shirt one handed. Remus watched him struggle for a second, then batted his hand away. "Oh, here, let me …"

He undid his shirt and let Sirius push it off his shoulders. Sirius' eyes flickered down his body, longing all over his face. Remus sighed, "Fine, go on. I'm going to regret this tomorrow."

Sirius grinned, already feeling his cock harden,and slid down his body to remove his other clothes. Sirius' fingers ran over Remus' body as he did so, causing gasps and exclamations of pleasure from Remus.

When Sirius tugged Remus' pants away, he touched his cockgently. Remus gasped loudly, calling Sirius' name. He moved up his body, kissing him all the way, until he reached his lips, his fingers never leaving Remus' most private place. Remus rolled Sirius onto his back, returning the kiss passionately. Sirius' fingers tightened and Remus pulled back, his back arching. Sirius pushed him over onto his side and kissed him again, his hands moving to either side of Remus' head.

Remus' fingers moved like lightning. Sirius groaned, his eyes shutting. Remus slid one arm around his waist and pulled him close so that their hips were crushed together. Sirius' eyes snapped open again. He couldn't even make a sound to show his pleasure. Remus looked into his eyes and murmured, "I've needed this …"

Sirius' fingers ran over his body. He gasped, "Me too - so much …"

"Oh, God …"

Remus could feel Sirius' erection hard against his thigh. He knew he was just as hard and pressed equally close to Sirius. Sirius kissed him again, his tongue running over his lips. Remus wasn't sure where he ended and Sirius began - they were too close, fighting for supremacy neither wanted. They both wanted to be played with, their bodies shaking with need. Sirius breathed, "Rem … mate …"

A fresh wave of desire threatened to swamp Remus. He couldn't reply, his body filled with heat and the pain of wanting his lover so much. Sirius touched Remus' erection as his lover's hands moved up to massage his shoulders; Remus' back arched painfully and he cried out. Sirius cocked his head on one side. "Oh, that hurt, did it?"

Remus could barely breathe, let alone talk normally. He managed, just, to falteringly gasp, "Sirius, it hurts … 'm so fucking hard it _hurts _… help me - please, Siri …"

Sirius stroked Remusgently. "Shh, it's OK."

Remus reached for Sirius' cock, causing his lover to shudder. "Love, I need … Oh, Lord … I _need_to fuck you…"

"Oh, God, Remus, stop making it sound like I don't want to as much as you for fuck's sake!"

Remus slid down Sirius' body anyway until he reached his cock, then without warning licked over the head of Sirius' cock. He heard Sirius groan and felt his body tremble as Remus put his hands on his hips. Sirius closed his eyes and breathed, "Do it…"

Remus slowly slid Sirius' cock into his mouth. Sirius' vision went dark. He couldn't control himself for much longer; he could feel his balls tightening already. Remus knew instinctively what Sirius needed and how good it felt. Sirius' fingers tangled in Remus' hair, tugging hard to convey the message that he wasn't far from coming. Remus moaned, his tongue sliding around Sirius' cock. A moment later, Sirius released into Remus' mouth, his body shaking uncontrollably.The shock of it briefly paralysed Sirius. Remus pulled back, wiping Sirius' come from around his mouth.

Sirius whimpered. "Remus … Remus, for God's sake come here!"

The werewolf moved back up so he could kiss Sirius full on the mouth. Sirius whined as Remus' tongue slid into his mouth. He tasted not entirely familiar, the tang of Sirius' come on his tongue.

Sirius stretched one hand down and roughly ran the pad of his thumb over the head of Remus' cock. Remus pulled back and he stared down into Sirius' eyes, unsated passion buring there. Sirius smirked and started to run his fingers over Remus' cock, squeezing just hard enough to make Remus squirm. He rubbed his thumb over Remus' tip again and the werewolf arched into him, pressing his erection firmly into Sirius' thigh. Sirius smirked again and slipped his hand between Remus' legs to rub his balls.

"Dear fucking God!"

Sirius nuzzled into Remus' chest and bit down sharply on one of his nipples as he pressed hard on the tender skin between Remus' balls and his entrance. Remus howled as his release shuddered through him. Sirius nuzzled under his chin and waited until his breathing calmed before kissing him and whispering, "We'll have a shower in the morning ..."

Remussnuggled down so their positions were reversedand whispered, "Hold me, love …"

He was stilll trembling from the aftershocks of his orgasm. Sirius slid his arms aroundRemus and kissed his forehead. "I'll hold you forever and never let go, if you want."

Remus smiled and buried his head in Sirius' chest.

_(AN: OK, now that I have re-written half of that first chapter - which was originally written about a year ago and was crap shudders I feel a lot better about it. Still, if you have anycriticism, **please** review and tell me. Thanks a lot. If you thought that was horrendously boring, I'm sorry. I have got a plot (something I generally make up as I go along) planned out, so this story is privileged. The plot happens somewhere around chapter 10 or something, because there's back-story and stuff to get through. Sorry! A thousand times sorry! Updates will be very irregular due to schoolwork (if you even care about coming back to read the rest). Sorry again. How many times have I apologised now?)_


	2. I'll Never Leave You

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. The rabbit and J K Rowling own it all. Though I DO wish (very often) that Sirius and Remus belonged to me._

_Warnings: This is GRAPHIC SLASH (meaning male-on-male interaction of the sexual kind) Please don't read it if you don't like it and then flame me. I'll just laugh, because I have warned you. It'll only show how stupid you are if you do._

_Notes: This takes place just after the Marauders have left Hogwarts. I like happy endings so I'll just ignore what it says in the books and make them all impossible anyway._

**Chapter 2 - I'll Never Leave You**

Remus leaned over to Sirius so he could kiss his cheek. Sirius muttered something, but slept on. Remus smiled, sliding out of Sirius' arms and getting out of bed. He picked Sirius' dressing gown up off the floor and pulled it on before tucking the covers more neatly around Sirius. After taking a shower, he went downstairs and opened the fridge. Remus shoved the yoghurts into the bin, disgusted, and tried to find something decent to eat. Suddenly, he heard Sirius yelp upstairs.

He ran all the way to the bedroom and opened the door. "What's the matter?"

Sirius' eyes were wide, almost terrified. "Remus …"

He reached out to Remus, eyes shining. The werewolf walked over, smiling kindly, and pulled him into a hug. "I thought … I thought it was a dream - I've dreamt that so many times … I thought you weren't here … I love you …"

"I love you too, Sirius. And I will never leave you."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I love you. And the sex is far too good for me to leave," Remus murmured, kissing the top of Sirius' head. Sirius snorted with laughted but when he looked up, his eyes were shining with tears.He whispered, "Kiss me …"

Remus did so, gently. Nevertheless, it turned Sirius on painfully and made him groan. "How come even when you just kiss me it makes me feel like this?"

Remus grinned. "I don't know; it appears it's just one of those things. I love you."

Sirius closed his eyes at the sound of those words, his body trembling, needing comfort. Remus glanced down, smiling. He stroked Sirius' cheek gently. "Relax, Sirius."

"I don't think I can. I think … I think I need - "

"I know what you need."

Remus smiled and pushed Sirius back so he was lying on the bed. Then he moved slowly down Sirius' body, kissing him gently as he went. Sirius' eyes closed in rapture. Remus was the only person who could make him feel like this, the only person who could ease the pain of such physical desire. The only one who Sirius would ever let this close.

--------

"You know what?" Sirius asked, sliding an arm around Remus' waist. They were in the kitchen and Remus was trying to make two cups of tea.

"No, do tell?"

Sirius grinned and kissed his cheek. "I'm the only one who knows you're here, apart from your mam."

"No, you are the only one. I didn't really have time to tell her where I was going. Uh - you didn't really get the whole story last night. I didn't really have much choice. He - uh - well, he was firing curses at me - "

Sirius spun Remus around and grabbed his shoulders, eyes blazing. "Watch it, you nearly got hot teal all down you!"

"He was what?"

"Sirius ..."

"He was firing curses at you?"

"Oh, well done, your hearing is as good as ever!"

"Yes, I heard! I'll kill him -!"

"You'll do no such thing, Sirius Black! I'm OK, aren't I? And if he hadn't been, I wouldn't be here, so I'd probably still be sitting in my room, starving," Remus replied, pulling out of Sirius' grip and passing him his tea. "Can we please try to act like normal human beings?"

Sirius sat down at the table opposite Remus. "You know, if I ever get my hands on him …"

"Oh, leave it. Drink your tea. Can you call my mum later and tell - " Remus began, but he never finished, as there was glow of green in the fireplace and Mrs Lupin appeared. "Remus! You're all right! Thank you, Sirius, for looking after him."

"No trouble, Mrs Lupin. Pleasure, really," Sirius grinned. She smiled back and walked over to Remus to give him a hug.

"Sorry, Mum."

"You're all right, aren't you?"

Remus nodded, picking up a handful of grapes from the fruit bowl Sirius had put on the table and starting on them. "I see you're eating, now - won't eat a thing for his own mother, but he will for you. You should be honoured, Sirius."

Sirius smiled and reached over to nick one of the grapes. "Oh, I am."

"I don't suppose you'll want to come home then. I'll cancel your ticket to Russia when I get back, if you like."

"Please. Thanks, mum. You're an angel. I'll come home after and get my stuff," Remus replied, eating another grape. Mrs Lupin looked around. She went to the fridge and opened it. Remus called, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. It's like a battlefield between the mould on the cheese and something else that I don't really want to ask about."

"Sirius, do you ever check the sell-by dates on food?" Mrs Lupin asked with a smile. Sirius tried to look innocent. "Remus, are you sure you don't want to come home?"

"Mum, I'll be fine. Look, I'm not going to die of food poisoning. Sirius has been eating this for months and he's fine."

"Yeah, but I'm not normal am I?" Sirius replied, grinning. Mrs Lupin smiled, shaking her head at him. "I've suspected as much for a very long time. But you'll both be fine. Remus, please clean this place up before you turn into something like him."

"Oh, I shouldn't worry about that. There'll never be another person like me - or at least, for the sake of humanity, I hope there'll never be another person like me!" Sirius laughed. Mrs Lupin walked back to the fireplace.

"All right. I'll go now and let you get one with whatever it is you do all day when unsupervised. See you soon. Bye."

With that she took a pinch of floo powder and threw it in the fireplace. Once she had disappeared, Sirius remarked, "Lovely woman, your mam."

_(Boring, boring, boring … and short … I had writer's block and I just rattled this off to alleviate it. Promise the next one's not so bad.)_


	3. Happy Holidays

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. The rabbit and J K Rowling own it all. Though I DO wish (very often) that Sirius and Remus belonged to me._

_Warnings: This is GRAPHIC SLASH (meaning male-on-male interaction of the sexual kind) Please don't read it if you don't like it and then flame me. I'll just laugh, because I have warned you. It'll only show how stupid you are if you do._

_Notes: This takes place just after the Marauders have left Hogwarts. I like happy endings so I'll just ignore what it says in the books and make them all impossible anyway._

**Chapter 3 - Happy Holiday**

"Padfoot, pass me those beads would you?" Remus called over his shoulder, draping the end of a string of beads over the end of a branch. Sirius grabbed a handful of red beads and passed them to Remus, who was standing on a chair so he could reach the top branches. Sirius then went back to the baubles, none of which were Sirius'. The Black household had never really been big fans of Christmas, and they wouldn't have given Sirius any ornaments for a tree even if they were. "Remus is your mum going to be on her own this Christmas?"

"No, she's going to see my aunts in Devon. Should be fun. They're all batty," Remus replied, reaching up to straighten the angel on top of the tree. "I think we should have a party."

Remus laughed. "That was random."

"No, seriously, I think we should invite everyone to a party."

"What, here?" Remus asked, grabbing Sirius' shoulder while he stepped down from the chair. "Yeah. It's be fun, Remmie. A Christmas party. Or New Year, maybe. What d'you think? Can we? Please?"

"I'm not organising it," Remus grinned, couching beside one of the boxes of decorations.

"Oh, well, forget it. I'm not either. Organising is boring! Oh, Remus, did I tell you about my early Christmas present?"

"No."

"It's on the kitchen table."

Remus walked into the kitchen and saw an envelope. Frowning he picked it up and looked inside the envelope. Remus read the letter. He didn't believe what he was reading so he read it again. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Well done."

He walked back into the living room, still holding the acceptance letter from the Chudley Cannons Quidditch team. "So when's the first game?"

"January sometime. James got in too - Seeker. And they're letting me on as beater."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"You wouldn't've believed me."

Remus grinned. He walked over to his mate and kissed him. "Well done."

Remus turned and started to hang baubles onto the tree again. Sirius grinned and started to play with some leftover tinsel. "Oh, grow up, you!" Remus laughed, spotting him. Sirius flicked at him with the end of the tinsel and laughed, "Make, me, Moony!"

"You always were giddy at this time of year," Remus retorted, grabbing a stuffed Santa Clause and throwing it at Sirius, who dodged.

"Yeah, but this year I have more than enough excuses!" he replied, leaping towards the toy. Remus scrambled to his feet and tried to stop him from picking it up. He didn't manage it. "Hey, no fair! You've got two weapons; I have none!"

Sirius pulled the tinsel from round his neck and said, "You can have this if you want …"

"Only if you let me strangle you with it!" Remus grinned. Sirius dropped the stuffed Santa and threw the tinsel around Remus' neck so that it made a loop and caught the other end. He jerked the tinsel forwards, making the werewolf stumble right into his arms - exactly according to his plan. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Sirius kissed Remus, holding him close. Remus pulled back first, looking up. "You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

"We definitely want some more of that stuff …"

Right above them was a large bunch of fresh mistletoe.

---------

Remus cracked open one bleary eye. He could hear someone being sick in the bathroom. What a wonderful thing to wake up to on the first of January. He remembered arriving at Lilly's flat for the New Year's Party. Then James and Sirius had got so drunk they couldn't walk properly. Then it had been midnight and then … and then …

Jesus, it had been good. Sober Sirius was better, but not by much. He recalled that James had dragged a giggling Lilly into the bedroom before Sirius had managed to make him melt. Then it was a blur of heat and pleasure.

He lifted his body by his arms and looked around. No wonder his neck was killing him - he had apparently slept on his stomach with his head twisted sideways on Sirius' shoulder. He looked down at the man lying next to him on the floor. The man he loved. He was sure they had been on the couch before he fell asleep … his memory of last night wasn't exactly clear. He didn't really need it to be.

Sirius started to wake up. He opened his eyes and groaned. Remus chuckled. "Was that the hangover talking, or am I just that bad a sight to wake up to?"

"Hangover," Sirius replied, rolling onto his front. Remus reached out and picked up his boxers. He pulled them on and went to see if whoever was in the bathroom - probably James - was OK.

James was leaning over the toilet, groaning. "I did tell you not to drink so much," he commented. James growled something unintelligible and threw up again. Remus shook his head and went to wake Lilly up. She was sprawled across the bed, the covers - thankfully - drawn up across her chest. Remus walked over and shook her shoulder. She stirred and opened her eyes. "Remus!"

"Expecting James?" Remus smiled. "He's not feeling too well."

"Bloody right!" James called from the bathroom. Lilly laughed. "'S not funny!"

"I'll look after him. I suppose Sirius is just as bad?"

"Headache-type-hangover, I think. That I'm glad about. Less messy," Remus replied, heading for the door. By the time he got back to the lounge, a half-dressed Sirius had his head under a pillow and was groaning, lying flat and face down on the couch. Remus crouched beside him. "That won't help."

"I know," Sirius said flatly. "But it makes me feel slightly better."

Remus chuckled and dressed quickly, leaving his robes over the back of a chair. Hepulled the pillow off Sirius' head and rolled him over onto his back. He kissed him gently on the forehead and stroked his cheek. "I hate to say this, but I told you so."

"I know. You're right, as always."

"Can you remember anything? From last night?" Remus asked quietly after a moment. Sirius smiled weakly.

"Yes, I do remember the reason why my arse is aching this fine January morning, Remus my love…"

Remus smiled, looking at the floor, embarrassed. Sirius touched his shoulder and asked, "Hey, it isn't like I care. It was good. Now, can you get me something for my headache?"

Remus nodded, standing up. When he reached the door to the kitchen, Sirius called him back. "Remus? Promise you'll be like that every night?"

Remus blushed, which made Sirius smile, despite the pain in his head. Remus muttered, "I promise," and left the room. Sirius leaned back on the couch, his smile fading. His head was really pounding and everything seemed louder and brighter than before. "Remus?" he whimpered. "Hurry!"

Remus returned with a shot-glass full of something clear. "Drink that."

Sirius did so. It was sickly sweet but left a vinegary aftertaste. However, his hangover left him almost immediately. "Better?"

"Much, thanks."

"Good. I hate it when you're in pain."

"Aww, really, Rem?" Sirius replied, pulling Remus close to him and kissing him hard. Remus sat down on the sofa next to Sirius and snuggled up to him. When they parted, Remus murmured, "I love you, Sirius."

"Love you, too."

Remus kissed him, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Sirius groaned, leaning into Remus' arms. Lilly, dressed in her dressing gown and a nightdress, appeared in the doorway and saw them. "Guys, either get a room, or stop."

Sirius pulled back and, looking straight into Remus' eyes asked, "Can we borrow your room, Lilly?"

She put her hands on her hips. "I don't think the bed could take it!"

Remus smiled. "Knowing the way you wriggle, Sirius Black, she's probably right!"

Sirius growled, pulling Remus closer. "Was that an insult, Moony?"

"I wouldn't dare insult you."

Sirius pulled away from Remus and twisted his body so that he was lying with his head in Remus' lap. He looked up at him coyly. "Not even when I'm like this?"

Remus smiled and stroked Sirius' forehead. "No. Wouldn't want to. You haven't got any faults I can pick up on to use as an insult. Apart from the fact that you have endless energy - "

"You've never complained before!"

"You have endless energy," Remus continued slightly louder, frowning disapprovingly down at Sirius, "And when I want to be quiet you always end up bouncing around the room being loud and asking to either play your guitar with the volume on full, or listen to your rock music with the volume on full."

"MY rock music! Who, out of the two of us, has two CD racks full of it!"

Remus glared. "Who always wants to listen to it!"

"Who puts it on in the car so loud that they've been booked for it, like, five times!"

"Four! At least get the number right!"

"Four then. It's still ridiculous! And you, the rock music junkie, object to nose rings or studs, pierced ears, my leather outfits, my bike - my beautiful bloody bike, how can you not like it, it's gorgeous! - and my guitar! My guitar!"

"Of course I do! The leather I'll come back to. The bike is dangerous - it is, Padfoot, the way you drive it! The guitar is loud; you never turn the volume down. And I haven't got anything against pierced ears - on women. And nose studs are plain daft. You'd look awful wearing so much metal I wouldn't dare bring a magnet within a mile of you!"

"Aw, Moony, just _one_ stud in my nose! Please!"

"No. How many times. How did we get from music to studs?"

"It's not my fault! All right, let me wear my leath- "

"NO! You know what that does to me!"

"Yeah, I do. That's why I wear that outfit every chance I get." Sirius grinned cheekily at his lover, making him blush. "You, Sirius Black, are evil!"

"I am not. I'm just saying that I like it when you get all ho- "

"You'd better not say anything I'll regret, or you'll get nothing from me but silence tonight!"

"I was going to say 'hot and bothered'. But you wouldn't dare going silent on me - you couldn't. I'll put my leather stuff on."

"I can resist you, Sirius."

"You can't! Don't lie!"

"Now you've done it, Sirius Black!"

James walked into the room and said loudly, "GUYS! Stop fighting. Whatever he gave you, Sirius, give me some!"

Lilly grinned and dragged him towards the kitchen. "It's in here, you big baby!"

"Am not a big baby."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too …"

Remus sighed. "Will you and James ever grow up?"

"No."

"Good."

Sirius snuggled closer to Remus. "Please let me get a nose stud."

"Sirius, I'm warning you - "

Sirius' puppy-dog eyes cut him off. Remus folded his arms and tried to glare. In truth, his insides melted when Sirius looked at him like that. "Please? I'll love you forever."

"I thought that was unconditional!" Remus exploded. Sirius scrambled into a sitting position. "Well, it is, but …"

"But what?"

"Remus, I'll love you forever anyway. You know that."

Remus smiled. "Prove it."

"Can't without a bedroom."

"I thought the absolutely fabulous sex was only secondary ..."

"It is, but I hardly think kissing my beautiful horny werewolf is going to make him feel loved right now. I'm right, aren't I?"

"Lilly's bedroom has a lock."

Sirius chuckled. "But she said we couldn't!"

Remus' smiled widened. "She didn't, actually. She just said the bed couldn't take it. Locking charm on the doors, silencing charm on the room …"

"Remus, you're … brilliant!" Sirius laughed. Remus shushed him, grabbing his hand. "Come on."

They hurried past the kitchen door into Lilly's bedroom. Remus quickly locked the doors to the corridor and the bathroom and put a silencing charm up around the room. The moment he finished, Sirius pounced on him. He slammed him against the wall, kissing him already, and started grinding their hips together. Remus' breath hitched in his throat. He loved this. He loved Sirius. Sirius knew exactly how to turn him on, how to touch him, how to handle him, how to love him. He knew what Remus wanted almost as though he was in his head with him. In a way he was.

Werewolves mate for life.

Sirius pulled Remus over to the bed, their lips still not parted from that first kiss. He pulled Remus down on top of him on the bed, and the springs groaned in protest. Remus pulled back. "Lilly will_kill_ us if this bed collapses …"

"So we'll fix it after. Shut up," Sirius ordered, pulling Remus back into a long kiss. "I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea any more."

"It is."

"Is it?"

"When have I been wrong?"

Remus shrugged, letting his guard down. Sirius flipped him onto his back and kissed him again. "I love you, Remus."

Remus shut his eyes. He wanted those words to be the last he ever heard. He wanted Sirius to say that every moment. Every sentence. He wanted Sirius to be the last thing he saw. He wanted to be with him every day. Every second.

He was so glad that werewolves mate for life.

When Remus found that out, he had immediately decided never to go with anyone, never to force anyone to be with him forever. He knew, from reading up on the subject, that if the other ever cheated on him, he would instantly die inside or go insane. That was the other reason. Fear. Fear that he would go mad, and if he did, that he would tear everyone around him to shreds or - worse - turn them into monsters like him. He had found out literally days before going to Hogwarts. He must have been the youngest person to have The Talk. That had just been plain embarrassing, for all parties concerned.

Then he had fallen for Sirius, at the end of sixth year. And he had refused to tell him, because he knew Sirius couldn't keep a relationship other than friendship, for more than a few weeks …

_(A/N: Whee, another updated chapter. Not a lot I could do on this one without ripping it apart and DELETING it ... I wanted to, believe me.  
__OK, so it's been over 2 months since Christmas and New year. So? Out of season, yes, I know but I don't care really. Hope you all had a really nice holiday back when it happened. I WROTE this at Christmas, so …)_


	4. Falling for Sirius Flashback

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. The rabbit and J K Rowling own it all. Though I DO wish (very often) that Sirius and Remus belonged to me._

_Warnings: This is GRAPHIC SLASH (meaning male-on-male interaction of the sexual kind) Please don't read it if you don't like it and then flame me. I'll just laugh, because I have warned you. It'll only show how stupid you are if you do. _

_Notes: This takes place just after the Marauders have left Hogwarts. I like happy endings so I'll just ignore what it says in the books and make them all impossible anyway._

_This whole Chapter (and the next one) are flashbacks to how Sirius and Remus got together and became mates. (It's two because the first draft got to 12 pages.) Remus – poor baby – is quite angsty all through because of the "werewolves mate for life" thing. OK, that's done. See you on the other side …_

**Chapter 4 – Falling for Sirius (Flashback)**

Remus pretended to read the book. He wasn't. He was just concentrating on one word to keep his brain off Sirius, who was lying on his back in front of the fire with his hands stretched up above his head. James was sitting on his stomach and giving him a good telling off for embarrassing him in front of Lilly that morning. Perfectly innocently, of course. Remus' two best friends amazed him sometimes. They could actually get away with being in a position that would have caused rumour to run rife if it were any other two boys – or girls – without anyone batting an eyelid.

They had been friends for so long that they were closer than brothers, although if one had a problem they would always turn to Remus. The werewolf often felt like an enormous dustbin for James and Sirius' emotions. Sometimes – most times – they would yell at him until they were hoarse, then apologise and often break down into tears before pouring out their hearts to him. Other times they would just sit with him, knowing he wouldn't be angry about their presence and that he wouldn't ask what was the matter until they were ready to talk.

Suddenly, Sirius pushed James off, stopping him in mid-sentence, and sat up. "Shut up a minute. Remus? You OK? You look a bit distant and your eyes aren't moving."

Remus grunted and tried to ignore him. However, Sirius pulled the book out of his grasp and looked down at the page. "What're you reading about?"

He almost panicked. He didn't even know which book it was. 'Calm down! Don't go mad – just make an excuse …'

Almost normally, Remus replied, "You have the book in front of you."

"I've got a headache with James shouting at me. My head hurts too much for reading. Just tell me. Make it easier for us all."

"Uh …"

"See, you weren't reading! What's the matter?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Sirius got up, tossing the book to James. "Careful with that! It's the library's!"

Sirius ignored him and sat down close enough that their hips touched. Remus sprang off the sofa as though it was suddenly red hot and glared down at Sirius. "Don't do that!"

"What?"

"You know what!"

Sirius looked over at James, confused. By the time he looked back, Remus had stormed up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. "What was that about?"

Sirius shrugged. He had a vague idea, but he wasn't going to tell James and risk Remus' friendship. "I'll go talk to him in a minute. Let him cool off a bit."

When Sirius came upstairs, Remus was lying on his stomach on the bed pulverising his pillow. Sirius only just held back a moan as Remus rolled onto his back, ignoring him. He was in such a vulnerable, touchable position. "Remus, what was that about?"

Remus shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

Sirius walked over and crouched beside the bed, pushing his sleeves further up his arms again. Remus smiled. "Washerwoman."

"Swot."

"Quidditch junkie."

"Four-eyes."

"Not fair."

"'S tis."

"I only wear them for reading, and when the text's really small, and you know it."

"Yeah, but you with four eyes is a really hilarious mental picture!"

Remus smiled and looked up at the canopy above again. That gave Sirius a clear view of his ear and his neck. 'Which to go for?' he wondered silently. 'Playful or sexy?'

Remus sighed deeply, his eyes troubled. 'OK, maybe neither right now …'

"Want to talk?"

"I'm gay."

"Pardon?"

"You heard; I'm gay."

"OK, where'd that confession come from?" Sirius frowned. Remus shrugged, sitting up and starting to pull off his shirt. "Is it really the sort of thing you should've told me, right before stripping your top off? I mean, considering my record?"

Remus looked over at him, picking up his pyjama top. "What record?"

"Oh… James didn't tell you? I told him to. He said he had …"

"When?"

"Just before that Potions test –"

"Well, I was probably too busy revising to pay attention. What record?"

"He said you said it was … nice. I always did wonder about that …"

"Sirius, my reaction to someone saying the planet's blown up when I'm revising is, 'Oh. That's nice.' What record?

"Uh – well, I … God this is embarrassing …"

"Think how I feel. I wrote to tell my parents this morning."

"Who's the lucky guy?" Sirius asked, curious in the same way lemmings are curious about what's over the cliff …

"He doesn't know. He never will," Remus replied in a tone that clearly indicated that he had said enough.

"Why?"

"Werewolves mate for life and I don't want to stick him with me," Remus explained, reminding Sirius of a fact he was already aware of. He pulled on his top and lay back down.

"You don't have to have sex, you know."

"Yeah, but that's generally the sort of relationship he goes for – how can I put it nicely? … Physical? Yeah? At least, I think that's what he goes for. I think his longest relationship was three weeks. Sirius, do we have to talk about this?"

"No."

"Tell me your 'record' then."

"No!"

"I told you my secret straight out, you tell me yours."

"OK, fine. I'm gay too, and I've been out with five blokes."

"How many'd you go with?"

Sirius mumbled something unintelligible, even to Remus' ears, which were well trained in recognising Sirius' low mumbles. "Sorry?"

Sirius muttered very quietly, "None of them."

"So? It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"It gets worse. And you think it's the only thing I care about. I know you do. Everyone does."

"I don't!" Remus denied, even though he wasn't telling the truth. He didn't think it came in top on Sirius' list of 'most cared-about things', but he had certainly thought it was somewhere in the top ten. He was genuinely surprised; from the way Sirius had said that, he was evidently very wrong. Sirius shook his head, getting up so he could sit down next to Remus on the bed.

"Don't lie to me. Remus? I know you've never been with anyone – from your last comment about werewolves, I mean …"

"Is this going the way I think it is?"

"Remus, do you know how many people I've been with?"

"Oh, God, it is going the way I thought it would! Sirius, you really don't want to tell me this. You'll be suicidal when you wake up tomorrow and you remember you told me!"

"No I won't! I want you to know."

"No! You don't want to tell me! I'm not listening!" Remus said loudly, clamping his hands over his ears and starting to hum. Sirius pried one of his hands away. "I'll go downstairs and shout it to the whole Common Room if you don't listen, and it'll be all your fault."

Remus sighed deeply. Sirius was going to want to jump off the top of the Astronomy tower tomorrow. "Fine."

Sirius took a deep breath. "Right. The grand total of people I've been out with is … is … well it's a very large number, right? Well I … I … I never – you know – with any of them, Remus."

Well that was a revelation. From the way Sirius went on, Remus would have thought there wasn't a single girl Sirius had been out with who hadn't slept with him."Eh? You – you must have …"

"No. Wouldn't let them."

"Why?"

Sirius shrugged. His shoulders were shaking. After a moment of indecision, Remus slid his arm around his shoulders and pulled Sirius close. Sirius pulled his knees up to his chin, wrapping his arms around them, and leant against the younger boy. "Remus? Does it matter?"

"What?"

"That I'm … to tell the absolute truth, that I'm completely frigid? That I'm … you know …"

"No? You're in good company, you know. No one who sleeps in this room isn't."

"What, not James? I thought – "

Remus laughed softly. "Yeah, right! He made up everything he said to you. I know that for a fact, 'coz he came to me the next day feeling really bad for lying."

Sirius managed a weak laugh. "I thought …"

"Sirius, you don't have to do it on your sixteenth birthday just because you can. You don't have to fuck the brains out of the first girl you see. Or guy. Or just anything on two legs. Whatever floats your boat."

This time Sirius really did laugh. He snuggled up to Remus and slid an arm around his waist. "Remus, who is it? You can tell me. I won't tell them."

Remus shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Our year?"

Remus didn't answer. "OK, so it_is_ our year. Is he in Gryffindor?"

More silence.

"Ooo! Is it Peter? I always thought he was queer, but I didn't think he'd be your type – "

"It's not Peter!" Remus yelped. Gods, he wasn't_that_ desperate!

"James? Jesus, man, if you're hung up on him, forget it, he's taken – Lilly, rememb-er … That leaves me."

"Yeah."

"You're admitting you like me?"

"No! I never even said he was in our year! He might not even be in this school! I might have met him in the holidays!"

Sirius shut up for a while and they sat still. Sirius suddenly realised that Remus' fingers were running up and down his arm while he stared absently into space. He looked at Remus' neck. 'OK, go for sexy …'

He slowly leaned in and kissed Remus' neck. Remus jumped away and looked down at Sirius, whose head was now nestled in the crook of his arm. Those eyes. How could he refuse those eyes?

Sirius sat up again and slowly moved forwards to kiss Remus. Suddenly, Remus scrambled to his feet. "Sirius, it is not you! You're my friend, OK? That's it! Actually, he's in Hufflepuff."

With that horrendous lie, he scurried to the door and went downstairs.

---------

Hot lips. Cool fingers. Sweet taste.

Remus groaned softly, rolling over in his sleep. Inside his head, a certain black haired, blue eyed person was giving him a really, really good blow-job. Suddenly, he woke with a moan he was sure would have woken everyone in the dorm. He always woke up just short of where he wanted to go. But he knew his brain stumbled over that, and he couldn't imagine the pleasure it would bring to have Sirius really touch him like that …

What he really needed was a cold shower, or the sight of something really disgusting. Desperately trying to fight the urge to go in the bathroom and turn on the shower freezing cold to calm himself he thought, 'Snape and a sheep, Snape and James and a sheep – urgh! – Snape and Dumbledore and James and a sheep! Oh, that is just so wrong!'

It wasn't working. Slowly, he slid out of bed, grabbed his wand and padded towards the bathroom for a cold shower. If he put a silencing charm up, no one would know …

Sirius sat up just as he reached the door. "Bad dream?"

He just knew the other boy was grinning. He had been woken by Remus' groan. "Yeah. I need a shower. Go back to sleep."

"Why?"

"Because it'll calm me down. Go back to sleep!"

"I can't now."

"Sirius, it's … what time is it?"

Sirius looked down at the luminous digits on his digital watch - his birthday present from Remus. "Nearly three."

"Sirius, it's nearly three in the morning. Go back to sleep!"

Remus went in the bathroom and locked the door. He could hear Sirius moving around outside and hoped he wasn't planning on tricking him. He cast a quick silencing charm and dived into the nearest shower and turned in on freezing cold. He yelped as the icy water hit him, but it certainly calmed him down. Having a good wank helped too ...

Once he had got out of the shower, Goosebumps popping all over his skin, he went back to bed and tried to get some sleep. Sirius was back in his bed, and Remus hoped he was asleep, not just waiting for some joke or other to go off around Remus' ears. But he couldn't sleep, first for worrying that the dream would come back and he would wake everyone up (and be extremely embarrassed), and second because he was freezing cold and couldn't get warm. Eventually, as Peter's alarm clock rang seven, he got out of bed and dressed, going down to the common room before any of the others had even rubbed the sleep from their eyes.

_(The next night.)_

Sirius looked across at Remus, who was lying facedown on his bed. He knew his friend was awake, because he was sobbing, very quietly. It had been about two months since Remus had told Sirius he was gay. Apparently he had told James and Peter, too, because they had both been trying to guess which student Remus liked.

Whoever it was, Sirius was insanely jealous. He knew all too well that werewolves mated for life. And he wanted so much to be Remus' mate. He was fairly certain that his parents would kill him just for being gay – let alone with a werewolf, for eternity. However, he had realised quite a long while ago how he felt about Remus, and he knew by now that his feelings weren't just going to go away. They would be there forever.

Finally, he got up and walked over to Remus bed and sat on the side of his bed. Remus hissed, "Get lost!"

Sirius ignored him. "Remus, can I ask something?"

"What?"

"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?"

"I always go with you and James and – "

"No, Remus, I meant … will you go with just me?"

"What?"

Remus sat up, his face still streaked with tears. "Will you go with me on a date to Hogsmeade next weekend, please?"

Remus blinked at him. Sirius continued, "I know you're not exactly in a good mood right now, and it isn't the right moment, but … I've liked you for ages and I – I had to ask you. And I know you like someone else; I won't mind if you say no …"

He reached over and brushed a tear off Remus' face. "I can't stand hearing you cry. Was it a bad dream?"

"No. I just – I was thinking … I'll go with you."

"Really?" Sirius asked, surprised, looking straight into Remus' eyes. Remus nodded, then grabbed Sirius' hand, stroking the palm with his thumb. "Look, I lied to you when … when I said he was in Hufflepuff. Actually, I just lied to you period."

Sirius shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Really, Remus, it doesn't."

"It does. I shouldn't have told you any of that. Sirius …" Remus tailed off, shutting his eyes again. A tear escaped from his lashes and ran slowly down his pale cheek. "Remus?"

"I love you."

Sirius froze, unsure whether he had heard right, unsure whether he had heard what he wanted to hear or not. "Wh-what?"

"I love you, Sirius," Remus repeated. He still hadn't opened his eyes. To tell the truth, he was afraid to. He didn't want to know what Sirius was thinking, and he could read Sirius' expression like a book. "I shouldn't've told you that you were only my friend and that it wasn't you … because it is. I love you."

Sirius stayed silent for a long time, his breathing heavy. Remus' thoughts raced. 'Oh, God, why did I say that, why the _hell _did I tell him that, why didn't I just keep quiet, oh Jesus _Christ _– I could have told him on Saturday or something, why did I say that now, ah holy crap, why didn't I keep my _fucking _mouth shut, he's going to say he doesn't feel the same, why did I say that, why, you stupid, stupid, _stupid _werewolf, why did you have to open your mouth!?'

Finally, when Sirius spoke, Remus' heart leapt, then sank as he remembered the curse of being a werewolf.

"I'll always love you, Remus. I always have."

More tears ran down Remus' face. After a second, Sirius bent and kissed them off Remus' cheeks. "Don't cry. Please, I hate it when you're upset. Why're you upset?"

"I don't want you to love me …"

"What? But you said you – "

"I don't want you to be trapped with me!" Remus told him in a heated whisper, opening his eyes again. "I don't want you to be with me because you'll be in danger! I love you too much for that."

"Remus, I won't be in danger – I'm an animagus, so not even the wolf can hurt me. And being trapped with you has a certain appeal to me."

"I could rip your throat out!" Remus half-sobbed. Tears were welling in his eyes again. 'Oh, Sirius, why don't you listen? Why don't you believe me when I tell you I could hurt you? Why do you love me, I'm a werewolf, something to be hated, something to fear, why do you care for me?'

"You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. Not the way you act when I'm around you in wolf form. At least towards me James and Peter, you're really friendly. You only ever play-fight – and in play fights, sometimes people get hurt, before you mention anything like that. It isn't really painful, you know, and it's hardly going to kill me."

"Yeah, but – "

"Remus, I'm not taking no for an answer. You're stuck with me. I'm stopping right here."

"Sirius!" Remus protested as he lay down next to him, pulling the covers over himself and snuggling close. "What'll James and Peter think!?"

"They won't think anything. I'll just say I had a bad dream and came over here for a cuddle. And I fell asleep."

"Sirius – "

"Shut it. Come here," Sirius ordered, sliding an arm around Remus waist and pulling him intimately near. Despite his better judgement, Remus complied, burying his head in Sirius' chest and listening for his heartbeat. Sirius put his other arm around Remus' waist and cuddled him, murmuring softly to him until they both fell asleep.


	5. Mates Flashback

**Chapter 5 - Mates (Flashback)**

James sat up in bed, sensing something different. He looked sideways at Sirius' bed: empty. Sirius wasn't an early riser, except before Quidditch matches, so … James' eyes were inexorably drawn to his other side at Remus' bed. He sighed, smiling, as he saw his two friends curled up side by side on Remus' bed. He got up and quickly closed the curtains around the bed so that Peter wouldn't be freaked out when he woke moments later. "What're you doing?"

"Seeing if Remus is up. He isn't; keep quiet. I think Sirius is at breakfast, let's go find him."

Peter obeyed James and dressed quickly to 'look for Sirius.' They left five minutes later, heading for the great hall, James unable to keep a huge grin off his face.

Remus woke up. He snuggled closer to Sirius, enjoying the feeling of arms around him. Sirius murmured, "You awake?"

Remus looked up into familiar blue-on-blue eyes. Sirius smiled and kissed his forehead. "Morning."

Remus just smiled and snuggled up again. Sirius held him close and muttered, "I love you."

Remus sighed contentedly and they lay like that for a long while, Remus listening to Sirius' heart and Sirius rocking Remus gently. Eventually, Remus sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "We should get some breakfast before … did you shut the curtains?"

"Nope," Sirius replied, sitting up as well. "James or Peter might've done it."

"But - "

"Relax, would you! They aren't going to freak about us, are they? James didn't when I told him I was gay - or that I liked you."

"You - you told _James_!"

"Uh, yeah," Sirius said, as though talking to a particularly dim child, sliding out of Remus' bed and walking over to his own to get some clothes. "He_is_ my best friend, Remus."

Remus got up too and, while getting a towel, asked, "What about Pete?"

"Ah. Peter. Dear, dear Peter. He … didn't take it as well at first. Probably thought I was going to jump him in a corridor or something … little git."

"What don't you like about him?" Remus asked, his hand on the bathroom door. Sirius shrugged, pulling off the t-shirt he had slept in. "He just annoys me sometimes. Like when Jim starts playing with his snitch or we're talking about our next wind-up - he always_applauds_ us - we may as well have a fan club trailing around behind us, giving us a standing ovation whenever we so much as breathe! I swear, next time Jim gets a cold he'll start saying 'Oh, James, what a jolly good sneeze that was - oh, you do have a wonderful cough!'"

Remus couldn't help but laugh. Sirius' impression of Peter was almost too accurate. He opened the bathroom door and told Sirius, "I'm getting a shower. Wait for me?"

"'K. I'll be in the common room."

Remus was lying on his bed on his stomach, trying to keep his mind on his Herbology homework ("Read up on the properties of the venomous tentacular"), while Sirius was sitting on the small of his back, giving him a back rub. James was lying flat out on his own bed, prattling about Lilly. Peter was out in the grounds somewhere with his Ravenclaw girlfriend. It still amazed Remus that he had a girlfriend at all, let alone a supposedly intelligent Ravenclaw.

They had been together now for almost three months - a record for Sirius. Remus wondered how sincere Sirius actually was. He knew that when they kissed it gave him a feeling like no other. It was like pure electricity was pumped into his body. Whenever they touched unexpectedly, it was almost enough to send him crazy. And Sirius seemed to have all the same symptoms.

"And then she agreed to go out with me tonight!" James finished triumphantly. Sirius leapt off Remus' back and scrambled over his own bed to James. "What? She agreed to go out with you!?"

"Apparently, my dear Sirius. That's why he just said it, you prat! Did you leave your brain behind when we came up from the common room?" Remus told him before James could reply.

Sirius deflated. "It'll be no fun teasing you about her any more, then."

Remus shook his head and snapped the book shut. "Sirius, do you only ever think about getting at people."

"No."

"What else do you think about, then?"

"Food. Quidditch. Uh …"

"Oh, what a brilliant mind you have. What interesting subjects."

Sirius scrambled back over to Remus, rolled him onto his back and knelt over him "I was_going_ to say 'you', but since you seem so impressed … would you care to rephrase that so it sounds less sarcastic?"

Remus looked up at him. "Um … let me think … sorry, no can do. It's impossible."

James started to speak, but Sirius growled and started tickling Remus. After a moment, James pulled him off and shouted, "I said, I'm going now. Lilly'll be waiting. Have fun, you two. Right, you can carry on now, Sirius."

With that he left the room. Sirius looked back over at Remus, who scooted back away from him. "Oh no you don't! If you lay one finger on me, I'll be forced to use my awesome lycanthrope strength."

Sirius grinned. "What about tongues?"

"What?"

"You said I couldn't lay a finger on you. What about a tongue?" Sirius asked seductively, slowly crawling towards his werewolf. Remus folded his arms, giving Sirius a disapproving look. However, Sirius wasn't going to be deterred. He stroked Remus' cheek then leant in for a kiss. When they parted, he kissed his way along Remus' jaw until he reached his neck, sliding his arms around him.

Remus pushed him off and said, "What if Pete comes back? Or James? And how come they get to go out for a walk? We never go out for a walk, Sirius."

"Want to go for a walk down by the lake, then, Mr Hard-To-Please?"

"I'm not hard to please!"

"I'm taking that as a yes. Come on."

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and dragged him towards the door.

The lake was beautiful by moonlight. Sirius slid an arm around Remus as they walked under a willow tree; its branches were dipping into the water. Remus leant his head on Sirius' shoulder in response. Sirius stopped and they turned to look at the glistening water, obscured from the view of anyone looking out of a castle window by the tree. Sirius turned to Remus and tilted his face towards him. Their eyes locked. Remus' heart missed a beat as he looked into Sirius' eyes. He slowly leant in for a long, deep kiss full of passion. He slid his arms around Sirius' waist as Sirius' hands moved to the small of his back and the back of his neck, holding him in place.

The wolf inside him howled. It was fighting its shackles, fighting Remus for supremacy so it could knock Sirius to the ground and claim him as its mate forever. And it was strong. So strong … not long until the full moon … not long enough …

Remus knew who he wanted his mate for life to be now, but he couldn't let the wolf go. He wouldn't; he didn't dare. He didn't want to condemn Sirius to a lifetime with him.

Sirius moaned into Remus' mouth. He desperately wanted Remus, wanted to be there for him, wanted to wake up every morning next to him…

Remus stepped back. He asked suddenly, "How far do you want to go with me?"

Sirius swallowed hard. He knew how sensitive Remus was about this subject. "I love you, Remus. I know you think I'll stop loving you, but I won't. Ever. I never want to hurt you. I just … I don't know. I want to be with you, Remus. I don't want to be apart from you for even a second … I love you so much …"

Remus kissed him again, less innocently than before, allowing his hands to wander. Sirius groaned, moving his own hands to give back all that he was getting. Sirius pushed Remus back, slamming him into the tree so hard that Remus yelped in pain. Sirius pulled back long enough to murmur a quick, "Sorry," before capturing Remus' mouth with his own again. He ran his tongue of over the werewolf's lips. He started grinding their hips, moaning as Remus thrust into him. After a long moment, he pulled back. Remus whined in protest. "We should go back inside."

"Why?"

"Because I think we're going to get a lot further than this - at least, we are if I have anything to do with it - and personally I'd like to be in a bed for it," Sirius replied, smiling cheekily. Remus gave him a scathing look. "Which bed exactly? If you are suggesting mine or yours, that is just wrong. Peter and James are probably back by now, and - "

"Room of requirement."

"Pardon?"

"The room of requirement. We could go there. Make it into somewhere incredibly pleasing … then we could really get to know one another. What do you say, Moony?"

'He's thought about this. He's probably been planning it …'

Remus thought for a long moment, his desire for Sirius fighting with his conscience. "I … can't. Werewolves - "

"Mate for life. I know. You've said - many times! And I want to be your mate, Remus. I do. I love you. I want to be with you forever. Please …"

"I can't. Don't you understand?" Remus protested, pushing him back and slumping to the ground against the tree. "I'd be trapping you. It would hurt so much, if … if you were ever unfaithful to me … it would drive me round the bend …"

"What if you were unfaithful to me?"

"I couldn't be. I couldn't. The wolf … I just couldn't, Sirius."

"But I would be able to?"

"Yes."

"No."

"No?"

"No. I wouldn't want to, Remus. I wouldn't want to hurt you. Not that I ever will, but if I ever did stop loving you, I still wouldn't go with anyone else, because it would hurt you. And, even if we were just friends, that would hurt me."

"Sirius - "

"I love you."

"Padfoot, listen to me - "

"Remus, if you don't stop telling me I'm wrong, I'll - "

"SIRIUS! Shut up and listen for a minute! Can we please go back to the castle? Then go to the room of requirement like you suggested? Then can you fuck my brains out please?"

Sirius just stared at him for a long, long moment. Then he threw himself as his soon-to-be-lover and kissed him hard. "What're we waiting for?"

"Well, I'm waiting for you to get off me, moron!"

--------

"It's hot in here!"

"Well, have you seen the fire - My God that's a big fireplace!"

"What the hell's that wonderful smell?"

"I think it's those incense sticks above the fireplace."

"Oh. Why does the bed smell like roses?"

"I should know?"

Sirius shrugged and replied, "Yeah, you should. I certainly didn't think of it."

"Well neither did I. Nor the incense."

"Well I didn't! Least it'll smell nice when we wake up …"

Remus sat down on the bed. It was wonderfully soft and was vaguely warm. The smell of roses filled his nostrils as he lay back and relaxed against the silky covers. Sirius, meanwhile, was running his fingers over one of the wooden posts of the bed.He walked over and stood in front of Remus; the werewolf sat up.Sirius bent down so his lips rested beside Remus' ear.

"I can't wait to kiss you all over ..." Sirius whispered seductively, kissing Remus' jaw. leant back onto the bed, Sirius leaning down after him. As he did so, he noticed something. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?" Sirius replied indistinctly, starting to undo Remus' shirt while kissing his way down his neck. "It says here this is a vibrating bed."

"Hmm!"

"Shall I push the button?"

"Mm! Definitely! So long as you promise to push all my buttons in a minute…" Sirius moaned softly, seductively. Remus pressed the button to set off the gentle vibrating motion of the bed. Sirius made a small noise of approval, pulling Remus backwards until he was lying on the bed on his back. Sirius straddled his hips and murmured, "You said something about me fucking your brains out?"

"Good puppy! You remembered. Remind me to give you a biscuit," Remus replied, managing to keep his voice under some sort of control. Sirius smiled, bending close so his breath played across Remus' face. "I'd prefer a chocolate."

"Chocolate's bad for little doggies like you. Too much could kill you."

"Too much of anything could kill anyone. What's it do to wolves?"

"Sends 'em high…?"

"Can we test that theory? There's a box of chocolates on the other bedside table …"

"You move and I'll have to kill you," Remus gasped. Sirius' hips above his own, moving slightly as he shifted position, were turning him on painfully. And it felt so good …

Sirius grinned. "Can you reach them then?"

Remus reached over his head and groped for the box. Finally he found it and passed them to Sirius. The animagus settled himself more comfortably over his lover's body, forcing a moan of pleasure from Remus' lips, and opened the box. "Oh, look, there's strawberry creams - your favourites…"

"Give me one!"

"What's the magic word?"

"Give me one NOW - or I won't let you carry on!" Remus growled. Sirius grinned - knowing the threat was empty - and picked out a strawberry cream. Slowly he brought it up to his own mouth, held it between his teeth and bit into it, the soft centre flowing into his mouth. Remus moaned. Sirius leant forwards so that Remus could kiss him. Remus' tongue forced its way into Sirius' mouth to taste the strawberry cream.

Sirius changed the position of his hips again. Remus groaned, his erection throbbing painfully. Remus suddenly rolled Sirius over onto his back, deciding to play on the … masculine qualities of the wolf. Deciding to release it from its mental shackles bit by glorious bit. Sirius dropped the box of chocolates and they spilled out all over the bed. Both the werewolf and his lover ignored them. Remus literally ripped Sirius' shirt off and started rocking their hips together. Sirius groaned, his hands fluttering over Remus' torso. Remus moved off Sirius' body, Sirius whining in protest, so that he could remove the rest of his lover's clothing.

Once they were both naked, Remus lay on top of Sirius and kissed him gently. "Are you … sure you're OK with this?"

Sirius was incapable of doing anything but nod. Remus' touches and kisses were too much for him to bear. He was so hard … he could barely breathe, let alone make love to Remus.

Remus smiled when he realised this. He murmured, "Want me to fuck you, then?"

Sirius whimpered, shutting his eyes and repositioning his legs so that Remus could settle between them. Remus whispered, "I'll take that as a yes…"

Sirius gasped as Remus thrust into him. He vaguely wondered if this was going to hurt. He felt Remus move into his body and, as Remus thrust past the original resistance, pain shot up his spine making his back arch. Remus murmured a quick, hot, "Sorry," before continuing to thrust further into Sirius. Sirius suddenly remembered the bottle of oil on the bedside table. It seemed Remus had thought of it first.

"Leverage … need more … leverage …" Sirius mumbled. Remus grabbed one of the largest pillows and tucked it under Sirius' back. Sirius gasped at his movement, a shock of pleasure running through him. Remus kissed his neck, nibbling at the pale skin. Suddenly, he bit down, almost hard enough to break the skin. He sucked on that point for a while longer, Sirius gasping in bliss beneath him. Sirius couldn't get Remus close enough, couldn't touch enough skin, couldn't get him far enough into his body, couldn't give him enough pleasure. He let his body slump back against the pillows, using his arms to lift his body to get Remus closer. He could do nothing but call Remus' name over and over again, his voice breaking, going from long moans to short gasps and back again as Remus chose a rhythm. But Sirius needed more.

"Harder," he whispered. "Faster, love …"

Remus obeyed, feeling Sirius' muscles tense around him. Each time Sirius' muscles tightened, Remus felt sure he was going to come, but he forced himself not to. Not yet. He ran his fingers through Sirius' raven hair as his lover wrapped his legs around his waist. Sirius was begging now, crying out for more, for release, for him to come, to go harder, faster, slower, softer …

Remus gasped Sirius' name, his mind blazing as he tried to obey Sirius' half-delirious, constantly changing instructions. Suddenly, as Remus thrust forward again, Sirius yelped, his eyes snapping open wide as a jolt of pure pleasure ran all the way to his fingertips in a second. Remus looked at him confused for a second. Sirius begged, "Do that again …"

Remus did so, causing the same reaction as last time. Realising that it wasn't pain that was making Sirius cry out, he continued, making each thrust harder than the last. Sirius called his name again, his body on fire from Remus' heavenly touches. Remus came, almost screaming Sirius' name as he did. Sirius felt him come, an explosion of heat inside him, and arched his back before collapsing back against the pillow and the bed, exhausted.

Remus muttered, "I love you, mate…"

Sirius barely heard. He swallowed hard, and snuggled close to Remus. He still didn't have complete control over himself; his brain felt as though it had melted during their 'mating'. Tangled together in a burning knot of ecstasy, they slowly slipped into the comforts of sleep.

Remus woke. He was still inside Sirius and could feel his lover's muscles tight around him. He changed position slightly; Sirius grunted, tightening his arms around him. Remus lifted his head from Sirius' chest and looked down into the sleepy, dark blue pools of life that were Sirius' eyes. Sirius smiled. Remus looked down at him for a long moment longer, then pulled back out of Sirius' body. It made Sirius gasp in pain. He suddenly felt empty, alone. Remus muttered a sincere apology, looking as though it was him who was in pain, and rolled away from him, burying his face in his hands as he pulled the still-warm blankets over himself. Sirius turned towards him and touched his shoulder. Remus jerked away. "What's the matter?"

"We - you - I - look what you've done!"

"What?"

"We're stuck now! Thanks to you, you stupid, seductive idiot!"

Sirius grabbed Remus' shoulder and pulled him over onto his back.Siriusmurmured, "That wasn't your attitude last night, love."

"No … well …"

"Don't deny it. You know I love you and you love me and you're glad we … you're glad we're mates - literally, I mean. Aren't you?"

Sirius suddenly sounded scared; afraid that Remus regretted the rash decision they had made the night before.

"Yes," Remus whispered, so quietly it was barely audible. Suddenly, on impulse, he threw himself at Sirius, wrapping his arms around him. He started to cry silently against Sirius' chest as his lover rocked him back and forth gently.

"Remus, it's OK. Shh, everything's fine. Look, I don't want you to think you've ruined my life or anything - I truly want to be with you, love."

Remus lifted his tear-streaked face off Sirius' chest and looked up into his face. "I don't know how to tell you how much I love you!"

Sirius smiled gently. "You don't have to tell me."

"Can I show you, instead?"

Remus' voice was husky with desire. Before Sirius could reply, Remus was kissing him. The werewolf leant his mate back against the bed and kissed his way down Sirius' body. Sirius shut his eyes, moaning as he realised what Remus intended. He snuggled the werewolf closer - his werewolf. His mate.

His mate for life.

The only problem now was explaining that fact to James and Peter.

_End of Flashback_

_(A/N: Well, that's another chapter done and dusted! And - thank goodness - improved! Can someone who DOESN'T know me personally please review? I'm kind of depressed becasue I don't know whether or not to stop writing, because no one bothers to read ... except my friends, who might only be reading it to make me happy ... so please let me know you're our there. It makes me feel better after a bad day. PLEASE review!)_


	6. ENOUGH

_This is back to the present; Sirius and Remus are in Lilly's flat, in Lilly's bed. Just where they shouldn't be, in fact. (Not actually with Lilly, though, because she's with James, somewhere in the rest of the flat.) Don't want to think about what they happen to be doing. _

_/…/ Sirius/Remus talking through their mental bond. _

_'…' Thoughts (generally) _

_"…" Speech_

**Chapter 6 – ENOUGH!**

Remus sighed, snuggling close to Sirius. He was so comfortable, lying with his head on Sirius' shoulder, their legs still twined together and snarled in the covers. He could hear Sirius' heartbeat, faster than it normally was, and his breathing was heavy. Sirius murmured, "Remus, how come you can be so good for so long?"

Remus shrugged. He gently kissed Sirius' cheek and sat up. "What're you doing?"

"Getting up. Lilly's probably doing her nut."

"Yeah …"

Sirius untangled his legs from the blankets and crawled across to his side of the bed, gently starting to rub his shoulders in an all too provocative manner. Remus tried to protest, but Sirius was now gently trailing kisses up and down his neck, one hand straying over his shoulder to play with his nipples. "Stop it …"

"Like you really want me to …" Sirius purred seductively.

"Stop it, or I'll let the wolf at you."

"Right. Definitely not going to stop, now."

"Get knotted!"

"Oh, now why couldn't you have said something like, 'screw you' like you usually do? You always spoil my fun!"

"Sirius …" Remus growled playfully. "If you're not flat out on your back when I turn around in a second, then I'm afraid I'll have to refrain from fucking you senseless. Again."

Sirius leapt backwards. Remus turned around. Sirius gave him a playful, pleading look. "You're such a good puppy …"

Remus leapt onto Sirius, kissing him passionately, his tongue exploring the familiar territory of Sirius' mouth. Sirius shuddered as Remus ground their hips together, feeling wonderfully powerless. Remus growled, his eyes turning more wolfish as he pulled back and his eyes took in every inch of Sirius. Sirius smiled up at him, opening their mind-to-mind bond. He didn't want to break the intense moment by speaking out loud, but he could tell Remus anything through their mental link without making a sound.

/I love you/ Sirius told Remus. /I love you so much …/

/I know, love/ Remus replied, his mind-voice a cross between a good-natured growl of possession and a contented purr. It sent shivers chasing each other down Sirius' spine.

/Remus, I need you to touch me/

Remus leant over Sirius' body and brushed his lips against his cheek. Sirius reached out to touch his lover, running feather-light touches over his body. Remus straddled Sirius' hips, making him gasp, and bent to gently nibble at his earlobe. Sirius ran his hands over Remus' back, making small noises of satisfaction as Remus' tongue decided to explore his ear further.

"THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH, YOU TWO! GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM! NOW!"

Remus leapt back as though burned as Lilly started hammering on the door. Sirius moaned in protest and made an extremely rude gesture in the direction of the door. Outside, they could hear what sounded like James trying to calm Lilly down. "Like they haven't been shagging on the sofa!"

"Sirius Black!"

"She's just jealous because we got the better location."

"Sirius…"

"At least we didn't break the bed."

"Sirius, just get dressed so we don't piss her off any more."

"Oh, such language! You shock me, Moony!" Sirius said in mock surprise. Remus grinned over his shoulder while pulling on his clothes.

"I don't think I could do anything or say anything to shock you, Padfoot. You've seen or heard it all before. Most of the time, you were probably the one doing or saying it!"

Sirius shut up and got out of the bed, pulling on his jeans. Sirius straightened the mussed bed sheets with a flick of his wand, while Remus unlocked the door, standing well back from it. Lilly stormed in and pointed at the door. Sheepishly, though not regretting it in the least, the pair of them left. She slammed the door behind her. James stared at them disapprovingly, his hands on his hips. Remus jerked his head in Sirius' direction, meaning 'talk to him about it' and went into the living room. Sirius clapped James on the shoulder. "James, I've finally worked out what you see in Lilly. It's the fact that she's almost as gorgeous as Remus when she's angry, isn't it? Well, you always used to see her when she was in a bad mood – with you, nearly always – so that must be where the attraction stems from! Wow. I worked it out – I understand you now – oh, what a horrible thought! Understanding James Potter!"

Sirius shuddered. James blushed furiously, following Remus into the living room and sitting in one of the armchairs. Sirius, grinning like a maniac, walked in too and punched the air triumphantly. "Yes! I'm just so good, aren't I?"

"You can say that again," Remus growled, grabbing his arm and pulling him down onto his lap. Sirius leaned back into Remus' arms, snuggling up to him. Remus trailed kisses down his neck, locking his arms around his mate. James sighed deeply. "Can't you keep your hands off each other for even a second?"

Sirius swivelled around to look at Remus. They looked into each other's eyes and said together, "No."

"How the hell can you have the energy?" James asked incredulously, glaring at his two best friends.

Sirius shrugged. "Lilly got worked up about it, did she?"

"No, Sirius, she was fine … of course she bloody well got bloody worked up!"

"Don't look at me: it wasn't my idea – no, really! It wasn't!"

"For the first time ever," Remus muttered in his ear. Sirius snorted and opened his mouth to reply. However, before he could, Remus clapped a hand over his mouth and said, "You know, we should go."

"No! We invited you over for today, too. Lilly's arranged dinner tonight. And Peter said he could come today, even if not last night."

"Can't we meet you?"

"No! It's our treat, and you're staying here."

Sirius wrestled out of Remus' grip and asked, "What're going to do today, then?"

James just grinned mysteriously.

Sirius fell into bed that night, exhausted. Remus collapsed beside him without even bothering take off his shoes. There wasn't much reason for their tiredness but for the fact that they had been up late the night before and it was now about eleven post-meridian. He said softly, "I wish James could see us now."

"Why?"

"He said we're bundles of energy."

"Yeah, if we have the right motivation. Which I don't have at the moment 'coz I think I'd pass out. Then again, right now I think I'd pass out if I try to move."

"Very true, Sirius, very true."

--------

Sirius kicked off his trainers and swung his legs up onto the bed. Remus sat up and took his off more carefully. He lay back again, snuggling up to Sirius' chest, bare now that he had had time to take off his shirt, and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too. 'Specially when you're embarrassed."

"That WASN'T FUNNY!"

"It was, Remus. They honestly thought you were interested! If I hadn't dragged you away and started snogging you against the wall, you'd have been in one of their beds being stripped naked and raped by now."

"Don't." Remus muttered. Sirius slid his arm around him, pulling him closer. Remus buried his face in Sirius' chest, and the animagus cuddled him gently. "Shh, it's OK, mate. I won't let anyone ever do that to you."

/I love it when you call me that./ Remus said through their mental connection. Sirius grinned and kissed the top of Remus' head. /I'll make a point of doing it more often, then, my gorgeous/ kiss /handsome/ kiss /sexy/ kiss /wonderful/ really hard kiss /mate/.

/G'night, Siri .../

/Goodnight, love./

The day had been busy if not particularly productive. They had headed down to London, where they had spent the first of January wandering down Diagon Alley. Sirius had tried to beg Remus into going down Knockturn Alley with him, but Remus had refused point-blank. With very good reason. Sirius, despite knowing his mate was right, had gone into a sulk until Lilly bought them all lunch at a very superior café on the north side of the Thames an hour later. Peter had met them for lunch, but had left again after eating very little, saying he had to meet someone else. He had apologised for being unable to see them the night before, saying that had intended to come but he had been detained by 'buisness'.

Once he had gone, scurrying to his meeting, they went on to one of London's many parks and walked around the oasis of peace in the centre of the capital for half an hour or so. Then Sirius got bored, turned into his animagus form and wouldn't stop jumping up at them all, licking faces, until they played fetch with him ad infinitum. When they left, finally, they headed back to Diagon Alley for a 'surprise'. The 'surprise' was Ludo Bagman, welcoming the Stonewall Stormers – a Canadian Quidditch team that just happened to be Remus' favourite – to Britain and ushering them into Flourish and Blotts to sign their special 50th Anniversary 'History of the Stonewall Stormers'.

Once they had picked up their signed copies, after waiting for a very long time in a queue that extended out of the shop, they had walked to the restaurant James had booked a table at. Unfortunately it was growing dark, and the denizens of nighttime London were coming out on the prowl. Apart from the muggers, car thieves and drug dealers, all of which any of them could have dealt with quite calmly, there were prostitutes of the clingiest sort.

Two had picked out Remus from the other end of a street and pushed into the group, cornering him. Their 'bodyguards', lurking at the other end of the street, had put James and Lilly off leaping to the rescue of their friend, and Sirius was finding it far too funny to intervene. Eventually, after watching his mate squirm for a few minutes, Sirius wandered over and prized the women off him. "'Scuse me, ladies, sorry to interrupt but this one's mine."

He said it so forcefully that they jumped back as though stung. Sirius took Remus' arm and led the unresisting werewolf away. However, the women started to follow again. Sirius sighed and pushed Remus against the wall, kissing him forcefully. Seeing that Remus was more than happy about this, the women gave up.

The rest of the evening passed without much fuss. They had dinner in the restaurant and went back to the Potters' house for wine, coffee and a lot of small talk. Then Remus and Sirius had gone home and straight to bed.

_(A/N: Sorry it was so horrendously boring and short! I'm sorry! Forgive me! It will get better. I do have a plot, for once, and I am going to use it mercilessly … probably in the next two or three chapters. So it will get better, I promise. If it doesn't, you can send me flames!_

_Anyhow, review please, and I'll give you cookies. Whatever shape you like – Sirius, Remus, James, Lilly, Snape, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville … I don't care! Sorry again for the intense non-event crisis here! See y'all soon!)_


	7. 15th February

_(A/N: I had a lemon attack here. Since this chapter - and a day out with some friends - my motto is: "If life gives you lemons, don't complain - Hey, at least you got free lemons!"_

_That's kind of what happened to me. My muses started throwing them.)_

_Valentines Day is the day when I celebrate another year of being single. Aren't I lonely, I hear you ask? Am I hell! It's FUN! I can write slop like this instead! Or maybe you don't care after all that. So, anyway._

**Chapter 7 - 15th February**

Sirius slid his arms around Remus' waist and leant his head on his shoulder. "Happy Valentine's day."

"You said that yesterday. You're a day late, now."

"I know."

"Sirius, I'm trying to get dressed. It's kind of hard with you hold of me like this."

Sirius grinned. "How would you prefer I held you, then, love?"

Remus looked sideways at his mate, shaking his head. "Just get off."

"I don't want to let you go. You're too gorgeous. You know what? There should be a law. A law against people looking as good as you always do."

Remus smiled, turning so that he faced Sirius. "Flattery might possibly get you everywhere you know …"

Sirius grinned and kissed the end of Remus' nose. "You are the most wonderful person I have ever met and I must have done something really good in a past life to deserve you, because I've not done anything good enough for you in this one. Maybe I saved the Pope's life …"

"I can't think of an instance when the Pope's life's needed saving," Remus said as he linked his hands around Sirius' neck. He smiled, leaning forwards to rest his forehead on Sirius'. "Why do you love me?"

Sirius shrugged slightly. "You're you."

"But I'm a - "

"Haven't we been through this? I only see that as an advantage because it means neither of us can suddenly decide to run off with someone and we can talk without anyone knowing what we're saying."

/But - /

/Remus, do we have to have this conversation again? I've told you a thousand times - I love you and I always will, no matter what happens, and if there was a way for me to officially marry you and legally prevent you from being anyone else's eye-candy, I would./

Remus swallowed, shutting his eyes. Sirius pressed his lips to his mate's. Remus snuggled closer as Sirius tightened his arms. When they parted, Sirius whispered, "It's Lupercalia today, isn't it."

Remus froze. "How do you know about that?"

"Never mind how I know. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. It … reminds me of what I am …"

"If you don't want me to mention it again - "

"No! No, it's OK, I just … wasn't expecting you to say that then. I guess it caught me off guard," Remus replied, relaxing again and leaning against the taller man. Sirius started to apologise softly, but Remus cut him off, telling him, "Sirius, stop it, I suppose I should respect it since it applies to me …"

Sirius smiled. "Will you explain it properly? When I heard about it, I looked it up and the books I looked in were a bit vague."

Remus smiled. "Not exactly surprising. They're generally all wrong anyway."

"So … what is it?"

"It was a Roman festival. Historians now think it was a festival of fertility … maybe that's how it ended, but it began with the shepherds. Werewolves were their biggest enemy. They're infinitely more dangerous than wolves, after all. The festival was a way of … placating the werewolves. The goats they sacrificed were left at the top of one of the nearby hills - the one where Remus was killed by Romulus, I think - for the wolves and … I suppose the men who ran down the hill to whip the women with goatskin were there to purify the women somehow. You see, Lupercalia only truly applies to werewolves with mates, and … they didn't want any of the women to actually be mated to a werewolf …"

"How do you mean, only applies to werewolves with mates?"

"Once a werewolf has a mate, on the festival of Lupercalia the wolf is free to take over the human body. Then it can do what it likes."

Sirius frowned. "So it's fighting you now?"

Remus nodded. Sirius smiled gently. "Ironic, isn't it, that you and your brother are named after the two brothers raised by wolves at the site of Rome and you're a werewolf."

Remus shrugged. "My grandmother was a fanatic of Roman civilisation. I'm not particularly pleased, though. I'm named after the one who was killed."

"If your brother ever showed the slightest intention of doing something like that, he would be dead before he knew what hit him."

"Don't be daft."

"I'm not. I won't ever let anyone or anything hurt you. Never ever."

Sirius kissed him hard on the lips and Remus bit down on his bottom lip. Sirius made the kiss harder, massaging Remus' shoulders. Remus pushed Sirius back until his knees collided with the foot of the bed. Sirius pulled back and Remus started to kiss down his neck.

"I though you were getting dressed," he gasped. Remus growled. Sirius groaned as his werewolf pushed him backwards, placing gentle touches all over his body, until they were both lying on the bed. "Not anymore I'm not. I'm considering letting the wolf at you …"

Remus brushed Sirius' hair off his face, licking his lips in anticipation. Sirius tried to keep his voice calm, while Remus was slowly moving his ministering fingers further and further down his body. "If you do that … oh, Jesus … won't - won't you regret it?"

Remus ignored his question. Sirius forgot he had even asked it as Remus' hands moved quickly from his stomach to somewhere far more pleasing, becoming rougher. Sirius' physical desire mounted as Remus kissed down his breastbone, still gently stroking and affecting Sirius in ways that made him shiver with delight. Suddenly, Remus' fingers tightened. "Ah! Oh, God - Oh, love - Oh, mate!"

Sirius fumbled with Remus' jeans, knowing what pleasure it would bring if Remus made love to him - he wondered vaguely if he would let the wolf have the control it wanted. Remus kissed him hard and forced his tongue into his mouth. Sirius groaned, arching his back as pleasure shot through his body. Remus moved back long enough to tear off his clothes and then lay back down on top of Sirius' body.

Sirius whimpered. Remus smiled, gently kissing Sirius' lips. Sirius gasped as Remus thrust forwards and he felt his cock brush Remus'. He yelped as Remus thrust again, running cool fingers through his jet-black hair. Sirius was begging now, his voice broken by yelps and exclamations of pleasure as Remus' fingers and lips played over his body. Finally, he whispered, "Jesus, Remus! Stop fucking around and bugger me!"

Remus grinned. "I'd rather see you squirm," he whispered seductively. Sirius groaned. He couldn't take much more of this. Remus knew just how far he could push Sirius before he came, and he was employing this knowledge without mercy, sending him to the brink then forcing him back. Sirius whined.

That one noise did it. Remus knew then how much his mate wanted him - how much he needed him. Both the wolf and the man recognised that. He moved his hands up to either side of the animagus' head and kissed him gently. "But I can't stand it when you make that noise …"

Sirius gasped, whimpering again. Remus moaned, resting his forehead on his lover's shoulder. Sirius changed position to allow Remus to thrust into him. Remus did so. Sirius' body arched involuntarily, as he groaned. It had been a while since he had wanted Remus so much - and he wanted all of Remus. Wolf included.

Remus didn't want to hurt his mate; Sirius was tense all over. This wasn't going to be easy. He scrabbled for his wand and cast a hasty lubrication charm. Sirius was begging again with every panting breath he took. Remus whispered breathlessly, "I don't want to hurt you …"

Sirius made a decision. He couldn't relax, and Remus wouldn't ever hurt him - and it would hurt if he were so tense. He rolled Remus over onto his back and pressed down, hard. His face contorted in pain for a second, then he relaxed slightly and the pain subsided. They both knew that movement would break the moment of pure unstoppable pleasure, but the impulse soon became too strong. Sirius moved first, rocking his hips. Heat flooded through both their bodies, causing an intense reaction for both of them and making them both cry out. The wolf clawed its way to the surface of Remus' personality; he howled. However, the simple movement soon became too much for Sirius, despite his lover's obvious bliss. "Please … I can't …"

Remus suddenly realised how selfish he had been, lying there enjoying the feeling of Sirius' body around his cock while his mate did all the work. He rolled Sirius over onto his back and thrush into him. Sirius arched his back, taking short breaths that barely satisfied him. Remus leant down to kiss him and the kiss became deeper and harder until both their lips were bruised and burned with friction.

Remus' fingers found their way to Sirius' cock, making him cry out harder as he began to stroke him. "Remus … my mate, so good, so good for me, just for me … Oh God, oh so hot, so sweet, oh Rem … love - can't stand this … make me come … please, mate … ah! Ahh!"

Remus shook his head, running his thumb over Sirius' tip. Sirius whined, shutting his eyes. Remus knew just how that made Sirius feel. Remus thrust forwards and hit the point that sent intense pleasure through Sirius' body harder than before. His head snapped back without conscious involvement of his brain. A scream bubbled up Sirius throat from the point of contact and snapped his eyes open as it burst from his mouth. He couldn't breathe properly. With every thrust Remus hit the spot that sent electricity burning up his spine _hard_. Remus' fingers were moving over his cock and everywhere they touched he felt fire. Tears welled in his eyes and spilled through his lashes as he fought to control the intense passion zinging through every fibre of his body.

Remus gently bit his earlobe and whispered, "Come for me, Sirius …"

Sirius obeyed. Even without Remus' order he would have done. He felt Remus come at the same moment, a feeling of heat entering his body. His yell of pure pleasure turned to racking sobs as he leant against his mate. Remus pulled back from his body, still holding him tightly in his arms. Sirius sobbed harder. He would never enjoy that moment when Remus left him, though the pain that came with it was gone. He snuggled close to him until his sobs became frantic gasps for air that eventually resolved to his normal breathing pattern.

Remus murmured, "Did I hurt you?"

Sirius looked up into his mate's face and saw the concern in Remus' eyes. He shook his head, licking his lips so he could reply, "No. No, you never hurt me. I … I don't know why I'm crying. You were amazing … I just … I couldn't take it, feeling so good."

Remus kissed his forehead. "I don't ever want to hurt you."

"You don't … not ever…"

They lay in silence for a while, every cell in their bodies aware of the contact with the other. Sirius thought of something after a while. He asked quietly, "Was that you or the wolf?"

Remus thought for a long moment. "It … it was me. Just me."

"I thought you said …"

"The wolf can have control if it wants. And right then I wanted you all to myself, without any lupine idiot poking his snout in and trying to get his grubby paws on my beautiful mate."

Sirius shut his eyes and snuggled close to Remus. Much as he was loath to admit it, when Remus started to talk like that a shiver ran through his body, heating his cheeks and melting his heart. But the shiver this time was partly to do with the cool of the room. /Cold?/

Sirius shrugged. Remus grabbed a handful of the duvet and pulled it over them both. Sirius sighed, thinking how much Remus cared. /Better, mate?/

Sirius nodded. /Thanks, Remus. I just realised something./

/What's that?/

/I never got a Valentine for you./

/I didn't get one for you./

/What would you have put in it?/

/Like you care,/ Remus laughed, finding it amusing that Sirius Black was upset that he hadn't got a cheesy card to tell him how much he was loved. Sirius looked up at him with those stunning blue eyes. Remus smiled. /Roses are red; Violets are blue. God made me gorgeous, What happened to you?/

Sirius gave him a reproving look. Remus smiled. /No, really, I wouldn't put that. Anyway, God made you the gorgeous one, not me,/ Remus told him, kissing him gently. /I'd say this: My heart was broken, But you restored it, Because every day you say to me, You will be mine. Forever./

Sirius smiled. Remus really was a hopeless romantic. Then again, he couldn't really talk … /Where'd you get that?/

/Romans made it up … kind of. Only the original's more depressing because whoever wrote it still had a broken heart. What would you have put in mine?/

"I'd leave it blank: single red rose on the front but no words, nothing inside - just your name, because you're the only thing that matters. No distractions from you, nothing to take my mind off you, nothing but you. Because that's how I want to be with you. Just the two of us, with nothing else."

Remus smiled. "For a person who says that sort of thing makes you ill, you certainly know how to be really romantic, Siri."

Sirius blushed, burying his head in Remus' chest. Remus hugged him for a moment, then stroked his hair and asked, "Should we get a really sloppy, romantic film out tonight, buy some chocolate liqueurs and champagne, snuggle up on the sofa and … well … you tell me what happens next …"

Sirius smiled. "So long as we can go out for dinner somewhere expensive first and I can pay."

"Sirius, we can't afford it," Remus said, though he was only saying it on principal. Sirius grinned. "Actually, we can. You see … well, you know how that guy from the Department of Magical Games and Sports came to watch us play the other week because it's the world cup next year?"

Remus swallowed. "You're kidding. They chose … You've got to be … They didn't …"

Sirius smiled. "Oh yes they did."

"So you're playing? In the World Cup? You're on the National Team?"

"James is too. And I'm only on the team from the year after next onwards - since it's another three years 'till the World Cup. I'm sticking with the Cannons 'till then. And it all depends on if we get through to the final if we play for the actual Cup - and if you don't mind, love …"

"Mind! Why the hell should I mind? And you will get through - 'specially with you on the team!" Remus laughed, pulling Sirius into a tight hug. Sirius wrapped his arms around him, leaning his head on his shoulder, and hugged him back. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For encouraging me to try out for Quidditch in the first place. Unless I'm very much mistaken it was you who dragged me to the Hogwarts trials too."

"Yeah. As I remember it you were in tears in a corner gibbering that you wished you were good enough."

Sirius blushed again, leaning on his lover. He sighed. "So we can go out tonight?"

"It means getting out of bed, you know."

"I know."

"But not straight away," Remus said firmly, cuddling Sirius tighter for a moment. Sirius grinned and kissed Remus' chin - the only part he could reach at the time. "And you say I'm bad for saying stuff like that."

_(A/N: OK, not so short, but hands up who says it's sweet? Oh. Right. No hands. Fine! The World Cup thing was spur of the moment. Don't ask. My muses begged me._

_Warning: Boring information alert … BTW, Lupercalia? It was an ancient Roman festival, celebrated on their equivalent of February 15th, and it was a festival of fertility. Apparently:_

_1) Not even the Romans knew which God they were supposed to worship._

_2) There were two young men who wore only goat skins who took strips of the skins of sacrificed goats and ran down into the streets and whipped the women with the strips to promote fertility (or something like that)._

_3) It was originally a shepherd's festival._

_4) I think - as far as I remember - that the sacrificed goats WERE left on the hill where Remus was killed, but that I'm not sure about._

_Everything else was made up c/o me. Please review and complain of I got it really wrong. Done about Lupercalia now. Happy belated Valentine's Day and Lupercalia! PLEASE review now. Please? PLEASE?_

_Also: Sorry for the LONG delay on updates! Sorry! I've been getting ready to move house! Woo! Next couple of weeks and we'll be moved in! And when we move I GET BROADBAND!! Yes! Anyways, sorry - I'll try to update more often!)_


	8. Bizet Carmen

_(A/N: This came to me in a flash of inspiration. It wasn't actually part of the official plot, but I think it's kinda cool. PLEASE R&R. PS - don't ask about the title. Or the opera thing. It was the first thing that popped into my head when I thought of the word 'tie', 'K?)_

**Chapter 8 - Bizet Carmen**

"Sirius, where's my tie?"

"What, this nice soft black silky one?" Sirius asked innocently, holding it up and running his fingers through it. Remus sighed and held out his hand for it. "Give."

"Come and get it."

Remus walked over and tried to snatch the tie form Sirius. However, he pulled it out of his reach and looped it around his own neck. "Sirius! Give me my tie!"

"Make me."

Remus leant forwards until his lips were brushing his mate's lips. "I just told you to give me back my tie, Padfoot."

Sirius' breathing was becoming heavy. Remus smiled and pulled the silk out of his limp grasp. Remus straightened again and knotted the tie around his neck. Sirius swallowed hard and then stood up to link his hands around Remus' waist. He rested his chin on his lover's shoulder. "Remind me where we're going again?"

Remus sighed deeply. "Peter somehow got James, Lilly and us tickets to the see 'Carmen' in London. You know that, Sirius, you're just pretending to be stupid. Now will you please put your shirt and tie on?"

Sirius let him go and started to do up his shirt. "Will I enjoy it?"

"I haven't got a clue. I've never seen it before. It's a muggle thing."

"Do I have to wear a tie?"

"Yes, you do. Come here …"

Remus knotted Sirius' tie while he tucked his shirt in. Remus pulled Sirius tie up to his neck and slowly unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. "That better?"

"Better for me or you?"

Remus frowned, confused. Sirius explained, "Well, it's less buttons for you to undo tonight, isn't it. OK, OK, you don't have to glare like that! Yes it is better, thank you. Honestly, it was a joke! You remember them, don't you?"

Remus grabbed his arms and slammed him against the wall, kissing him forcefully. He pulled back after a moment and started at Sirius through burning eyes. "Sorry," Sirius murmured, knowing that was what Remus wanted to hear. Remus released him and smiled. "We're going to be late if we don't go now."

"'K. I'm coming," Sirius muttered, staring at his reflection in the mirror and pushing his hair behind his ears. Remus grabbed his arm, dragging him out into the hall.

Sirius was bored. He leant his elbow on the chair arm and cupped his chin in his palm. This wasn't exactly his scene. James looked about as impressed as Sirius, though both their partners at least pretended to be enthralled. Peter kept glancing at his watch.

They were about halfway though the opera when disaster struck. A man stood up in the centre of the crowd, pointed at the ceiling directly above his head with his wand and screamed an exploding charm. It was similar to the one in packs of exploding snap cards, but much, much more powerful. The woman playing Carmen, who was on stage, froze, the note she was singing tailing off with a strangled sort of noise. The four wizards sitting on the front row - minus Peter, who had been called away by 'buisness' minutes before - turned, saw what was happening and threw themselves to the floor.

The ceiling imploded, sending shards of cracking plaster and stone crashing towards the seats below. Cracks riddled the ceiling all over the theatre. Suddenly, a huge piece of the roof above the stage, an almost perfect half-circle of rubble held together by chance, fell with a deafening smash. It had fallen breathtakingly slowly, gliding through the air as though on a prearranged path. Carmen stood motionless for a long moment then hurled herself desperately off the edge of the stage, a scream of terror exploding from her throat. Remus looked up as Sirius and James got up onto their knees. He stared, wide-eyed at something directly above, and hurled himself sideways into Sirius, knocking him out of the way right into James. The debris covered most of the stage and the front two rows. Outside the cocoon, mass hysteria and pandemonium ensued.

Falling rubble and other terrified people surrounded those outside. Screams rent the smoky air, making things seem much worse than they actually were.

The four wizards found themselves trapped in a confined space with a hysterical 'Carmen' and part of the front two rows of seats. In complete darkness. They were all screaming and running like headless chickens, pounding on the fragile plaster walls of their prison. Sirius, from his prone position on top of James, shouted, "Stupefy!"

For a moment, red light flashed through the dark and there was a thud as half the people collapsed in a dead faint. James saw to the other half, shoving Sirius off him. Then there was just 'Carmen', who Lilly went to and tried to calm down. Sirius clambered to his feet, lit the end of his wand and looked around for Remus.

He was lying on the floor, his face deathly pale and contorted with pain. Sirius fell to his knees. He could sense something wrong, and could feel Remus scrabbling at their mental bond, holding back pain. "What?"

/My - my leg…/ Remus said though their mind-to-mind bond. He couldn't physically talk. He could barely think straight and Sirius had to concentrate hard to understand. Sirius fanned the thin beam of light down Remus' body to see what was the matter. The moment he realised, he felt sick. He played the light over the ceiling above. It was plated with wooden panels, interspersed with large beams, some of which were hanging off. One of them had splintered right through and fallen right onto Remus' leg - sharp end first. He suddenly realised why Remus had shoved him - he had moved him out of the way of the beam, endangering his own life instead. Sirius shut his eyes as they filled with tears of admiration. How could Remus do something like that for him? How could he love him that much? There was no way he was worth that much …

Sirius turned back to his mate and swallowed the sick feeling. He reached out and loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt to make his breathing easier while telling him, /Thank you./

/Get this thing off me and we'll call it quits, 'K?/ Remus replied, a smile twitching at his lips despite the obvious horrendous pain. Sirius called, "James! A little help, please?"

James trotted over and asked what was wrong. Sirius played his light over Remus' leg again. James went green. "Oh, God."

"Look, can you stop standing there saying 'Oh, God' and get it off me!" Remus grated, his breathing ragged. James looked at Sirius. "Levitation charm?"

"Levitation charm."

Together they whispered the words and lifted the beam up. Remus screamed as the wood was dragged out of his flesh. 'Carmen' and Lilly looked around, 'Carmen's' scream echoing Remus'. They slowly moved the beam between them until it was in a place where it was safe to drop it; they did so. "James, start waking people up. The ministry won't be pleased we knocked them out, so we'd better get them up before they arrive."

James nodded and hurried towards the nearest unconscious body. Sirius went back to Remus. His breath came in frantic gasps. The werewolf told him, /Thanks./

/Anytime. But I'd prefer it if I never had to do it again, mate. Please don't do anything like that again./

/I will if you're ever in danger./

/No, you - /

/I will, Sirius, whether you like it or not./

Sirius knelt beside Remus, unable to hold in a melancholy smile despite the situation, and muttered, "I'm not exactly good at healing charms - can you wait until the Ministry and the people from St Mungo's get here?"

Remus nodded weakly, gritting his teeth against the pain. He felt ill and the pain in his leg was almost unbearable. He knew that the wound was worse than Sirius thought. The beam had actually gone right through his leg, splintering the bone. He had already lost a lot of blood. He swallowed hard and whispered, "Is there any way out?"

Sirius sighed. "I don't know."

Remus shut his eyes and tried to relax. Remus was in too much pain to stop the pain being transferred from one to the other; Sirius' leg started to hurt. Eventually Remus passed out.

The five minutes it took for the Ministry of Magic to arrive and get the cup of ceiling off those trapped inside felt like five hours, particularly to the four wizards. Lilly and James had to keep the people calm and assure them that they would be rescued sooner rather than later, while Sirius watched over Remus.

When the cracked dome started to move, the people inside screamed, and Sirius had to admit to a tremor of fear as the idea that it had finally given up and was going to crash down on them all. Then the whole thing lifted up off the ground and a voice called through the dust, "Get out as fast as possible. Carry any wounded and, please, I know it's hard, but leave the dead."

The people scrambled to comply with the authoritative voice. James looked across at Sirius. There was no way he was going to leave. He scrambled out, leaving his friend, and called to one of the healers. "Hey! Yeah, you! There's a guy in there with a messed up leg - we can't get him out."

The healer ducked inside and conjured a stretcher from thin air, ordering it to float behind her. She looked at Sirius. "I need your help."

Sirius didn't answer but just knelt to help her lift Remus onto the stretcher. He made no sound of pain to normal ears, but Sirius heard the horrible internal scream. /Sorry, love./

/I know. Don't leave me …/

Sirius followed the healer like a puppy, pausing only to be counted off as a survivor. She stopped the stretcher next to one of the bright-yellow-and-fluorescent-green ambulances belonging to the quick-response, mass-incident unit of St Mungo's. There, she looked at the wound carefully and Sirius saw the full extent for the first time. Remus' pain was so obvious to Sirius that his own leg was beginning to ache so badly it hurt to put weight on it and, every time the healer touched the cut, a sharp jolt of pain ran through him. She muttered the relevant charms to mend the bones and heal the skin. She checked him over, forced a blood-replenishing potion down his throat and let him go.

Remus fell straight into Sirius' waiting arms, shaking slightly and close to tears. Sirius didn't try to do anything to comfort his mate; they both knew what the other was feeling. And there was nothing to say.

"What happened here?" Lilly demanded, her hands on her hips. Her brilliant auburn hair had half come out of its once-neat bun; she had lost her diamond-studded tiara; her long green dress was torn in a thousand places; she was covered in a thick layer of dust and grime; she still looked amazing. The Ministry of Magic official cowered away from her.

"Sorry, madam, we aren't allowed - "

"I was a part of this incident. I have a right to know!"

"…classified information …"

"Classified my - "

"Lilly! Stop harassing him. He probably isn't important enough to know anyway - "

"I am! Fine, but if this gets to the Prophet before we have a statement … It has been proved that it was scare tactics from the Death Eaters. That's all we know. We don't know how many perished yet."

"Thank you," Lilly snapped icily, turning on her heel and hurrying to see how Remus was, James tailing behind her.

Sirius had found two seats, both looking dirty and trashed but useable, and they had sat down on them. Remus still wasn't crying, but Sirius knew that the moment they got home he would break down. Then again, he wasn't sure he wouldn't be crying too. Remus was leaning heavily on Sirius, his head rested on his shoulder and his eyes shut. James crouched beside them and asked, "Hey. How's the leg?"

Remus didn't react. Sirius explained what the healer had done. Remus shuddered gently. Lilly reached out and touched his arm. "Why don't you two go home?"

Sirius shrugged. "Peter's got the car and we can't walk back to the Leaky Cauldron. And I don't dare apparate when I'm feeling like this - it'd be worse than drink driving."

"Can't we ask the Ministry for a car?"

"They wouldn't say yes."

"I'm going to ask," Lilly said, stalking away towards someone who looked official. Sirius shook his head. "Don't you have any control over her?"

James shrugged. For a long while they sat there until Lilly came back with a look of triumph on her face. "They're giving us a car back to the Leaky Cauldron. I think we should spend the night there and leave tomorrow. OK?"

Sirius muttered his consent; Remus just snuggled closer to him, needing to feel his arms around him.

When they arrived back at the inn, Tom was only too glad to give them rooms and offered to wash their clothes if they left them outside the door to their room. Sirius and Remus went up to their room leaning heavily on each other.

Remus collapsed onto the bed the moment he could and shut his eyes. Sirius sat on the edge and reached over to pull his tie loose so he could take it off over his lover's head. He started on Remus' shirt, forcing his lover to sit up while he took it off. Then he pulled off the ruined trousers. He stripped off his own clothes and took the clothes outside the bedroom door. He turned back to Remus, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, running his hands though his hair, which was still full of plaster dust. Sirius whined, worried about his mate. For the first time since the dome had crashed over them, Remus looked properly at his mate. He burst out laughing.

Sirius frowned and walked over to the mirror above the roaring fire. His hair had turned grey, coated as it was with plaster dust. His skin also had an unhealthy pallor due to the dust and a thin cut on his cheek had left a dingy red streak running down his face. He grinned at his reflection. "I think we both need a bath."

Remus came up behind him and started to rub his shoulders. "Mm, that's good - lower."

Remus moved his fingers and worked at a large knot in Sirius' muscles. "You're all tense."

"I've had a very stressful evening."

"I know. Bathroom?"

"OK. You're running the bath."

They relocated to the small bathroom and lit the oil burner on the sink and the numerous candles. Remus started the taps running and then went back to rubbing Sirius' back, more roughly than before. Sirius leant both hands on the wall, groaning as Remus' skilful fingers dissipated the tension in his back.

When the bath was run, they both got into it together, Remus sitting between Sirius' legs so he could lean back against his lover's chest. The bath was wonderfully hot and the scented steam soon started to make them both feel sleepy. Remus sighed contentedly, snuggling back. Sirius tightened his arms around him. Finally he could stop worrying.

Eventually they got out of the bath and at least started to dry themselves on the towels before becoming distracted by the far more pressing desire to touch each other. Then they negotiated their way back into the bedroom, virtually falling onto the bed in a heap. Sirius kissed along Remus' shoulder, locking his arms around him. Remus shut his eyes in ecstasy and murmured, "I'm tired, Sirius."

"Too tired? 'Coz I can stop …"

"No, it's just … I can't … I want you to make love to me, Sirius,"

Sirius just smiled, his eyes shining. Slowly, gently he started to move over Remus' body, kissing him, familiarising himself with Remus' body for the thousandth time. The body of the man who had quite possibly saved his life.

_--------_

_(Again, sorry for the LONG silence! Moving house is evil! My bookshelves are empty! tear How can I survive without my literacy?! Please review to make me feel better. I do appreciate it, you know. Very much. I will pass on any helpful little messages for Remus and/or Sirius after this horrible ordeal I put them through … I'm sure they'd be very grateful.)_


	9. Holy Matrimony

_(Right, some semblance of a plot will actually appear, sometime around here. I swear. Set on Midsummer Day – apparently a good date for getting married. Apparently._

_It started sensible, and kind of boring. Then I started playing around with funny situations …_

_This chapter centres on and is dedicated to Lilly and James – at least, it's supposed to. It is their special day after all, isn't it?)_

**Chapter 9 – Holy Matrimony**

"James, stop fretting. You can't go in there looking terrified. It'll look like you don't want to marry her. How will that look to her parents?"

"What if she leaves me at the altar?"

"Lilly wouldn't do something like that, James. You know that. Please don't be so neurotic," Remus told him, passing him his coat. James looked in the mirror. "Oh, crap! I look like an idiot! You know, if you put this on anyone else, it'd look great. On me, it looks like I've slept in it for three nights in a hedge!"

"James, you look fine. You look great. You don't look awful. I'd expect Lilly to be like this, but not you. I thought you were really cool about it," Sirius told him, straightening his tie. James shook his head, still staring dejectedly at his reflection. Remus pulled him over to a chair and sat him down.

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"Oh, God. He's starting to regret it. This is the last thing I need right now!" Sirius complained, running his fingers through his hair. Remus rolled his eyes, crouching in front of James.

"You're fine. You're absolutely fine. You're going to marry the girl of your dreams. How can this possibly be the wrong thing?"

"What if she's … not?"

Sirius sighed. "James, we've been through this. You've been completely head-over-heels in love with her from the moment you first saw her. Jesus, man, you're just being stupid! Calm down and stop being an idiot."

"You should try this sometime!"

"Already have!"

"When?!" James scoffed.

"When I was sixteen!" Sirius yelled furiously, eyes blazing. James' expression changed to confusion. "Eh?"

"He's talking about when he became my mate. We were both more worried and nervous than you were now, James. At least if it goes wrong for you, you can get a divorce; we didn't have that option. Not that you're going to need to get a divorce James, because you love each other to pieces. Look, can you think of one point – apart from The Snape Incident – when either of us have regretted that?"

While James was thinking, Sirius came up behind Remus and touched his shoulder. /I'm sorry./

/I've forgiven you for that. You know I have …/

Sirius gently kissed Remus' cheek. /Doesn't make me any less sorry./

James suddenly exploded, "Fine! So you do know how I feel! Hope you're proud of that!"

Remus sighed deeply. "Maybe I should just go call Lilly and tell her it's all off – "

"Remus! Don't you dare!" James yelled, his voice rising several octaves in panic. Sirius grinned. "You'll stop being paranoid then?"

James nodded in agreement.

Lilly Evans' wedding dress was perfect. It was pure white and hugged her figure down to the waist, where it became loose and flowing. Her veil covered her face and her sunset hair was finished with a tiara decorated with diamonds. James was still transfixed by her beauty by the end of the service. Sirius found this hilarious.

At the end of the service, everyone traipsed outside for photographs. Lilly and James were lucky – the day was gorgeous, without a cloud in the sky. Once the photos were taken, everyone piled into the cars and attempted to find the hotel where the reception was being held.

James looked across at Lilly as they sat in the limousine. She smiled to him. He sidled sideways and put his arms around her. She leant against him, looking up into his dark brown eyes. He whispered, " Love you."

"Love you too," she murmured back, her leaf-green eyes shining. James kissed her gently and she snuggled up close to him. She continued when they parted, "Nothing could spoil today, could it? It's perfect."

"I know. You look gorgeous."

"You look very smart. How long did it take?" Lilly asked, laugher in her voice. James was reputedly the most untidy person in the world. James grinned but didn't answer except to kiss his new wife again.

Sirius glanced behind him. He leant over and whispered to James, "Who's that kid?"

James looked around and muttered back, "Sarah Hardy. She's Lilly's cousin's daughter."

Sirius nodded his understanding. The little girl's eyes bored into his back. He turned around and asked, "What?"

She shrugged and made a face. Sirius glared at her. She grinned, crossing her eyes at him. He sighed and turned around. Suddenly, she was standing beside him, hugging at his arm. "Please, why're you sitting next to Lilly's James?"

Sirius gave her a disgusted look. Remus frowned at him reproachfully, as if to say 'try to be nice'. Sirius grimaced. "Because I'm his best man."

"Why?"

"Because I'm his best friend."

"Why?"

"How should I know! Let go!"

"Why?"

"Get off me you stupid little brat!"

"Why?"

Remus leant over and tried to prize the little girl's fingers off Sirius' sleeve. She gripped harder. Finally, they managed to make her let go. She burst into very noisy tears. Both men jumped back as though she was a bomb that had just gone off. Heads started to turn. One of the women Sirius recognised as Jorja Hawk – her mother was on the Chudley Cannons as a beater – came over and asked, "What now, Black?"

"That's friendly, Jorja," he growled icily, picking Sarah up and trying to calm her down. However, she bawled even louder. Jorja shook her head. "What did he do this time?"

Remus shrugged. Sirius growled to Sarah, "I'll take your head off if you don't shut up, kid!"

It didn't help – it made it worse. Lilly's best friend and chief bridesmaid, Cassandra Webb, walked over. "Oh, it's Sarah. Anyone got any chocolate?"

Sirius delved into his pocket with his free hand, rooted for a long moment and finally pulled out a chocolate frog. Sarah stopped crying immediately, reaching out for the chocolate. "Mine!"

Sirius gave it to her. She hopped off his knee and ripped the packet open to get at the chocolate. Cassandra grinned at the expression of surprise on Sirius' face. She said, "It helps to know what young children like."

"What, you intend to become a child psychologist now?"

"No! I'm just saying … I've done babysitting sometimes."

"And that gives you just tons of experience, right?"

"You should have a baby sometime, it'd be a whole new adventure for you, Black. Especially a little girl," Jorja laughed.

Sirius smiled superiorly. "Do I have to explain basic anatomy to you girls? Two men cannot conceive a baby – or were you just too busy talking and didn't catch that lesson?"

Jorja glared at him. "There are people who can actually help gay people to have children, you know."

Remus raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Really? How?"

"Don't look at me like that. That can. Cell splicing … IVF … stuff like that …" Jorja replied vaguely. "You don't want me to go into detail right now, you really don't. But the success rate is high."

Sirius was interested now. "How did you get to know about it?"

"Well, I know a few gay couples and … well, I heard about this wizarding organisation from one of them – they've got a son now. They said the people're very good; it works on fundraising, too. I can bring you some stuff about it next Quidditch practice if you want. I was thinking of coming watching Mum anyway."

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever."

Jorja wandered away in the direction of her boyfriend. Sirius turned to Remus. "You think it's worth the bother?"

It was Remus' turn to shrug. "Depends how much you want to hear the patter of little feet, doesn't it?"

Sirius asked quietly, "Do you ever want any children?"

"Since you mention it, yes. But I think we should wait to look at what this organisation actually does first," Remus replied quickly and quietly. Sirius reached over and brushed his cheek. He whispered in reply, "OK."

Meanwhile, Cassandra sat down next to Lilly. "Love the dress, Lil."

"Yeah, it's beautiful isn't it? My mum helped me pick it. I wanted a cream one, but Mum stood firm: 'You're having white and that's final!' Sometimes I felt like telling her it was actually MY wedding …"

They both laughed. "So you're a princess for a day, right? How's Prince Charming?"

Lilly smiled. "He's talking to Mum and Dad. Petunia and Vernon didn't stay long – they've gone already. She never really liked James and he and Vernon are like chalk and cheese. Not as bad as he and Snape, but it's a close contest."

"Can't think of a reason why! He was the most gorgeous guy at Hogwarts – except for Sirius: he was kind of on the same level. But we didn't have a chance with him so … yeah, James is the best. He's got a great personality."

"I know."

James turned and smiled at Lilly as her favourite song began to play. He beckoned to her and she got up. "Sorry Cassandra. I have to go dance with my husband," she apologised, stressing the last word. Cassandra smiled, standing too. "I'd better go someone to have me too, then? Unfortunately for me, the best man's already taken – but there's got to be someone in this room who'll have me!"

Sirius and Remus were attempting to find somewhere quiet. However, Sarah Hardy – possibly the most annoying child in the universe – was following Sirius like a puppy. Since he gave her the chocolate, he was her new best friend and she had latched herself onto his hand. So he couldn't dance with Remus – a fact that was really pissing him off. Not to mention Remus. James couldn't stop laughing. He though it was hilarious.

Eventually, her parents called her away for something and Remus and Sirius made a dash for it. They pelted out to the garden and behind some bushes so they were hidden between the wall and the foliage. The open window above let soft music waft down to them. Sirius slid his arms around Remus' neck and nuzzled close. Remus kissed the end of his nose and murmured, "I've waited all night to do this."

"Funny, I thought you said you refused to do that sort of thing in public – " Sirius began, but was cut off when Remus cuffed him around the head gently. "Oh, shut up."

Sirius smiled. "Sorry."

Remus slid his arms around his mate and pulled him close. "Can we dance?"

Sirius nodded. Remus leant in for a long, soft kiss. Suddenly, their romantic moment was rather spoiled by Sarah bursting through the leaves and half-shouting, "What're you doing?!"

The werewolf and the animagus leapt apart as though burnt by the contact with each other. "Sarah!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus was speechless.

"My mummy says I shouldn't follow you around. I said you didn't mind."

"Oh," Remus said weakly. "No. We don't mind at all. But I think Jorja wants you for something, Sarah."

The little girl turned around and saw Jorja leaning against a tree kissing her boyfriend, Jack. She started to run. Sirius sighed. "Sorry …"

"She'll be going soon. It's nearly nine, far too late for children to be up."

"Good! Bloody kid!" He stepped forwards, pulling Remus into his arms once more. "Then nothing can spoil our evening together. We can stand on that balcony with the door open a crack and the moon'll be shining and we can dance until sunrise."

Remus smiled and leaned against his lover. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Sarah running back towards them, an irate Jorja glaring at them from over her shoulder. He sighed. It was going to be a long night.

It was dark outside, and requests for slower songs had been accepted. There were fewer guests left; most with younger children, including Sarah and her parents, had left. Lilly leant her head on James' shoulder as they slowly waltzed on the dance floor. James grinned as he looked through one of the windows out onto the balcony.

Remus leaned against Sirius, shutting his eyes. Sirius tightened his arms around his mate, kissing his hair. /I wish we could do this./

/What? Get married? Never thought I'd hear you say that, Siri./

/Well …/

/Do we need a piece of paper to tell us we love each other very much? Hmm?/

/No, but it'd be nice to let other people know./

/The people who matter do know./

Sirius looked down at Remus. He smiled as the moonlight highlighted the grey in his hair. He twined a lock around his fingers. Remus smiled ruefully. He murmured, "I wish it wasn't so grey."

"It makes you look wonderful," Sirius replied softly. "Everything about you's wonderful."

Remus blushed and buried his head in Sirius chest. His lover hugged him tightly, sighing softly. He would never tire of feeling Remus in his arms.

Lilly and James were sitting at one of the back tables, watching random relatives wander past. Suddenly, Peter came up to them. "Look, I need to talk to you. I don't want to ruin your day, but … You Know Who may be after the two of you. I don't know why, but … I know it's possible."

James suddenly looked serious. "Please say you're joking, Pete."

"I'm sorry James. I just thought you might want to know sooner rather than later. And you're catching the plane to Africa tomorrow first thing … I had to tell you right away. I'm sorry."

Lilly smiled weakly. "It's OK, Peter. Thanks."

Peter left them. James looked across at Lilly. The best day of their lives had just taken a turn for the worse.

_--------_

_(Fluffyfluffyfluffy! But quite a disturbing ending – gah, evil You Know Who! OK, I promise it'll get better. And I have no idea what year these events actually happened in or if they had IVF and stuff then, but I frankly don't care. It works like this: YOU just pretend they did have that sort of thing and I'LL be happy._

_Right now, I'd like to thank three of my great friends who allowed me to use them shamelessly here. "Cassandra Webb" is c/o Tsunami. (Sorry you ain't got a big part. Evil writers' block in the middle of this chapter! Evil, I tell you!)_

_"Sarah Hardy" is c/o the Fire Breathing Ferret. (Thank you so much for letting me put you through this absolute idiocy! She probably hates me now …)_

_"Jorja Hawk" is c/o my best friend Captain Hawk. (PS: Hope you like the reference to your boyfriend – Jack! As in Jack Sparrow! Anyone else who loves Pirates of the Caribbean will probably get it.)_

_Now. The Review button's right down there on the left, go click on it and leave your own little comment, just for me! Thanks.)_


	10. Jorja's Charity

**Chapter 10 – Jorja's Charity**

"Sirius, can I have a word?" James called as Sirius walked off the pitch. It was the end of another wonderfully cheery Quidditch practice. (Note the heavily applied sarcasm.) Sirius turned to his best friend and James led him into the shadow of the stands.

"Why did we join up for this team?" Sirius asked. "We're utter crap. It's a miracle Bagman chose any of us to play!"

"Sirius, don't a be a pessimist – we joined because they'd have us, remember? Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk – " James began, but Sirius spoke over him.

"I mean, us two and Yasmin are the only people on the entire team who're any good!"

"Yes, Sirius, I agree, but – "

"Well then. Why do we stay? Why don't we just quit? The only reason I'm staying is because it beings in money and because I don't want to get out of practice!"

"Sirius, shut up!" James hissed, glancing around anxiously. Sirius sensed his anxiety and asked him what the matter was. James sighed. "It's just … Peter told me and Lil when we got married … he said … he said Voldemort wanted us dead."

Sirius' mouth dropped open. He was speechless for a moment and then hissed, "Why? And how the hell does he know anyway? Prongs, have you told Dumbledore?"

"Yeah … he said Peter may have been right and he's asked Snape to ask around," James answered, looking around nervously. Sirius smiled reassuringly, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Then again, Wormtail might just be being his paranoid self – you know how he was at school; always terrified of things going wrong. He had more good-luck charms than my dad! He's probably just being obsessive, James. Don't worry about it – until Snape gets back with news that Dumbledore believes in."

James smiled. "Yeah, you're probably right. Look, I'm going to go straight home without getting changed. See you, Sirius."

Sirius smiled and walked back towards the changing rooms as his best friend apparated behind him.

Once in the changing rooms, Sirius shrugged off the bright orange Chudley Cannons Quidditch robes he wore over his other clothes and started to take off his boots. When he looked up again, Jorja Hawk was standing right in front of him. He yelped, "You're not allowed in here!"

"Why not?"

"This is the men's changing room!" Sirius replied heatedly. Jorja smiled soothingly, holding up a hand to stop his from saying anything more. She pushed him down onto the bench and sat beside him.

"There's no one left but you – the rest of them have gone home. Besides, I'm only here because you asked me to be," Jorja replied indignantly. She reached into her bag and pulled out some papers. "You asked me to bring this for you at Lilly and James' wedding."

Suddenly, Jorja's mother and Sirius' fellow beater, Yasmin, popped her head around the door. She had short iron-grey hair and pale, bright blue eyes. Usually she was smiling, but right now she looked livid. "Jorja, hurry up! You said you'd be two minutes and you've been ten! I have better things to do than sit in the car all afternoon!"

Jorja scrambled to her feet. "Sorry, mum. Got to go, Sirius. See you round."

She left Sirius alone. He picked up one of the leaflets and flicked through it. It was about a wizarding organisation – set up just a few years ago but with an enormous success rate – that helped wizards and witches who were otherwise incapable of having children to have them.

Sirius read through the first page and then pushed the leaflets into his backpack while he got changed and walked outside to apparate home.

He opened the front door and shouted, "Remus, I'm home. Where are you?"

Remus replied he was in the lounge, at least attempting to watch something on TV. Sirius smiled and walked into the lounge, slumping down on the sofa next to Remus. He opened his bag and pulled out the papers Jorja had given him.

"If you can possibly drag your eyes off whoever-she-is for a moment and take a look at this, I'd be very appreciative," Sirius grinned. Remus turned and gave him a shove, scowling. Then he saw what Sirius had brought home. He picked one of the leaflets up and read it cover to cover. Sirius sat and watched his face for a long time.

Finally, Remus looked up, swallowing hard. "Sirius, do you really want to … try this? I mean … there are so many things to go wrong, and …"

"And if they don't we could be sitting here in under a year with a baby that belongs to us. Both of us," Sirius replied quietly. "Remus, I – I'm not saying we should do this now, but … it would be good one day to … to try it. I mean, you said yourself you wanted children … and to tell the absolute truth, so do I."

Remus looked up into Sirius face and smiled. "It says it can take months for an application to get through …"

"Yeah …"

"Shall we … read through all this before we decide to do anything?"

"OK," Sirius replied, reaching for one of the leaflets. Before he could take one, Remus grabbed his hand, making him look back up into his eyes. "Then when we've read through them we'll write them a letter and you can go and post it."

Sirius smiled. They both knew that despite anything it said in the leaflets that letter would be on its way to the organisation in the post the next morning. Sirius moved around onto Remus' other side so he could snuggle up to his lover and therefore be more comfortable. They chose a leaflet each and began to read.

After a while, they had both read through all the leaflets. Remus looked down at Sirius, whose head was resting on his knee. /Still think we should do this?/

Sirius was silent. He didn't meet Remus' gaze. Remus touched his cheek and Sirius looked up. His eyes were full of doubt. /What's the matter?/

/I'm … I'm scared I'll be a really rubbish parent. I mean, you're all right; you're the perfect parent – responsible; reliable; dependable … I'm none of those things. They'd never ever let me be a father to anyone …/

/They will, Sirius. You'll be a wonderful father. You will./ Remus replied softly, stroking Sirius' hair. /You'll be better than me – you need lots of energy to be a parent apparently and you always seem to have bags to spare, so you'll be brilliant./

Sirius smiled, sitting up. "Your writing's neater than mine, so you'll have to write it. Where do you put the paper?"

"Where you left it."

"Where did I leave it?"

Remus sighed. "You mean we don't even know where the paper is now? Dear Jesus, we're more disorganised than James!"

Sirius grinned, standing up. "I'll check upstairs, you check down here. Call when you find it."

They went in search of paper and eventually Sirius found it on the floor, lurking under a pile of Remus' books in their bedroom. Remus came upstairs and they lay on the bed attempting to compose the letter.

Finally it was finished. Sirius apparated to the nearest Owl-Post Office, posted the letter and walked outside again. The evening air was cool, and the first stars were just beginning to appear. He turned to face the right direction, searching the sky for his personal favourite star: Sirius, the Dog Star. He found it, as bright as ever. He smiled, wondering if Remus could see it from their house, and apparated back home.

The moment he was back inside, Remus asked, "You posted it?"

"No, I went all the way out to the post office for the hell of it and came back with the letter. Of course I bloody well posted it! What sort of idiot do you think I am?"

Remus sighed, smiling. "I don't think you're any sort of idiot. Now I suppose all we can do is wait to see what they say."

Sirius smiled and kissed Remus. "We may as well wait somewhere comfy – like upstairs, on our bed."

The werewolf's smiled widened and he almost laughed. "You're hopeless."

Sirius grinned and pulled Remus into a hug. "I know. That's why you love me."

Remus had to smile. He said, "I'm tired, Sirius. Can we just go to bed?"

The animagus picked his lover up and replied, "If you're tired, I'm going to carry you."

"Sirius, put me down!" Remus protested, grabbing Sirius around the neck. Sirius laughed, starting up the stairs. "I won't drop you, Remus – at least, I won't if you stop squirming like that."

Remus froze and let Sirius carry him up the rest of the stairs. He was put down gently on the bed. He glared at Sirius. "Why did you do that?"

"You said you were tired," Sirius replied simply, lying down beside him. Remus sighed resignedly and snuggled up to his mate. He muttered a quiet thank you, shutting his eyes. Sirius put his arms around him and watched Remus until he fell asleep. Then he snuggled down beside him until he could hear the werewolf's heartbeat. Only then did he close his own eyes and go to sleep.

The next morning, the Muggle postman dropped three letters through their letterbox. Sirius went to fetch them. One was a bill; the second was a bank statement and the third … the third was written in green ink on heavy parchment.

"Remus! Come here!" Sirius shouted. Remus walked from the kitchen and saw the envelope in Sirius hands. He walked over and took it. /You want me to open it?/

Sirius nodded. Remus ripped open the envelope and read it quickly. Even in Sirius' head, Remus' voice was a whisper; /There's a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix in two week's time. It's about Lilly and James./

_(A/N: Sinister … Sorry it's really short and boring! I'm really sorry! Really and truly! Sorry! I added this chappie at the last second because it didn't fit anywhere else and it's incredibly bad ... sorry ... Also, I'm just going to mention that the title is going to become relevant soon! Sorry it's taking forever!_

_Oh, and BTW: Yes, they do have a Muggle bank account, that's why they came by the Muggle postie. (And the Order's letter came that way because it's less conspicuous.) Not all wizards/witches can live in wizarding communities, so they would need Muggle money to buy things like food, drink, takeaways etc. Please Review now.)_


	11. Pain

_CONTAINS OOTP SPOILER! Just the one I think.  
  
And I'm sorry for the Long Silence! Les examans c'était tres horrible! I promise to update more sooner now. (Ooo, bad grammar slaps hand …)

* * *

_

**Chapter 11 – Pain  
**  
The Order of the Phoenix was sitting around a large table in the secret headquarters. At least, seven members of the Order of the Phoenix were. Dumbledore had called a meeting between the four Marauders, Lilly and Snape to discuss the ever-present threat from Lord Voldemort.  
  
It was so important the newly-weds had been called back from their honeymoon. Lilly and James' future was at stake.  
  
Snape had information – this time not a paranoid hunch from Peter, who kept quiet through the whole meeting – to prove that the lives of the Potters were at risk. The Dark Lord wanted them dead. He had overheard a Prophecy made by Sybil Trelawny in Hogsmeade and had come to the conclusion that a son the Potters would one day have could help to destroy him. He had decided to kill them before the child could be born to eliminate his only real threat.  
  
_(A/N: OK, so I changed the plot JKR tells us a bit – all right, a lot! Prof. Trelawney made the prophecy before Harry was born, before the Potters were even married, and Harry will help to defeat the Dark Lord. Voldemort heard all the Prophesy instead of the beginning. So sue me.)  
_  
Once Snape had explained this, Dumbledore said, "I have called you all here today to discuss what will happen. Severus tells me that Lord Voldemort will not attack yet – he is building his strength so that he can simply break into your house and kill you with no problems."  
  
Sirius shuddered, as did Lilly, at that thought. Dumbledore continued, "However, there is one thing that may give you both a lifeline. If you were to choose a Secret Keeper, we could cast a spell that would allow you to have safety until the danger is past."  
  
Lilly slowly raised her hand. Dumbledore smiled. "Mrs Potter – dear me, I am behind the times; I almost called you Miss Evans! Mrs Potter, you need not raise your hand to ask your question. We are all equals around this table."  
  
Sirius glared at Snape as if to say that he would rather be seen dead in a plague pit than be equal to Snape, but he didn't say anything. Lilly hesitantly asked, "Please, Professor Dumbledore, sir, what is a Secret Keeper?"  
  
Remus answered for him. "A Secret Keeper keeps a secret. For instance, if you changed your address, then the spell was cast on your Secret Keeper, no one would be able to find you, even if they had their nose pressed up against your living room window, unless the Secret Keeper tells them."  
  
/Know-it-all,/ Sirius commented good-naturedly. Remus glanced at him resignedly and shook his head slightly. Sirius fought back a smile. It wasn't really the time to be grinning when Voldemort was stalking his best friend.  
  
"So, you're saying we have to choose someone to trust above everyone else to keep us safe?" James asked tentatively. Dumbledore nodded sagely. Sirius whistled, and thoughts of hilarity gone. "That's a big responsibility. You'd have to choose really carefully."  
  
"I am sure everyone at this table is eligible for that responsibility," Dumbledore commented. James glanced across at Lilly. Remus often wondered if it was only he and Sirius who could talk without speaking. Then he turned to Sirius and asked, "Sirius, will you consider being our Secret Keeper?"  
  
Sirius blinked at them. He swallowed hard. "I – I don't know what to say … I'll need time to think but … yeah, I'll consider it. Yeah. Um … thank you, I think. You must really trust me …"  
  
"You're my best friend, Sirius."  
  
Sirius smiled across the table and nodded. James grinned back.  
  
That had been a week ago. Things were tense. The Marauders and Lilly were all relying on Snape – someone that the Marauders hated on principle – for information, and there was no knowing if he truly was a convert to 'the good side'. Sirius thought he was definitely working for Voldemort and only feeding them information to confuse them. Only Lilly really trusted him.  
  
But no one could take any chances; there were lives at stake. Sirius was going to have to bury the hatchet and trust Snape – or risk his best friend's life. By the time a week had gone by – a week of mulling over James' proposition and wondering about Snape – his temper was extremely short. He was prone to anger attacks or sudden breakdowns.  
  
Remus vaguely wondered if Sirius had been hit by a bludger. After all, he had been at Quidditch practice with the others in the Chudley Cannons, and people often have accidents. Especially on that particular team. The small of his back was tingling uncomfortably, a sure sign that Sirius was hurting in the same place. He heard voices in the kitchen. He put down his book, got up and walked through into the hall. He could hear Sirius and James talking.  
  
"He's going to kill me! Why did I let you talk me into this?" Sirius asked. Remus heard James sigh. "For God's sake, Sirius, he's not going to kill you! It's me who should be worried. Lilly's going to flip! Think how I feel – I have to be stuck in a house with her indefinitely after we've got a Secret Keeper!"  
  
"Don't talk to me about that right now! He's going to go spare!"  
  
Remus chose that moment to go into the kitchen. "Why?"  
  
Sirius yelped and spun around. "Remus!"  
  
"Who'd you expect? I do live here, Siri," Remus laughed, walking over to kiss his mate. Sirius slid his arms around the werewolf and pulled him close. When they parted, he whispered, "I love you."  
  
James said uncomfortably, "You know, I'm going to go …"  
  
He apparated back home, leaving Sirius and Remus standing in each other's arms. Remus wondered momentarily why their friend had made such a quick exit; he normally had no problem with them acting like this. He absent-mindedly ran his fingers down Sirius' spine, searching for the soft spot at the small of his back. Sirius hissed and pulled away as his fingertips reached it. Remus frowned. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing …" Sirius muttered, not meeting Remus' eyes. The werewolf shook his head. He knew when Sirius was lying. "Did you get hit by a bludger?"  
  
"No …"  
  
"What is it, then?"  
  
Sirius didn't reply. Remus asked, "Let me have a look at you back?"  
  
"No!" Sirius yelped as Remus reached out towards him, stepping backwards until he banged into the sink. He gasped in pain and arched his back away from the counter-top, twisting to look behind him and scowl at whatever had hurt him. Remus winced.  
  
"Why not! Come on, Sirius, let me see it, whatever it is. Or would you rather tell me?"  
  
Sirius stayed still for a moment, then turned around, muttering, "You are going to go completely and utterly insane. You're going to go mad."  
  
He pulled the back of his t-shirt up and Remus saw the small of his back. He stared for a long moment, completely speechless. "You got a TATTOO!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"It wasn't my fault …"  
  
Flashback – two hours ago, after Quidditch practice  
  
"James, this is a bad idea. Remus will have heart failure. He's go into bloody cardiac arrest."  
  
"He won't. Leave it, Sirius, stop worrying. You fell in love with it when you set eyes on it and it's perfect for you," James replied, ginning as he dragged Sirius into the tattoo parlour. Sirius dug in his heels and refused to budge. However, Jorja gave him a shove from behind and he tumbled into the tattoo parlour, on top of James, who fell backwards into a chair.  
  
The tattoo artist pushed aside a bead curtain aside, walking into the waiting room. He caught sight of the two Quidditch players sprawled across a chair in a tangle of arms and legs and smiled, raising his eyebrows at the blonde girl in the doorway. Jorja shook her head at them. She shrugged at the tattooist and left the tattoo parlour, waving to her two friends. "Ciao, guys. Got a date to keep with Jack."  
  
Sirius scrabbled away from James and paled as he looked the tattooist up and down. He was very tall and thickset, with bushman eyebrows. Both arms were covered in tattoos. He was wearing a black vest with 'Joey' monogrammed across the front. He wore a pair of faded jeans, cut off unevenly at the knees, and black trainers without any socks. On one of his knees was a tattoo of a nude woman.  
  
Sirius swallowed hard. 'Joey' grinned. "Hey. I'm Joey, in case you can't read. Who wants the tattoo?"  
  
He was Australian. Sirius glanced at James and hissed, "I'll have one if you will."  
  
James rolled his eyes but nodded. Joey grinned at them. "Come on through, then. Which one were you thinking of?"  
  
The walls were covered with hundreds of pictures of tattoos. James pointed and said loudly, "Sirius wants that paw print on the small of his back."  
  
Sirius looked around and spotted a small tattoo of a stag on the opposite wall. "He wants that one on his arm."  
  
James muttered, "Thanks for letting me choose! It's a bloody good job I like it."  
  
Joey laughed and asked, "Who first?"  
  
James glared at Sirius, who glowered back with equal venom. Eventually, Sirius won and James backed into the chair.  
  
Twenty minutes later, it was done and it was Sirius' turn. He had refused to watch James' tattoo being done, and now he was terrified. He had heard every yelp of pain. Joey walked a very pale James to the door and gestured Sirius through. James smirked at him as he went past, nodding at the pad he was holding to his arm to stop the bleeding.  
  
Sirius pulled his shirt off and went to lie down on the bench Joey indicated. He swallowed hard as he heard the tattooist moving around behind him. Then Joey approached again. Sirius lay his head down on his arms, gritting his teeth. The small of his back was possibly the most sensitive point on his body. This was going to hurt.  
  
End Flashback  
  
"So you just decided to do everything that James says, now?"  
  
"No! But …"  
  
"But what!" Remus yelled. "If he told you to stick your hand in the fire, would you?!"  
  
"No, but if I had Jorja pushing me I might not have the choice!"  
  
Remus folded his arms. "You know when you're not ranting about Quidditch, you're talking about her."  
  
"Oh, you're not jealous of her, are you? For God's sake, she's just a friend, Remus!"  
  
"So was I once!"  
  
Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Jesus, Remus! You're impossible sometimes!" he yelled. He stormed out of the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, "You're turning into my MUM!"  
  
Remus followed him upstairs, following Sirius as he went into the bathroom and began to pull off his clothes. "I worry about you, that's all! It must have hurt you … and it's totally reckless! At least one of us has to be sensible!"  
  
"Why can't that be me, once in a while, Remus? You never think I can be responsible!"  
  
"You've never given me reason to believe that!" Remus said quietly, though his voice was full of anger. "I don't know why I ever let you talk me into mating with you."  
  
Sirius froze for the shortest moment. He muttered, almost too quiet to hear, "Drop dead."  
  
That hurt. Remus swallowed hard. He sniffed and managed to get his voice under control for long enough to say, "Maybe I'd better just crawl into a corner and do that, shall I?"  
  
He turned and left the room before Sirius could look around. He walked slowly downstairs and had just reached the front door when Sirius grabbed his shoulder. "Remus, I – "  
  
"Just don't. Leave it. Don't even try, Sirius."  
  
"I didn't mean – "  
  
"No. Well you said it. Maybe I should just drop dead," Remus told Sirius, his voice starting to shake. Sirius reached out to touch him, but Remus leant away from his touch. Sirius growled. "Fine! Be like that! I don't know why I ever wanted to spend my life with you!"  
  
Remus stepped back as though he had been hit, blinking in surprise. He shut his eyes for a moment and thought, 'Oh, God, this is what I was afraid of …' Then anger took over.  
  
"Neither do I. I don't know why I ever agreed to it! I knew you'd change your mind. I knew it! You're totally irresponsible! Goddamn it, I don't know why James wants you to be his Secret Keeper – even PETER would be a better choice that YOU! At least he wouldn't be obvious! You have no morals! You'd probably sell them both to Voldemort!"  
  
"Don't you ever say that!" Sirius threatened, backing Remus into the front door. "Don't you ever imply I could be that heartless!"  
  
"I know you're that heartless, from what you just said. And I'm not scared of you."  
  
"You should be!" Sirius yelled. Remus made the mistake of laughing. Sirius growled, lashing out before he had chance to think with a balled fist.  
  
Remus could taste blood in his mouth. His cheek was hot where Sirius' fist had hit it. He took a deep breath and whispered, "OK. OK, that's enough …"  
  
He slowly turned, opened the door and left the house without looking at Sirius. If he had, he would have seen the shock on his mate's face. Sirius' thoughts raced. How could he ever do that? How could he let his temper and body get out of control like that? How could he have hit his lover – his mate?  
  
But he had.

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_(A/N: I'm evil! Yet another cliffhanger! Sorry my friends! I really do hate myself for this. I know this chapter is kind of horrible. It was going to be funny, but … well never mind. I hate angsty moments, but I was having a bad day. BTW, I hate being horrible to Remus, too. The next few chapters are kind of hard on him.  
  
This chapter was originally going to be called "New Tattoo" after my best friend's favourite Johnny Depp fanfic, but then I thought it would kind of be a BIT funnier at the beginning if it was a surprise … Just review it, for Pete's sake! It makes me happy; I need cheering up after those exams! Please review!  
  
Um … I think I'd better warn you. Drug abuse in the next chapter(s). There's nothing particularly explicit, but it's there. If it bothers you, don't read.)  
  
Oh, and a little extra from the beginning: I was moving house! I have now officially moved! (Private rant: Do you know my parents bought a house behind my back? They didn't even tell me! How bad is that? They told everyone else, just not me!) _


	12. Charachas and Jones

_**WARNING: DRUG ABUSE IN THIS CHAPTER!  
**_

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**Chapter 12 – Charachas and Jones**  
  
Remus leant against the wall, lowering his chin onto his chest and shutting his eyes. He felt utterly dejected. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The last of his anger left him and he started to feel guilty. Even though nothing was his fault. It was Sirius who had said all those hurtful things … and he was still in love with him. He could forgive his mate for anything – even if he really did want him to drop dead. He would do anything for Sirius, and dying was included if it made him happier.  
  
Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder. In the split second before he looked up, Remus managed to think of about a thousand different bad things that could happen to people who had hung around looking pathetic in dark alleys. Note the past tense.  
  
He snapped his eyes open and looked into the face of a man. He was slightly overweight, wearing loose jeans, a grimy white t-shirt, a black sleeveless jacket and held a flat cap. His hair was thinning on top, but what was left was brown. He looked concerned. "All right there, mate?"  
  
Remus bit back a growl. Then he realised that this man probably didn't realise that a) he was a werewolf and therefore b) no one but Sirius was allowed to call him 'mate'. He sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine, thanks."  
  
"You look a bit down, mate."  
  
"Look, do you think you could stop calling me that? It puts me on edge," Remus snapped. It was the perfect truth. The man held up his hands and apologised, apparently sincerely. The alley was getting darker by the second, and Remus judged it a good time to just go home. "Thanks for seeing if I was OK, but I have to go now. Bye – "  
  
"No, wait – is it the missus?"  
  
"No! No it's – " Remus stopped himself. Even in these supposedly 'enlightened' and 'modern' times, people like he and Sirius were still shunned by part of society. The man replaced his cap and cocked his head on one side. "Girlfriend? Boyfriend?"  
  
Remus really did growl this time. "Is it written all over me, or something? Or am I just carrying a great big sign across my chest?"  
  
"No, no, mate – sorry! Habit! No, I just had a thought – the way you stopped off short …"  
  
"Yeah, well."  
  
"Is it your parents? Or his?"  
  
"No – well, his parents hate us both anyway but … no."  
  
"What is it then?"  
  
Suddenly, a police motorbike went past, blaring its sirens. The man in front of Remus muttered, "Bloody Muggles and their noise."  
  
"You – you're a wizard?!"  
  
"Oh – you are too, I see. Well here's a turn up."  
  
"What?" Remus asked suspiciously. The man grinned and took Remus by the arm. He began to lead him back into the alley, further into the darkness. Remus pulled back. "Whoa! No way am I going into a dark alley with someone I don't know! I really should be going home now – "  
  
"Look, I won't hurt you, ma – sorry. I won't hurt you. I won't force you into anything. I won't even show you anything disturbing. Please, just come and look. Have a coupl'a drinks with the lads and me. We've got a warehouse – "  
  
"Right. My mind's made up. Warehouses and 'lads' are not good signs about people you meet in dark alleys! You're probably … drug dealers, or something! I'm going home!"  
  
"All right, you've got me. OK, we do deal drugs – strictly adults-only. Nowhere near schools, or anything like that. Couldn't anyway – wizarding drugs, they are. We only work with people who are grown past eighteen and know what they're doing – and wizards only, of course. I swear, I won't even offer you anything. You look like a nice guy – come back for a drink. Nothing too strong, even."  
  
Remus' gut twisted, but he nodded slowly. It was probably better than admitting defeat and slinking home to Sirius. Before the man led him into the shadows again, he grabbed his arm. "Your name."  
  
He nodded. "OK. Pete Jones. You?"  
  
"Remus Lupin."  
  
He nodded again and led Remus back down the alley.

* * *

It was dingy inside. The lights were dim and there was a bar. There was gentle, jazz-type music playing. Waitresses – apparently not caring that they were part-time whores – threaded between the many sofas and comfy chairs on which were sprawled men and women. They were all in various states of euphoria, depending on the amount of drugs they had taken. Smoke – either cigarette or more drugs or both – hung in the air like some sick, deadly sort of mist. Remus' gut twisted again. He took a deep breath and followed Jones between the people towards a small door set in the wall. Everyone else was avoiding it.  
  
"This is where the boss lives."  
  
"Is he high too?"  
  
"No. Never. Neither am I, before you ask."  
  
"How can you resist?"  
  
"I tried it once. So did he. We regretted it, both of us."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"He lost his whole life – girlfriend, job, family disowned him … and me? Well, I nearly lost part of my lung, and I had to have about five blood transplants."  
  
Remus shuddered. Jones opened the door and gestured Remus inside. The room within was even darker. There was a single light: a bankers' lamp sitting on the desk. There was a leather swivel chair with its back to the door behind the desk. Apart from shelves around the walls, the room seemed otherwise empty. Suddenly the chair swivelled around. "Well, well. Look at you. You don't look the sort to be wandering in here on hearsay. Who told you? Who brought you here?"  
  
"Jones. He met me in – in an alley."  
  
"Not a good place to be, my friend. Not a good place to be at all. Especially not so late at night."  
  
Remus shrugged. The man behind the desk, whose face was in shadow because of the lampshade, stood and walked around until he was close enough to touch Remus. He turned him around and slung an arm around his shoulders. "Come with me. I am Matthew Carachas. My friends call me Matt – but I don't have many friends."  
  
"O-kay," Remus whimpered as he was led back into the … atmosphere of the other room.  
  
"So you, Remus, can call me whatever you like."  
  
"How do you know my name!" Remus yelped, scrambling out from under his arm and staring at him. Carachas smiled. He was careful to keep only one side of his face towards Remus. The people who had bothered to look around at Remus' exclamation had turned back to their friends and were laughing again. Remus, suddenly curious, asked tentatively, "What's wrong with your face?"  
  
"How did you know there was something wrong?" Carachas asked evenly, his raising his eyebrows. Remus shrugged. "I haven seen you in the light except in profile since I met you."  
  
Carachas turned to face him. Remus gasped, taking a hasty step back. The other side of his face was a mess – scar tissue criss-crossed his cheek, narrowly missing his eye. "Sorry. Thought you'd have the stomach for it."  
  
"I've seen worse. I've worked at the Death Eater attack sites."  
  
"Ah. So you do have the stomach for it. And for worse … But you didn't come here to talk. You came here for a drink. John always invites people for a drink if he likes them enough. And he seems to like you, Remus."  
  
"Please – I'd really better go," Remus tried to insist. 'Sirius will die if he finds out I've been here!'  
  
"Look, one drink, my friend. I can't hurt. Whiskey? Rum? Beer? Brandy? Wine? Red or white? Cocktail?"  
  
"Uh – a screwdriver, maybe?" _(A/N: It's a drink. I got it off Fawlty Towers (Waldorf Salad episode – that is soooo funny!) and it's made from vodca and orange juice I think.)_  
  
Carachas nodded at the woman behind the bar and she brought Remus his drink, bringing a small brandy for her boss. "So what's the trouble?"  
  
"Nothing. Well, my … my boyfriend and I had an argument. I don't think we've argued that bad since he told Snape that … It's nothing you can help me with anyway."  
  
"Sure?"  
  
"Unless you can make me insanely happy – no, wait a second. Don't answer that. Apparently you can, judging by them," Remus gestured to the people on the easy chairs. Carachas chuckled softly. "It's a way to earn money, friend. Don't hate me because of my job."  
  
"How can you bear to see their lives ruined?"  
  
"I don't ruin them. They ruin their own. John and I just fund the operations of others. We don't personally sell it – we just stock it, give them a place to go – better to be high in a safe place than in the street – and make sure it's sold to the right people. No children or Muggles, you know?"  
  
Remus nodded. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Shoot," Carachas said, downing his drink. Remus asked him again how he knew his name. Carachas laughed out loud that time. "Easy – Pete wrote it on a piece of paper, real clear, and held it up behind your head."  
  
"Intelligent trick. I bet it freaks most people out."  
  
"That it does. Look, I you ever need anything …"  
  
They sat in silence, finishing their drinks and listening to the laughter from behind them. Eventually Remus asked, "Does it work?"  
  
"Does what work?" Carachas asked, confused. Remus swallowed hard. His conscience was screaming at him, but he ignored it. Sirius wanted him dead anyway … "Whatever they've had."  
  
"Not a good idea, Remus," Carachas said warningly. "You know what it can do to you."  
  
"Yes, I do. I just want to know does it work? Does it make you forget? Make you happy?"  
  
"Ye-es – for a while. You'll remember when you come down off the ceiling. You know, it's partly responsible for my face. You don't want to –"  
  
"I want some. As much as a … beginner to this can have and not be seriously harmed. And I want to get home before midnight."  
  
Carachas took a deep breath. "You really don't want any, friend."  
  
Remus growled. Carachas sighed. "OK, fine. I wouldn't advise it, but … it's you're decision."  
  
He tapped on the bar. "Mandy? Give Remus something special, would you? And explain."  
  
"How much?" Remus asked, digging in his pocket. Carachas pulled his hand out of his pocket for him. "I like you, Remus. I like you a lot. Free of charge, to you. Think of yourself as an honorary partner in this little … venture."  
  
"How long for?"  
  
"Look, if you come back here, I will try again to dissuade you. It's not a good thing to do with your life, Remus."  
  
"How long for?" the werewolf asked again, his voice tinged with annoyance. Carachas sighed heavily. "How does 'as long as you like' sound to you? Or rather – 'until you come to your senses'?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Fine."

* * *

Remus staggered into the house at three o'clock that morning. He was still feeling the after-effects of the drugs – sickness and a feeling of depression. But it had felt so good – like he'd never be unhappy again. Like the weight of his heart had been lifted from his for a while. He could forget that he'd argued with Sirius. Forget how upset and angry he had been. He had even forgotten – for a blissful half-hour when the drugs really began to kick in – he had forgotten he was a werewolf.  
  
But now his feet were firmly back on the ground. He crumpled the receipt the woman behind the bar had given him for the drugs in his hand and stumbled upstairs into bed. He put the receipt into the bottom drawer of his bedside cabinet and, after taking off his shoes, he pulled the covers over himself and fell into a deep sleep punctuated by some of the strangest – and some of the most disturbing – dreams he had ever had.

* * *

_(A/N: Wow, not such a massive-great-big-humungous cliffie, this time! But still a cliffie! Gah! Still, I'm amazed at myself. PLEASE REVIEW NOW!!! I need cheering up …)_


	13. Forgiveness

**Chapter 13 – Forgiveness**

* * *

Sirius opened his eyes and sighed, rolling over. For the thousandth time since the night before, he wished he had never said those things to Remus and cursed the tattoo. He missed his mate with all his heart, and he wanted him home so he could apologise. He needed Remus, almost like Remus needed him. Remus had said that if he were ever unfaithful it would as good as kill him. He didn't know that it would have much the same effect on Sirius if the roles were reversed.  
  
He sniffed, rubbing at his eyes. He whispered, "Oh, where are you?"  
  
"I'm right here, you stupid pup."  
  
Sirius' head turned so fast it hurt his neck. Before screwing his eyes shut and clasping his hands around his neck in an attempt to stifle the sharp pain, he saw Remus leaning on the doorframe of the door into the bathroom. His hair was damp – probably from the shower. All he was wearing was a towel, knotted so that it was definitely going to stay put around his waist.  
  
After a moment of sitting on the bed, he felt Remus' hands slowly move his off his neck and his lips softly kiss the spot that was hurting. Sirius felt for the mental bond between them and tried to pull his pain back so only he felt it; Remus ordered him to stop so forcefully that he did so without argument.  
  
He opened his eyes and looked up into Remus' amber eyes. Tears constricted his throat. All the hurtful things he had said the day before came flooding back. Remus wiped a tear from his cheek with his thumb. "Don't cry. Please, mate …"  
  
"How can you bear to call me that? How can you even look at me? After all I said to you, you should only be here to tell me you're never coming back!" Sirius sobbed, his words barely discernable. Remus stroked his hair. "Shh, Siri, please … I came back because I love you – because I can't live without you. You're my mate, and I love you more than anything."  
  
"Yeah, but – "  
  
"Sirius, I'm sorry I went mad about your tattoo last night, I had no right to mouth off at you like that. You have every right to get a tattoo and you had every right to shout at me."  
  
"I didn't have a right to tell you to drop dead," Sirius whispered, barely able to say the words. Remus winced at the statement, but he knew that Sirius hadn't meant it. He had known he hadn't meant it when he said it, but he had overreacted. "You didn't mean it … did you?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. Remus cocked his head on one side, genuinely worried about his mate. Sirius had brought his knees up to his chin and was shaking, tears coursing down his cheeks. Remus took hold of his shoulders, kneeling on the bed in front of him. "Stop crying, Sirius. I'm here, and I've forgiven you."  
  
Sirius shut his eyes, pulling back from Remus and lying down against the pillows. For a second, he hissed in pain as pressure was put on the tattoo. The pain wasn't as bad as yesterday, but it was still there. Remus winced in sympathy – and at the pain suddenly exploded in his own back. Remus crawled up the bed, pushing Sirius' knees down, until he was crouched over his mate. "Sirius, what's the matter?"  
  
Sirius swallowed. "I – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so horrible – I shouldn't have hit you. I know it hurt you – I never want to hurt you. I scared myself then. I just lost control. I gave in to a stupid gut instinct. I told you to be scared of me … I thought you – I thought you wouldn't come home … I thought you'd stop loving me …"  
  
Remus shook his head. "Never. I will never ever stop loving you, Sirius. I know you didn't mean to hit me. I – I didn't block you – from my mind, I mean. I could sense how you were feeling. All that guilt and fear about what you'd done … I know you're sorry, Sirius. Can we please never … have an argument like that again?"  
  
Sirius swallowed and nodded, looking up into Remus' eyes. He saw the expression of love and anxiousness there and was almost drowned in a wave of desire. /God, Remus, I love you so much!/  
  
Remus grinned. Tired though he was from his late night and foolish choices the night before, he would never be too tired for Sirius. /That much is obvious,/ he replied, glancing down. He moved his hands to either side of Sirius' head and bent down to catch Sirius' lips in a kiss.  
  
Sirius' hands gripped his waist, pulling him down until he felt Remus' cock brush his own through their clothes and the bedcovers. He pulled back with a hiss of pleasure, his hips jerking, needing to feel that hardness pressed up against his own. Remus pulled out of his grip, breaking the much-needed contact.  
  
He ripped back the covers, crouching back on his heels over Sirius' legs so he could pull off his boxers. Sirius scrambled into a sitting position and then pushed Remus back until he overbalanced, falling unceremoniously back onto the bed under Sirius' body. He fumbled with the knot on the towel, almost tearing the cloth in his haste. Remus suddenly went still, looking up at Sirius. The change in Sirius' mood was striking, though the desperation of his actions was the same, as was the look in his eyes.  
  
Remus caught his head between his hands and Sirius looked up into his eyes. Remus whispered, "I forgive you, Sirius. If you can ever forgive me."  
  
Sirius blinked slowly. He smiled as he looked down at his mate. For a long moment they just looked at each other, speaking without words, allowing their hearts to do the talking. Suddenly, they moved together, crushing their bodies together in a desperate dance of heat and desire.  
  
Remus felt as though Sirius were all around him, able to touch every inch of him all at once. But at that moment it was all he wanted, to feel Sirius' body next to his, to feel that degree of intense love again. Even one night spent not curled up right next to each other was too much. Although they had both shared a bed – eventually – the distance between them had been immense.  
  
Sirius pushed his cock up against Remus' and he yelped as fire shot through him. All tiredness was gone now, replaced by raw, carnal lust and an incredible feeling of love. Remus growled and rolled Sirius onto his back. Sirius arched under him, whimpering in pain as he leant back on his new tattoo. Remus frowned in sympathy and flipped them back so he was on top again.  
  
Sirius smirked and pressed his mouth to Remus', sucking his tongue in as far as it would go. Remus whimpered softly. Sirius pulled his mouth away. Remus moaned, needing to taste his lover again. Sirius licked his lips, his eyes shut, then leant down to flick his tongue over Remus' lips. Remus opened his mouth, closing his own eyes in ecstasy, and let his tongue slide out to meet Sirius'.  
  
They both moaned. The feel of skin on skin, the taste of tongue on tongue, the dull ache of cock brushing against cock … it was heaven; pure bliss for both Sirius and Remus. Suddenly, Sirius moved back, kneeling on all fours above Remus. Remus gasped at the distance between them. How could his lover tease him like that then pull away just as things were getting good. How dare he. Remus growled and grabbed Sirius' shoulders, rolling him onto his back and this time ignoring the pain in Sirius' back. Sirius, however, was far too busy enjoying Remus' attentions to notice.  
  
The werewolf bit and sucked at the skin of his neck, moving up to his earlobe then over to his jaw. He kissed his way along the scratchy jaw line until he reached Sirius' waiting mouth. Their tongues met again, licking along each other, taking in all that taste. Sirius looped his arms around Remus' neck and pulled him yet closer. Remus nuzzled into Sirius' chest, his hair sticking to his face, sticky with sweat. Sirius' darker hair was plastered to his shoulders and neck.  
  
The doorbell rang.  
  
They groaned in annoyance and Remus pushed himself up off Sirius' body. Sirius growled, "I'll kill whoever it is!"  
  
A smile twitched at Remus' lips. He slowly got up, wrapping the towel around himself again, Sirius' dark eyes watching every movement. He went to the window, which overlooked the front door and opened it, calling down, "What d'you want?"  
  
James staggered back from the door, his head tilting up too look for the source of the voice. Remus glared down at him. James grinned, obviously guessing what he had interrupted. "Sorry. Thought you'd still be fuming at each other for the tattoo. I came to say it's my fault, not Sirius'. He talked me into a load of bother with Lilly."  
  
From inside, Sirius called, "Who is it?"  
  
Remus turned to tell him, "It's your bestest friend."  
  
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, JAMES POTTER!" Sirius yelled. James' grin widened. He shook his head at them. "You pair are insatiable! Can I come in? Oh, OK, you're giving me one of those 'don't-you-dare-suggest-such-a-thin-someone-might-get-hurt' looks. I'm guessing the person who'd get hurt would be me? Right. Well, I only came to apologise and see that you were both still in one piece."  
  
"You won't be in a minute!" Remus muttered.  
  
James smirked. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"  
  
Sirius yelled again, "Oy, Potter! If you're not gone in five seconds expect a large black dog to be down there latching incredibly sharp teeth onto your leg!"  
  
James held up his hands. "OK, OK, I'm leaving. Have fun!"  
  
James apparated. Remus shook his head, shutting the window on his friend. He turned back to Sirius, who had rolled onto his stomach and was watching him closely, his head cocked on one side. Remus smiled, wandering back over to sit next to him. Despite the fact he was still painfully turned on, Sirius' gentle, serene eyes calmed him.  
  
Sirius ran a finger down his arm, causing a shiver to run through Remus' body. Sirius smiled and took hold of Remus' wrist, rolling onto his back. He seemed to have forgotten the pain of the tattoo now. He pulled Remus sideways until he was leaning over him, his palm resting on Sirius' chest. Sirius sighed, a smile playing over his lips. He blinked slowly, reaching up to cup Remus' cheek. "You're so beautiful …"  
  
It was Remus' turn to smile, a slight blush painting his cheeks. Sirius ran his fingers down Remus' neck and onto his chest until he reached the towel, where he stopped and moved his fingers up again. Remus sighed in pleasure. Sirius whispered, "So pure … like silk. Skin like fine, white silk …"  
  
Remus looked away, a lump appearing in his throat. He couldn't meet Sirius' eyes after he had said that. It was a lie, a total lie. He wasn't pure; he was tainted, corrupted by what he had done the night before.  
  
Sirius sensed something was wrong. He sat up on his elbows and looked up into Remus' face. "What's the matter, mate?"  
  
Remus turned back to him, his eyes uncertain. "Sirius …"  
  
He couldn't tell his lover, his mate, that he'd caved in to a stupid, stupid drug. He couldn't … Sirius frowned up at him, reaching up to brush his cheek with his fingers. Remus' eyes shut. Even the simple contact was enough to send his mind spiralling away. Sirius himself was like a drug, the one drug Remus truly wanted to be addicted to.  
  
"Are you all right, Remmie?"  
  
Remus nodded, his throat still tight. He needed to know Sirius loved him. He whispered as much to the animagus, who smiled tenderly and pulled him down beside him to claim him once again as his own.

* * *

_(Well it made ME laugh. Some of it. Then it made me depressed … OK, never mind.  
  
Has anyone else seen the new Harry Potter film? It's SO cool! Sirius is so, so perfect! Not how I used to imagine him, but now my imagination has decided to change. And Remus is kinda cute too, in a weird way … he grew on me … like fungus … forget that. Anyway, I love that film. It's the best one yet! I nearly had heart failure in the queue to get in the cinema, and then in the trailers, because I couldn't wait, and then for most of the film, because I'm soft, really, and the Dementors are bloody frightening! I think PoA is the best book, and they made it into a really good film. Go see it! Now! OK, rant over …  
  
Updates have been coming pretty fast because I'm on holiday at the moment and I want to update while I can. Also, are there more than 3 people reading this? It seems a bit pointless if there's only 3 or 4 people reading it; if I don't get more than five reviews, I might give up, because I don't see the point any more. So now, all you nice people out there, REVIEW please!) _


	14. Addict

**Chapter 14 – Addict**  
  
Dear God, he had never thought that one mistake could cause so much pain. Even the fact that he couldn't bear to tell Sirius how he felt was getting him down. And the cravings … would they ever stop? Would the need for drugs ever leave him? It felt like it wouldn't.  
  
Sirius was out at Quidditch practice. Remus couldn't blame him; the Chudley Cannons needed all the practice they could get. Even the members of the team and the faithful fans admitted that the whole team but for Yasmin and the two Marauders were crap, and James and Sirius were a Godsend.  
  
But it didn't stop him from missing Sirius. He wanted him home, so he could just be with him. That seemed to ease the pain of wanting to go back and see Carachas and Jones again in their warehouse. His body was crying out for more of the drugs. For a week, Remus had ignored it, told himself he wasn't going to ever go back.  
  
But today the cravings were particularly bad. He needed his mate's company to slake the need for the evil drugs, and Sirius wouldn't be back until late.  
  
Slowly, Remus got up out of the armchair and turned off the TV. He walked into the hall and scribbled a quick note for Sirius before grabbing his coat and apparating straight to back to Carachas and Jones.

* * *

For two months, Remus managed to keep Sirius oblivious to the fact that he was quickly spiralling further and further down into addiction. But the drugs, late nights and unsettled sleep were taking their toll – Remus was a walking spectre, the shadows under his eyes blacker than ever before and his skin the colour of dirty snow. The grey in his hair increased more steadily than ever and his eyes went dim. He was constantly tired, but he couldn't sleep. By the end of most days, he could barely move. He took to going to bed early, so that Sirius wouldn't notice that he was almost falling over. When Sirius did come to bed – generally not long after Remus – the werewolf would pretend to be fast asleep. His lover would lean over, kiss his cheek and go to sleep himself. Remus would lie awake listening to his breathing for most of the night, until sleep claimed him scant hours before he had to wake again. Sometimes he didn't sleep at all.  
  
The full moons were the worst. The wolf hated him for the damage he was inflicting on himself, so he made each wound deeper, each bite harder. Not even the presence of Padfoot could stop Moony from almost-literally tearing himself apart in self-disgust, even if it was the other half of his self that was doing the damage.  
  
Every time Sirius went out, he returned to the warehouse under the guise that he was getting something. Every time he did he felt more and more guilty, but when he left off going back for more of the nameless drugs it made him feel worse. Gradually, the drug addicts welcomed him, accepting him as one of them. Whenever he went back, he would first talk to Carachas, Fisher or both. Every time, they would ask if he was sure he knew what he was doing. They tried to persuade him not to take any more. They could see how badly the drugs were affecting him. But Remus Lupin wouldn't listen.  
  
Soon his dependence grew so bad he was taking them every day. His body couldn't build any defences against the large amounts of drugs and so each time he took more they affected him worse. He was killing himself from the inside out. He knew that. But he couldn't stop. Wanted to, but couldn't. The cravings were unbearable.

* * *

Eventually, Sirius noticed that Remus was always out when he was. He realised how ill his lover looked, his pale skin and the shadows beneath his eyes. He noticed also that he took a long time returning home, often without whatever he had gone for. He started to really worry when Remus disappeared for a whole day, leaving him completely alone in the house until very late that night without saying where he had gone. Never before had either of them done that. However, he didn't talk to his lover, but went to see James.  
  
"So you think something's wrong?"  
  
Sirius shrugged in reply. James said, "It does sound suspicious. Maybe you should follow him?"  
  
"No. I don't … I don't want to know. I just want him to stop disappearing, or at least tell me where he goes."  
  
Lilly, who was doing the ironing in the kitchen, called, "Maybe he's seeing someone else."  
  
Sirius turned on her as though she had accused him of murder. "He is not seeing someone else!"  
  
She jumped back as though he had literally snapped at her. "Sorry!"  
  
James laid a soothing but anxious hand on his arm. "Sirius, calm down. I know it's a … touchy subject, but it's still a possibility. You should ask him if anything's wrong."  
  
"I've tried that," Sirius muttered dejectedly. "He said he was fine. He was quick to change the subject, too."  
  
"I know you don't want to hear this, but … could you ask him if there is someone else – "  
  
Sirius growled. "Look, I'd know if there was."  
  
"Only if he was physically cheating on you," Lilly butted in. Sirius' eyes flashed. James grabbed his arm. "Sirius, just ask. It's probably not the case, but … wouldn't you feel better if you at least knew?"  
  
"Yes," Sirius whispered. James moved onto the sofa next to Sirius. He slung an arm around his shoulders and said, "It's OK, Sirius."  
  
Sirius burst into tears. James jumped back as though he had turned into a ravenous monster with a thousand teeth and tentacles. Never, in all the time they had known each other, had James seen Sirius cry. Tentatively, he pulled Sirius into a hug. His friend put his arms around him. James rocked Sirius back and forth, making soothing noises. Lilly came and sat on his other side, murmuring that everything would be OK. Sirius stayed at Lilly and James' house for the rest of the day.  
  
Remus was at the warehouse.

* * *

When Sirius came home that night, Remus was already in bed, for once actually sleeping. He curled up next to him and watched him for a long while, wondering, worrying.  
  
Remus rose early the next day, woken by a particularly horrific dream involving a lot of blood and too much silver. He went downstairs and poured himself a bowl of cereal. However, it made him feel ill just looking at it. Sirius came down after a while, fully dressed, and watched Remus carefully from the kitchen doorway. He was staring at his cereal as though he didn't have the energy to pick up a spoon and eat it. Eventually, he made his presence known. "Morning Remus."  
  
Remus didn't even register that he was there. Sirius sat down opposite him, frowning. He asked what was wrong. Without looking up, Remus muttered, "Nothing."  
  
"Why won't you look at me?" Sirius whispered, his throat tight. He was remembering what Lilly had said the day before – _"Maybe he's seeing someone else."_ 'Maybe she was right. Maybe he can't stand to look at me because I've become what he was always terrified of turning into. Maybe _I'm_ the one trapping _him_…'  
  
Remus shrugged. He really didn't feel like talking to anyone, but he felt like talking to Sirius the least. He knew he was betraying his mate's trust and therefore hurting him. He couldn't look Sirius in the eye – he couldn't even look in his direction – because of the guilt he felt when he did. He wanted to go upstairs and take another dose of drugs – he had some in his bottom drawer, along with the many receipts. They would make him feel better, make him happy, if only for a while.  
  
Sirius asked, "Why do you keep going out on your own all day? Where do you go?"  
  
"Into town," Remus muttered, forcing himself to pick up the spoon and start shovelling cornflakes into his mouth. The taste of the food made him retch. Sirius swallowed. His mouth was so dry. Remus' short answers, no more than two words so far, were annoying him now. He stopped himself from snapping. "Where in town?"  
  
"Nowhere."  
  
"Remus, who is it?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Who're you seeing when you go into town?" Sirius asked, fighting to keep his voice low and calm. Remus looked up. "I'm not seeing anyone."  
  
His voice sounded dead; his eyes lacked the sparkle of life they normally contained. That in itself was enough to tell Sirius that his mate was lying. "Don't lie, Remus!"  
  
"I'm not lying."  
  
He sounded like he had no motivation. Almost bored. Sirius' temper snapped. "Yes you are! You're seeing someone else, aren't you? You don't love me – you were right, we did make a mistake! Or rather, I did. I believed you when you said you'd never cheat on me – that you couldn't! I wish you'd just come out and told me! It would have caused us both less pain!"  
  
"Sirius, I'm not – "  
  
"Stop it, Remus! Just stop lying! Please!"  
  
"I'm not lying, it's just – "  
  
"It's just what? You never loved me in the first place? You wish we'd never even met? You've only just realised what a mistake we made? It's just I've become what you never wanted to be – something to trap you, to hold you back? Something to hate?"  
  
The werewolf shook his head in disbelief as Sirius continued to rant at him. Remus' eyes filled with tears. He desperately wanted Sirius to understand, to stop shouting long enough to explain, but he didn't. Sirius knew he was going way too far – he knew in the back of his mind that he was making things up and that he was wrong. But he carried on yelling until he was hoarse. Finally, he stopped bellowing at Remus and stood up. "I'm going out!"  
  
He stalked out of the kitchen and Remus heard the front door slam. He pushed his breakfast away. He felt sick, dizzy, hot and, to cap it all, extremely guilty. The one person he had ever cared about had just accused him of cheating on him. Sirius was really mad at him. He laid his head down on the table and cried silently for a long, long time.

* * *

Sirius returned home only when it was getting dark. He knew he had been in the wrong to accuse Remus like that. He had been so angry and upset at the time that he hadn't seen the look of anguish in his mate's eyes, the pain there. He hadn't seen the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. But he had seen them the moment he looked back at what he had said. His heart had almost broken.  
  
On his way out that morning he had bought a couple of packets of cigarettes. There was one cigarette left by the time he turned to go home. He lit it while walking down the road towards their house. It was funny; he had given them up when he started going out with Remus – partly because the smoke affected Remus' nose badly, but mostly because he had been constantly reminded of the consequences by his health-obsessed mate – but the moment he was outside the house, blocking Remus' thoughts from his mind with all the will power he had, the cravings had returned with a vengeance. His fingers shaking, he slowly wandered up the street until he reached the outside of the house. He knew Remus was still inside, or at least intended to come back, because his car was still on the drive. Remus loved that car; he wouldn't simply leave it. Sirius stood outside until the cigarette was nothing more than a butt and dropped it on the pavement, stubbing it out with his foot. He walked to the front door and went in.  
  
The very air inside the house felt wrong. He reached out with his mind for Remus, but met only a cold, blank wall of uncooperativeness. He headed for the stairs, dumping his coat over the back of a chair. As he walked up the stairs, he sensed Remus' presence in their bedroom.  
  
Sirius opened the door to the bedroom, intending to launch straight into an apology, but his breath caught in his throat. Remus was lying on his back on the bed, his face deathly pale, the bedcovers slick with deep red liquid. Sirius swallowed hard and stepped further into the room. "Remus?" he called softly, already knowing his mate couldn't hear him. /Remus!/ he yelled desperately inside their heads. Remus twitched. Sirius' legs felt like jelly – or possibly lead – as he walked to the bedside. He lifted Remus' arm, planning to check his wrist for a pulse.  
  
Remus' wrists were roughly slashed. In his other hand, Sirius now noticed, was a broken whiskey bottle. Sirius simply stared blankly at the cuts, unable to get his brain into gear. The blood seeped over his fingers, warm to the touch. Slowly, he reached over and checked the other wrist, in case he was wrong. No, it was exactly the same as the one he was holding. He tried again. /Remus?/  
  
Tears started to spill from his eyes. His throat felt constricted. He could barely breathe, and what breaths he could take were quick pants. He looked down at his lover again, at the blood slowly seeping into the bedcovers, at the shards of glass strewn across the bed. His ears were ringing. Everything was going dark. He felt himself hit the floor, heard the thump, but felt no pain. Just heard the tinny whistling that finally left him. He was completely and utterly alone.

* * *

Sirius opened his eyes. The light was just the same – dull red, pouring in through the windows, a direct result of the setting sun. Almost the colour of blood. Blood? That reminded him of something … Blood. His memory came back into sharp focus.  
  
He scrambled to sit up, and a wave of nausea swept over him as he set eyes on Remus again. He slowly got to his feet and pulled out his wand. He performed a very quick healing spell. It stopped the bleeding but only scabbed over the cuts. He swallowed hard and bit his tongue to stop himself from crying. He walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Slowly he grabbed a handful of floo powder and threw it into the fireplace. Then he stepped into the green flames and whispered the Potters' address.  
  
James and Lilly were in the kitchen when Sirius appeared, pale as a ghost and shaking. James scrambled to his feet and steadied his friend. Sirius took a deep breath and muttered, "I need to get Remus to St Mungo's …"  
  
"Why?" Lilly cried. Sirius opened his mouth to explain, but couldn't. He covered his face with his hands, unable to stop the tears from falling from his eyes. James asked, "Why don't you sit down, Sirius?"  
  
"No! I need to get him there now!"  
  
James glanced at Lilly. Sirius did not cry. It was a fact James knew well. Remus was the only one ever to have the warped privilege of seeing Sirius cry. Until, of course, Sirius had come to their house the day before and broken down because he was worried about his mate. Lilly understood the request in his eyes and went to the fireplace. She called Sirius and Remus' address and flooed to the house. She too could feel the wrongness in the house the moment she arrived. She walked upstairs tentatively and looked in at the bedroom door. She screamed.

* * *

_(A/N: A kind of cliffhanger there! Yes I know I'm evil, and I do hate this as much as you! I feel really bad. Review and tell me to update – or I may decide to stop here. Nah, I'm just screwin' with ya! But I do appreciate reviews A LOT so please? Oh, and "Uncooperativeness" is A Horrible Word, and I did not make it up.) _


	15. Worst Night Of My Life

**Chapter 15 – Worst Night of my Life**  
  
James had just managed to get Sirius down and slightly calmer, when Lilly flooed back, nearing hysterics. "James! James, it's horrible! Sirius is right, he has to go to hospital right NOW!"  
  
James frowned. Sirius stood up again. "Will you help me? I can't … I don't think I can face seeing him like that again …"  
  
"LIKE WHAT?"  
  
"James! Don't shout at Sirius! He's had a very upsetting experience!"  
  
"What's wrong with him!"  
  
"He's – oh, it's terrible!"  
  
"When you feel like telling me, I'll be all ears!" James said sarcastically, folding his arms. Sirius got to his feet and headed towards the fireplace, folding his arms across his chest as if in defence or as though he was suddenly cold. "He slit his wrists."  
  
"_What_!"  
  
Lilly confirmed, "He did, James. Sirius, I – I really don't know what to say…"  
  
"Can we just go and get him to St Mungo's, please?"

* * *

Sirius paced. He had never been so worried in all his life. Remus was in one of the private rooms of the hospital, surrounded by healers. Lilly and James, both looking stunned and worried, were sitting on the blue chairs lining the walls. Suddenly, the door opened. Sirius spun around. A dark skinned healer smiled at him. "Mr Black, pacing around this room won't help."  
  
His voice sounded Asian. He walked over and introduced himself as Patel. He took Sirius by the arm after shaking his hand and took him to sit next to Lilly and James. Patel sat down on the coffee table in front of them. "Now, I'm afraid there's good news and bad news."  
  
"Bad news first," Lilly ordered before either of the men could speak. Patel nodded and smiled as he saw the expression of terror on Sirius' face. "Don't worry, Mr Black. Please. The bad news is, we have found that Mr Lupin has taken copious amounts of drugs – one drug, in fact, but one of the most damaging. It is called Vanaculum. It is made from the sap of the Venomous Tentacular and several other additives. If taken over long periods of time, it can cause severe heart and lung conditions."  
  
Sirius was looking more ashen-faced with every word. Patel smiled. "I thought I said not to worry. The good news is that we have healed the cuts on his wrists – he will be left with tiny scars, barely noticeable. Also, we believe we have found out about the drug problem before it severely damaged his respiratory and circulatory systems. We will have to give him a blood-replenishing potion, but before that, remove any more drugs from his system. To do this, we need to know how much he has taken and approximately when his addiction started. We only need to know when it started to see the scale of what we are dealing with."  
  
Sirius didn't seem to be breathing. Patel reached over and touched his shoulder. "Mr Black, he will be fine."  
  
Sirius sniffed. "I'll go and see if I can find anything back home to help you."  
  
Patel nodded and stood. "Please, feel free to call in and check on him at any time. Oh, and Mr Black? We understand that Remus is a werewolf and you are his mate. If you wish to stay here for any length of time, all night for example, let the staff know and we will gladly do what we can for you. I know it is hard for you to be apart."  
  
"Thank you," Sirius murmured. Then he stuck his hands in his pockets and hurried down to the fireplace on the ground floor to go back to the house that no longer felt like home.

* * *

Sirius went back up to the bedroom and muttered a cleaning charm. The blood disappeared from the bed, but the image remained in Sirius' mind. He shook his head, failing to clear the horrendous picture from his head, and hurried to Remus' bedside cabinet. He wanted out of that room, fast. He could feel tears welling in his eyes and a faint feeling was spiralling in his head. His stomach was writhing with a thousand snakes, and he could barely suppress the urge to throw up. Remus had at least tried to commit suicide in this room. That was how bad he had been feeling, how low his self-esteem had sunk. And Sirius himself had been feeling too sorry from himself – worrying Remus had stopped caring for him, like that could ever happen – to realise that there really was something terribly wrong.  
  
He checked the top two drawers – nothing, nothing at all to indicate that a drug addict had once lived – and almost died – in this room. However, the bottom drawer was protected by a locking charm. That wasn't all. It had been locked with a key, too. Sirius had to literally smash the lock to open it once he had cast the counter spell.  
  
He opened the drawer. It was stuffed full to the brim with small hand-written slips of paper. With shaking hands Sirius picked one up. It was a receipt. It showed the amount of Vanaculum Remus had been given, the price and the total paid. Sirius scrabbled at a few more. The quantity of drugs was invariably large, as was the price. In contrast the money Remus had paid was the opposite: always nothing. Remus hadn't paid a penny for any of this. Sirius sat back on his heels and suddenly noticed something on the flood by the bed. A small, empty pill bottle made of dark brown glass, similar to the ones Muggle doctors prescribed. He picked it up. Hand-written on the label was the single word 'Vanaculum'. Sirius whispered, "No …"  
  
Dazed, he pulled the drawer out and tipped it upside down so that a pile of paper lay before him. As well as the many receipts came more bottles.  
  
Feeling even sicker, Sirius stood and went downstairs in a sort of hurt stupor. He came back with a bag and stuffed the papers into, followed by the bottles and packets. He swallowed hard and returned to St Mungo's, swearing not to leave Remus' side until he was better unless it was totally necessary.

* * *

Two weeks later.  
  
Remus really didn't look good. He didn't look very promising and a recovery seemed almost impossible to Sirius. Tubes led into Remus' bloodstream in his wrists, tubes whose ends were magical filters to allow only the drug through. He had one going into each wrist.  
  
With each hour that passed he seemed to grow paler, and slip further from recuperation. Sirius' skin was also growing pallid as he lost sleep and what little catnaps he did catch were when slumped in a chair. Dark rings of purple under his eyes showed how tired he was and added years to his face. He never smiled.  
  
One day, walking up to the café on the top floor with James and Lilly after a particularly bad morning when the doctors had said that there were 'complications' and refused to describe them, Sirius had been going up the stairs and his legs had given up beneath him. Only James and Lilly's quick reflexes had prevented him from falling down the whole flight of the stairs and ending up in traction.  
  
The doctors had ordered him home immediately.  
  
James yelled at him until he was hoarse.  
  
Sirius didn't leave; he just ignored them.  
  
The doctors had threatened to lock him out of Remus' room unless he went home.  
  
No one ever wanted to see Sirius like that again.  
  
Lilly went into Remus' room and touched Sirius' shoulder. He turned his dull blue eyes on her. She crouched beside him and asked, "Would Remus want you to stay with him if it was going to kill you?"  
  
Sirius shrugged and stared down at his lover's face. "I'd rather die than watch him get worse. Watch him get further from me."  
  
"But would he want you to kill yourself by sitting here?"  
  
"No …" Sirius whispered, sniffing. Lilly pulled him to his feet and into a hug. She half-carried, half-led him towards the door and opened it with her foot.  
  
"I promise," she told him, "That either James or I will stay with Remus. He will not be left alone."  
  
Sirius nodded, unable to speak. She took him downstairs and to the fireplace. "You go home and sleep. We'll come and get you if there's any change."

* * *

Sirius arrived at home and shivered. All the fires were out and the heating was off. He went upstairs without taking off his coat and into the bedroom. Immediately, his imagination painted the picture of Remus on the bed covered in blood over the sight before him.  
  
Tears spilled over his cheeks as he walked over to the bed. The closest he could get to the werewolf was to lie on his side of the bed. He lay down and tried to sleep without changing his clothes or even taking anything off, not even his shoes. The time, however, gave him chance to think, to worry.  
  
His tears became hysterical as he thought of Remus, lying in the pristine white hospital surrounded by instruments. He though back to the months before Remus had tried to kill himself, remembered how pale and ill he had been, how tired he had looked. How he had developed a nasty racking cough. How the grey in his hair had become more pronounced, and how good it would look on him if he got better – WHEN! When he got better! Think positive …  
  
It was impossible. Sirius couldn't see a future with Remus in it. He was so sure his mate would die, and he would be alone. All alone.  
  
His breath caught in his throat. He swallowed hard, but it only cleared his throat to let a wail of anguish through his lips. He was going to lose everything. He didn't have anything if he didn't have his werewolf. There was no point in living without his lover, his mate, his Remus.  
  
He hugged the pillow, which was soaked with his tears. He tried to stop crying, blinking furiously. But it was impossible. Every place, every object in the house reminded him of Remus and remembering his lover brought waves of tears. He buried his head in the pillow, sobbing uncontrollably until he felt sick and headachy. He didn't sleep.  
  
It was the worst night of his life.  
  
Meanwhile, in St Mungo's, Remus slowly slid further from life.

* * *

_(A/N: Ha, ha, not telling! You know I hate this stuff by now. Yes, I made up the drug name; well it is for wizards only, so ... anyway. Review?)_


	16. Sins of the Moon

_Sorry it's depressing. It does get better. I swear it does. I upset myself writing the end half of this. BTW: OotP spoilers about Snape._

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Sins of the Moon**  
  
Sirius walked into the room and looked at Remus. His eyes were hollow, his skin pallid, his expression unreadable. Lilly and James could almost see the clouds of distress and anger radiating off him. They were fussing around him; he barely noticed. He walked to the bedside, his eyes glazed over. James hissed to Lilly, "He looks like he's been in Azkaban …"  
  
However, nothing penetrated his shell of depression until – "You should be in bed, sleeping …"  
  
He growled, rounding on Lilly like a wounded dog trying to bite its master as she tried to help. "Go away and leave me alone!"  
  
His eyes were bloodshot, glowing with hate. James backed away, pulling Lilly with him. They closed the door softly behind them and Sirius turned back to Remus, his eyes softening. Alone again. No, not quite alone. Not yet. Remus was still clinging to life – barely. He had to remember that.  
  
After a few minutes, a healer came in. "Mr Black, you should be resting."  
  
Sirius growled again, his eyes blazing. "Don't say that. Don't tell me that."  
  
The healer walked over and took his shoulder. "Mr Black, you should look to the future. There have been cases where werewolves have died and … their mates have gone on – found others … And Remus' chances are less than fair at best –"  
  
Something in Sirius snapped. Glaring at the healer he stood so fast that the chair fell over. He released Sirius' shoulder, his face flinching; he'd made a mistake. A big mistake. He realised that now. Sirius stared at him. "Don't you say that. Don't you EVER imply that I could carry on without my mate."  
  
The healer's lip curled. "You may as well give some of your fans a chance – great Quidditch player like you has to have admirers … and he probably IS going to die –"  
  
Sirius' fist collided so hard with the healer's face that he spun around, his mouth filling with blood as his teeth slammed down on his tongue. Sirius was shaking with rage. "I told you not to say he was – he's not … he'll be fine. Now get out!"  
  
The healer glared, spitting blood out of his mouth. "He's going to die! Get that into your thick skull, stupid!" He spat again, wiping blood from his lips on his white coat. "Thick half-breed deserves it if you ask me!"  
  
Sirius froze, his eyes full of cold blue fire.  
  
"What did you just call Remus?" Sirius asked, his words acid. The healer sneered, casting a look of hate at Remus. "He's a filthy half-breed with no common sense or will-power!"  
  
Sirius gave him a venomous look. "Get out. Get out before I commit a murder. NOW!" Sirius roared. The healer jumped and took several steps back. Sirius followed him.  
  
"Don't make me hit you again," he hissed. "Don't insult Remus – ever. In front of me or not. I will find out and if I do, I will make sure you suffer. Be assured of that."  
  
The healer swallowed. "Don't presume to dictate to me what I will and will not think!"  
  
"I can't influence your brain patterns, but I can tell you to keep them to yourself, you piece of filth. You're not worth the effort. Now go, before I decide you are."  
  
The healer's lip curled. "You know, dangerous half-breeds like him should be locked away – kept behind bars or on chains."  
  
Sirius leapt at the healer, wrestling him to the ground. Lilly and James, hearing the healer's cries for help, rushed in as he managed to get to his feet and kick Sirius in the ribs. James launched himself at the healer and pinned him to the wall. Lilly knelt beside Sirius. "Are you all right?"  
  
Sirius nodded. When she asked what happened, he grated, "He called Remus a – a half-breed."  
  
Lilly gasped. It was one of the worst forms of verbal abuse a werewolf could be insulted with. She walked up to the healer and slapped him across the face. "Go. Don't ever come in here again."  
  
"He beat me up!"  
  
"You insulted his mate."  
  
"That's no reason to –"  
  
Sirius cut in. "And told me to wait till he was gone then run off with some fan or other."  
  
Lilly slapped the healer again. James snarled, "Get out of here before I decide to beat you up, too!"  
  
The healer fled. Sirius limped back over to the bedside and sat down, curling his fingers around Remus' cold, limp hand. The healer hadn't just lain quiet while he had been beaten; he had got in more than a few jabs and kicks of his own. Sirius had a rapidly purpling bruise under one eye, but that was the extent of the visible damage. Under his clothes were many more bruises, all of which were already sore, which he would only discover properly when he went to have a shower.  
  
Lilly walked over and pulled a chair over beside Sirius, sitting down and putting an arm around his shoulders. "You OK?"  
  
Sirius nodded silently. The fire had died from his eyes and he looked tired, hungry and ill once again. James squeezed his shoulder and Sirius looked up at him. "He'll be OK, Sirius, keep telling yourself that. And don't let people like that git get you down. He's no one – Remus is going to fine, OK?"  
  
Sirius nodded. James' words sounded empty, just something to say, meant to make him feel better, with no feeling but pity behind them. Sirius swallowed hard and tried not to cry.

* * *

One week later  
  
Sirius couldn't take much more of this. The healers kept flitting in and out of the room, and he had been barred from seeing Remus for a while, while they ran some more tests, more dangerous than the last round. They were ascertaining what would happen at the full moon the next night. He paced as though a caged beast; he was a time bomb, ticking down the seconds until his temper snapped, liable to go off at the slightest provocation.  
  
He took another long pull on the cigarette between his shaking fingers. Since that argument with Remus three weeks ago he had gone back to smoking. Within that fairly short space of time he had gone back to being a regular twenty-a-day smoker. He was already regretting it, but lacked the willpower to give it up again. He reached out and ground the butt into the ashtray. Smoking wasn't actually allowed in the hospital, but most of the healers were scared to go near him in case they were yelled at.  
  
Someone tapped his shoulder. Sirius whirled around. It was Snape. He spat out a mouthful of abuse at the wizard, finishing by yelling that he didn't need Snape's sympathy and neither did Remus. Snape took it all calmly, not batting an eyelid. Sirius finished his rant and slumped back in a chair, panting. He pulled out a packet of cigarettes and started to light one up. Snape blinked. "The recovery not going too well?"  
  
Sirius burst into tears, burying his head in his hands, dropping the cigarette onto the floor. Snape stepped back as though Sirius had turned into some kind of disgusting creature, then he sat down beside him and gingerly patted him on the back. He sobbed, "They won't let me see him …"  
  
Though he hated Sirius, even Snape recognised that Sirius desperate to be near his mate. He tried to calm the animagus down. "Maybe it's for the best …"  
  
"You don't under – understand. I need to be near him. If I'm not … it hurts …" Sirius said, the last two words so quiet that Snape had to strain to hear. He tried to make soothing noises, although he could barely believe that he was trying to comfort one of his archenemies. Eventually, Sirius calmed down and looked up at Snape. "Thank you," he whispered. Snape frowned, so he explained, "For being here with me. I don't – I don't like being alone. I'm used to … having someone near to me … you know, knowing there's someone there …"  
  
Snape nodded, although he had never known what that was like. He preferred his own company anyway. Sirius swallowed hard and asked, "What are you here for?"  
  
"Isn't it allowed for me to come see the injured?"  
  
"I thought you hated us."  
  
"I don't wish death on you."  
  
"No? Look, Snape – Severus – I know we've … not exactly got on … but, I do want to thank you for … risking your life to help the Order … to help James … I know that must be hard, helping the one person you hate."  
  
"It is, but like I said, I don't want anyone dead. Not even you, Black, and I can't stand you. And out of all of you, Lupin was the most civil to me. How is he?"  
  
"They're running tests. That's why I can't … be with him. Don't look at me like that, I've done crying all over you."  
  
Snape smiled thinly. "You know, I heard it's good to let emotions out."  
  
"Do you ever let yours out for an airing, Snape?" Sirius asked, allowing a smile to flicker across his lips. When he shook his head, giving him a look that said quite plainly 'don't start', Sirius smiled properly. "Why don't you?"  
  
"What, now?" Snape asked, sounding panicky. His expression was one of pure disbelief.  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Look, there's probably things you wouldn't want even your best friends to know – so why not tell an enemy. I swear on Remus' life I won't tell anyone unless you want me to, and if I do tell someone you can have lots of fun thinking up ways to punish me. Go ahead, I may as well have your problems as well as my own and Remus', right?"  
  
Snape seemed undecided for a moment; then he started to talk. He told Sirius about how his father and mother had always argued, and how he had been beaten. How he had dreaded the summer. How he had never done well enough for them. He went on and on, talking about pranks the Marauders had played on him that Sirius had forgotten, but still hurt Snape. He continued talking until his emotions wouldn't allow him to speak.  
  
On impulse, Sirius reached out and pulled his nemesis into a hug. He rocked Snape back and forth, his eyes shut, soothing the man until he was calm. Sirius, however, still had tears running down his face. He still hated Snape, but he knew that he shouldn't have hurt him like that. They were tears of guilt. He whispered, "I'm sorry."  
  
Snape pulled back, ready with a sharp retort. Then he saw Sirius' eyes. He whispered, "Maybe if I'd told you that at any other time I would have been joking, but not now."  
  
Snape nodded. He knew Sirius meant it – this time. "I know. Tell me when Remus gets better."  
  
It was Sirius' turn to nod. Snape stood and walked to the door. On the threshold, he turned and smiled in thanks at the animagus. Sirius smiled back and the man left, his robes whipping around the corner.  
  
Next evening  
  
Sirius glared at the healers. "You said he won't wake up this full moon, so why can't I stay with him?"  
  
"Well … the wolf might wake up …" one of the nurses said, trying to placate him. It wasn't working very well. Sirius growled, his fists clenching into balls. James grabbed his arm. "Look, miss, maybe you'd better let him do what he wants. After all, the wolf will consider him its mate too, so maybe it'll give him chance to get out before it attacks …"  
  
"People have died doing that, Mr Potter!" she shouted, slightly hysterical. "We don't want anyone to be hurt."  
  
"Yes, I realise that, but maybe … maybe you should just let Sirius do what he wants. He gets very upset … you know how he is …"  
  
"No, I don't. I wasn't foolish enough to let my husband or mate or whatever get hooked on drugs and then run off while he tried to commit suicide, did I?" she replied heatedly, turning to glare at Sirius. However, he was gone. She cried, "Oh, where's he gone!"

* * *

Sirius shut the door quietly behind him and locked it with the key before slipping it into his pocket. He put up a locking charm and then pushed one of the bedside cabinets against the door. Then he sat down on the bedside and watched the clock. He could hear people shouting and screaming from outside, but they were distant. He was listening to the seconds easing by and to the heartbeat of his mate.  
  
Finally, midnight came. He heard Big Ben strike, every stroke sending a fresh pang of guilt through him. If he had just noticed Remus' condition, he wouldn't be listening to those twelve strokes.  
  
Remus twitched suddenly. Sirius heard bones snap and crackle as they popped into different positions, saw fur grow over Remus' still form, smelt the blood that managed to spurt from his skin until it fused back together, felt the pain of this silent transformation as if it was his own. It was the first time he had ever felt that horrendous, burning, aching pain that Remus had endured since he was four years old.  
  
By the end of the transformation he was on his knees. He swallowed hard and stood, walking over to the bed. The wolf was as unconscious as Remus' human form had been. He slowly reached out and stroked the soft fur on his head. "Moony …"  
  
The wolf didn't stir. He tangled his fingers into Moony's fur, burying his face in the silvery-grey fur of his neck and breathing deeply to smell his comforting scent. It was nowhere near as strong as when he was in dog-form, but he had always wanted to be able to touch Moony with his human hands, smell him with his human nose, see him with his human eyes. He just wished that it didn't have to be in these circumstances.  
  
He noticed for the first time that his fur was tinged faintly brown, almost like the opposite of his hair. Whereas his hair was mainly brown, but tainted with grey, his fur was mainly brilliant silver but tinged with amber.  
  
He lay down on the bed beside the wolf's still, silent form and locked his arms around the canine. He didn't care how dangerous this was; he needed to feel the small spark of warmth still in Moony's body.  
  
Suddenly, he thought of the energy the wolf normally had, its playfulness and rough power, the way Moony moved, howled, barked. He started to cry quietly, thinking he may never hear the wolf that owned his heart howl again.

* * *

Sirius opened his eyes. It was morning. People were still hammering on the door. Remus was lying in his arms. He had barely moved from the position he had been in last night, before the change. Sirius started to cry again, tangling his fingers in Remus' hair and nuzzling into his neck. He hugged his mate tightly and whispered, "I'm so, so sorry, Remus. I am so sorry …"  
  
He kissed Remus on the cheek and sat up, running his fingers through his hair. He had been incredibly stupid the night before, defying the healers' orders. He would be lucky if he was allowed to stay with Remus now. Still, he had promised Remus he would always be there for him when he was in pain, and he had been. At least now he knew at least a little of the pain Remus endured each full moon.  
  
He shuddered as he thought of it. 'It must be so hard for him', he thought sullenly, 'Going through that hell every month.'  
  
He stroked Remus' cheek with his thumb and murmured, "You're very brave."  
  
Suddenly, the healers broke his locking charm and tried to push the door open. The cabinet fell over with a crash. James and a couple of healers eased in, Lilly bringing up the rear. James walked over. "Did he change?"  
  
"He changed all right. He just never moved, never made a sound – he didn't even open his eyes, James," Sirius replied. James steadied his now swaying friend. Saying it out loud had suddenly made everything seem so much more real, more clear-cut, more terrible. The healers were fussing around Remus again; Sirius watched them for a moment, wondering if his mate would ever wake up. A silent tear rolled down his cheek. Lilly's voice broke through his thoughts. "Sirius, his mother's here."  
  
Sirius brushed away his tear and went into the waiting room. Mrs Lupin gave him a glare. She asked the same question as James had, though with much more frostiness. Sirius just nodded, knowing she hated him. "How is he?"  
  
"He's … unconscious. All the time. They … they got the drugs out of his bloodstream – well, most of them. They said they'll all be gone by next week."  
  
"Well, that's wonderful, isn't it? And what then? What if he's comatose for the rest of his life, Mr Black?"  
  
"Look, I'm sorry – "  
  
"How could you do this to my son!?"  
  
"I didn't do anything – "  
  
"Exactly! You didn't even notice he was dying! You don't deserve him, Sirius Black! He deserves better than you!"  
  
Sirius looked away. "I'm sorry. I know he deserves better. Would you be happier if I just went and jumped off the Tower of London? Because I'll go do that if it makes you feel better. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. Please, just tell me what I can do to get through to you! I. Am. Sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen! I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I didn't see, and what I could have stopped!"  
  
Mrs Lupin turned and walked to the door. She looked over his shoulder and called back, "I will never forgive you if you commit suicide, Sirius. My son loves you, God only knows why, and it would destroy him if he woke up and you were dead. If he ever does wake up."  
  
Then she was gone. Sirius slumped down in a chair and held his head in his hands. "This isn't fair. It's not my fault …"  
  
James sat down. "No, Sirius, it's not."  
  
"Hang on … it is my fault! If I hadn't hit him … Gods, James, it's my fault he's like this!" Sirius said, sounding frantic. James grabbed his shoulders. "Sirius, it's not – "  
  
"Shut up James, it is my fault Remus is lying in there. One, it was my fault he turned to the stupid drugs anyway. Two, it's my fault I didn't notice. Three, I accused him of being unfaithful when I knew that was a total lie and left him alone in the house so he could kill himself!"  
  
"Sirius – " James began. However, Lilly cut across him, grabbing Sirius' chin and forcing him to face her.  
  
"Sirius, it's my fault. I was the one who suggested there was someone else … if I hadn't you wouldn't have confronted him and … and he'd still be here …" she said, suddenly bursting into tears. James pulled her onto his knee and cuddled her close, shushing her. Sirius shook his head and walked over to the door to Remus' room. The healers would be finished in a minute and he could go and be with his mate again. He looked back at James and Lilly. Why could he and Remus be like that? Why did it have to be them that had the complicated relationship? And why did he have to be such an idiot? Remus' mother was right. It was his fault his mate was half-dead. Guilt set in as he sat down beside Remus' bed two minutes later. He laid his head down on Remus' pillow and cried.

* * *

_(A/N: One – I was NICE to SNAPE! And I made myself feel sorry for the bloody man! Sorry, I just really don't like him and I just made Sirius be sorry for him. Yak! Sorry, I have an aversion to Snape. But I honestly think that if Sirius was in a state like this he probably would start to feel sorry for Snape if he heard the pranks from his point of view. I mean, he still hates him, but he feels sorry for him too … Two – I don't know where the thing about the full moon came from. I wrote it way after I finished this bit, so there you go. Next chapter will be better and HAPPIER!) _


	17. Healing

**Chapter 17 – Healing**  
  
_Sirius' POV_  
  
I knew he was worse than dead. I couldn't even feel his emotions, or his pain. Normally, I could have felt them as though my own, but now he was lying almost lifeless on the bed it felt as though he was gone forever. I don't know when I've felt more alone. I wanted to go home. Not back to the house I would have to go back to whatever happened, but home to Remus, wherever he was. Whether he was in death or life, sickness or health, madness or sanity, he was still my mate and I would follow him through anything. I would die to let him live. But it wouldn't help, me dropping dead.  
  
I couldn't touch him. I didn't dare. He was ice-cold – not the cold his hands normally were (his hands were always cold; sometimes so cold I worried about him) but the cold of the dead. I could feel tears welling up inside, but I'd cried enough in front of James. He'd had to put up with me sobbing all over him since Remus went into this coma, and that had been over a month ago. So I locked my tears inside, along with all my other emotions. The only ones I allowed to surface were worry and empathy. Worry for Remus, and Remus alone. Empathy was for Mrs Lupin, James and Lilly.  
  
The healers had stopped trying to cheer me up. It only annoyed me further to have a lot of young nurses flapping around me, asking if I was OK, if I wanted anything, telling me I needed sleep. James and Lilly had stopped trying to talk to me. James brought me food when I looked like I cared enough about my own life to eat it – which was often only once a day, if they were lucky. Lilly checked up on me every so often, bringing me drinks. Mrs Lupin didn't speak. I knew she blamed be. I knew she though I'd led him to this. I know she hated me for not looking after her son, but I also knew that she understood my silence – and my silent apologies given to her through my eyes across the bed. She smiled at me once. Though it was thin and watery, barely a smile at all, it was the acknowledgement that she had forgiven me.  
  
But I still couldn't forgive myself.  
  
Why hadn't I noticed? Why hadn't I seen Remus' condition? He was supposed to be my mate – the only person would ever love, and what had I done? I had been so ignorant that he was lying half-dead on a hospital bed, without much chance of recovery.  
  
At least they had stopped siphoning drugs from his blood and given him the replenishing potion.  
  
I suddenly sobbed, not caring that James was sat across from me any more. I folded my arms on the bed in front of me, sliding my chair back with a horrible screech, and lay my head down on my arms. I cried silently, the only sound I made was my harsh breathing.  
  
James got up and went out, after touching my shoulder in a gesture that told me he was still with me, still understanding, still there for me to talk to. I knew why had had gone: he had no words of comfort left to speak, nothing more to say. Repeating himself wouldn't help me. He knew me too well for that. He had seen enough of my grievances beforehand to know that. He had once tried to pick me up off the metaphorical ground after some girl – whom I had adored at the time – had dumped me. I had just got annoyed with him and I had nearly taken his head off when he kept repeating the same piece of advice that I felt I simply couldn't take.  
  
I don't know how long I stayed like that. I felt the bedcovers move and assumed it was one of the healers come to tuck Remus up more and I had been crying so hard I hadn't noticed them come in. Then I felt a cold, cold hand brush my arm. Only one person in this damned place was that cold. I sat up so fast I fell off the edge of my chair. On my knees, seriously damaging my favourite jeans, I crawled to the edge of the bed.  
  
Remus was waking up.  
  
_3rd Person_  
  
Sirius grabbed Remus' hand, almost hard enough to bruise, silently willing the werewolf to wake up. Remus' eyes flickered open. His gaze flickered over the room, finally resting on Sirius' face. "R-Remus?"  
  
Remus shut his eyes again. What had he done? He could see the pain in Sirius' eyes, the worry and exhaustion. All because of him. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes again. He said quietly, "I'm so sorry …"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "No, don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have accused you like that. And I should have noticed how ill you were way before then …"  
  
Remus looked away. Sirius scrambled up onto the edge of the bed and leant over his mate's body. He touched Remus' cheek. Remus looked back into his eyes. "You should have let me die."  
  
Sirius went cold. He shook his head fiercely, leaning down until his nose was an inch from Remus'. He let go of his hand and buried the fingers of both hands in his hair. "No. Don't you ever say that. I will never let you die, Remus. I love you. You're my mate. You mean too much to me …"  
  
Sirius' voice gave up and he shut his eyes, unable even to look at Remus without tears prickling his eyes. Remus reached out and touched Sirius' neck. His mate shivered, leaning down into Remus' waiting arms. Sirius muttered into his neck, "You're mine. All mine."  
  
Remus smiled, holding him tighter. He apologised again. Sirius nuzzled closer. "I'm just glad you're all right. Please … don't ever scare me like this again …"  
  
Remus nodded. Sirius pulled back far enough to look into Remus' amber eyes. "I love you."  
  
The werewolf smiled, pushing himself up off his pillows to press their lips together in a deep but innocent kiss. Remus' arms found their way around Sirius' neck, pulling him closer. Sirius whimpered into his mate's mouth. He had missed this so much, missed Remus so much …  
  
Finally they pulled back, panting. Remus whispered, "I love you too."  
  
Sirius swallowed the tears threatening to well up in his eyes again. He pulled the chair back over to the bedside and took Remus' hand. Remus watched him, looking at the dark shadows under his eyes and the way his bones were more pronounced and his clothes looser. "You look awful."  
  
"So do you."  
  
Remus grinned. Suddenly, Lilly came in holding a tray with a glass of orange juice and biscuits on it. Both their heads turned and two pairs of eyes looked at her, more in surprise than the dull-eyed sorrow or anger that one set had been giving her for the past age.  
  
The plate and glass smashed on the floor as her fingers loosened so much she dropped the tray with a clang. Remus winced and Sirius scrambled forwards to help Lilly pick up the pieces. James scurried to the door behind her, hearing the noise, and saw Remus. "Moony! You're awake!"  
  
Remus smiled. "Maybe I should have stayed asleep."  
  
Sirius growled, ordering, /Don't you dare say that, Remus Lupin. You're not going to scare me like that again, right?/  
  
/I promise not to, love./  
  
Sirius smiled to the floor, but Remus felt the happiness through their connection. He grinned too. Once the broken glass and pottery was picked up, Lilly went to get a cloth to wipe up the mess. James stepped over it and walked to the bedside. "How d'you feel?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "I feel … OK, I suppose. I feel like I did before I – before."  
  
Sirius sat down on his chair and brushed Remus' cheek with the backs of his fingers, telling him, /It's all right. It's over now. You're OK./  
  
James smiled sympathetically. "The healers said you wouldn't get cravings or anything …"  
  
Remus smiled weakly. He looked from Sirius to James and back again, watching the fright for his life lift from their faces. He sighed. Sirius touched him again, his eyes concerned. He shook his head, telling his mate without words that he was fine. Sirius nodded in response, though he still looked worried. Remus blurted out, "I'm really sorry I've put you all through this …"  
  
James sat down next to him. "Moony, we're your friends. We'll always go through anything with you – even if it is hell seeing Sirius like he was. He looked like he'd been to Azkaban for twenty years! And he'd have had to go in when he was less'n a year old, even if it was his birthday last week – "  
  
"I missed your birthday?" Remus asked as he turned quickly to look at Sirius. He smiled ruefully. "Doesn't matter. I was worried about you."  
  
"Worried doesn't tell you the half of it. He wouldn't leave your side even to eat in the end. We had to bring him food, and even then he only picked at it. Sirius, don't glare like that; Remus has a right to know. You know he went home to sleep one night and came back looking worse?"  
  
Remus was about to snap at Sirius for being such a complete idiot, but Sirius cut in, "I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about you – everything back home reminds me of you, and I kept thinking … how I found you … how you were lying on the bed … God, I was so scared you were going to die …"  
  
Remus reached out and touched his hand. "I'm not going to die, love."  
  
Sirius smiled, taking a shaky breath. "I know. I was just so scared. You looked like death warmed up. And when I say 'warmed up', I mean just above freezing …"  
  
Remus reached up to brush a tear from the corner of Sirius' eye. "Don't cry. I'm all right."  
  
Sirius sniffed and nodded. A few moments later, Lilly came back trailing a healer. It was Patel. He checked Remus over and then shooed Lilly and James out, closing the door behind them. He turned to Sirius and Remus. "Mr Lupin, you are going to be just fine. We will keep you in here for another week or two and then I'm sure you'll be fit to go home."  
  
He turned and left them. Remus turned and grinned at Sirius. Sirius leant over and kissed him gently. "I'm glad you're OK."  
  
"I'm glad too. I wish – I wish I'd told you. I wanted to, but I thought …I thought you'd hate me, Siri …"  
  
"I'll never hate you! I was just worried about you. It's Lilly's fault I got angry with you; she's the one who thought you were … with someone else …"  
  
"Sirius, I love you and only you. You know that."  
  
"Will you tell me what happened? Can you?" Sirius asked tentatively. Remus took a deep breath and nodded. He sighed, looking down at the bedcovers. Sirius squeezed his hand. Remus looked over into Sirius' eyes. Slowly, haltingly, he told Sirius.  
  
By the end, he was crying. Sirius pulled him into a hug, his own eyes filling with tears. Remus sobbed, "I can't believe you're still here …"  
  
"I'll always be here. Right here."

* * *

_(A/N: I hated writing all that depressing stuff. Know that. That's the end of the whole drug-abuse stuff, I think. It's not going to make a return. And I'm sorry it's short and horrible and sloppy at the end. I had writers block and I had to force myself to write this, so that's why it's so awful … Anyways, updates will be quite freqent now. I've nearly finished the whole fic, but I'm not poting everything at once.  
__Please review! Now! It's just there, the button! It doesn't cost anything! It just makes me feel really good about the world! Please, make my day. REVIEW!)_


	18. Secret to be Kept

**Chapter 18 – Secret to be Kept**  
  
Sirius sighed, smiling at Remus. It had been a week since Remus had woken, and every day he looked better. Come to that, so did Sirius. The werewolf looked over at him. "What?"  
  
"Nothing. Just … you," Sirius murmured, his smile widening. Remus reached over and brushed his cheek with the back of a finger, tracing down his neck to his chest. Sirius caught his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm glad you're OK."  
  
Remus smiled remorsefully. "I wish I hadn't put you through this. I feel like I've betrayed you."  
  
"You haven't," Sirius assured him. "Anyway, some good came of it. Me and Snivelly are on better terms than ever before. Don't ask. I don't want to think about it."  
  
"Why?" Remus asked, almost laughing at the irony of it. "What did you do?"  
  
After a long moment, Sirius explained embarrassedly, "It was when I wasn't allowed to see you. He came to see how you were and … I kind of burst into tears on him. But he evened up the score by weeping all over me. Then I … apologised."  
  
Sirius shuddered. Remus grinned. "Good for you."  
  
Sirius leant over and kissed his mate. Remus asked, "What was that for?"  
  
"Nothing. I love you."  
  
"I know – though I don't know why."  
  
"Now you're just fishing for compliments," Sirius complained, folding his arms.  
  
"Makes a change from it being you," Remus replied. Sirius laughed, though it didn't last long. Remus frowned. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Remus … you know how we had that meeting? Well … Snape said we have to – you know – do the thing with James. Kind of … today."  
  
"Sirius, the meeting was three days ago. Why didn't you tell me?" Remus asked patiently. Sirius shrugged and started gnawing on one of his nails. Remus grabbed his hand and pulled it away.  
  
"Stop that. You're not convinced you're the right man for the job, right?" he asked softly, reaching up to touch Sirius' cheek. Sirius paused before he nodded, as though he was worried. Remus smiled. "Sirius, you're his best friend. You're hardly just going to give him up."  
  
Sirius swallowed. "I've … been thinking about what you said – when we … had the argument."  
  
"Siri, you know I didn't mean – "  
  
"No wait. You were right. I am irresponsible. I was talking to Peter before and we got onto the subject of … that. And I was thinking – we both were when we were talking – maybe he would be the better – "  
  
"Sirius, shh. Listen, the Death Eaters will come after you automatically and when they find out you're not the Secret Keeper they'll just kill you. I don't want that to happen, Sirius … And then they'll go after Peter and torture him until he gives up the information – which he will – then James and Lilly will be killed anyway," Remus explained. After a moment, he continued, "And once Peter had given in, they'd kill him too. So I'd be all alone – unless they decide to kidnap and kill me too … I don't want you to die, Sirius."  
  
Actually I made great sense. Sirius sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know, Moony. I don't know what to do … I'm scared, Remus."  
  
Remus pulled Sirius down into a tight hug. He told the animagus firmly, "Sirius, you will be perfect. James wants you, not Peter. Just go."  
  
Sirius still looked afraid, but swallowed hard and nodded. "I'd better go then. Or they'll worry. I'll come back later."

* * *

Sirius parked his bike outside the Potters' new front door and knocked. James pulled it open. "Sirius! I thought you wouldn't come – I was worried you'd start getting all anxious again."  
  
"Remus … persuaded me."  
  
James smiled and reassured Sirius, "I want you to be my Secret Keeper, Sirius. That's why I asked you. I want you. Not Dumbledore, not Peter, you. Now get in here."  
  
James opened the door and let Sirius in, closing and locking it after him. "Did you tell the rest of the team we'll not be playing for a while?"  
  
"Hmm? What?" Sirius replied. He had been so lost in thought he hadn't even heard James' question about the Chudley Cannons. They had decided it would be safer for Sirius if he didn't play Quidditch while he was acting as Secret keeper. After all, Sirius would be at his most vulnerable on an open Quidditch pitch, and he wouldn't be paying attention to much other than the game. And as for James, there wouldn't be much point in him having a Secret Keeper if he left the house once a week for a Quidditch practices. James repeated his question. "Oh, yeah. Spoke to the manager yesterday. He wasn't pleased but he agreed. I told him we'll come back to the team eventually – we just need a break."  
  
James smiled his thanks and they walked into the living room where Lilly was sitting. Sirius sat down opposite her. "Um … so this is it."  
  
"Yes," Lilly whispered. Her voice shook. "Sirius, listen, we were talking earlier and … if Voldemort takes you and tortures you – or anyone else – to make you give up the Secret, then you have to tell him. Please don't argue, Sirius. He could kill you and … and … Sirius, we don't want you to die, or get hurt!"  
  
Sirius stared at Lilly. "Look, I'm not going to sell you to him for my own life. I'm not. I don't know if I'm the right choice; I don't know what's going to happen to me, whether he'll come or not; I don't know what he'll do if he does take me. But I do know one thing; I'll never sell you to Voldemort. Ever. You know the Prophesy. One day you're going to have a son who can help make him fall. If I have to die protecting the pair of you, then I have to die."  
  
James gawked at him. "You are not serious."  
  
"I am. All joking aside, you're my best friend, James. I couldn't live with myself if I saved myself but let you and Lilly die."  
  
"What if … Sirius, what if they torture Remus?" Lilly asked quietly. Sirius froze, his mind spiralling away into hell as he considered that horrific thought all too vividly. What if that did happen? After a moment, he remembered that he'd already promised James – and he would never break a promise to his best friend, his almost-brother. He took a deep breath and said softly, "I'm not going to betray you."  
  
James swallowed. "Sirius – "  
  
"Look, can we just do the spell?" Sirius snapped. "I'm done being noble."  
  
They laughed nervously and Lilly pulled out her wand, as did Sirius and James. They touched the tips of the wands and James and Lilly whispered together, "I entrust the secret of this location, number seven Godric's Hollow, to Sirius Black."  
  
Sirius took a deep calming breath and murmured, "I take the secret and become its Keeper. I swear not to reveal the Secret to any unworthy of the knowledge."  
  
An orb of soft white light blossomed at the wand-tips and expanded to wash over the three of them. It tingled as it passed over them and then spread throughout the house, silently passing through everything until it completely covered the outer walls of the house like a skin.  
  
"Was that it?" Sirius asked nervously.  
  
"That was it," James confirmed, turning to look out of the window. A translucent milky film obscured the view across the square slightly, its edges moving up in a bubble from the fence at the bottom of the front garden. Lilly walked out into the hall to look at the back garden. She returned after a moment and reported that the back garden was included in the spell and therefore protected.  
  
Sirius sat down on the sofa and sighed, shutting his eyes. James sat down beside him. "Are you OK?"  
  
"Yeah … I'm fine. I'm just worrying."  
  
"That he'll come after you?"  
  
Sirius nodded, his throat too tight for speech. James gripped his shoulder. "You'll be fine. And if he does do anything really evil – "  
  
"I will keep your secret. James, I am not giving you up," Sirius said firmly, glaring at his friend until he sighed and muttered, "Fine. You risk your life for me, then."  
  
Lilly smiled as Sirius commented, "I'd jump off a cliff for you and you know it."  
  
James grinned and pulled Sirius into a hug. He whispered, "Thank you."  
  
"No, thank you, James. For trusting me like this."  
  
James smiled. "'Course I trust you; you're my best friend. You're like my brother, Sirius."  
  
Sirius laughed and stood up. "I'd better get going."  
  
Lilly told him, "Come visit us from time to time, Sirius. We're going to need some company – after all, we're going to be here for a while. And let us know when Remus gets home."  
  
"Will do," Sirius promised as they walked to the door. He stepped out of the house and went down the path, collecting his bike on the way, and out of the gate. As soon as he was outside, he turned around and watched as the house faded and disappeared as though it had never been there.

* * *

For the whole of the next week Sirius was on edge, dreading an attack from a bunch of Death Eaters. He was supposed to be giving up smoking again, but the constant stress was making that impossible. Remus didn't complain, but Sirius knew he didn't approve. But Remus understood why, if he couldn't know how Sirius was feeling. He knew what it was like to be addicted to something …  
  
He returned home a week after the spell was cast over number seven Godric's Hollow, in almost perfect health. Sirius spent the night before frantically attempting to clean almost two months worth of dust and spider webs out of the house. No mean feat when he disliked spiders intensely and had to evict every one from the premises. In the end, he had to call Peter over to give him a hand.  
  
All night, Peter kept shooting him odd little sideways glances. Sirius caught him staring nervously at him from time to time. Eventually, the house was cleaned as closely to Remus' standards as was possible for Sirius Black. Sirius made them both a cup of tea and as they sat in the lounge drinking them Sirius asked, "What's the matter, Pete?"  
  
Peter jumped, almost spilling his tea. "W-what? Sorry? N-nothing's the matter. Why?"  
  
"It's just you keep looking at me like I'm on my deathbed or something …"  
  
"I-it's the whole S-secret K-k-keeper thing. I-I take it James chose y-you? Have you done the – the spell yet?" Peter asked, his eyes darting around the room. Sirius frowned. Something was telling him to be suspicious of his friend. Peter had known the rest of the Marauders for years – since they started school – but the way he kept looking at Sirius was unnerving. And his stutter was worse than usual; a sure sign he was nervous. He decided to play it safe. He shrugged. "James chose me, yeah, but we haven't done the spell yet."  
  
"I-I thought you were s-s-supposed to be doing it a-a week ago?"  
  
"No, it's been changed. Snivellus says it's not as urgent as he thought."  
  
Was that a flicker of a smug smile across Peter's features? No! It couldn't be. Peter was on their side – in the Order of the Phoenix! Sirius' thoughts were shattered when Peter asked, "Has he t-told you the l-location?"  
  
"No," Sirius replied calmly, though he was now quite worried. OK, it was an innocent question but Peter's eyes looked a bit … odd. The man set down his cup on the floor and leant forwards. "Has he ch-chosen what part of the c-country? Is he l-looking for somewhere in a w-wizarding community, or a M-Muggle place? Is he thinking of any o-o-other precautions to – to make it even m-more secure?"  
  
Peter was asking WAY too many questions now. Unreasonable panic began to rise in Sirius' throat. He took a breath to calm down and decided to play the ignorance card. Peter would believe it, too. It was quite sad, really, how gullible he was.  
  
"I have no idea. Look, Peter, I don't meant to be rude, but I need some sleep. And if you've finished …" Sirius tailed off, stubbing out a cigarette in the ashtray. That would be the last. The last ever, he had sworn to himself. He still had to get rid of that and all the others throughout the house, not to mention the empty packets, before Remus came home. Well, it would only take five minutes.  
  
Peter looked down and then got to his feet. He smiled. "OK, then. I'd b-better be off anyway. L-let me know when you've done the spell, won't you. J-just so I know they're s-safe, you know. I wouldn't want a-anyone to be – to be hurt."  
  
Peter laughed nervously. Sirius stood up and walked him to the door, watching him until he disappeared around the corner in his clapped out old mini. Then he shut the door and leant on it heavily. Sirius didn't exactly suspect Peter of being a Death Eater – no one would be less likely – but from the way he had been talking …  
  
It was said that the Dark Lord could use the Imperius curse with terrifying dexterity. Sirius sighed, telling himself Peter was innocent. Still – thank God he was gone.

* * *

_(A/N: First off, Peter Pettigrew is EVIL! (And portrayed as such a slimy, ugly little GIT in the PoA film - thank you, whoever picked him! I still think that film rocks! And I lov the line: "Bickering like an onld married couple". Thank you scriptwriters, too!) Now. Sorry it's short! I couldn't drag things out any longer with the Secret Keeper thing. Originally, the bit about Peter was at the beginning of the next chapter - one of them was going to be short, and I decided to make it the next one … never mind. I hope the next chappie makes up for the long depressing bit, at least a little … Review, please. Please?) _


	19. Beautiful at Sunset

**Chapter 19 – Beautiful at Sunset**  
  
Remus returned home the next day, cursing Sirius bike. "Why you had to bring me home on that – that THING I don't know."  
  
"I've not passed the test yet so I'm not allowed to drive your car and you know it. Not that you'd let me anyway."  
  
"I'll tell you something – you shouldn't be allowed to drive the damned BIKE!"  
  
"The only reason I can't drive your car is because I haven't passed the test. I bet I could, you know –"  
  
"I'm surprised you passed the bike one! You're a menace – I'm astonished you've not been in an accident the way you drive!" Remus snapped, then relaxed. "I'm sorry. It's just I worry about you and … your driving is terrible!"  
  
Remus dissolved into a fit of giggles, using Sirius to hold himself up. Sirius smiled. "Did they give you laughing gas to keep away the pain?"  
  
Remus gasped, "No. No, they didn't … It's just …"  
  
Remus tailed off again, unable to speak for laughing. Sirius picked him up and carried him to the house. Once inside, Remus seemed to regain most of his composure and stopped laughing, though a grin still covered his face.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said as Sirius put him down on the couch. "I'm just glad I'm home."  
  
Remus sat up, his legs still stretched out on the couch, to allow Sirius to sit down. Then he lay back again so his head was resting on Sirius lap. He toed off his shoes and socks and Sirius did the same; they left the footwear in two untidy piles on the floor. Sirius touched Remus' cheek and whispered, "So am I. Don't be sorry. It's good to see you smiling; laughing … even seeing you tell me off makes me feel better. I know it sounds stupid but … I've seen you lying in that damned hospital bed for so long, it's good to see you do ANYTHING."  
  
Remus smiled and sat up, swinging his legs off the couch. He leant on Sirius and the animagus slid an arm around his waist to pull him closer. Remus leant back into the couch, pulling Sirius with him. He reached out to stroke Sirius hair.  
  
Sirius' heart fluttered as he closed his eyes, leaning into Remus' hand. He felt the werewolf smile and sighed. Remus leant forwards and kissed Sirius. Sirius twisted to press his chest against Remus', his fists gripping the fabric of his coat at the back. Remus' fingers twined into his hair and his other hand ran up Sirius' spine inside his shirt.  
  
Sirius pulled back first and looked deep into Remus' eyes. "I love you," he breathed. "I love you so much …"  
  
Remus smiled. "You know, Sirius, there's so much more I can do now I'm out of hospital …" he said, pausing to pull Sirius close and tease the skin behind his earlobe with his tongue. Sirius tangled his fingers in Remus' hair, moaning in pleasure. Remus laughed softly, nuzzling into Sirius' hair. Sirius whimpered. Remus pulled back suddenly and finished his sentence, "If, of course, we go upstairs."  
  
Sirius nodded, swallowing hard. Remus stood and tugged Sirius to his feet. Sirius linked his hands behind Remus' back, pulling him close so that the werewolf was pressed up against his body, able to feel his desire. Remus' breath caught in his throat. A smile twitched at Sirius' lips. Remus moved his hands up to either side of his mate's head and he pulled him down into a long kiss.  
  
Sirius was stripped of his ankle-length leather coat in record time and it was dumped on the floor. Then Remus was wrestled out of his black three-quarter-length coat, their lips still connected. They managed to stagger into the hall without breaking the kiss, and once in the hall Remus slammed Sirius up against the wall, grinding their hips. Sirius pulled back. "Wait a minute, you're not supposed to be well!"  
  
Remus growled, "I feel fine …" and Sirius really wasn't in the mood to argue. Remus caught his lips in another searing kiss and Sirius pushed away form the wall to lurch to the bottom of the stairs. Remus pulled away. "I'm not sure going up there like this is a good idea …"  
  
Sirius hooked his fingers through the belt loops in Remus' jeans and pulled him close. "And I'm not sure if I can stand letting you go while we get up there."  
  
After the initial moan of pleasure, Remus gave him a scathing look. "I'm not having it off with you in the hall, Sirius."  
  
Sirius laughed softly, resting his forehead against Remus'. "I didn't expect you to."  
  
Remus linked his arms around Sirius' neck and whispered, "We could apparate?"  
  
"I'm not entirely sure where my wand is at the moment …" Sirius replied, barely able to resist the urge to push his hips up against Remus' to feel that wonderful friction. He felt Remus' hips twitch and knew that his mate was going through the exact same torture. He needed to get Remus upstairs and into the bedroom, right now.  
  
He pulled Remus into a kiss and turned so he could start to back up the stairs, pulling Remus after him by the belt loops of his jeans. Remus followed, not breaking the kiss, almost scrambling so he could maintain the contact of their hips. Finally, after an eternity of distance, they reached the top of the stairs and Sirius was pushed up against the wall again.  
  
This time, he couldn't control his hips and thrust forwards. Remus groaned into his mouth. Sirius pushed him away so that in seconds Remus had his back to the opposite wall, their lips still pressed together. Sirius silently cursed the fact that the corridor was long and their bedroom was at the other end. He needed Remus, right now, this minute.  
  
Finally, they reached the bedroom door. In fact, Sirius' back reached it first, then Remus' hand fumbled with the doorknob so they almost fell backwards into the room. Sirius staggered back into the bed, dragging Remus after him. They fell onto the bed, leaving the door and curtains wide open. Not that it mattered; theirs was the only house on the country lane.  
  
Sirius scrabbled at Remus' t-shirt, managing to pull it over his head while the werewolf roughly unbuttoned his shirt. Sirius pushed Remus back with one hand, using the other to prop himself up. Remus pushed the shirt off his shoulders and leant against Sirius. The animagus leant back down, wrenched his other arm out of his shirtsleeve and wrapped his arms around Remus.  
  
Their hips thrust together, creating a rhythm that was too slow for both of them but they couldn't speed up – yet. The rest of their clothes were getting in the way. Sirius rolled Remus onto his back and knelt up over his legs. Remus looked up at him. He asked breathlessly, "What do you intend to do now?"  
  
"Look at you?"  
  
Remus shook his head, his chest rising and falling quickly. "Don't torment me."  
  
Sirius' fingers fell to the fastenings of Remus tight jeans. Remus gasped as Sirius' fingers brushed his hard cock through the layers of cloth still separating them. Sirius bit his lip as he unzipped the jeans and pulled them off Remus' body. The werewolf's hips jerked as his hands moved back up to the top of his boxers.  
  
In a moment they were gone and Remus' body was completely open for Sirius' inspection. He didn't get long, though. Remus sat up, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down so that their positions were reversed. Sirius whimpered, his passion mounting up another notch as his cock rubbed against Remus'. "Love, this is getting painful …"  
  
The werewolf virtually ripped off Sirius' remaining clothes, abandoning them at the end of the bed, and lay down on top of Sirius' body. Sirius' hips bucked under his and he returned the action until Sirius was virtually screaming underneath him. Then Sirius rolled them over and ground his hips into Remus'. Remus yelped, his hips jerking uncontrollably.  
  
Sirius pulled back and looked into Remus' eyes. Remus saw the expression of love and devotion there and couldn't hold back any longer. He came with a low moan, and Sirius came with him.  
  
They lay there a while longer, exchanging gentle touches and kisses until they had both recovered both breath and control. Remus whispered, "I love you so much …"  
  
Sirius nuzzled into Remus' shoulder. He murmured back, slightly muffled, "I love you too."  
  
Remus ran his fingers through Sirius' jet-black hair. It had grown down past the base of his neck until it brushed his shoulders since they left Hogwarts. Sirius lifted his head and blew a strand off his face. "You think I need a haircut?"  
  
"No. It looks good on you. Everything looks good on you …" Remus replied, smiling. He kissed the end of Sirius' nose and Sirius lay back down with his head on Remus' chest. He could hear his heartbeat and feel his chest rising and falling slowly. He swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat, thinking that he might never have lounged on the bed like this again with Remus. The werewolf stroked his hair, sensing his distress. "Shh, don't think about that, love. Please."  
  
Sirius sniffed and replied croakily, "Can we forget this happened? Just … forget it?"  
  
Remus sighed. He wasn't sure that was possible. He told Sirius as much, but the animagus just laughed. "Anything's possible. Look, I still love you just as much as before, and nothing's different between us, so … OK, we can't just pretend it hasn't happened, but …"  
  
Remus smiled. "I know. If we don't talk about it while it's still painful, maybe it'll fade. So we'll not talk about it. OK?"  
  
"Mm. Remus?"  
  
Remus made a small noise to show he was listening. Sirius snuggled closer his fingers running up and down Remus' side. "Promise me you'll always talk to me?"  
  
"I promise. Sirius, can you go get me a drink?"  
  
Sirius sat up and looked down at his lover. "Look, I'm only doing this because you've only just got home. Don't expect me to go traipsing all the way downstairs to get whatever you want every time you ask."  
  
Remus smiled. "OK, OK. Please, though?"  
  
Sirius smiled back and got up to go and get Remus his drink. Remus pulled the covers of the bed over himself and curled up, pulling a pillow around to rest his head on. He realised he was on Sirius' side of the bed, but he didn't really care. Through their mind-bond, he called, /Sirius, forget the drink; just come up here. Please?/  
  
/Why?/  
  
/I'm tired and I don't want to be on my own … I need you here …/  
  
Sirius came back upstairs and opened the door of the bedroom. Remus was already half-asleep, but he reached out to Sirius. He walked over to the bed, smiling and discarding his dressing gown on the floor on the way across the room, and snuggled up behind Remus. The werewolf burrowed back into Sirius, forcing him to put his arms around him. Sirius kissed Remus' neck and then relaxed, quickly falling asleep.

* * *

When Remus woke up, Sirius was still lying behind him. The setting sun was shining in through the window. Remus sat up to look out of the window and saw that clouds were partly covering the sun, which was painting the whole sky orange. He sighed and lay back into Sirius' arms. Sirius himself tightened his arms and nuzzled into the back of Remus' neck, sending a shiver of contentment through the werewolf. The werewolf reached behind him to tangle his fingers in Sirius' hair, marvelling at how soft it was.  
  
Sirius muttered something and leant his head against Remus' shoulder. He rolled over and stroked Sirius' cheek. He whispered, "Sirius, wake up."  
  
After a moment, Sirius opened his sleepy eyes and frowned at Remus. "Is it morning?"  
  
"No. It's nearly dark. We must have been asleep all day. Shall we go downstairs and get something to eat?"  
  
Sirius rolled over onto his back and nodded. Remus sat up, framed against the sunlight blazing through the window, and scratched his head. He turned to Sirius and found him staring at him. "You look beautiful. Especially with the light like that …"  
  
Remus smiled, blushing. Sirius sat up and kissed him. Sirius murmured to him, "You look even better by moonlight. The first night we were … together … it was by the light of the moon. Remember, wolf-boy?"  
  
Sirius smiled and his mate smiled back. Sirius gently touched the thin creases that appeared at the corners of his eyes. Remus looked down, his mouth turning down again. "I'm getting old."  
  
"You're getting beautiful," Sirius told him softly, his voice a mere breath against Remus' ear. The werewolf shut his eyes leaning into Sirius. His mate sighed in contentment, looking down at the flecks of grey in Remus' hair. "So beautiful …"  
  
He ran his fingers over Remus shoulder; skin normally as pale as milk but for the scars was now dyed golden by the light of the setting sun. Remus looked up at Sirius; the leaves of the trees outside dappled the sun shining on his face. He ran his hands over Sirius' smooth, now-gold skin. Sirius moved his fingers up into the werewolf's hair, which had turned bronze. Remus drew in a shuddering breath. He could never tire of looking at Sirius, especially when he looked as perfect as this.  
  
Sirius leant forwards, whispering his name, and brushed his lips to Remus'. The werewolf shut his eyes, every nerve so sensitive to Sirius that he could tell exactly were his mate was without his eyes. He sighed as Sirius trailed oh-so-gentle kisses down his neck until he reached his shoulder and then rested his head there, his lips just touching the skin of his neck. Remus breathed, "You're amazing …"  
  
Sirius chuckled, running the fingertips of one hand up Remus' arm. The werewolf shivered in pleasure. It was moments like this that made his life worth living; that drove away the shadows in his head; that made him love Sirius more than ever before. It was when Sirius acted like this that Remus could really see why he had fallen in love.  
  
Sirius ran his fingers over Remus' lips and whispered, "I love you."  
  
Remus trembled. He breathed, "I love it when you say it first …"  
  
Sirius smiled; even though Remus couldn't see it he could feel it. He opened his eyes again and looked down at Sirius as the animagus raised his head off his shoulder. Amber eyes met deep blue ones and locked. Remus' breath slowed right down as he drank in the look in those eyes. Sirius brushed Remus' cheek with suddenly tentative fingers. He could see the adoration in Remus' eyes and, as always, could barely believe it was he that the werewolf loved. He murmured, "You're the most incredible person I have ever known."  
  
Remus blushed again. Sirius smiled, reaching up to cup Remus' cheek. "You're the same for me."  
  
Remus smiled, his blush deepening. Their eyes met again and Sirius sighed, basking in Remus' gaze. Remus told him softly, "I could look at you all day."  
  
Sirius sighed, snuggling up into Remus' arms, his head under Remus' chin. Remus cuddled him for a long time, his eyes shut, memorising the feel of Sirius' skin and hair as he gently ran his hands over his mate's body.

* * *

Eventually, when the room was almost completely dark, Sirius muttered, "We should go eat."  
  
The werewolf shrugged then nodded, letting him go. He stretched and got out of the bed. Sirius also got up and started to get dressed. Once they were both decent, they went downstairs and Remus started to get some soup going.  
  
There was a knock on the door just as he was pouring the soup into two bowls. Remus spilt the soup all over the floor, swearing, and rushed to get a cloth. Sirius went to answer the door. Remus had just finished mopping up the soup when Sirius shouted, "It's Snape. He wants us both."

* * *

_(A/N: Ooo, what does Snape want? Is it good news – or bad? Or is it because he's really on the side of the Dark Lord and is on an errand for Him? Wait 'till the next chapter to see …  
  
And REVIEW!! NOW! This minute! Do it! Please! There isn't really a good reason. But it'll make me happier than ever. After all, we just won sports' day for the first time EVER! But seriously, when I wrote this, I'd just had a really horrendous day and I don't know how I wrote it … I was in a bad mood, and I usually write really bad angst when I feel bad … Anyway.  
  
Review, please? Make my day even better?)_


	20. Our Friend the Death Eater

**Chapter 20 – Our Friend the Death Eater**  
  
There was a knock on the door … Sirius went to answer the door … Sirius shouted, "It's Snape. He wants us both."

* * *

Remus walked to the door, frowning and said, "Well come in."  
  
Snape, framed in the doorway by darkness and casting a long shadow onto the path outside because of the light from the hall, hissed, "I can't stay long. All I came to say is what Dumbledore told me to. I'm telling everyone in the Order."  
  
"Then why can't we have a meeting?" Remus asked, confused. Snape sighed, his dark eyes flashing with anger. "Because, Lupin, it concerns a member of the Order and if we call a meeting and he is not invited it will cause suspicion. Peter Pettigrew is a Death Eater. I've seen him with my own eyes. The Dark Lord was ordering us to use the Cruciatus curse on him just before I was allowed to leave. I was … forced … to do so …" Snape shuddered. He composed himself almost immediately and said, "Do not let on that you know he is a Death Eater. He will continue coming to meetings, but we will discuss more pressing matters through letters."  
  
Sirius stared at Snape. "And you expect us to believe that?"  
  
"Actually, yes. I can show you the memory, if you like. It's in my pensive at home; I can go get it … besides, I've got a letter from Dumbledore saying that it's true – he gave me some Veritaserum to make sure I was telling the truth – "  
  
"Snape, I'm not thick. I know what Veritaserum does. OK, I didn't get an O in potions like you, but nor did I get a T. If you remember, I got an E," Remus told him calmly. Sirius was leaning heavily on the wall, looking horrified. Remus slid an arm around his waist, ignoring Snape who was wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Are you all right?"  
  
For a moment, Sirius didn't answer. Remus reached up and brushed his cheek. Snape took a step back. Remus sighed, about to reprimand Snape for being revolted by them – after all, he could have seen a lot worse – but Sirius cut him off, snarling, "I almost told him!"  
  
"You almost told him what?" Snape asked coldly, a sneer curling his lip.  
  
"The Secret, you idiot!" Sirius growled through gritted teeth. "I nearly told him where Lilly and James are!"  
  
Snape shut his eyes, annoyance flashing across his face. "You didn't, though? Good. Just don't let your tongue slip, Black."  
  
"Don't make it sound like I'm about to run out into the street and shout it to the world!"  
  
"Why not? It's the sort of action that's just about the level of stupidity you normally sink to!"  
  
Sirius growled, but Remus grabbed his arm and said loudly, "That's enough! Both of you. Stop acting like children."  
  
"I will if he does."  
  
"Sirius, shut up," Remus ordered calmly, watching the expression of vein-popping annoyance fade from Snape's face. Sirius shut up. Snape paused for a moment then continued, "Dumbledore thinks he may have been responsible for the attack on the Opera House, since the Potters were there and no other wizards were – apart from you two, Pettigrew and the attacker."  
  
Remus asked, "Why did he warn them, then? Why did he tell them about Voldemort wanting them dead at their wedding?"  
  
Snape flinched at the name, but otherwise kept his composure. Sirius replied for him. "Maybe there is a little decency left in him. Maybe he used the last shreds of it to warm them. It's probably why he was asking so many questions last night …"  
  
"Peter was here? Why?" Remus asked.  
  
Sirius shrugged "I needed help with the cleaning and I didn't particularly want Jorja or Cassandra around, picking at my tidying. And Yasmin has the same method of cleaning up as me – shove it in a drawer and forget it. He was asking about whether we'd done the spell yet."  
  
"You told him what?" Snape asked, his voice harsh and – surprisingly – worried.  
  
"I told him we hadn't. He wanted to know what part of the country and about any other spells James was going to put up. The whole thing was bizarre – I mean, I didn't suspect him, but he was asking so much and he was looking at me like I was dead on my feet… so I told him I was tired and he left. But it can't be true, can it?"  
  
"The Death Eaters were cursing him because he had failed to become the Potters' secret keeper."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Oh indeed. I would advise you to protect this house. They will know you are the Secret Keeper, so … well, let's just say the Dark Lord wants them dead at all costs. You're in danger too. Now, however, I must go. I have to tell the others beside you yet."  
  
He apparated before either of them could stop him – not that they wanted to. Remus shut the door slowly and whistled. "Do you believe him?"  
  
"Peter's been avoiding us lately – and he's been really quiet at the Order."  
  
"And he was questioning you about Lilly and James the other night …"  
  
Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know who to trust any more, Remmie … I'm scared …"  
  
Remus pulled him into a hug. "You can always trust me. Remember that."  
  
Sirius swallowed. "I know …"  
  
"I love you. You know that, too, don't you?"  
  
"That's the one thing I can never doubt. I love you more …" Sirius replied, leaning his head onto Remus' shoulder. The werewolf laughed softly, leaning his head against Sirius'. They stood like that for a long while, simply enjoying being close.

* * *

The next morning, Remus woke up and looked over at Sirius, who was still sleeping. He whispered, "You're so peaceful when you're asleep."  
  
The animagus muttered something and wriggled further down under the covers. Remus gently kissed Sirius' cheek and said, "Wake up. It's morning."  
  
Sirius stirred, but didn't wake; instead he rolled over onto his side away from Remus and pulled the covers over his head. Remus hauled them back and said, smiling, "Sirius, get up. You can't have a lie in or you won't be able to go to sleep tonight. Come on, Siri!"  
  
Sirius screwed his eyes tight shut and muttered, "Go away!"  
  
Remus pulled him onto his back and rolled over on top of him and said, "Sirius, I know you're awake. Stop messing about. Come on, you said you'd visit Lilly and James this morning."  
  
Sirius cracked open one eye. "Can't a man get any sleep around here?"  
  
Remus smiled and leant down to kiss him. "You promised. And it's nearly ten already."  
  
Sirius pushed the werewolf off and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He swung his legs out of bed and turned back to Remus, who was still lying under the blankets looking incredibly comfortable. "And what about you?"  
  
"Oh, I'm not well. Doctors' orders to stay in bed and get lots of rest for a few days."  
  
Sirius scowled at him, but still got up and went into the bathroom. He turned on the shower and got in, cursing self-righteous werewolves, doctors who advised lots of rest and best friends who needed visiting on a Sunday morning.   
  
Sirius decided that if he had anything to do with it, there wouldn't BE any 'morning' on Sundays. The day would begin around one in the afternoon. He shut his eyes, ducking his head under the hot water and running his fingers into his hair.  
  
Suddenly, he felt cool fingers massaging his shoulders. Remus. "Don't be mad at me."  
  
Sirius smiled, turning around. "I'm not mad at you. I just hate getting up so early."  
  
"You call this early?"  
  
"For a Sunday, yeah," Sirius replied, pulling Remus further under the shower with him. "Don't look at me like that. I'm just not a morning person."  
  
"I don't mind," Remus smiled, linking his hands behind Sirius' back. Sirius smiled back, running his fingertips up and down Remus' spine, making the werewolf shudder. Remus stepped closer, tugging Sirius forwards at the same time. Sirius' fingers moved to Remus hair, his lips descending to cover the werewolf's. Remus snuggled closer, crushing his body against Sirius'. The animagus whimpered. There was no ignoring the fact both he and Remus were hard now.  
  
He thrust his hips forwards at the same moment at Remus did. They groaned in unison, their hands suddenly fumbling to touch as much of each other's wet skin as possible. Remus' hands found Sirius' cock and started to stroke. Sirius moaned, his fingers automatically moving to Remus', and within seconds they had both lost themselves in the bliss of each other's touch.

* * *

"Now you've not got time for a proper breakfast," Remus whined, ten minutes later. Sirius grabbed his toast out of the toaster and took a bite of one slice while buttering the other.  
  
"Whose fault is that? I didn't ask for some company in the shower. Remus, don't look at me like that; I wasn't complaining! Please don't go into a huff."  
  
"I do not go into huffs! I'm just worried about you …"  
  
"Stop fussing; I'll live. I'll beg something from Lilly," Sirius replied, his mouth full. Remus shook his head and kissed Sirius' cheek. Sirius swallowed the toast and wrapped his arms around Remus, careful not to get either melted butter or toast crumbs on his back. "Is that all I get?"  
  
Remus smiled and kissed Sirius properly. Within second, the kiss had become deep and their tongues were fighting for supremacy. Finally, Remus pulled back. "Now get lost before they start to worry. And don't forget to tell them about Peter!"  
  
Sirius nodded resignedly, waved to Remus and apparated. The werewolf slumped down at the table and sighed. Sirius never listened. He never paid attention. It drove Remus around the bend.  
  
God, Sirius had the knack of driving him mad down to an art form. And the thing was, the really annoying thing was, he also had the way of looking at Remus with those big sorrowful eyes, giving him that look he couldn't resist; he'd be forgiven in an instant.  
  
And they'd end up sprawled on the couch together listening to the Muggle radio or watching TV, exchanging increasingly heated kisses and touches until one of them (usually Remus) decided it was about time they went upstairs.  
  
Remus smiled. Yes, Sirius would always be forgiven. The werewolf suddenly laughed. Before even getting angry he had forgiven Sirius for not listening.

* * *

James jumped when Sirius apparated in the hall. He popped his head around the kitchen door and yelled, "What'd you have to scare me like that for!"  
  
"Sorry! You're the one who wanted the visit! God, I can't do anything right!" Sirius complained, going into the kitchen and slumping down in a chair, his arms folded, a petulant look on his face. James sighed, "Look, I'm sorry. I just thought it was Voldemort come after us."  
  
"You thought I'd give you up?"  
  
James smiled and shook his head. Sirius smiled back. "Where's Lilly?"  
  
"In the bedroom. She's not feeling too well."  
  
"Really? What a shame," Sirius said cheerfully, picking up a packet of cornflakes off the table and pouring himself some into James' bowl. James complained, "Hey, that bowl's mine!"  
  
Sirius muttered an insincere apology and continued eating. James got out another bowl and sat down opposite. He poured himself some breakfast and started to eat quickly. "Had an argument with Moony and had to make a break for it before he started throwing things, did you?"  
  
"No," Sirius said, glaring at James. "I didn't have time for a proper breakfast is all."  
  
"Tired? Did Remus keep you up all night?"  
  
"Don't be crass, Prongs! I was tired, yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You don't seriously expect me to answer that," Sirius commented. James nodded. Sirius scowled. "Right, I'm changing the subject now. Did you see much of Peter before you were locked up here?"  
  
"No … well, he dropped in a couple of times at the old place, asking what we were doing to protect the house."  
  
"Did you tell him anything," Sirius asked sharply, leaning forwards. James shook his head, frowning. Sirius sighed in relief and continued, "Thank the Lord. He's a Death Eater, James."  
  
"What?" James laughed. "Are you mad, Padfoot? Wormtail? A Death Eater? Don't make me laugh! He doesn't have the brain or the courage!"  
  
Sirius growled, "Snape came round last night to tell us. He was supposed to become your Secret Keeper so he could sell you to Voldemort. James, I know I've always hated Snape, but Dumbledore believes him and … this time I have to as well. Peter came around a couple of days ago to help me tidy up and he was asking loads of questions – about you and Lilly."  
  
"So? Maybe he was just worried."  
  
"Maybe he knows they're going to come after me. He was staring at me like I was dying, Jim. He knows Voldemort's going to try and kill me for information about you," Sirius explained as calmly as he could. Suddenly he didn't feel like finishing his bowl of cereal. James too put down his spoon.  
  
"Sirius, I – "  
  
"I'm not going to do anything stupid, but I am not telling him where you are."  
  
"Promise you won't put yourself in deliberate danger?"  
  
"I promise. Why would I do something that stupid, anyway? Really don't answer that or I may have to hurt you. Do you believe me? About Peter?"  
  
"Ye-es. I mean, why would you lie to me? But … It's just so unlikely …"  
  
"I know. I don't like it either. But … it's too risky to not believe Snape right now."  
  
James nodded. "I'd better go tell Lilly, hadn't I?"  
  
Sirius nodded, picking up his spoon again to finish his breakfast.

* * *

_(A/N: Review, please. It makes me feel better. I just had the most boring day EVER and it will cheer me up! I know it's a load of rubbish – I don't deny it – but please try not to be harsh. I had to let everyone know about Peter SOMEHOW!)_


	21. Lunar

_(End of term rocks!!! Woo! Summer! Holidays in the sun and all that Jazz! Sorry 'bout that. Broke up yesterday for 8 whole weeks! Yay! I would've updated yesterday but the bloody thing refused to let me log in! swears Bloody stupid thing. Anyway, back to the only reason you're here – the fanfic!)_

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Lunar  
**  
Remus had a headache and it was really starting to get him down. There was absolutely nothing that could get rid of it; he had tried painkillers, silence, sleep, no caffeine, darkness, icepacks …  
  
Nothing was shifting the dull ache in his head, not even being curled up next to Sirius, while his mate massaged his temples. And it was spreading. His neck was beginning to ache, and all down his back and arms. Next it would be his legs. This full moon was going to be very, very hard to live through. And he would probably freeze outside, if Padfoot couldn't persuade him to go to sleep under the tree …  
  
There was a tree at the bottom of the garden, spelled so that no water penetrated the leaves and so that the wind wasn't as strong beneath the tree. There was also a spell on the tree to make the area warm. Since Remus couldn't change back to his human form inside – the wolf could rip the house apart – they had decided to set up the shelter beneath the tree to make the transformation back easier. It was particularly important in winter, because of the cold temperatures and unpredictable weather.  
  
He whimpered. Sirius kissed the top of his head, trying to keep as quiet as possible. "Sirius, I don't feel well."  
  
Remus was good at stating the obvious at this time of the month. Sirius tried not to smile or snap. He asked softly, "Anything I can do?"  
  
Remus thought about shaking his head, but decided to speak instead. "No …"  
  
Sirius kissed the back of his neck and murmured, "Why don't you let me share some of the pain?"  
  
Remus shook his head, instantly regretting it. He whined, "I couldn't do that to you, love …"  
  
Sirius sighed and rolled onto his back, leaning the werewolf's head back onto his chest. Remus had never, ever agreed to let him share some of the pain he felt every full moon, except when he had been ill. And that hadn't exactly been voluntary. It meant that for a couple of days before and after each full moon, Remus went through hell. Today was the day before the December full moon night therefore it was the worst. Luckily, Christmas was still quite a way off and he would be fine.  
  
Remus sat up, slowly and carefully. Sirius frowned, sitting up too, and kissed his cheek. "What's the matter?"  
  
"I can't get comfy," Remus replied, his voice tired. Sirius rubbed his shoulders gently, kissing his way up his neck. Remus leant back, closing his eyes in an attempt to shut out the pain.  
  
"Tell me how to make it better …"  
  
Remus pushed him backwards onto the bed so he lay sprawled. Then he lay down next to him and snuggled up so that, comfy as Remus might have been, Sirius was extremely uncomfortable. "Uh … love, is there any other position you could be in? It's just … your elbow's digging into my stomach and – ow! – you're … you're pushing me off the bed!"  
  
Remus sat up, his temper flaring. "You know, you never stop complaining! Have a bit of consideration; I'm not well! I have to go through hell tonight! Every bone in my body breaks and my skin feels like it burns … and all you can do is complain that I'm leaning on you!"  
  
Sirius started to stutter an apology. Remus said icily, "Go and get me something for my stomach."  
  
Sirius bolted as quickly as possible, running downstairs to get some hot brandy and sugar water and a hot water bottle. When he tentatively returned up the stairs and opened the door as quietly as possible, he found Remus sobbing into his pillow. Sirius held back a sigh. He hated the full-moon-syndrome mood swings. He hurried over to the bedside, sitting on the edge. He put the drink down on the bedside cabinet and the hot water bottle on the bed.  
  
Remus wailed, "I shouldn't have said that to you!"  
  
"It's OK, mate. I know it hurts right now. It's OK."  
  
Remus threw himself at Sirius. The animagus wrapped his arms around Remus and cuddled him close. He grabbed the hot water bottle and said, "Here, try that."  
  
Remus held it to his stomach with one hand, the other looped around Sirius' neck. "Stay with me?"  
  
Sirius nodded. He would rather be with Remus than anywhere else anyway. And it wasn't as if he had planned to do anything interesting that afternoon except maybe go shopping. Remus would win over that any day.

* * *

That afternoon Snape knocked on the door and waited. After a moment, Sirius opened it. "You."  
  
"Yes, me. What do you want?"  
  
"I have something for Lupin. I wrote to him some time ago asking him if he would like to have some of this potion made for him. A wizard in the Ministry invented it; it allows a werewolf to keep his mind, or at least, control the wolf a little. I have his return letter here, accepting it. In case you didn't believe me and presume I was trying to poison your … your mate."  
  
Sirius took the letter and said, "Excuse me a minute. Do come in. Shut the door behind you."  
  
Sirius trotted upstairs, letter in hand. Once out of sight of Snape's black glare, he changed into the dog and sniffed at the paper. It had looked like Remus' handwriting, but it could still be a forgery. However, it also smelt like Remus. Still …  
  
He changed back into a human, picked up the paper and took it to Remus. "Did you send this to Snape?"  
  
Remus took it. "Yes, I did. Why, is he downstairs?"  
  
"Yeah, with a potion," Sirius replied, taking the letter back. "Shall I bring him up, or just the potion?"  
  
"You may as well bring Snape. He can explain what he couldn't in his letter."  
  
Sirius brought Snape upstairs and the wizard explained. Sirius left the room once Snape was with Remus and went downstairs. He couldn't stand being close to Snape for much longer than five minutes.  
  
Snape left ten minutes later, leaving the potion.

* * *

That night, Sirius and Remus walked outside under cover of some clouds. They were barefoot – shoes were an added complication to Remus' already difficult transformation, even if the ground was almost freezing. Luckily it hadn't snowed and it was an unusually mild winter. "Sirius, don't let me get out of control – "  
  
"I won't. Have I ever? How will I know if the potion's worked?" Sirius asked, gently putting an arm around Remus' shoulders as they went into the shadow of one of the trees. It wasn't just a companionable gesture; Remus was at his weakest on the night of the full moon, and he had suddenly gone very pale. Sirius had sensed it wasn't his words that had had the effect on him. Remus sighed. "I don't know. Severus didn't say. He just gave it to me. Sirius, I … I don't want to wait out here until midnight. I just want to get this transformation over with, because … waiting will just make it more painful."  
  
Sirius nodded. Before Remus stepped out into the moonlight, Sirius grabbed his arm. "Let me have some of – "  
  
"No. Sirius – "  
  
Sirius, however, ignored Remus' protest and pulled at their mental connection, stopping the werewolf from closing it. /This time, I'm sharing your pain, Remus. Whether you want me to or not. Because I love you, Remus, and I can't let you do this alone. You know that when you were … ill … on the full moon I felt some of what you have to go through. Since then I've been wrestling with my conscience about this. I can't let you do this on your own any more./  
  
Remus sighed, trying and failing to pull back his feelings. Sirius turned into the dog and lay down under the tree. /I'm waiting, Remus. Just go change./  
  
Remus sighed again, even more deeply. He stepped out into the moonlight. The light touched his bare skin and sank in, reaching the bone. Remus gasped as pain lashed through every inch of skin and each fibre of bone. He heard Padfoot whine as he took up some of the pain, and the burning in every cell eased a little. Remus pulled back as much as he could, allowing his body to relax as the effects of the moonlight began to affect him more violently.  
  
His clothes ripped as his body shape changed. They were torn to shreds as he fell to his knees, screaming, his knees breaking and twisting to become wolf's limbs rather than human ones before healing. His fingers and toes shortened and fused to become pads, causing Remus to cry out. His skull and jaw lengthened and changed shape, and his teeth became sharp and pointed. He arched his back, howling, as his spine lengthened to make a tail. Fur was starting to grow with burning speed all over his body, making every inch of skin itch and ache. His ears became pointed as they changed position on his head with horrendous pain as the skin tore and then re-sealed.  
  
His senses suddenly sharpened as his vision blurred and then came back, though in startling greyscale. He could smell the blood and fear on himself and on the rags that remained of his clothing. He whimpered and curled into a tight ball as the moonlight released its torturous grip.  
  
Padfoot padded over to the ball of fur that was the werewolf. Pain was still lashing through his body, but he ignored it. He knew Remus would only have let him take a small part of the hurt the transformation caused. He nuzzled into a small gap between two of Moony's paws. The werewolf whined, recognising the dog's scent as his mate's, and uncurled slightly.  
  
/Padfoot …/ he growled in the animagus' head. The wolf was glad to see him. He lay down and nuzzled into Moony's fur, making small, soothing noises until he recovered from the pain. He licked at the werewolf's muzzle, asking, /Are you all right?/  
  
Moony replied in the affirmative and scrambled to his feet. Padfoot stood too, watching him carefully. The werewolf suddenly shook his head and whimpered, rearing to paw at his ears. Padfoot asked what was wrong. He received a garbled, incomprehensible answer. Both the wolf and Remus were trying to reply at once. The wolf threw back his head and howled. Padfoot took a couple of steps back, his eyes worried.  
  
Suddenly, Moony froze, the howl dying in his throat. He lowered his head and looked confused. Padfoot slowly approached the werewolf. The wolf growled, but stopped after a moment, shaking his head as if trying to dislodge a presence there.  
  
/He can control me!/ the wolf howled. Padfoot barked a laugh and trotted over to push his head under Moony's chin. The wolf whimpered, nuzzling into the dog's fur. Padfoot shivered agreeably, though he could smell the werewolf's fear and panic. He reassured him, /It's all right, Moony. It's all right./  
  
/The potion worked, but …Sirius, I can't completely control him yet. Be careful,/ Remus said suddenly, his voice weak inside Padfoot's head as it always was when the wolf took charge. /I'll be careful. I always am, mate./  
  
Moony suddenly stepped back and barked, his golden-brown eyes mischievous, then took off down the length of the garden. Padfoot followed, barking equally loudly. Finally he caught up with Moony as he slowed to turn so he could avoid a tree. He knocked the wolf to the ground and they rolled on the grass, play-fighting in the blue glare of the moonlight. Eventually, Moony ended up on top, pinning Padfoot down with his powerful front paws.  
  
The dog looked up at him, panting slightly. Moony's eyes clamed and became gentle. He leant down and licked at Padfoot's muzzle. Padfoot whimpered in pleasure. Moony let go of his shoulders and lay down beside him, still nuzzling into him. Moony laid his head down on Padfoot's front paws and allowed the dog to snuggle into him. Padfoot started to wash his face with his rough tongue, licking away the blood left there by the transformation.

* * *

The next morning, Remus woke curled up beside Sirius under the tree. The animagus was already awake. "Good morning. You OK?"  
  
Remus nodded. Sirius leant down and buried his head in Remus' bare shoulder. Remus sighed and moved both hands up to Sirius' hair, running his fingers into it and tangling them there so that Sirius couldn't move. The animagus smile and licked the pale skin on Remus' shoulder. A tremor ran through the werewolf's body. He rolled over to face Sirius as the animagus began to nip at the skin on his neck.  
  
Remus moaned as Sirius bit hard enough to bruise. Then he sucked on the spot, drawing Remus' dark blood through the weakened skin and running his tongue over the spot to taste it. The werewolf twisted. Sirius rolled on top of him, preventing him from moving. Remus writhed, twisting his neck to allow Sirius better access to more of the skin there. The animagus' smile widened as he nibbled his way up Remus' neck to his ear and bit, hard, on his earlobe. Remus yelped then gasped as Sirius tickled the familiar sensitive spot behind his ear with his tongue, which then decided to explore Remus' ear further.  
  
Remus wriggled underneath him, purring in pleasure as Sirius moved his lips down his neck again. Sirius knew he didn't have long before Remus' lupine impulses kicked in; he could feel Remus' skin starting to heat up under his fingers, and sense the arousal saturating every muscle, every fibre, every cell of his body.  
  
He moved down onto Remus' chest, licking around and then over his nipple. Remus whined, arching under Sirius' body. The animagus could feel his own hardness growing with each movement Remus was making, but he forced himself to calm down. He needed to give Remus this. He blew gently on Remus' damp skin, causing goosebumps to spread from the spot. Remus gasped, his eyes shutting as his head fell back onto the ground, softer than the rest because of the heating charm. Sirius took Remus' nipple into his mouth and rubbed his rough tongue against the skin. Remus' hips bucked under him.  
  
Sirius suddenly found himself on the flat of his back, a totally licentious werewolf crouching over him, watching him with burning eyes. Remus bent and whispered in his ear. "My turn, Padfoot."  
  
Sirius groaned, shutting his eyes as Remus pulled his t-shirt over his head. All thoughts were gone now, but for carnal wishes dating back before thought. Remus ducked his head and nibbled along Sirius' collarbone, causing a sigh of pleasure from his mate. He moved further down, nuzzling into Sirius' chest for a moment, licking along several claw marks down his sides, remnants of a previous full moon. The moved down to Sirius stomach and licked around his navel.  
  
Sirius decided he was wearing too many items of clothing. He pushed Remus off, earning himself a growl of displeasure from the werewolf. He reached down and started to fumble with the fastenings of his now too-tight jeans. Remus batted his shaking hands away and ripped them apart to get to Sirius' body.  
  
"I didn't know you could do that!"  
  
Remus grinned and replied, his voice harsh, "Being a werewolf does have its advantages – lycanthrope strength this close to the full moon."  
  
With that, Remus leant down and claimed Sirius' mouth as his own again, running his tongue along his mate's as if to take in the taste. Sirius' hips bucked into empty air, fighting to find glorious friction to ease the sharp pain of his arousal. Remus lowered his body slowly down onto Sirius' again.  
  
Sirius' eyes flickered shut; all movement between them ceased for one pure, blissful moment as the full length of their bodies touched. Sirius' face twitched into the ghost of a frown at the intense love rushing through him. Then Remus gasped and broke the spell of the moment. Their bodies began to move again, hips grinding and thrusting together as they moaned in pleasure. Sirius' fingers found their way into Remus' hair and pulled him down into a searing kiss.  
  
Remus whispered, "I love you."  
  
Sirius shut his eyes and leant his head against Remus' chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I want you … I really, really want you. Now."  
  
The werewolf smiled and kissed the top of Sirius' head. "I'll hurt you if I take you now."  
  
Sirius looked up into Remus' eyes, quite calmly. The werewolf smiled and slunk down Sirius' body, sensing that his mate knew what he was doing. Sirius rolled over onto his stomach and went up on all fours. Remus sucked on two of his fingers for a moment, then ran them down Sirius' back, making him shiver. He traced the outline of the paw print tattooed onto Sirius' back, smiling gently. Sirius moaned; Remus knew full well that the tattoo marked one of the most sensitive points on his body, and he knew how to exploit that knowledge. Then he quickly licked his fingers again and pushed them inside his mate's body, earning a gasp. Sirius whined as he slowly moved the fingers around inside him. Eventually Remus asked, slightly breathlessly, "Now what? That's still going to hurt you …"  
  
However, Sirius turned around, pushed Remus over onto his back and ducked his head, quickly taking the whole length of his cock into his mouth. Remus gasped in surprise as Sirius slicked his length with saliva. "Sirius … oh, God, Sirius … ahh!"  
  
When he was an inch from coming, the animagus pulled back. "Which way do you want to do this?"  
  
Remus shrugged, looking up at Sirius from flat on his back. He breathed, "Any way you want."  
  
Sirius smiled, lying down on top of Remus before he rolled them over so their positions were reversed. "This way works for me."  
  
Remus smiled and buried his head in Sirius' shoulder, gently thrusting forwards. Sirius' breath caught, his eyes flickering shut. Slowly, Remus started to push in and out of Sirius' body, kissing along the line of his neck and shoulder. The animagus turned his head and kissed the corner of Remus' mouth as the werewolf turned to look at him. Their eyes met, then closed as pure lust flooded their bodies. Sirius sighed and gasped in pleasure and Remus moved his fingers down to his cock as started to stroke and rub along its hard length. Remus groaned, drinking in Sirius' passion. Nothing else ever made him feel this good.  
  
Suddenly, Remus whispered quickly, his voice harsh with desire, "Sirius … there's … still one thing I'm – I'm addicted to …"  
  
Sirius' heart twisted, remembering the days he had spent next to a hospital bed in which Remus lay, freezing cold and comatose. He replied shakily and, it has to be said, breathlessly, "What's that?"  
  
Remus smiled, looking down into Sirius' black-sapphire eyes. He murmured, "You."  
  
Sirius shut his eyes and let his head fall back against the ground. His lips twitched into a smile. Suddenly, Remus squeezed his cock, hard. Sudden, wonderful pain flashed through him; his back arched as he felt an orgasm race fire up his spine to blow his mind. He gasped, then groaned as Remus' cock finally found his g-spot. "Moony – oh – oh, Remmie … Rem-uus!"  
  
He came, forcefully, spilling his seed against Remus' stomach. The werewolf smiled, though Sirius missed it. Remus came a moment later and collapsed on top of Sirius completely spent. The animagus twisted the fingers of one hand into Remus' hair. He muttered something unintelligible. Remus replied with the same sort of mixed-up, contented sound. Sirius smiled and changed position slightly to be more comfortable. Eventually, the two muddled bodies and minds, so closely intertwined they were as good as one, worked out which bits belonged to who and started to work up breath, energy and control over their own minds again. Sirius murmured, "Love you."  
  
Remus whispered the same words back and smiled into Sirius' neck before kissing it gently. Sirius smiled, his eyes still shut, and rested his other arm over Remus' back. Neither of them moved for some time.

* * *

_(Aww, I love this chapter. OK, OK, I admit it. Lemon attack. Ah, well, don't you all just love them together? Tumbleweed rolls past. Crickets chirp O-kay then … and on we go. I promise not to be too evil to Remus any more (at least not physically. Hehe … not telling). PLEASE REVIEW!!! Please? I really do like reading them. Honest.) _


	22. Parechobios

**Chapter 22 – Parechobios**

Remus rubbed his forehead; he had a headache coming on. This always happened after a full moon. He dearly wished Sirius hadn't locked himself in the garage with his bike. Sirius had put the painkillers somewhere obscure and no matter how hard he looked, Remus couldn't find them. In spite of how hard he banged on the garage door, Sirius either couldn't hear him or was ignoring him. Maybe both.

He went into the lounge and lay down on the sofa with his arm across his eyes, trying to remember the spell that would cure his headache. He walked over to the window and pushed it open. Maybe fresh air would do him some good.

Suddenly, there was a small explosion from the garage. Remus yelped in shock and leant out of the window. "Sirius! What the hell are you doing!"

There was no answer. Panic started to scrabble at Remus' heart. Dark smoke was curling from under the door. He took a deep breath and yelled, "SIRIUS! Are you all right? Sirius?"

Suddenly, the garage door opened and Sirius staggered out, coughing. Remus sighed in relief. Sirius slumped down on the cold ground outside the garage. Remus asked tentatively, "Are you OK?"

Sirius looked up and nodded. He was covered in a fine layer of soot and dirt and looked slightly shell-shocked but otherwise fine. Remus smiled, shaking his head, and disappeared from the window to walk around to the front door. Sirius tried to wipe the grime off his face but only succeeded in rubbing it into his skin. After a moment, he gave up, aware he was only making it worse. Remus came out after a few seconds and sat beside Sirius. "What did you do?"

Sirius smiled suddenly. "I did it."

"What did you do?" Remus asked patiently, a smile flickering at his lips, all thought of his headache forgotten. Sirius' eyes were sparkling with excitement and triumph. Sirius looked over at the garage; smoke still plumed from the door. He coughed. "Well, I won't show you just yet. It's probably a bit of a mess in there … but … I made it fly. Well, I think I did. The spell worked, anyway …"

"What, the bike? You made the bike fly?"

"Yeah! I found the spell ages ago, along with one for invisibility, but … you have to hit the chrome just right, or …"

"You didn't hit it just right that time?" Remus asked, already knowing the answer was a yes. Sirius nodded guiltily. Remus laughed. "It doesn't matter. It'll clean and fix. And you can always try your invisibility spell again – or maybe not, if it has a chance of doing that next time. What took you so long, getting out?"

"I think I managed to do something … odd to the light bulb, and that smoke was really thick, so I couldn't see a bloody thing in there. It took me ages to find the door, let alone open it!" Sirius replied. Remus put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. Sirius protested that he was covered in muck, but Remus ignored him, kissing his forehead. He murmured, "Sirius, I love you whether you're covered in chocolate sauce or soot. Of course, chocolate sauce would be preferable …"

"Kinky bastard," Sirius chuckled, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder. The werewolf hit his arm, then nuzzled into his hair, causing Sirius to whine in pleasure and snuggle closer.

A few minutes later, an owl disturbed them by landing on the eaves and hooting loudly. Remus looked up and saw it had a letter held firmly in its beak. He held out his arm; it swooped down, landed on his arm for a moment while it dropped the letter and then flew away, hooting softly.

Sirius picked it up and slit it open. He pulled out the letter and read it carefully, his eyes widening with every word. Remus frowned and leant to read the letter over his shoulder. Sirius twisted away. Remus shook his head, sighing. Sirius finished reading and said, as thought Remus hadn't already guessed, "It's from that charity of Jorja's."

"Really," Remus replied sarcastically. Sirius took a deep breath and told him, "They said we can go down and see them."

Remus' mouth dropped open. "Really?"

There was no trace of sarcasm this time. His stomach twisted with nerves at the thought. Sirius nodded. He said, "Took their time replying, didn't they?"

Then he laughed, "If they could see me now, I wonder if they'd still want us to go down?"

Remus laughed too. After a moment, the laughter died. "What about me … and the … the drugs?"

Sirius kissed his cheek. "That's over. You're OK now. It's not going to happen ever again. I won't let you get so low again …"

"Thank you."

"I'd do anything for you. Besides, I think a single lapse that was my fault anyway isn't as serious as nearly blowing up half a house."

They both laughed again. Suddenly, impulsively, Remus threw his arms around Sirius' neck and hugged him tightly. He whispered "Don't …"

Still holding him tightly, Sirius asked gently, "Don't what?"

Remus replied, "Don't know …"

Sirius chuckled, kissing the top of Remus' head. He sighed and held Remus tighter. The werewolf eventually asked, "When do they want us?"

"The day after tomorrow. I've got an address so we can apparate, or something …"

Remus nodded slowly, his head still resting on Sirius' chest. He whispered, "Love you, Siri. Even when you blow up the garage."

The animagus grinned. "I love you too."

Remus leant back so he could look up into Sirius' eyes. He said, "You really need a wash."

Sirius laughed softly, looking at Remus. "You looked at yourself lately?"

Remus looked down and saw that his clothes and hands were also covered in dirt. He shook his head and stood up, pulling Sirius to his feet. He spun him towards the house and marched him inside to get a shower.

* * *

The next day

Sirius apparated inside the Potters' house, in the kitchen right beside James. He growled at him, "I really wish you'd stop doing that!"

"It's quicker! I won't next time – don't kill me!"

James grinned. "Don't want to. Not today. Nothing could put me in a bad mood … within reason. Don't push your luck."

Sirius frowned. "Why? What happened?"

"Well – " James began but was cut off by a scream of "James, when I get over this bloody morning sickness, you're dead!"

Sirius frowned. "Morning sickness? That sounds … interesting!"

"It isn't a good thing. She's tetchy; sick all the time – why do they call it morning sickness when it's all the time? – has really bad mood swings … well you get the picture, right?"

Sirius grinned. "James! You're going to have a baby and you never told me!"

"Well it's not like it's yours, is it?" James growled.

"How long's she been pregnant for then?" Sirius asked, still grinning insanely and sounding hysterical. James scowled. "A month. It's hell. How can I stand nine months of this?"

Lilly screamed something unintelligible. James winced. "Look, I'd better go see if she's OK. Back in a minute."

Five minutes later, Lilly came downstairs, scowling, on James' arm. "Hello."

"Hi. How're you feeling?"

"Like crap," Lilly replied, punching James on the arm. "Thanks to him!"

"Oh, you're in trouble, Jamie!" Sirius said, grinning insanely. James jumped at Sirius and grabbed his shoulders to shake him hard. "Don't call me that! Shut up!"

Sirius pushed him off. "Ah, leave me alone; I was joking."

James let him go and sat down next to Lilly. She elbowed him in the stomach and said to Sirius, "Don't ever get pregnant! Ever!"

"Like I could anyway. But come on, be realistic – surely the kid'll be worth it," Sirius replied, trying to be comforting. Lilly looked at him.

"Sirius, I'll believe that when I've got it in my arms. Now go away; I feel ill again," Lilly said threateningly. Sirius held up his hands and picked up his coat. "I'm going, I'm going!"

With that, he apparated back home. "Moony! Guess what?"

The werewolf was in the living room, totally engrossed in a book. Sirius grinned. Remus glanced up, not really seeing Sirius, still concentrating on whatever he was reading. "What?"

"James is having a baby."

"Oh, that's – WHAT!"

* * *

The next day

"Well," said Sirius. "We're here."

Remus looked up at the building in front of them. It was a shabby-looking block of flats – at least from the outside. Suddenly, a van drove past down the dilapidated, North London street, drenching them both in slush from the gutter. Sirius yelled after him, "Merry Christmas to you too!"

"Leave it," Remus told him softly, looking around warily before pulling out his wand and casting a drying and cleaning spell on their clothes before they moved towards the door. There was a panel on the side of the door, waiting for a code to be punched in to open the door. Sirius tapped in the security code, which was on the letter, and they walked inside.

The inside of the building was painted white and silver. Above the front desk was the name of the charity – Parechobios – in magically glittering, silvery letters. Remus touched Sirius arm and nodded at the desk. Sirius took a deep breath and walked to the desk, Remus following him closely. He coughed to get the girl's attention and said, "We – we got a letter saying we could come down anytime today…"

She smiled and said, "OK, what're your names, please?"

They gave her their names and she looked at a list then stood up and said, "All right, please follow me and I'll take you to the consultant you've been allocated. Oh, and sorry it's so close to Christmas, and short notice. We're been moving premises. It's all very new, here."

"It looks it," Sirius muttered as she led them up the first flight of stairs and then down a long, white corridor to a door. She smiled again and said, "When you're ready just knock and go in. Good luck! And Merry Christmas!"

Once she was gone, they looked at each other nervously. Remus chewed on his bottom lip. Sirius glanced at the door. "We've got to go in there sometime."

The werewolf nodded in reply. He swallowed hard. "I'm worried …"

Sirius smiled and stroked his cheek. "I know. Me too."

Remus' lips twitched in a smile. He turned to the door and knocked. A witch a couple of inches shorter than Remus with curly chestnut hair to her shoulders and brown eyes opened the door and grinned at them. "Hi, my name's Christine Skeeter. Please, call me Chris. Merry Christmas. Come on in; make yourself at home."

The room beyond was much more homely than the rest of the building. There was a sturdy pine desk with, ironically enough for a Wizarding place, a computer sitting on it, buzzing gently. There were several files open on the desk and an open filing cabinet behind it. On the walls, which were painted a very pale shade of lilac, were pictures – mostly landscapes, but there was a family portrait. Sirius walked over to it. Remus asked, "Have we met before?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I went to Hogwarts same as you. I was in Ravenclaw. I was in the year below."

Sirius, recognising another person on the photograph, asked, "You're not related to Rita Skeeter, are you?"

Chris sighed, her amazing smile fading into a scowl. "Yeah, she's my sister. We don't talk much. She writes that horrible gossip column in the _Prophet._ I don't like what she does, you know. She writes a lot of stuff about you two."

"I know," Remus growled. "I wish she'd lay off."

Chris sighed again, rubbing her forehead. "I've told her to stop it, but she ignores me. Most of the things she writes are packs of lies. Hardly anyone reads that column, and if they do they read it for its humorous qualities. They don't believe half the stuff she puts. Anyway, we're not here to discuss my sister – please have a seat."

They sat down opposite her at the desk and she pulled out one of the files. "So. Down to buisness. Any questions, before I give you the usual talk on what exactly happens and everything?"

Remus took a deep breath and asked, "Does … does it really work for most people? W-whatever it is you do?"

Chris smiled gently and nodded. "Usually, yes, it does work well. I volunteered to help just after I left Hogwarts, and since then, personally, I've had two cases that haven't been successful, and when we've tried a second time it worked. I've worked with ten couples so far. That's an eighty percent success rate with me, and a hundred percent if we include second attempts."

"That's pretty good. Thanks. Um … what about me being a – a werewolf?"

Chris' smile didn't even flicker, and she didn't pause. Sirius gave her extra mental brownie points. Not many were unfazed by Remus' lycanthropy. "Doesn't matter to us. You're just a person, like anyone else. Being a werewolf isn't anything to do with us, is it? It doesn't affect anything we need to do, apart from that we can't do anything to you on the day of a full moon."

Remus' lips twitched into a smile. "You – you said you'd go into detail, now …"

Chris smiled and bit her lip. "You know, out of all the things I have to do, explaining this is the hardest. It's dead easy to understand, but … explaining is difficult. OK, anything you don't get, just interrupt … First off we take some of your sex cells, while you're under anaesthetic. Then we split them into two equal halves and put them back together, basically. So each of the cells has half of each of your genetic information. With me so far? Good. Then we introduce you to – in your case – the surrogate mother. See, we can't create miracles, so we still need the female sex cells."

"So how do you know the right person?" Remus asked tentatively. Chris steepled her fingers and paused for a second. "Well, the best thing would be someone you know, a friend or something. But if we can't get a volunteer from them, we introduce you to a couple of the people who say they'd like to help. Then you choose one of them and we take some of her eggs. The sex cells are combined and we put the embryos into her womb. We usually put two embryos into the womb, because there's more chance of one of them surviving. Of course, you could be blessed with twins, couldn't you? Then it's a normal pregnancy for nine months."

Sirius asked, "What if it all goes wrong?"

"We can try again, if you want to – or not, if you prefer. It's completely up to you," she replied softly, smiling reassuringly. Sirius leant back in his chair, looking over at Remus. The werewolf asked, /So what d'you think?/

/You know what I think. I think we should sign whatever papers she wants us to and go for it,/ Sirius replied. Remus bit back a laugh. /OK./

/You tell her, then./

/Wait – how much is this going to cost?/

Sirius shrugged, earning himself an inquiring frown from Chris. He turned to her and asked, "How much do we have to pay for this?"

She grinned. "This is a charity, so we pay for the first time through – apart from the anaesthetics, which have to be Muggle ones, because of the magic we have to use. That makes it quite pricey. And there is a but – if it doesn't work, it could cost you much more. First time round, it comes to … sixty galleons."

Sirius blinked in surprise. "I thought you were going to say more!"

Chris' smile widened. "That's the beauty of us being a charity."

Remus touched Sirius' arm. He asked quietly, "Can we afford that?"

Sirius reached over and stroked his cheek. "Course we can."

Remus closed his eyes, leaning into Sirius' fingers. Sirius smiled gently and tickled the sensitive place behind Remus' ear. The werewolf twitched away, jerking his eyes open. Sirius smirked. /Always could make you squirm!/

Remus punched his arm, albeit gently. /Stop it!/

Chris coughed to get their attention, although she was grinning insanely. "If you want more time to think it over, then fine. All you have to do is sign here, both of you, and we'll sort out a good date for you both."

Sirius glanced over at Remus. The werewolf took a deep breath and reached for the pen.

* * *

A month later (early January, in case you even care)

"Well that was … interesting," Sirius commented, taking Remus' coat to hang it up. Remus sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sirius, you were unconscious. So was I. How is this interesting?"

Sirius shrugged, rubbing his forehead. They had just got home from the first step of the process that would make them parents. Remus was on edge, and therefore tense; it didn't improve Sirius' mood. The werewolf leant against the wall and sighed. Sirius walked over to him and took hold of his shoulders. "It's OK. They said everything was fine."

Remus shook his head, frowning deeply. Sirius kissed his forehead. "What's the matter?"

"It's … it's the mother. We haven't got any friends who'd be willing to do something like that. Hell, Sirius, we've got hardly any friends!"

The animagus pulled him into his arms and whispered, "It's OK; there's got to be someone …"

"Yeah, but – "

Remus was interrupted by an owl swooping in and perching on Sirius' shoulder. It had a letter in its beak. Remus took it and slit it open, while the owl started to preen itself. He said, "Sirius, it's from that girl who shared a dorm with Lilly."

"Remus, there were four girls sharing with Lilly!"

"The Irish one with the funny name, Blade O'Neill. Apparently her husband was killed in a Death Eater attack while she was pregnant and then the baby died."

"Why's she telling us this?" Sirius asked, sighing and running his fingers through his hair. Remus threw him an annoyed look. "If you'll let me finish!"

Sirius shut up. Remus continued, "She says when she lost the baby she applied to the charity so she could help other people who couldn't have children. She hasn't done anything yet, thought … She was talking to Chris a month or so ago at the Christmas party and she mentioned us and Blade said she'd contact us, so do we want to meet her."

"Oh."

"So shall we meet her?"

"Well at least we kind of know her. I think I went out with her once."

"I did. For about a month. Then she kind of noticed I kept staring at you."

Sirius grinned. "Well, I am a nice thing to look at, right?"

"Sirius, you don't need me to tell you that. You know it already," Remus smiled. "I'll write back and ask if we can meet some time."

* * *

_(A/N: That was, to put it bluntly, boring as hell. I just re-read it and guess what? It's official – this is the chapter I hate the most. It's really bad. I like the beginning and kind of the end, but the middle is terrible. I suppose 'coz of all the explaining … anyway._

__

_I think people can actually go through this process. I seem to remember that some friends of David and Victoria Beckham did it and have some children. But my memory might just be crap. And if it's a load of rubbish, then think of it as a commodity of witches and wizards. They can fiddle with a car and make it fly; they have blood-replenishing potions; they can grow bones back – who says they can't do this!_

__

_60 galleons – that's just under £200 (don't know about dollars, because I can't do the conversion) if my calculations are correct. I'm not promising they are, mind you. They could be loads of rubbish. Tell me if you disagree. Also I haven't got a clue how much anaesthetics cost, so don't tell me it's too expensive/too cheap._

__

_Oh, in case you even care about the charity name, Parechobios (Parr-ek-oh-by-os), it's Ancient Greek: Parecho = (I) give, Bios = life. It's kind of crappy and sad, but there you go. That's just me._

__

_Boy was that a long author's note! REVIEW, please! Please! Even flames will be graciously received for this one.)_


	23. Blade

_(A/N: Sorry for the strange time-lapses. We're in late January, now. Just so you know.)  
_

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Blade**  
  
Blade O'Neill had long black hair and grey eyes. She was moderately pretty, but not particularly so. She wore black, grey and white clothes. She was tall and slim and her eyes glistened with mischief. She wore a little eye-liner but otherwise no make-up. When she spoke, her voice was heavily laced with an Irish accent. "Good mornin' to you. Nice day, isn't it, 'specially for the time of year?"  
  
Sirius nodded. It really was a wonderful day for January; although it was quite cold, the sun was shining, there was hardly any wind and the rain of the day before had cleared up as though it had never been there. "Yeah. Lovely. Um … Miss O'Neill, is it?"  
  
"Oh, no, call me Blade, please. Miss O'Neill or Mrs Sheifer sounds so fussy, doesn' it?" she replied, laughter tainting her voice. Her wide smile was starting to get infectious.  
  
"Now what would you like for me to get for you?"  
  
Remus had arranged for the three of them to meet at Florean Fortiscue's Ice-Cream Parlour, in Diagon Alley. They tried, and failed, to persuade her that they would buy their own ice cream. Blade, acting as if she owned the place, ordered herself a banana split with toffee, apple, pineapple and coffee flavoured ice cream. Sirius got a small bowl of Neapolitan, while Remus ordered a bowl of 'Chocolate Midnight Cookies' Haagen-Dazs (A/N: I have never had it, but I really wish I had. cries. And I just put it in there for no apparent reason)  
  
Blade stared at him. He looked up at her. "What?"  
  
"I just didn't think you'd be a chocolate ice-cream person," she replied carefully. Sirius snorted and smiled across at the werewolf. "You'd be awfully surprised. Many people are."  
  
She laughed, her face lightening further. "You know, from all the things I've heard about you recently, Mr Black, I didn't think you'd be so easy to talk to. After all, you and that friend of yours, James Potter, dragged the Cannons from the gutter. Care to tell me why you left?"  
  
"We're just talking a break, that's all."  
  
"Any idea when you'll get back to them? I'm a great fan, you see, and I hate to see them lose," Blade said, her eyes smiling. Sirius shrugged and replied, "Don't know. Oh, and please call me Sirius. After all, you're letting us call you by your first name."  
  
They chatted for a while until their ice creams came, then ate in silence. The conversation eventually drifted off into tense comments about the weather, until Blade broached the subject that had brought them together in the first place. She asked, very tentatively, "So. You want children, right?"  
  
Remus swallowed hard and smiled suddenly. "It's so much easier to talk about in writing, isn't it?"  
  
Blade laughed softly, nodded. Sirius answered her question. "Yes, we do. Care to enlighten us about why you wrote to us?"  
  
"Well … to tell the truth, I don't know. I just … I knew you and I thought, why not. You're nice enough – hell, you're really great! You – I suppose I thought you deserved this … I don't know," she replied quickly.  
  
Sirius blushed and said, "Thank you."  
  
They talked for a while longer, agreeing on a date – the 1st February – then the conversation tailed off into a slightly more relaxed silence. Blade, however, started to fiddle with her napkin. Sirius noticed first. "Blade, you don't look like a fiddler. What's the matter?"  
  
She looked up sharply. "What? Oh … right … I – only do that when I'm nervous …"  
  
Remus frowned. "Why're you nervous?"  
  
"Well … I … just wanted to ask you something," she said quickly, looking more and more uncomfortable by the second. "You know I lost my son, right, just after my husband died? Well, I was wondering … if it's twins …"  
  
Sirius smiled suddenly. "Could you possibly keep one?"  
  
She nodded, blushing furiously and not meeting their eyes. Sirius leant back. /Well why not. Technically it would be her child, too./  
  
/So long as we could see him, I can't think of a reason to object./  
  
/You tell her. She likes you./  
  
Remus shook his head slightly, causing Sirius' smile to widen, and said to Blade, "Blade, we can't think of a single reason why not. After all, it's your child too, and … well, you're going to deserve it. I mean, I'm not sure I could do what you're going to. You hardly know us …"  
  
Blade looked up, grinning. "You mean it?"  
  
Sirius touched her shoulder. "Blade, there's no reason to stop you."  
  
She looked unable to believe what she was hearing. Remus leant over and took her hand. "Blade, if it's a boy and a girl, do you want the boy? I mean, since you lost your son …"  
  
She looked at him. "Why? Did you want – "  
  
He paused momentarily. /Sirius?/  
  
/I'd prefer a girl. Girls are cute./  
  
/OK,/ Remus replied, trying not to laugh. "Blade, we'd rather have the girl, if it's all the same to you."  
  
She squeezed his hand tightly and whispered fiercely, "Thank you."  
  
Sirius grinned and took her other hand. "You're welcome."  
  
They sat in silence for a moment, then Blade stood up. "I'll go let Chris know and everything. I'll call you on the seventh, since it takes a week to – you know – know for sure if it's worked, and even then it may not work …"  
  
They smiled at her and she left quickly, walking towards the Leaky Cauldron. Sirius looked across at Remus, who was running his finger absently around the rim of the bowl his ice cream had come in. Sirius smiled and reached over, stroking his cheek. Remus started and asked, "What?"  
  
"Nothing … what were you thinking about?"  
  
"October."  
  
"What? Why October?"  
  
"Think about it. February to October – nine months."  
  
Sirius swallowed hard. "Yeah … I hadn't thought of that. We ought to tell your mum at least."  
  
"Mm. When we know it's going to work."  
  
Sirius smiled and reached over to stroke Remus' hair. Suddenly, his smile faded. "I wish the Death Eaters could be caught. I don't like James and Lilly being stuck in that house all alone … what if he finds a way to break the spell?"  
  
"Dumbledore doesn't think it's possible. Personally, I agree with him," Remus replied comfortingly. Sirius still didn't smile, however.  
  
"What if … what if he does come after me?"  
  
Remus leant over and kissed his cheek. "We'll deal with it. I'm not going to stand by and let him take you away to God-knows-where and do something horrific to you until you tell him where your best friend is."  
  
"I don't want to die, Remus," Sirius whispered suddenly, his voice cracking. Concern flooded through Remus; it wasn't like Sirius to act like this. He moved his chair over until he was right next to Sirius and pulled him into a tight hug.  
  
"You're not going to die," he whispered fiercely. "I won't let you."  
  
Sirius wrapped his arms around the werewolf and whispered, "I keep dreaming that I let Peter be the Secret Keeper, then he sold them to Voldemort and … I went to the house and … they were dead, and their kid was hurt … then I give my bike to Hagrid and go after Peter. And every time it happens the same – I find him and he lies, like the bloody murdering bastard he is. He asks how I could sell my best friend to Voldemort, then he … he blows up the street, turns into a rat and runs away. Not before he cuts off his own finger, though. Then the Ministry arrives and drags me to Azkaban … I never even get a trial, Remus … and I'm stuck there for … for twelve years …"  
  
Remus was shaken by Sirius' words. He couldn't imagine what it would be like, hearing that his mate was in the wizard prison – the living hell – Azkaban. He hugged Sirius tighter. He was almost sobbing now. "That is never going to happen, Sirius. Never. You are not going to go to Azkaban; you're going to stay here with me, and you're going to be OK. He's not going to come after you, Siri. He's not. And if he does, I will not let him take you. I'd rather die."  
  
Sirius whispered insistently, "I love you. You know that, don't you?"  
  
Remus smiled. "I can never forget it."  
  
Sirius sobbed, snuggling closer. Remus kissed the top of his head and told the animagus, "I love you too."  
  
"Mm. I know."  
  
They sat in silence for a long while, just holding each other and not caring about the odd looks and stares they were acquiring, until Sirius calmed down and they decided to go home.

* * *

7th February  
  
Sirius bounded inside in dog form and started chasing his tail and threatening to crash into the walls of the hall. Remus shook his head at him, coming inside, shutting the door and hanging up his coat. "You're insane."  
  
Sirius barked happily. /I'm not, I'm just excited!/  
  
"Why can't you be excited in a normal way? I mean, rather than dragging me on the longest walk ever? Don't argue with me, Sirius Black. You made me walk along a canal bank, through a forest, half-way up a hill and then around the reservoir, and you wouldn't let me take you home when it started raining!"  
  
/I needed to vent my excess energy!/  
  
"But in the rain?"  
  
/You've got a hood on that coat haven't you? Anyway, you need the exercise!/  
  
"And here was me thinking you're always going on about how I'm too thin …"  
  
Sirius avoided the question. /Come on, Moony, you can't say you didn't enjoy some of it."  
  
"Yeah, I liked the first five minutes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go get myself a hot chocolate. I need the sugar and the heat," Remus replied, grinning, and walking into the kitchen. Sirius leapt after him and jumped up so his front paws were resting on the counter. Remus frowned at him, but made no attempt to make him get down. /Make me one./  
  
"No."  
  
/Why?/ he whined. Remus replied that he could hardly drink hot chocolate in dog form. Sirius changed back and walked to the sink to wash his hands. Remus grinned and told him, "You might as well make us the hot chocolate now. I'll go see what's on the TV."  
  
Sirius glared at his back as he left the room, but still made them both drinks and went into the living room. Remus was curled up on the settee cuddling a pillow, his knees drawn up to his chin, his eyes closed. He had already lit the fire, and it was now blazing and lending a cheerful glow to the room. Sirius sat down beside him and passed him his drink. Remus took it and had a drink.  
  
Sirius asked, "When do you think Blade'll call?"  
  
/I haven't got a clue. Why don't you go play with your bike to vent some of that infamous 'excess energy'?/ Remus replied, sighing deeply.  
  
"Why don't you come help me?"  
  
/I'm comfy, Sirius. Go fiddle with that machine of yours./  
  
/I'd rather fiddle with you./ Sirius replied mischievously, running his fingers up Remus' arm. The werewolf smiled gently and put his mug down on the floor. Sirius grinned and followed suit. Remus didn't move as Sirius leant over and kissed his cheek, moving down onto his neck. "Love you."  
  
/Love you too./  
  
Sirius grinned and nipped gently at the werewolf's neck. Remus opened his eyes and he looked up at Sirius. He released his grip on the pillow, which was knocked away from him by Sirius, and placed his arms around Sirius' neck. The animagus knelt up over Remus' body, so that the werewolf could stretch his legs out. Once he had done so, Sirius lay down on top of him. He nuzzled into Remus' hair. The werewolf twisted and bit his earlobe. Sirius chuckled, wriggling as Remus' breath blew down his ear.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"We'll traumatize Blade if we go any further."  
  
"OK. Let's just lie here, then," Sirius replied, surprising Remus. He leant his head on Remus' shoulder and kissed his neck. "I just want to be near you."  
  
Remus smiled and leant his head against Sirius', sighing deeply. Sirius closed his eyes and relaxed. Remus started to massage his back. Sirius muttered something and changed position slightly; he sounded sleepy. The werewolf kissed his forehead, not entirely surprised. He would be tried too if he'd just been sprinting around chasing ducks, rabbits, hares and just about anything else that moved. Sirius smiled, his eyes still closed. Remus cuddled him tightly. "Shh, go to sleep for a while."  
  
Sirius frowned slightly, but after a moment he relaxed and seemed to obey. His breathing became regular and his body relaxed further. Suddenly there was a shout from the fireplace, jerking Sirius awake. He sat up so he was straddling Remus' hips and glared at Blade.  
  
"I was asleep!"  
  
Remus muttered, "For once. He's normally wide awake and gagging for it."  
  
Sirius leant down and growled. "You're in trouble now, mate."  
  
Remus grinned. "I can barely wait for my punishment. Can it wait until Blade's gone?"  
  
"It'll have to," she replied for Sirius. She continued, "I did the pregnancy test this morning and everything's fine. I tried calling you earlier but you were out."  
  
Remus glared up as Sirius. "I told you that walk was a bad idea!"  
  
Blade grinned and carried on. "I'll not be sure for another eleven weeks, but as soon as I know it's absolutely one-hundred-per-cent definite, I'll let you know."  
  
"Thanks, Blade. We owe you."  
  
"Nah, you don't. You're givin' your child to me if it's twins. That's quite enough payment for me. Although I would still've gone through with it if you'd said no. So I'll see you soon. I'll call you in eight weeks, and then again in eleven. And – God forbid – if anything bad happens. I honestly hope it doesn'."  
  
They smiled at her and she disappeared from the green flames of the fire, which returned to normal as she did so. Then Sirius turned back to his lover. "Now for your punishment, Mister Moony."  
  
With that, he kissed Remus passionately, changing position so he could grind their hips together. Then he released Remus' lips and started to kiss his neck. His fingers found their way under his shirt and rubbed the skin on his sides gently, causing little shivers of pleasure to run through the werewolf. Remus liked this form of punishment so far. His hips bucked suddenly and he moaned, "Sirius …"  
  
Sirius sat up on his heels over Remus' knees and purred, "Did that turn you on, my love?"  
  
"God, yes …"  
  
"You need more now, don't you?"  
  
Remus nodded desperately, starting at Sirius with wide, fiery eyes. Sirius smiled. "You just want to fuck me into this sofa, to feel me all around you, to touch me, to tease me …"  
  
Remus whimpered, his fingers twitching as his eyes shut. Sirius murmured softly, "Just think about how good it feels, so tight and hot and soft …"  
  
Remus groaned, rolling onto his side and curling around his throbbing erection. "Oh good Gods, Sirius … stop it!"  
  
"OK," Sirius grinned. He stood up and said, "I'm going to bed now. Night, Remus."  
  
The werewolf uncurled slightly as he watched his mate leave the room, a look of shock painted all over his face.

* * *

Sirius undressed quickly, leaving only his underwear on, and went into the bathroom to clean his teeth. He heard Remus stagger upstairs and push open the door. After a moment of admiring Sirius' lean, well-muscled body, covered only by his black boxers, and wishing he could simply push his mate up against the wall and fuck him until neither of them knew who they were, he growled, "You can't do that!"  
  
Sirius spat out a mouthful of toothpaste and foam and rinsed his mouth before he replied coolly, "Watch me."  
  
Then he walked through into their shared bedroom and lay down on the bed, pulling the covers over himself. Remus stumbled in a second later, scowling. "Sirius Black, you cannot turn me on like that and then just … just go to bed!"  
  
Sirius ignored him, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. Remus crossed the room in a few strides and sat heavily over Sirius' hips. The animagus opened one eye. Remus growled, leaning down for a kiss. Sirius, however, reached out and pushed him away, rolling him off onto his own side of the bed. "Not tonight, Remus, I'm tired."  
  
Remus let out a strangled, indignant cry. He seemed beyond words. Sirius rolled over so his back faced Remus. The werewolf pulled off his own clothes, and lay down on the bed under the covers too. He didn't have much choice; it was the closest he could get to Sirius. The sheets of the bed were cool against his fevered skin. He looked over at Sirius, cursing the words he had said before. The werewolf stared at his bare back, his gaze travelling slowly down his spine until it reached his boxers. He whined in frustration. Sirius bit his lip to keep from grinning or laughing out loud. Inside their heads he muttered, /And you said I was constantly gagging for it!/  
  
"Yeah, well at least I don't deliberately get you hard and then just leave you!" Remus gasped. This was torture, and Sirius knew it. Sirius was enjoying it. He couldn't possibly get away with this … Remus felt sure he would go totally insane if Sirius did get away with it, and it looked horribly like he was going to. He reached over and touched Sirius' shoulder. Sirius wriggled away. "I said not tonight. Go to sleep."  
  
Remus groaned, closing his eyes. /Sirius, I never do this to you! Please … please, I need you …/  
  
"Well you're going to have to need me. See you in the morning," Sirius replied. He knew it was cruel, and he didn't really need to do any more. Remus had been tortured enough. He could feel his unbearably painful lust through their mental bond, and it was starting to turn him on too. That wasn't a good thing when he was supposed to be punishing Remus.  
  
Sirius heard Remus gasp behind him. He couldn't resist looking over his shoulder. Remus had curled his fingers around his cock and was stroking himself. Sirius watched him for a long moment, seeing the little spasms of exquisite pain cross Remus' face. Sirius breathed, "Does that feel good?"  
  
Remus replied, "Not as good as you … God, nothing's as good as when I'm inside you …"  
  
The werewolf opened his eyes and looked up at Sirius. Sirius blinked slowly. Fierce, violent arousal was curling inside him, as was a desperate need to submit. He moaned softly. Remus' eyes flickered shut again. "You're always so tight and hot … Oh, God, so good … Oh! Sirius!"  
  
Remus' eyes flew open and he looked up into Sirius' eyes. The animagus could feel Remus was close to release now. His fingers were shaking as they ran over his cock. That need to succumb to Remus was getting very strong, almost unbearable. Sirius rolled over onto his back and whispered, "Take me, Remmie … Please just take me …"  
  
Remus sighed in relief and dragged Sirius' boxers off before he rolled on top of his mate. Sirius automatically wrapped his legs around Remus' hips. The werewolf gasped and thrust into Sirius' unprepared passage. There was a shadow of hurt for a moment, but the unnoticeable pain was forgotten as it ebbed away, replaced by raw, carnal desire and intense love. Sirius groaned and whispered, "Moony … love it when you take me …"  
  
Remus growled, "Don't you ever, ever make me go through that again."  
  
"Won't … oh God in heaven! … you're too good – submission's too good … soooo good! … Moony – Oh, Remus! Remmie!" Sirius gasped, whimpering as Remus' fingers started to run over his body and he became rougher. Remus simply leant his head onto Sirius' shoulder, gasping and thrusting harder. Yes, when Sirius gave in, it really was very, very good.

* * *

_(A/N: I didn't feel like writing one of those scenes. I just didn't. There is no good reason. Kind of a nasty chapter, is the next one. Then the chapter after that is the start of the torture, so watch out. And, um, is anyone reading this? No one seems to be … Please, please _review_, because I love the encouragement and they make me happy, and if I don't get many I might stop writing because, as I've said before, ther's no point! so REVIEW!!)_


	24. The Dark Mark

_(A/N: First off, thanks for all the reviews! Love you all to bits (platonically). And this update comes so fast after the last one because it was so incredibly bad and horrible and boring ... so there you go. I also want to appologise for missing out of random amounts of time.  
Now. To business. Everyone hates Peter, Malfoy and Voldemort, right? Add me onto the list at the end of the chapter … You'll see why. It starts off nice-ish, but don't let it lull you into a false sense of security. Then, when you really hate me, Review!)_

* * *

**Chapter 24 – The Dark Mark**  
  
_1 month later_  
  
Sirius stared at the space where the Potters' front door should have been and slowly, as he brought the Secret to the front of his mind, the house appeared. He sighed, wishing this wasn't necessary, and walked to the door. He didn't bother to knock, but pushed it open and went inside, calling, "It's me!"  
  
James walked out of the lounge and grinned at Sirius. "Morning. Good to see you. How's Remus?"  
  
"Fine," Sirius replied, wondering whether or not to tell James about Blade. He decided against it as his friend turned to the kitchen. After all, they hadn't even told Remus' parents yet (and Sirius didn't intend to tell his). "Want a drink?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Sirius muttered absently, wandering into the lounge and dumping his leather coat over the back of one of the easy chairs before he sat down in it and reached for the remote. His hand was slapped away by Lilly as she walked in. She grinned at him as he raised his eyebrows. "Mine!"  
  
Sirius shuddered. "I'll never understand women, let alone pregnant ones."  
  
Lilly was now four months pregnant, and it had become very obvious. However, James wasn't complaining as much any more, as Lilly's morning sickness had cleared up and she was actually enjoying being pregnant. Apparently, at least. She sat down on the sofa and swung her legs up onto it before she turned on the TV and switched to a comedy show.  
  
Sirius leant back into his chair and asked, "What happens when they baby's born?"  
  
Lilly sighed. "I don't know. I mean … I can't even go to St Mungo's can I? It's … too dangerous!"  
  
She burst into tears as James walked into the room. He rolled his eyes, passed two cups of tea to Sirius and quickly sat down next to her. "Shh, it's OK. Lilly, it's going to be fine! We've been through this …"  
  
Sirius put the drinks carefully on the floor and rubbed his eyes. He stood up and walked over to where James and Lilly were. He crouched down and folded his arms on the armrest. "Lilly, Dumbledore told me to tell you that he's doing everything he can to defeat Voldemort."  
  
"B-but, the prophecy said – it said our son was the only one who could help d-defeat him! How can Dumbledore …"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "He's doing his best. According to Snape, he's getting restless. He wants to know where you are at all costs."  
  
James sighed. "Sirius, that means he'll come after you as soon as he works the not-so-difficult puzzle out. Maybe we should have chosen Snape – least then he wouldn't have been so obvious and no one would care if Voldemort killed him …"  
  
Lilly hit him on the arm. "Don't say that! Someone would miss him …"  
  
"James, what'll happen if Voldemort did kill me? I mean, would the spell end?"  
  
"I don't know. Does Remus?"  
  
"No. Not even Dumbledore does. I've asked just about everyone … What if he just has to kill me and that's it, he can come here and … and … " Sirius tailed off, unable to say the words. He muttered, "You know, there's only three things I'm scared of. There used to be four until … until we found out about Peter. I never want either of you to die."  
  
James ruffled Sirius hair. Lilly wiped her eyes fiercely. "We feel the same about you and Remus. It's too dangerous, letting you –"  
  
"Shut up; I don't care if he comes for me. I'll admit I'm the Secret Keeper and they won't take Remus too, so … they can do what they like to me, I don't care. Just so long as they don't hurt you two or Remus. Or that kid. I'll never let him kill an innocent."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Sirius grinned. "Any time. Did I ever tell you how good you look right now?"  
  
Lilly laughed, wiping her eyes again. "I bet you saw that to all the pregnant, hysterical women with a death-threat over their head!"  
  
Sirius stroked her cheek gently. "No, only you."  
  
"Hands off!" James grinned, mock protectively, swatting Sirius' hand away. Sirius shook his head and stood up, grabbing his coat.  
  
"I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. Love you both. See you soon," Sirius said. Before he could go, James grabbed his arm and pulled him into a tight hug, which he immediately returned. James whispered, "Love you too, blood-brother."  
  
Sirius smiled gently, releasing James and ruffling his hair. Then he turned and walked to the door. He turned as he came to the bottom of the path and looked back. Lilly was standing at the window; James had his arm around her. Suddenly, Sirius felt a wave of defensiveness towards them. 'I'll die before I sell them to Voldemort,' he thought angrily. 'How dare he put my friends – my family – in danger? He has no right.'  
  
He waved, forcing a smile onto his face, and then turned and walked out into the street to collect his bike and ride home.

* * *

Remus rubbed his forehead, yawning. This Order of the Phoenix meeting was particularly boring. What was more, he could sense that Sirius was upset and angry. He glanced over at Peter – the traitor in their midst – and sighed deeply. Peter looked up into his eyes for a moment. Remus' throat tightened. How could someone they had known since they were eleven just betray them?  
  
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Mrs Weasley popped her head around the door, looking grave and teary. "There's been another attack. The Ministry isn't coping well. It was on Muggles and Wizards alike."  
  
Dumbledore stood. "We will go and see what can be done. I'm sure these good people can accompany me?"  
  
Half the table nodded; others apologised and said they had other business – either for the Order or in their own lives. Remus was one who followed Dumbledore out of the dark room and into the hall. Once they had the location, they apparated to the spot.  
  
The site was chaotic. It was evident that the Death Eaters had blown up a house, apparently belonging to a wizarding family. Muggles were standing around crying; in the explosion, many had been wounded or killed. There were far too many bodies, and a smell of smoke and blood. Remus walked over to one of the Ministry officials. "Anything I can do?"  
  
"You can go and see if there's anyone alive we haven't found yet," he snapped, obviously assuming those in the order to be in the Ministry. He would have told anyone else to shove off. Remus shrugged and walked towards the house. He picked his away through the rubble, occasionally stopping and poking around in the dirt. After a while, he found a photograph of the family. There had been two children. His blood boiled. How could anyone kill two innocent children?  
  
He continued through the rubble until he found a body. He shouted, "There's someone here!"  
  
Dumbledore hurried over. "Alive?"  
  
"I doubt it," Remus replied sadly, hauling a piece of timber off the body. The skin was torn; there was blood everywhere. Limbs lay in awkward positions, and the face was smashed so that the features were indiscernible. The body was too small for an adult; it looked like the smaller of the two children. He passed the photograph to Dumbledore. He sighed deeply, "The Bones. They were members of the Order."  
  
Sickliness washed over Remus as he looked at the body, as did an overwhelming feeling of hate and anger. The Death Eaters now knew who was in the Order, and he knew that it was Peter telling them. "Sir, why don't you tell the Ministry about Peter?"  
  
"We have no proof but Severus' word and they would ask how he knew and then probably put him in Azkaban too."  
  
"Mm. You're right. Besides, no one would believe us. Shall I go get someone from the Ministry? They'll have to see to this …" Remus asked. Dumbledore nodded. Remus turned to go.  
  
"How is Sirius?"  
  
"Fine. He's worried about … you know."  
  
"Once you've told someone about this, you can go if you like. I know you'll want to get home …"  
  
Remus thanked him and walked away, suddenly glad that Dumbledore understood. Now that he had seen that body, and been reminded of what the Death Eaters were capable of, he wanted to go home more than anything.

* * *

"Sirius? Are you here?"  
  
"Kitchen."  
  
Remus walked into the kitchen and slid his arms around Sirius from behind. Sirius frowned as the werewolf rested his head against his back. "What's the matter?"  
  
Remus shrugged and kissed Sirius' neck. Sirius turned around as Remus snuggled into his chest. He sighed deeply, relaxing properly for the first time since he had left the Potters, and closed his eyes. Sirius cuddled him close, leaning back against the worktop. "What is it?"  
  
"There's been another attack," Remus explained, suddenly sounding tired and ill. "The Bones. All dead as far as we know."  
  
"Even their children?" Sirius asked gently but rigidly, stroking Remus' hair. The werewolf replied softly in the affirmative. Sirius swore. "Those bastards really don't care do they? They'd kill their own mother if they thought she was a threat! Don't they have families?"  
  
"Apparently not," Remus sniffed. He changed the subject. "How's Lilly?"  
  
"She's very pregnant," Sirius replied. Remus leant back, a faint smile on his lips, and raised his eyebrows. Sirius smiled back and kissed his nose. "She's fine, just worrying about what'll happen when the baby decides it wants to see the world."  
  
Remus leant back into Sirius' arms and sighed again. "Why can't they leave us alone?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. /I ask myself the same thing every day, sweetheart./  
  
Remus didn't reply. He felt like crying. The Bones' children had done nothing wrong. They were innocent. Sirius sensed his mate's discomfiture and hugged him tighter.  
  
Remus sobbed suddenly, closing his eyes tight to shut out the world. He leant against Sirius, who nuzzled into his hair, crooning softly. "Remmie, it's OK … please don't cry …"  
  
The werewolf moaned, "They're not going to stop, are they. They'll keep killing until … until he's in control!"  
  
"Remus, don't say that," Sirius said firmly but gently. "He won't win."  
  
"B-but what if he does? He'll kill you and James and Lilly …"  
  
"Remus, calm down. Everything'll be fine … love, please …"  
  
"Haven't we been through enough?" Remus whispered into Sirius' neck. The animagus tilted his chin up and kissed him gently. "We have, Moony. We've both been through more than our fair share. But the moment he's gone, I swear to you I'll do everything I can to stop this ever happening again."  
  
Remus smiled weakly. "I know you will. And we'll be parents."  
  
Sirius smiled and kissed Remus gently. "See, doesn't that thought make you feel better?"  
  
Remus leant against Sirius and kissed his neck. Sirius leant his head against Remus' and they stood there for a long time, lost in their own thoughts and simply enjoying being close.

* * *

_3 months later_  
  
Remus woke; it was still the middle of the night, and a sense of foreboding was gripping his heart. He could hear shouts and catcalls outside. He snuggled closer to Sirius, hoping it wasn't what he thought it was – another Death Eater attack. Sirius unconsciously tightened his arms around Remus in his sleep, nuzzling into his hair. Remus sighed and closed his eyes again, trying to relax. After all, he had no reason to worry – yet.  
  
Suddenly, there was a flare of brightness. The screams outside doubled. Remus sat up as though electrified and looked out of the window. Hanging in the sky outside was the Dark Mark. It was so close he could see every detail of the skull and every scale of the snake hanging from its mouth like a living, writhing tongue. Sirius woke with a start. "What's goin' on?"  
  
Remus couldn't move. There was one thought in his head: 'They've come for Sirius.'  
  
Sirius sat up too and saw the Mark. He paled. "Oh, Merlin …"  
  
Remus turned to look at him, his eyes filling with tears. Their eyes met and they simply stared at each other. Remus whispered, "They still sound quite a way off …"  
  
Sirius nodded. "You think we can hide? Or run?"  
  
Remus shrugged. His throat was constricted with fear and he felt sick. "I don't know. They'd probably follow."  
  
Sirius slid his hands onto Remus' waist and pulled him close. "Please promise me you won't do anything stupid if they are here for me."  
  
Remus sobbed, holding Sirius tightly. /I'd die for you. You know that. I couldn't live knowing I'd just let them take you away …/  
  
"Remus, you can't …"  
  
Remus buried his head in Sirius' shoulder and whispered, "I don't want you to be hurt, mate."  
  
Sirius cuddled Remus close. His voice was shaky when he said, "I don't want them to hurt you either … and you know how he loves to kill people he – he doesn't need …"  
  
They sat in silence for a while, listening. There was nothing else to do, really. Remus calmed down after a few minutes, and they just held each other. The Dark Mark glowed unpleasantly, turning everything sickly green. Sirius commented, "They're coming closer."  
  
Remus replied, "We ought to run, you know. You could go and stay with Lilly and James …"  
  
"And leave you here for them to kill? No way in hell!" Sirius replied fiercely, kissing the top of Remus' head. Remus sobbed again, his fingers gripping Sirius tight enough to bruise. "I love you, Sirius. I don't want them to hurt you."  
  
"I want you to go."  
  
Remus pulled back and looked at Sirius angrily. "Whatever reason you have, it's not good enough. I am staying right here with you."  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but was cut off by the sound of someone hammering on the front door. They looked at one another. Sirius whispered, "I love you."  
  
Remus nodded, beyond words. They heard the door burst open downstairs, despite the locking charm, protection spells and sturdy bolt protecting it, and there was the sound of people rushing inside. Sirius slid his arms around Remus' waist. The werewolf leant on Sirius' shoulder. Someone was heading up the stairs.  
  
The door opened slowly. The man who came into the room was wearing the robes of a death eater, but the hood was thrown back and – apparently, the Death Eaters weren't bothering with masks tonight – maybe they were that sure that none of the people who would see them would ever have a chance to tell anyone of significance. However, Sirius noticed none of this, and Remus barely did. Because the moment the man entered the room Sirius recognised him. "Regulus?"  
  
It was Sirius' brother. The man hung his dark-haired head. "I don't want to do this, I really, really don't want to see you hurt, either of you … but if I don't they'll kill me! They already tortured me because I didn't do what they wanted … please don't hate me … I wouldn't if I had a choice …"  
  
"Regulus, please, you can't – " Sirius began, but someone pushed past him and stood, hands on hips. It was Lucius Malfoy. He ordered, "Black, go and tell the rest of them that they are here. You two, get dressed."  
  
Sirius pleaded, "It's me you want – please don't take Remus."  
  
Malfoy shook his head. "He wants you both. Hurry up."

* * *

_(I know; I'm evil! I feel bad now, really bad. I have to say, thought, it does get … dare I say it … worse! But now – Go on, have some fun; vent your anger; send me hatemail. You know you want to. Review, please! Please! I am down on my knees and begging! Review!)_


	25. Snakes, Scars and Sorrow

_(Thanks for not flaming too badly. Sorry, but I have been very evil writing this. But I have an 'excuse'! When I wrote this, I really didn't feel well. Plus I had too much homework. Or I had had one of the worst days ever. I was not a happy bunny, and my muse Annie Hermione helped me with this … she is good when you need to inflict pain.)_

* * *

**Chapter 25 – Snakes, Scars and Sorrow**  
  
Remus woke up again. He could remember being hit by Death Eaters with stunning charms once he and Sirius were dressed. Suddenly, he looked around desperately until he saw Sirius, who was staring past him at something behind and above his head. He turned and froze.  
  
It was Lord Voldemort. He was sitting on a high throne that was designed to look as though it was made of a thousand living snakes. Or maybe it was made of a thousand living snakes; Remus didn't know and really didn't care. Whatever it was, it made him feel sick to the core. The Dark Lord himself was swathed in a long dark green robe with a hood that shadowed his face, but his eyes gleamed evilly from the shadows. His fingers were long and thin and almost bone-white. They were idly stroking a very real, poisonous green snake.  
  
"Ah, so good of you to join us, gentlemen," he said, his voice echoing. Sirius turned and saw what a huge room they were in. It was octagonal and on each wall was a large black door flanked by two black-robed Death Eaters. Above four adjoining doors behind the throne were long windows through which dim sunlight streamed. There were also torches flickering above the heads of the Death Eaters, illuminating the room. The floor was made of cold black marble flecked with white, and the walls were panelled with something black – probably ebony. Apart from the throne, which was set against the wall furthest from the largest door, there was no furniture in the room.  
  
Sirius looked back at the Dark Lord and stared at him, sidling closer to Remus. The werewolf was shivering. /It's OK./  
  
/No it isn't … what's he going to do to you? He could do anything …/  
  
Voldemort stood. "Where are Lilly and James Potter?"  
  
"Go to hell, Voldemort! I'll burn in Satan's pit before I tell you that," Sirius said firmly, his eyes flashing pure hate. Voldemort shrugged and sat again. "You will tell me eventually. Malfoy, Black. Take them to the cells and let them rot for a while."  
  
Malfoy and Regulus approached from the shadows beside the throne and grabbed Sirius and Remus before they could protest, dragging them through the largest door. They were taken out of the throne room and into the rest of a large castle, made of dark wet stone. Regulus, who had taken Remus, cringed every time he looked at his brother as though expecting him to lash out with his free arm. There was little decoration, but moss grew in the corners and the walls were slowly turning green from the damp.  
  
They were led down some steps and into a long corridor lined with doors. Small, weak voices called plaintively from some of the cells; Voldemort's prisoners. Remus and Sirius were pushed into the end cell. It was lit by a single window, too high to reach but barred anyway, and a torch that lit itself automatically when it got dark and did not burn flesh. Or so they were told, at least. There was a double bed with clean white sheets opposite the door, but that was the only furniture.  
  
They were pushed inside and left to their own devices, after being told food came twice a day, morning and night, and there was a tap and two cups for water in the corner. Once the Death Eaters were gone, Remus sat down on the bed and took a deep breath. Sirius walked over and slid his arm around his mate's shoulders. Remus burst into tears. Sirius rocked him back and forth gently until he stopped crying. Then they waited.

* * *

_2 days later_  
  
Sirius leant against Remus, watching as the light from the dying sun, shining through the cell's barred window, deepened from gold, through crimson and into darkness. Suddenly, the door was opened for the first time since they had been sent to the cell; food was pushed through a small hatch at the bottom. Regulus and Malfoy stood in the doorway. Sirius stared at them levelly. Malfoy snapped his fingers and beckoned to Sirius. "You. Come with us. We have tried to be civil; now you will see the Dark Lord's wrath."  
  
Sirius stood, ignoring Remus' whimper of protest and the whispers in his head, and walked to the door. Malfoy grabbed his arm, his fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. Regulus took his other arm, more gently that Malfoy, and he was pulled out of the cell. Remus shut his eyes and rested his head on his chest, hoping with all his heart that Sirius wouldn't be hurt too badly yet knowing that when he returned he would barely be able to move.

* * *

Sirius was towed down several long corridors, heading downwards all the time, until they reached a large stone room decorated with several mouldering, green tapestries and a few torches. The floor was slightly sticky and in some places completely covered in moss. On one wall was a row of shackles. All were for hands, though some included ankle, waist and neckbands to ensure total immobility. Near the wall was a table and a brazier. On the table was an assortment of items, most of then sharp, all of them designed to cause pain. Sirius noticed a large selection of sharp knives, thumbscrews and many other things he was sure he would soon find the use of.  
  
Malfoy and Regulus bowed, forcing Sirius to do the same. While Sirius' head was down, the back of his neck prickling as it was exposed, the Dark Lord himself swept out of a shadowy corner of the room. When Sirius was forced back upright, he took in Voldemort very quickly. He wore black and green robes; he was tall and had an almost emaciated look. His face was skeletal, his eyes seeming huge in the sunken sockets. His nose consisted of two snakelike slits, and his mouth had no lips. His hair was greasy black. Around his neck and across his shoulders hung a fat black snake that shimmered green in the torchlight. When he spoke, his voice was high-pitched and slightly poisonous.  
  
"Put him in the shackles nearest the brazier."  
  
Regulus and Malfoy muttered a quick, "Yes, Lord," before shoving Sirius towards the wall and fastening the handcuffs around his wrists. On principal, when they moved away, he gave the chains an experimental tug. They were totally firm. He looked across at the hot coals next to him. The heat from them was just enough to make him uncomfortable, and the proximity to the table was disconcerting.  
  
Voldemort walked over until he was standing right in front of Sirius. His snake slithered to the floor and curled around one of Sirius' feet, almost protectively. Voldemort kicked it, and it hissed in annoyance, rearing as though to strike. Voldemort hissed at it for a long moment, speaking Parseltongue, and it slowly slithered over to Malfoy. He picked the snake up and placed it back around Voldemort's shoulder. The snake lay still, watching Sirius through large, almost kind black eyes. Sirius had no idea why the snake had done what it had, and he was sure he would never find out, but he silently thanked it for delaying the torture for another couple of seconds. Finally, Voldemort turned his attention back to Sirius. "Tell me the location of Lilly and James Potter."  
  
"No."  
  
"I will spare you if you tell me."  
  
"Sorry, I thought I just said no, did I mishear myself?"  
  
Voldemort lashed out with the flat of his palm, slapping Sirius across the face. It was surprisingly weak. Sirius winced but otherwise did not move. The Dark Lord scowled and hissed, "You will tell me eventually, if I have to torture it out of you."  
  
Sirius shrugged as best he could with his hands chained above his head. "Do what you like. I'm not going to tell you where they are, Tom."  
  
Voldemort gave him another pathetic slap. "You will call me Lord, or you will die."  
  
Sirius smiled. "But your name's Tom Marvolo Riddle. You're not 'Lord' anything. You're just a disgusting little upstart with a grudge against his father."  
  
Voldemort screamed in rage, grabbed a knife from the table and slashed it down on Sirius' shoulder. The animagus gritted his teeth against the pain, closing his mental bond with Remus as the werewolf fought to take some of the agony. Voldemort then stuck the knife up to the hilt in the coals in the brazier. "Just wait, Mr Black. You haven't learnt the meaning of pain yet, and I am about to teach you."  
  
"No, I know the meaning of pain, Tom. My parents hate me because I don't agree with them. My brother hates me because I get to inherit everything because I'm older than him. I've been betrayed by someone I thought I could trust, as have all my friends. Every one of my best friends has hated me at some point – especially Remus. Now that hurts. That's torture. Nothing you could do to me could compare with how I felt with Remus hated me. So do your worst to me. Kill me, maim me, scar me for life – and see if I care. I swear to you, Tom Riddle, there's nothing you can do to me to make me scream."  
  
Voldemort pulled the hot knife from the brazier and held it up next to Sirius' face so he could feet the heat. "We'll see, shall we?"  
  
Slowly, slowly, slowly he lowered the knife against Sirius' skin, just on his jaw line. Sirius' eyes screwed shut against the ache, his teeth grinding. He turned his head away from the knife, but Voldemort just followed. The acrid stench of human flesh charring filled the room. Then the Dark Lord pulled the knife away, his non-existent lip curling in distaste. Sirius still hadn't made a sound. The animagus collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily.  
  
The Dark Lord stuck the knife back into the brazier and picked up a small, circular item with a wicked spike sticking off it. He asked, "Where are the Potters?"  
  
Sirius laughed. "You think I'd sell them to you? I'm not a sneaking traitor like Wormtail."  
  
He reached out and ripped Sirius shirt off him so his chest was bared. He placed the point of the probe just above Sirius' collarbone directly under his right ear, where one of his neck muscles stretched under the skin. Sirius leaned back against the wall. Voldemort hissed, "Tell me and I'll make it stop."  
  
Sirius shook his head. Voldemort put his palm to the flat end of the probe and started to press down. Sirius' breathing speeded up rapidly, as pain started to well on the point. The skin broke and, after a few seconds, blood started to bead around the instrument. Sirius looked into Voldemort's eyes and ground out, "I'm not going to tell you."  
  
The probe was now so far into Sirius' flesh that it would stay in him if Voldemort took his hand away, as he did now. Then he slammed the palm of his hand back into the end. The spike drove almost its entire length into his neck. His whole body jerked, his heart pounding fit to burst. He snapped his eyes shut, his face contorting into a mask of agony. The hurt was so focused, so intense, it set the neurons in his brain on fire. Every nerve was suddenly on edge. But he didn't make a sound.  
  
Then someone started to twist the barb. Sirius' muscles, already clamped down on the metal, started to rupture as the metal ripped past them on its way from his body. This torture was intense, even worse than when the spike entered him. The movement was slow, almost leisurely. He tilted his head back, his eyes opening to stare at the ceiling, his mouth hanging open as he panted for breath. Voldemort gripped the spike tighter in the tongs and started to pull back and wriggle it around. Sirius gasped in pain as Voldemort jerked his arms back and the spike was wrenched out of his flesh and muscle.  
  
Sirius' chin collapsed onto his chest, his breathing erratic. Voldemort used the bloody spike to move his hair away from his ear so he could whisper, "Had enough yet?"  
  
Sirius turned to face the Dark Lord, getting a smear of his own blood across his cheek. "Bring it on, you great mudblooded nancy."  
  
Voldemort dropped the spike, simultaneously yanking the knife back from the brasier and holding it close to Sirius' chest. Then he brought it down onto Sirius' skin. Not only did it cut the skin, but sealed it by burning the flesh. The smell and sound of skin burning filled the room. Slowly he scored down Sirius' chest, bringing the knife round to curve across his stomach. Sirius grunted in pain, closing his eyes again and biting on his tongue until blood filled his mouth. He felt sick. The smell of his own skin burning was almost enough to make him throw up.  
  
Finally Voldemort lifted the knife from his skin. Sirius spat the blood out, right into the Dark Lord's face. Voldemort yelped and then slash at Sirius blindly with the knife. He caught Sirius' arm, scoring down his upper arm with the lukewarm knife. Blood started to trickle sluggishly down Sirius' arm. Voldemort, furiously scrubbing at his eyes, yelled, "Get him out! Away from here! Out of my sight!"  
  
Sirius laughed, although it was pained. "I'm out of your sight already, you Muggle-born fool!"  
  
Malfoy took off the shackles and Sirius fell to the floor. He grabbed Sirius' arm to tow him, but the animagus shook him off. He growled insistently, "I can walk!"  
  
Using the wall as a support, he stood shakily. Malfoy grabbed his arm and dragged him away, out of the torture chamber.

* * *

Remus rubbed his eyes and tried to pull himself together. It would be no use if Sirius came back in a state and he was unable to see for tears. But he had felt that first shocking jolt of suffering Voldemort had inflicted, then he had been blocked so he had no notion of what was happening to his mate. Sirius could be dead, but that Remus could sense him. And he was getting closer.  
  
He scrubbed at his eyes again and sat up on the bed, watching the door intently. It opened slowly and Peter stood in the doorway. Remus dived off the bed at him, rage filling every fibre of him, but Peter stepped back and Malfoy dragged Sirius into view. Remus froze.  
  
Sirius' dark head was down, his eyes fixed on the floor, and he looked ready to collapse. Blood was dripping from the fingers of his right hand, and he could see dark rivulets of blood running all down his arm. He could also see the sealed cut on Sirius' stomach.  
  
Remus felt sick. Voldemort had tortured his mate. He had made him bleed, and burnt his perfect skin. He had cut him and marred his faultless body. He had hurt Sirius. No one was allowed to hurt Sirius. He would pay for this.  
  
Malfoy pushed him to the bed and then went away, closing the door behind him, leaving Remus stunned. As soon as the door closed, Sirius fell to his knees, leaning on the bed. Remus rushed behind him, his heart in his throat constricting every breath, and helped him onto the bed to see the extent of his wounds.  
  
Blood was running fairly freely from the wound in his shoulder and more slowly from the one on his arm. He could see the heat-sealed wound down Sirius' chest and across his stomach. However, the last thing he noticed was the burn on the left of Sirius' jaw. He didn't see it until he reached over to Sirius' cheek and accidentally brushed against the burn. Sirius yelped and turned his head sharply away. Remus gasped when he saw it. The burn was shiny and red and was at least an inch wide.  
  
"Oh, good Gods … Why …"  
  
Sirius touched Remus cheek. "I can't sell Lil and Jim …"  
  
Remus smiled and stroked Sirius' hair. "I'm glad you're my friend, Sirius. I'm glad you're on my side. I love you."  
  
"How can you? Look at me. I can barely move, I'm going to have these scars forever …"  
  
"It doesn't matter," Remus replied, bending to kiss Sirius' right cheek. "Not to me."  
  
Then he lowered his mouth to the wound on Sirius' shoulder and started to lick away the blood. It was a crude, primal, animal thing to do, and Remus knew it was more the wolf's response than his own. He didn't care. He had read somewhere that saliva had some kind of weird property that helped cuts to scab and heal more quickly. After a moment's confusion and a weak attempt to push him away – Remus' low growl made him drop his arm to the bed again – Sirius accepted it. After a second, he raised his arm again, this time to hold Remus there. The werewolf's touch took some of the pain away, even if he wasn't allowing him through their mental bond yet to share it. Remus nuzzled into his neck and whispered, "I'd heal you if I had my wand."  
  
"I know," Sirius murmured back sleepily. He was dead tired, although he knew most of the problem was probably the effect of shock. Remus kissed the spike wound. "You sleep now. I'll save you some of our food for when you wake."  
  
Sirius didn't reply, except to make a small, sleepy-sounding noise and turn his head towards Remus. The werewolf continued the lick at the bleeding wounds as Sirius fell into a deep sleep until the blood flow ceased. Only then did he lie down beside his mate's pain-wracked, scarring body and try to sleep.

* * *

Twenty-four and a half hours later, Malfoy and Peter returned to Remus and Sirius' cell. Malfoy walked in and looked down his nose coldly at Sirius, who was leaning against Remus with a look of total hatred on his face. Peter stuttered, "M-my Master w-wants to know if – if you'll tell him where the Potters are o-or – or he'll – he'll tor-torture you again. Now."  
  
Sirius shook his head, taking a deep breath. "He can torture me 'till the cows come home. I won't tell him."  
  
Malfoy nodded curtly and strode over to the bed. He dragged Sirius to his feet and towards the door. Remus growled and leapt towards him. He slammed him against the wall and slammed his fist into his stomach. Peter grabbed him from behind and pinned his arms to his sides. Malfoy grabbed Sirius' arms again before he could do anything and pushed him out of the room, closing the door until it was open only a crack. Peter transformed into his rat form and scurried away. Remus leapt at him in an attempt to catch him, but Peter was already through the door and it was shut firmly and locked. Remus smashed into it, pounding on it with his fists until long after they were gone. Finally, he fell to his knees on the ground, sobbing.

* * *

_(A/N: I don't know how I managed to be so evil! Please review. I LOVE all the nice reviews I've been getting for the last two chapters. Don't make me go back to begging – please, it's humiliating. But I will do it, if you don't review! This is the last post before I go on holiday to Italy. Can't wait! Anyway, you've got quite a wait before the next chappie – so you have plenty of time to send in reviews!! Please review so I have something nice waiting for me when I get back home! 'hints' shamelessly that she wants lotsa reviews Please? Adorable puppy-dog eyes. Decides to beg shamelessly Review?)_


	26. Full Moon

**Chapter 26 – Full Moon**

Sirius was led upwards this time, to the top of one of the towers. Voldemort was standing there, looking up at the moon. It was full. Sirius swore under his breath; luckily no one heard him. He called to Remus. /It's a full moon./

/I know. They must have kept us asleep for a day or so; my body-clock is out of synch and I didn't realise. I can feel it now, though – I can feel the wolf. Don't tell them what I am yet./

/They may keep me up here all night./

/Pray that they do. You'll be in no state to change into Padfoot when you come back. I can't control him, Padfoot. Torture is better than death .../

Sirius was jerked back to the top of the tower as Voldemort grabbed his chin. "Look, Black. Look at the outside. This may be the last chance you get to feel the cool night air."

Sirius didn't reply. Voldemort released him and gestured towards a seven-foot-tall square metal scaffold with shackles attached to the top bar. Malfoy pushed him to it. It was right at the edge of the tower, with no parapet in front of it, just a sheer drop. Sirius was shackled to the scaffold. He didn't bother to resist; there was nowhere to run if he did.

Suddenly, Voldemort was whispering in his ear. "Do you know what I'm going to do to you, Black?"

"No, Tom, I haven't a clue," Sirius replied sweetly. Voldemort grabbed hold of his shoulder and pressed hard on the wound the spike had left. Sirius grunted in pain, flinching as the wound re-opened. Voldemort pulled his fingers away and licked them. "Your blood is sweet to me, Black. You would make a good Death Eater – "

"On the day I join you, Satan with be skating to work!"

Voldemort moved away, and Sirius strained his ears to hear what he was doing, twisting to try and see over his shoulder. As a reward from prying, he was hit with the cruciatus curse. Pain exploded all over his body before he had a chance to block it from his mate. He felt Remus scream as he took up half of the horrendous pain, easing it for Sirius. Sirius still couldn't hold back a shriek of pain. The curse was let up after a second, on the snapped order of the Dark Lord. Sirius' breathing was fast now. He didn't look back again.

Suddenly, with no warning, a white-hot lash of pain scored across his back as Voldemort brought a whip down on his back. He screamed in agony, forcefully shoving Remus out of his mind to save him from the torture. His suffering tonight would be bad enough tonight.

"Tell me where the Potters are."

"Never," Sirius grated. Voldemort brought the lash down on his back again, harder. His back arched away from it and he tried to wrestle his hands from the cold metal's grip. Voldemort asked, "Do you want to be lashed until you pass out, Black, or do you want to tell me where they are?"

"Do you have any actual friends? Not people who smarm up to you or do your every bidding, but friends, who you would be tortured for, who you would be prepared to die for?" Sirius asked. "I don't think you do, because if you did you'd know that I will never ever sell Lilly and James to you."

Voldemort screamed in annoyance and brought the whip down on Sirius back again. He yelped in pain. He continued lashing him until his back was dripping blood and the top of his pants was stained dark. No one noticed that the moon was setting and the sky was slowly, slowly lightening. Finally, Sirius was literally hanging from the manacles, no energy left even to scream.

Voldemort brought the whip down a last time. Sirius twitched and grunted in pain, not bothering to open his eyes. He could barely breathe; his chin rested on his heaving chest, and he was unable to find the strength to lift it.

"Now, please tell me where Lilly and James Potter are. Or I will make the pain ten times worse."

Sirius stayed still and silent for a long moment. When he answered his voice was a dull croak; his throat was dry from screaming. "Make it a thousand times worse; I won't tell you."

It was a lie. He couldn't take much more of the torture. He took a shaky breath and tried to stop a tear from escaping his eyelids. He didn't want Lilly and James to die, but nor did he want to be tortured any more. He wanted this living hell to end. He wanted to just die, as a release from the pain – but that would hurt Remus, something he never wanted to do. He was trapped.

Suddenly he heard Voldemort's voice in his ear. "I have here a mixture of citrus juice and salt water. Mostly salt water. Tell me where they are, or I will be forced to use it on those rather nasty cuts on your back. You have no idea how much it will hurt."

Sirius shook his head, gritting his teeth to prepare for the pain. He heard Voldemort move away. Then there was a splash as the liquid hit his back. Burning, mind-numbing agony exploded in his back. Sirius' back arched. His eyes opened and he screamed as his head rolled back to stare at the stars above him. After a long moment, his scream turned to racking, sobs as tears rolled unbidden down his face.

"Take him back to the cells."

Sirius was unshackled and he dropped to the floor, rolling onto his back because he had no energy to prevent it. The rough stone rubbed the cuts across his back. His face contorted as fresh lances of pain ran through him. Malfoy grabbed him by the wrist and didn't bother getting him to his feet. He simply dragged him through the corridors not caring that there were stairs and the floor was rough on Sirius' back. He was still dripping blood and moaning in pain when they reached his cell.

He pushed open the door and kicked Sirius inside without noticing the fresh scratches on Remus' unconscious body and the ruined sheets on the bed. Sirius heard the door close. He didn't move. His back still burned. The salt from the water had dissolved into his blood and there was no way to get it off his body. He didn't have the energy even to move onto his front. He sobbed, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to shut out the pain.

* * *

Remus woke slowly. Sunlight streamed through the window. He sat up, and immediately forgot the pain in his own limbs when he saw Sirius. He scrambled out of bed and grabbed his clothes from under the bed; the only place the wolf couldn't reach, as the bed was too low and was bolted to the floor. He pulled on his trousers and scrambled across to Sirius.

He touched his mate's shoulder gingerly. Sirius opened his eyes. Remus looked down at him. Sirius opened his mouth to speak but Remus shushed him and kissed his cheek. He asked softly, "Can you move at all?"

Sirius shook his head, closing his eyes again. Remus noticed the thick red bruises around Sirius' wrists, which were bleeding in places, and the pool of drying blood around Sirius' torso and bit his lip. "You're going to have to stand up. I'm really sorry."

He grabbed Sirius' shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position. Sirius yelped and gasped as the excruciating cuts re-opened and stretched across his back, and more salt entered them. Remus hauled him to his feet and helped him across to the bed, where he lay him down on his front and looked at the cuts.

They desperately needed cleaning and bandaging. Remus ripped a strip from the bedclothes and hurried to the tap to wet it. He went back to the bed and started to wash Sirius' wounds. Inside his head, he heard Sirius whisper, /What about your wounds?/

/They aren't hurting./

/Yes they are./

/Yours are more important. Don't argue with me./

Remus continued to wash Sirius' wounds, despite his protests. Occasionally, Sirius would whimper or hiss when he hurt him particularly badly. Once the wounds were washed to Remus' satisfaction, he turned his attention to his own wounds. He told Sirius, "The wolf wasn't happy last night. He understood, you know. It was the first time I've ever really felt him feel some anger towards something specific. He really hated this place and everyone in it except you last night."

/So what would it do if it got loose?/

"Kill. Kill until you were the last thing alive here," Remus replied softly, finishing off his last bandage. Sirius sighed and closed his eyes as Remus pulled his shirt on. Sirius' voice sounded exhausted as he said, "Remus, they can do whatever they want to me, just so long as they don't touch you ... that's what I'm most afraid of, you know ..."

"Shh, I know. Sleep now, love. You're worn out. You'll need your strength," Remus told him, fighting back tears. Sirius asked, "Promise me if you get a chance to run you will."

"I can't leave you."

Sirius frowned. "Please, Remmie ..."

"No. I need to be near you. I'll go mad if I leave you here ..."

Sirius smiled slightly as Remus lay down next to him and found the one spot on his shoulder that wasn't hurting to kiss.

* * *

For the next three weeks, Sirius was dragged out of the cell almost every day to be tortured until he was close to breaking point. However the point when Sirius would give up his blood-brother was so close to the point where he would die, Voldemort didn't dare push him that close in case he want too far and really did kill him before he had his information. Voldemort wasn't even sure that Sirius would give up James before he died. He ciouldn't risk pushing him that far to find out.

* * *

Sirius fell to his knees, back in the cell. The cruciatus curse had done this to him – made him weak as a kitten. His hands were tied in front of him, as Voldemort had previously had him beaten by several of the Death Eaters – Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle and Wormtail.

Remus scrambled over and untied him, then carefully ran his fingers over the worst bruises. "Why do they do this to you? Why don't they accept you'll never tell them?"

Sirius shrugged slightly, stretching the wounds on his back and making him wince, and got to his feet. Remus stood too and steadied him. He walked to the bed and they lay down together.

An hour later, someone unlocked the door. Remus pulled Sirius into a hug. "If they want to take you again ...!"

The door opened and a Death Eater walked in carrying a tray of food, shutting the door behind him. He put down the tray and pulled out his wand. The prisoners started. Remus tightened his arms around Sirius. However, the Death Eater simply cast a silencing charm.

"What do you want?"

The Death Eater pushed back his hood. It was Snape. He picked up the tray again and walked over to the bed, placing it down between them. He said, "I want to help you get out of here. James is distraught, and now I can see he has good reason."

Snape's black eyes took in Sirius' roughly scabbing, half-healed wounds. Sirius sighed. "Tell him I'm OK. There's no point him knowing ..."

"He has a right to know. But Dumbledore has a message. He will come for you next full moon with the Order. A lot of the Death Eaters here will be engaged in a ceremony in the dungeons."

"What ceremony?"

"Another has joined their number, and he needs to be ... initiated."

"What happens?"

"He or she is given the Mark," Snape replied, pushing the robe off his shoulder to show them the rough blackish tattoo-like Dark Mark on his upper arm. "Then, the Dark Lord chooses them a – a mentor. The mentor then ... takes them into another room and ... and ..."

Sirius touched Snape's shoulder. "Is it a hard memory? Whatever they do?"

Remus stated, "It's rape, isn't it. Or at least, it was in your case."

Snape nodded. "I wouldn't care, but ... he assigned my mentor to be Lucius Malfoy –"

"He liked you in school. A lot. It was really scary sometimes, the way he acted around you. Don't know why he bothered to marry; he doesn't even like women!"

"Exactly," Snape replied, shuddering. He composed himself again and said, "But I digress. The Death Eaters must be present for the first and last part of the ceremony."

"What's the last part?"

Snape shuddered again. "He ... he uses the imperius curse to make the new members put the cruciatus curse on themselves. Then if they resist the imperius curse, he puts it on them himself, along with the other Death Eaters. If they resist, they are automatically placed higher in his favour."

"So?"

"So there will be less guards, and therefore it will be easier to break in and get you out."

"Right. So how long till the full moon?"

"Ask the werewolf, not me."

"Thanks for that Snape; remind me of what I am why don't you. It's about a week," Remus told them, glaring at Snape. Sirius sighed. "A whole week?"

Remus kissed his cheek. Snape stood, managing to hold back a stiff grimace at their open display of affection. "Eat. You'll need your strength. Both of you."

With that, Snape stood and left them. Sirius looked over at Remus. "Both of us? Why ..."

"Don't ask. I think we both know, but ... don't ask ..."

Sirius snuggled up to Remus, hoping Snape hadn't meant what he probably had.

* * *

The werewolf and the animagus were left alone for a further three days. Four days left before the full moon. However, the lull in the questioning was not to last any longer. Malfoy and Goyle came in on the afternoon of the fourth day and Sirius and Remus were both dragged out of the cell.

They were dragged into a large, shadowy room. It was cold inside. There was a rack against one dripping wall and in the centre of the room was a wooden chair fitted with metal plates and wires. There was a metal harness hinged to the chair. It had spikes on it.

Voldemort stepped out of the darkness. "Ah, Mr Black, Mr Lupin. Since you refuse to tell me what I need to know, I have decided to take up a new tact. Regulus, hold your brother."

The younger man took hold of Sirius' arms in a firm grip and dragged him back until they were close to the rack. Instinctively, Sirius struggled. He could sense that Voldemort was going to do. He was going to hurt his werewolf.

Remus was shoved into the chair and the harness was slammed down. The spikes drove through the skin of his shoulders, though missed the rest of his body and smashed into the wooden chair. Remus yelped in agony, staring in horror at the blood blossoming over his clothes.

Voldemort looked over at Sirius, whose eyes had gone wide and was fighting his brother with all the strength he had. "Tell me."

"No," Sirius moaned. He hated seeing his mate in pain, but he couldn't tell Voldemort where Lilly and James were.

Voldedmort flicked his wand at the chair. Remus' body convulsed and he screamed as a shock of electricity shocked through his body. Sirius gritted his teeth, tears falling freely from his eyes. "No, please, don't!"

Voldemort flicked his wand again, and another equally short and sharp jolt smacked through Remus' body. Sirius wrestled one arm out of his brother's grip, but Malfoy grabbed him and hit him in the stomach. Sirius heard Voldemort whisper, "Crucio."

"NO!"

Remus screamed. His vision darkened. Numbing pain slammed into ever muscle of his body. It equalled the pain of a full moon transformation, but Remus already knew nothing could be worse. Sirius watched as Voldemort let up the curse, but gave Remus another shot of the electricity instead. Sirius screamed at him to stop. "It's not him you want! Please, just stop!"

Voldemort stopped. Remus collapsed into the harness, driving the spikes further into his body. Sirius whimpered as he watched blood drip from Remus' shoulders. Voldemort grabbed his chin. "Look at him. Tell me where the Potters are and I will heal him and let you both go."

"I can't ..." Sirius sobbed, screwing his eyes shut.

"Then I'm afraid neither can I."

He placed the cruciatus curse on Remus again, making him writhe and scream. Sirius yelled, "You bastard! Stop it! Stop hurting him! Can't you see he can't take it!"

Voldemort stopped and walked over to Remus, pushing him back in the chair. "So pretty."

"Don't you dare touch him!" Sirius spat, still struggling against the grip of Regulus and Malfoy. "Don't you even go near him!"

"I see you're very protective ... tell me or I'll hand him over to my Death Eaters. Who knows what they will do."

Sirius' mouth dropped open. "Please. Please, no."

Voldemort grabbed the harness and yanked the spikes out of Remus' flesh as he pulled it up again. Remus grunted in pain. Sirius sobbed. "Please ... please, Lord Voldemort, please don't do that to him ..."

"Tell me where they are."

Sirius shut his eyes and allowed the tears to flow freely from his eyes. "Malfoy. Take Black back to the cells. You can have Lupin for whatever you want."

Sirius was dragged away, still fighting against Malfoy's grip. Remus couldn't even defend himself; he could barely move. He watched in despair as the Death Eaters closed around him until the door shut.

If they raped Remus, he would die. Once a werewolf had chosen its mate, they were the only one they could make love with. If anyone else other than Sirius ever took Remus, he would die – horrifically.

_

* * *

_

(A/N: I hate myself. I really do. I feel so bad. Last torture chapter comes next. Then I swear it gets happier. I hate writing this. Since I can't complain about my writing thanks to my deal with KrazyKat (why oh why did I make that deal! Oh, yeah, to stop HER from complaining ...) I'll have to say something positive. I liked the forms of torture in this chapter. Thank you to Aranel and Fire Breathing Ferret and I think K-Servo for the lemon juice and salt thing ...  
_I'm BACK! I have been to ITALY! Woo! So yeah. I'm back. I went to Venice and the Dolomites (find a map of Italy if you don't know where they are. They are near Lake Garda, where we stayed. If you haven't got a clue what they are – they are mountains formed when silt and stuff from a sea when it ... drained, I suppose. They are amazing.) We drove through bits of Verona, we went on a speedboat, went to a place called Malcesine (pronounced Mal-chez-nie – I know it's stupid, isn't it?), and I got a portrait done by a man on a street. It's actually pretty and I like it. He gave me a henna tattoo as well – of a Black Dragon! Woo! I will post it somewhere on the net sometime ... before it wears off ... because I think it's very 'me'. I got loads of new ideas, too, although I wrote nothing blush, so hopefully I will now be able to write.  
__Anyway. REVIEW! Please?)_


	27. Full Moon Rising

_(A/N: OK, since a lot of you have been asking, I'm going to answer a one little question. People keep asking why Voldemort didn't just torture Remus first. Well ... Voldemort is evil. He has no conception of love that strong. In fact I don't think he has any conception of love at all! He can't grasp how close Sirius and Remus are, so he wouldn't think of torturing Remus to get to Sirius first. He would probably have to have it explained to him in great detail first by someone who understands. I think his main problem is that he never was loved, so he can't understand love, and that's why he's so heartless. That's your explanation. That's all you're getting. If you disagree, it's my AU so there, nothing is changing.)_

**

* * *

Chapter 27 – Full Moon Rising**

The wolf inside Remus whimpered. It couldn't understand the torture its human side had just endured; it didn't know why these men were crowding around Remus, groping at him. But he knew his human counterpart's mind had shut down under the onslaught of such agony, and the knowledge he was going to die the moment any of the Death Eaters raped him – and he knew they would. So the wolf took over. Remus raised his head and growled. Several Death Eaters stepped back. Remus stood up, a little shakily. Malfoy grabbed him. Remus lashed out with his fingers balled into a fist. Malfoy let go. The wolf wanted one thing; it wanted its' human counterpart to take over his own body and it wanted Sirius back. The wolf wanted its mate.

Someone grabbed him from behind and since Moony was still unsteady on these feet he fell. Malfoy fell on him like a hungry animal and started to tug at his clothes, kissing along his neck and across his check. Remus struggled, but more Death Eaters grabbed him and started touching him, kissing him, groping at him, pulling his clothes off ...

Suddenly, the door burst open. It was Snape. The wolf registered the scent at 'enemy', but the human said, 'No, friend!' so the wolf did not attack or move.

Snape yelled, "Leave! All of you!"

"What?" Malfoy sneered, getting up and looking down at Snape through thin, grey eyes. "The apprentice tells the master what to do, now?"

Snape's eyes blazed. "I am not your apprentice any more, Malfoy. I seem to remember I fought the imperius curse, and you did not. Therefore I am higher in His order. Now, all of you, out."

Malfoy hissed at the truth Snape had just told. He swept out, pulling his robes around him. The Death Eaters filed out, grumbling. Snape walked over and grabbed Remus' arm. The wolf growled. Snape noticed his eyes. He swore, recognising the wolf's eyes even though he had only seen them once before. He dragged Remus quickly down the corridors to the cell. The wolf stumbled, unused to this body-shape, and was continually supported by Snape. He was literally thrown into the cell. Snape hissed, "I stopped them for you."

He slammed the door and Remus slumped to the floor. Sirius scrambled over, wiping his eyes and tilted his chin up. He looked into Remus eyes. They had turned gold, totally gold.

"Moony?"

"Padfoot ..."

"It's OK. You'll be OK."

Moony reached out and ran his shaking fingers into Sirius' hair. Sirius leant forwards hesitantly and kissed him. He stiffened for a moment, then responded. The wolf could feel his human side waking slowly. Sirius pulled back. Moony pushed forwards again into a longer, deeper kiss.

Sirius was pushed back slowly until he lay back on the floor with Moony on top of him. Finally, Remus broke the kiss and pulled back. "Sirius ..."

His voice had changed from the lower growl to a much gentler, weak voice of someone who had been tortured. Sirius sat up and pulled Remus into his arms. "It's OK," he whispered, telling him the exact same thing he had told the wolf. "You'll be OK now."

"I was so scared they would ... they would ..."

"I know. I was scared too. I thought I'd lose you, love."

Remus sniffed and snuggled into Sirius' shoulder, wincing at the pain in his own shoulders. Sirius pushed him away and pulled his shirt open to look at the cuts. He hissed in annoyance and kissed each wound in turn, wiping away more tears. "I'm going to clean these. That ... that _thing_ looked rusty. Lie on the bed."

Remus walked over to the bed and lay down while Sirius wet two pieces of cloth, hiding his tears carefully, and gently cleaned the wounds. Once they were clean he gently bandaged them and lay down. "I hoped they'd never do that. Seeing you in pain hurts more than anything else on earth ..."

Remus turned his head and kissed him gently. "I'm OK. It wasn't worse than the transformation ..."

"I never wanted you to be hurt," Sirius sobbed, snuggling into Remus' side. "It hurts me even when you block the mental connection. It hurts all the time ..."

"I know; it hurts me to know you're in pain, too ..." Remus whispered back, stroking his hair. Sirius wrapped his arms around the werewolf's waist and kissed his neck. Tears were streaming from his eyes, dripping onto Remus' pale skin and tickling as they did so. Sirius whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Why? It isn't your fault."

"I should've stopped them from taking you in the first place. I should never have let them. They wanted information from me, not you. They didn't need you."

Remus shushed him, kissing him again. "Stop blaming yourself. It isn't your fault. There's not that much lasting damage ..."

Sirius whimpered and snuggled closer. Another four days of waiting, before they were saved. That was, if it worked ...

* * *

Sirius looked down at Remus' sleeping form and frowned. It had been two days since the last ordeal; Remus still hadn't completely recovered. Sirius had finally coaxed him to sleep for a while, but ... Remus' fingers were twitching in his sleep, and he kept frowning. He bent and kissed his cheek.

Remus lashed out, whimpering, and hit him hard in the chest, knocking him backwards. Sirius scrambled back into a sitting position and saw that Remus was curled up, a tense frown covering his beautiful face. He looked as though he was being hurt. He whimpered. Sirius crawled back over to him, starting to panic, and touched his shoulder. Remus whined, flinching away.

Sirius shook him roughly and ordered, "Wake up, Remus! It's a dream; wake up!"

"No, please don't! Malfoy, please! Please!"

Sirius' eyes opened wider and he held Remus down to the bed as he thrashed around as if trying to get away, whimpering, "Please, please don't! You'll kill me! Please, no ... Sirius, help me! Please! SIRIUS!"

Sirius straddled Remus' hips, trying to keep him on the bed rather than falling on the floor. Remus screamed in terror, wrenching his wrists out of Sirius' grip and then grabbing him and throwing him off him. Sirius let out a startled cry and climbed back onto the bed.

"REMUS!" he shouted, grabbing him and shaking him, "Wake up, PLEASE!"

The werewolf suddenly jerked his eyes open, a cry of terror tearing from his throat. His eyes scanned the room and finally rested on Sirius' face. Their eyes locked for a long moment, then Remus sobbed and shut his eyes again. Sirius immediately dragged him into a rough, possessive hug. "It's OK. Whatever it was, it's never going to happen, Remmie. I swear if they try to hurt you again, I'll kill them with my bare hands ..."

"No you won't," Remus sobbed. "They'll send you to Azkaban. You're not an Auror. I dn't want you to kill anyone."

"What was the dream about?"

Remus sobbed harder, snuggling into Sirius' chest and clutching him as though he was the only real thing left. /They ... were raping me. Then they raped you, too, in front of me ... Malfoy brought out this silver – silver collar ... it was horrible, Sirius .../

Sirius kissed Remus' hair and rocked him gently. /I won't let them hurt you like that .../

Remus sniffed and smiled weakly. He looked up and wiped his eyes. "I know."

* * *

About an hour later, Regulus and Snape came to the cell and took them down to the same chamber as before. Remus was grabbed by Crabbe and Goyle. Sirius sobbed. /I'm sorry ... I can't tell him where Lil and Jim are./

/I'll never forgive you if you do./

Voldemort walked out of the shadows, holding a metal branding iron with the Dark Mark on it. Sirius' eyes went wide. "No, please – "

But it was too late. Malfoy had ripped Remus' shirt off his shoulder and Voldemort brought the burning metal down on Remus' skin.

Remus screamed and tried to pull away. Malfoy held his shoulder still. Desperation scrabbled inside Sirius. He could smell his mate's flesh burning, smouldering, blackening. He retched as the scent filled his nose. His body shuddered, pain starting to throb through their bond as much as Remus tried to pull it back. Remus' sobbing, screaming howls of pain filled his ears. Voldemort bent and whispered in his ear. Remus' eyes widened and he screamed louder. Sirius knew that had to be a threat – probably a threat of rape. Sirius yelled frantically, "NO, please! PLEASE!"

Voldemort swung the metal off Remus' skin. He collapsed in Crabbe and Goyle's arms, panting. He shut his eyes and whimpered, totally limp. Voldemort swung the iron and slammed it into Sirius' face. He cried out as hit his face, burning and bruising at the same time. "Quiet."

Sirius spat blood out of his mouth, looking back at Remus. Voldemort was bringing the brand back down onto his skin in the same place. He suddenly thought of Voldemort raping his mate. He sobbed and closed his eyes, trying hard not to throw up, unable to watch his mate being tortured, but unable to block the screams that tore into his heart, more painful than any other torture.

* * *

Moonrise was an hour away. Full moon rise. Remus was shivering, rubbing his shoulder gently, his eyes unfocused. Thanks to werewolf healing powers, the burn had healed quickly, and was merely sore now. Luckily, the scarring wasn't as bad either, so the Mark on his shoulder wasn't as vivid as Voldemort obviously hoped it would be. Sirius watched him from the bottom of the bed. He was worrying. For the thousandth time, he said softly, "I thought they'd be here by now."

"I know. They'll come."

"But ... if I transform ..."

"Remus, Dumbledore knows what you are. He isn't going to put anyone in danger."

"Maybe that means leaving this until tomorrow! Or next month!"

Suddenly, the door to the cell opened. It was Malfoy. Remus shuddered, remembering the last time he had seen Malfoy. He, Snape, Peter and Regulus came in. Regulus was cringing, scurrying past Sirius and taking his arm as though expecting to be hit. Sirius didn't bother; he wasn't worth the effort. Peter took his other arm. Peter was worth the effort. He wrenched his arm out of Regulus' grip and punched Peter as hard as he could.

Blood flowed freely from his nose. Sirius then allowed Regulus to take his arm again. Malfoy tried to hit him. Regulus swatted his hand away. Malfoy shrugged and grabbed Remus, dragging him out of the bed. Snape took his arm, making sure he was on the sore side of him so that Malfoy couldn't abuse the burnt spot further.

Sirius and Remus were towed down horribly familiar corridors until they reached a pair of dark doors. They looked at each other. Sirius asked, /Does this look kind of familiar. Like we've seen the other side of these doors when we got here?/

/Horribly so./

Snape tapped on the doors and they swung open soundlessly. Sirius was right. It was Voldemort's throne room. /I thought they were supposed to be doing that ritual thing?/

Snape took Remus' arm again. He leant close to the werewolf's ear and whispered, "I'm sorry. He changed his plans ..."

Remus repeated it to Sirius, who closed his eyes as he felt the sickness of terror well inside him. Sirius was taken before the throne and Remus was hauled across towards the wall. Sirius looked up at Voldemort levelly. "You are sure you will not tell me?"

Sirius nodded, screaming at Remus, /The moon'll be up in a minute! Get in the light! Change!/

Remus twitched, looking to his right towards the throne, as the moonlight finally shone through the window. Voldemort stood and began to walk down the throne. Sirius watched him, his heart speeding up as fear tightened his throat. Remus' eyes were filling with tears. Indecision was pulling his mind apart; his hands shook and his eyes flickered around the room.

Sirius stared into Voldemort's eyes and breathed deeply. The Dark Lord grabbed his neck and whispered, "Tell me or I swear I'll kill Lupin, and then you. I promise."

Sirius murmured inside his head, /Fight them, Remmie! It's OK, just do it and they'll be so shocked and scared – "

/Sirius, I don't LIKE people being scared of me! I'll kill them, Sirius! I won't have control!/

/They'll kill YOU if you don't!/

Remus sobbed, hanging his head. Voldemort hissed, "See. He's terrified of death – of me! Spare him; tell me where the Potters are!?"

Sirius growled and replied, "He's not scared of you! No one is scared of you! You're weak! You just have big friends! Malfoy has more power than you! EVEN I HAVE MORE POWER THAN YOU!"

"You insolent bastard!" Voldemort screamed. "How dare you even speak to me!"

He released Sirius' neck and stepped back to the foot of the throne. His arms were grasped again by Regulus, who was trembling, and Peter, who had gone white.

Remus glanced at the moonlight, past Snape. He looked up into his eyes and tried desperately to convey what he intended. Snape hesitantly loosened his grip on Remus' arm. He whispered, "Thank you."

Malfoy frowned, turning to them. He opened his mouth, maybe to shout, but Remus grabbed Snape's wand and murmured, "Stupefy!"

Malfoy fell. Snape grabbed his wand back and whispered an illusion charm, quickly followed by a spell to keep Malfoy upright. The spells made it look as though he was as awake as ever. No one noticed. Attention was fixed on Sirius. Remus bit his lip and pushed past Snape, flinging out his arm as if to snatch the moonlight. The full moon's light sank under his skin, turning his blood to fire. He staggered forwards until the light washed over his whole body. He looked back over at Sirius, who whispered, /Thanks, Moony./

He screamed in pain as the wolf began to take over his mind, and his body began to change. Voldemort spun around, as did several Death Eaters. The Dark Lord shrieked, "WORMTAIL! You never told us it was a WEREWOLF!"

Peter stuttered, "M-Master! I didn't – didn't KNOW! M-M-Master, p-please!"

Sirius roared, "You've known for years, you bloody liar! You, Wormtail, have known Remus is a werewolf since we were all eleven! DON'T LIE!"

Peter sobbed. Voldemort screamed, "YOU knew! And you didn't tell me!"

"You were too busy asking where Lilly and James are."

Voldemort looked back at Remus. His muzzle was lengthening, and his nails turning to claws. Sirius winced at the pain he knew his mate was feeling.

Snape was backing away, towards Sirius. The last time he had seen Remus like this, he had nearly been killed. James had saved him last time. Sirius sighed, knowing what he had to do. He couldn't just let him die. He twisted out of Regulus' panic-weakened grip and grabbed his wand. He pointed it at Snape and knocked him out before Regulus grabbed it back. The spells on Malfoy gave up too. He knew the wolf wouldn't attack something that wasn't moving. OK, it might eat it, but there were far too many moving targets at the moment. Peter punched him in the stomach and hissed, "Stop it! He – he'll k-kill you!"

"You never cared about that before, you bastard!"

"But – "

"Don't speak to me, traitor!" Sirius spat, turning away to ignore Peter completely.

Meanwhile, Voldemort glanced at Remus. The transformation seemed half-way through. He snatched his wand and pointed it at Sirius as he turned back. He yelled at the top of his high-pitched voice, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

And the wolf howled louder.

* * *

_(A/N: Don't kill me! Please! That's it for now. I'll update soon, I promise! I want you to know that I hate this chapter for obvious reasons ... and I hate myself for doing it. One more chapter of evilness. Please review and flame all you want. I deserve to be flamed!)_


	28. Only One Will Die Tonight

_(A/N: This chapter is rather (meaning very) AU. Nothing in the Harry Potter books supports this being possible. But it works for me, OK? Just read and Review. Even if you feel the need to flame me for it ... Oh, and watch out for the line I nicked from PoA the film. I couldn't resist. Oh, and thanks for not threatening to kill me ...)

* * *

_**Chapter 28 – Only One Will Die Tonight**

_Voldemort glanced at Remus. The transformation seemed half-way through. He snatched his wand and pointed it at Sirius as he turned back. He yelled at the top of his high-pitched voice, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"_

_And the wolf howled louder.  
__

* * *

::Sirius' POV::_

The final thought I had before the green light engulfed me was, 'That's the last thing I'm going to hear. My Moony's howl is the last sound I'll ever hear.'

Then all I saw was green, all I heard was my own last breath, all I felt was my heartbeat stopping. Before I lost everything, before every remnant of power over my self was gone, I slammed into the mind bond between myself and Remus, reaching out with my whole mind, desperately scrabbling for Remus. The werewolf felt me, wrapped himself around my soul and pulled me into his own body.

For a long, painful moment, our minds fought, and I was dragged, a dying soul, from my body into another's. My soul forced into my mate's pain-filled mind and fleetingly our minds were crushed into one writhing body. I screamed, forcing the werewolf's head to snap back. Remus howled, /Sirius! Get out! There's already two of us in this body fighting for control!/

/I'll die!/ I replied weakly and fearfully. Without my body, my soul was weaker than a kitten. I was scared of Death and I admit it. I wasn't ready to die yet. Remus sobbed, /Please ... I won't let you go. I'll never let you go./

I could hear the emotion in his voice; I believed him. I slowly uncurled from around Remus and Moony's minds and felt my self leave Remus' body. I blinked as the world went grey. I could see Death Eaters running around. I could see my own body. I turned and looked at Remus. He was staring at Peter, drooling. The change was complete. I could see a thin, silvery bond between us. I was safe – for now.

I started to run, towards Peter. I didn't want him dead. I wanted him to suffer for what he had planned to do – suffer in Azkaban, with no happy memories. I reached him and gave him a shove. There was an odd jolt and, for a second, I was in Peter's body. The body we were inside writhed, as though in unspeakable pain. I forced his mind into submission, and then into unconsciousness. Then I let go, not wanted to be inside that evil shell a moment longer than necessary. Peter's body fell to the floor, limp.

_::3rd Person::_

Sirius turned towards Moony again. The werewolf was turning its head from side to side, sniffing. He seemed to be trying to choose the most terrified Death Eater to attack first. Sirius suddenly felt a tug on his self, something puling him away. The silvery bond between him and the werewolf flared. He smiled. He was still held safe by Remus.

The werewolf suddenly started to run, bounding at the Death Eaters, who were all backing away towards the furthest door from Moony. Sirius glanced around, looking for Voldemort. He wouldn't allow him to escape. This man – could he still be called a man? – was going to kill three innocents.

Through the bond, he yelled, /Moony – Remmie – he's heading for the doors!/

The werewolf stepped almost daintily off the Death Eater he was ripping at with his claws and turned. He leapt towards the door and blocked the Dark Lord's path. He started backing away, eying the long fangs with wary black eyes. He reached for his wand. Moony leapt, knocking his hands away from the wood and snapping his teeth down on it. There was a crack.

"No! My wand! My WAND!"

The voice was faint and echoey in Sirius' ears. Moony dropped the pieces and growled. Voldemort looked terrified. He reached up with hopelessly brittle fingers and grabbed the thick fur around Moony's neck in a desperate attempt to stop him. Moony raised a paw and scored three parallel cuts into his shoulder. He shrieked in pain and cried to his Death Eaters for help. They continued to hurry for the doors. Sirius saw them and willed them to see him. He started to run and skidded to a halt before he hit the door. He growled, desperately hoping they would see him. He felt the shape of his self change to that of the large Grim-like dog. He bared his translucent, blue-silver fangs. Suddenly, one of them screamed, "Look!".

They started to run the other way, then saw Moony. After a moment, they froze, trapped between two evils. Sirius relaxed, feeling himself shift back to his old shape – whatever that was – and started to walk back towards Voldemort. As he did so, the Dark Lord grabbed a piece of his broken wand, pointed it up at Moony and screamed, "Stupefy!"

The broken wood went haywire, sending the spell straight past Moony, through Sirius and into the Death Eaters, stunning them all in one blow and sending them toppling to the floor. Sirius felt dizzy for a moment after the spell passed through him, but it didn't affect him. He continued forwards as Moony severed a muscle, forcing the Dark Lord to drop his wand with a yell of pain.

As he approached, Moony slashed down on the skin barely covering Voldemort's jugular, easily bringing blood to the surface. Then he buried his fangs in the alabaster throat, effortlessly breaking paper-thin skin and severing arteries.

Voldemort let out a scream before Moony dug deeper into his neck and his scream died, as he soon would. Sirius winced as Moony tore at Voldemort's neck, spurts of blood plastering his chin and throat and staining pale fur. In that moment, he suddenly noticed something odd. He squinted at the body. He could see Voldemort's mind fighting to get out of his living corpse; he was succeeding. He growled and dived at him, grabbing the escaping soul and dragging it back into its body.

Pain exploded immediately all through Sirius' soul. He held Voldemort's tightly, preventing his consciousness from getting out of the body it should have been tied to, forcing him to die. Voldemort yelled, petrified,_ Let me go! _

_No! You were going to kill Lilly and James – not to mention their unborn child! Their INNOCENT child! It had done nothing to you! _

_He would destroy me! _

_You think I care? You think ANYONE cares? You would kill an innocent! I can't let you live when you've intended to murder a blameless child! _

_But – but – _

_I won't let you live – I can't. _

_Only one will die tonight! _Voldemort told Sirius, struggling harder.

_Then it will be you! _Sirius yelled back, forcing Voldemort's soul back, keeping him inside his own body. Sirius could feel the pain engulfing him, feel an alien heart ceasing to beat, hear the desperate breaths that couldn't come through a broken throat, sense blood filling unfamiliar lungs. He screamed suddenly, unable to take any more agony, shoving himself away from Voldemort and towards Moony.

Thankfully, it was too late for Voldemort. Sirius watched as the soul inside the broken body dimmed and died too. It died fighting, scrabbling to leave its broken carcass when it didn't have the energy to do so. Sirius closed his eyes. Or whatever passed for his eyes in this half-alive, bodyless state.

He suddenly realised that the tugging on his soul was becoming very insistent. His 'eyes' snapped open again. He felt weaker than ever before. He couldn't fight it. The wolf looked up, sensing his mate's weakness. Sirius whispered, /Moony ... help .../

Sirius felt everything going dim. Moony's low growl shouted to him, /Go right!/

Sirius tried to stagger sideways, and felt himself becoming less and less substantial. Everything was darkening with each passing second. Suddenly, he realised his own body lay right before him. He reached out to touch his empty shell's hand. This was not his time to die. He had too much to live for.

He scrabbled, desperately reaching for his own hand. Finally, he touched his skin and felt a strange sensation of being pulled inside his own body again. Then there was an uncomfortable feeling, almost like being asleep and awake at the same time. Being dead and alive at the same time.

There was a sudden feeling of intense, painful heat in his chest. His mind screamed at him to breathe, to get oxygen to his heart and brain, to _live_. He took a deep, agonizing breath, and felt life return to his body. His eyes flew open as his back arched involuntarily. He gasped down another couple of breaths, then started coughing, unable to stop. After a long moment, he closed his eyes again, his breath finally calming to a little faster than normal. He swallowed and called feebly, /Moony ...?/

The werewolf, blood dripping from his chin, padded over and nuzzled into Sirius' side. He had stayed away, ears back, during his coughing fit, slightly afraid. He opened his suddenly tired eyes and looked up into Moony's golden ones. He could feel Voldemort's surprisingly pale blood dropping onto his chest. He tilted his head back to bare his neck. People had told him before now, many times, that the wolf wouldn't spare him just because he was his human counterpart's mate, and he didn't have the energy or will-power to change. He would rather die at Moony's mercy than fight him. However, the werewolf simply swiped his rough tongue across his throat, leaving a red mark, and nuzzled into his hair.

Apparently the 'experts' were wrong. Sirius reached up and stroked the werewolf's head. Moony whined and snuggled into his hand. Sirius scratched him behind the ears. /Well done. And thank you. I love you ... both of you .../

He felt the wolf's happiness through their bond. For once, both Remus and Moony agreed on something. /We love you too./

Sirius drifted into unconsciousness.

* * *

Moony lay down beside Sirius' unconscious body, whining. He was worried beyond anything. That night he had almost lost his mate, a mate both he and Remus loved dearly. After all, they were fundamentally the same being. He licked Sirius' forehead, snuggling into his hair to smell his distinctively 'Sirius' scent, knowing already that he associated it with safety, love and trust.

Moony leant his head on Sirius' shoulder and sighed. He wouldn't let anyone near his mate now. He turned his head slightly to press his nose against his mate's neck. He could smell the sweet blood beneath the ghost-pale skin; see the skin rise and fall as the blood rushed past with each beat of his heart; hear the sound of his heart, now beating strong and even in his chest; feel each breath he took ruffle his fur.

Moony raised his head for a moment and looked down at Sirius' peaceful face. Remus murmured to him, _He's perfect. _

Moony barked a laugh, then licked Sirius' cheek. _I know. Please ... let me mark him – _

_Bite him and I swear I'll put a silver dagger through our heart. _

_Just a scratch, human. I swear ... I'd never bite him. _

_Just a scratch ... _

Moony took looked down at Sirius' bare chest and lifted a paw. He unsheathed his claws and scored down his chest, bringing deep red blood to the surface. Sirius twitched. Inside the wolf, Remus smiled. _That'll do. _

Moony nuzzled Sirius' neck until the frown of pain disappeared, then licked at the blood. It tasted sweeter to the wolf than to Remus. Quickly the scratch scabbed and Moony left it alone. He snuggled up to Sirius' body and lay with his front half covering his chest and stomach so his nose was just underneath Sirius' chin.

He lay like that all night, keeping Sirius from catching cold; allowing him to snuggle into his warm, living body for comfort as nightmares flitted through his head; watching for any intruders who would harm his mate.

* * *

Dumbledore placed a hand on James' shoulder. He was standing at the edge of the small wood near Voldemort's fortress, staring at the depressing construction with worry and hate in his eyes. "Stop worrying, Mr Potter. I'm sure everything is fine."

"What if we're too late, Dumbledore? What if he's already killed them both ..."

"I'm sure that is not the case. Now. Please would you go and ask the rest of the order to come over here?"

James walked back over to where the rest of the Order of the Phoenix was encamped and kicked a rock. Several looked up. He said sullenly, "Dumbledore wants us."

"Is it time to go?" Andromeda sniffed. As Sirius' only decent cousin – probably the only one not in Voldemort's army and the only one he would bother to talk to – she was as worried as James was about him. James shrugged. "I don't know; he didn't say."

They all walked back to Dumbledore. While they were walking, Andromeda touched James' arm. "You shouldn't be here. You're in danger."

"Sirius is in worse danger. He's like a brother to me. I can't stand him being in there, Andy ... Besides, what about you? You have a child to worry about – Nymphadora. She starts Hogwarts this year doesn't she?"

"I would rather die trying to get her a better future than let her grow up in a world full of danger."

James smiled. They reached the edge of the wood a moment later and Dumbledore started to speak. "A moment ago, I saw some Death Eaters leaving the fortress, leaving the gate wide open after them."

"Why?" someone asked. Dumbledore chuckled. "Your guess is as good as mine."

James suddenly thought of something, and looked at his watch. "Dumbledore, it's about three hours to dawn! Remus ..."

"Yes, that was my guess."

"So there's a werewolf in there?"

"Yes. I'm afraid so."

"You want us to go in there when there's a –"

James replied heatedly to the man who had spoken, "There's people dying in there! People being tortured! And you're afraid of a werewolf more than a hundred Death Eaters?"

"At least Death Eaters can only kill you –"

"SHUT UP ABOUT MY FRIEND!"

"STOP IMPLYING I'M A COWARD!"

"Both of you stop it! We are going in there for every prisoner. Now come on; it will take an hour to reach the castle," Dumbledore interrupted, starting to walk towards the castle.

* * *

An hour later, the Order of the Phoenix entered the large gates of Voldemort's castle. On one corner of the gatehouse, a gibbering Death Eater was crying – weeping for his master, apparently. Someone stunned him, and they continued. They split up into three groups at the stairs, one group going up, one down and once continuing to check the ground floor.

James, Dumbledore, Andromeda and two others took the ground floor. After wandering down corridors that led into each other ad infinitum, they finally reached a large set of double doors. James gave one of them a push. It swung open easily. He whispered, "I would have expected a creak."

"So would we all," Andromeda replied, applying her weight to the door and making it swing open.

* * *

Moony raised his head. He could smell humans; smell their blood and their nervousness. He glanced down at Sirius. He wouldn't want anyone dead. Still – intruders were intruders. He stood, standing defensively over Sirius' body. The animagus whimpered as his arms fell from Moony's body. Moony lowered his muzzle to Sirius' cheek and licked his face, moving down onto his neck.

James walked into the room and looked around. First he noticed the unconscious Death Eaters, and the two bodies. Then he looked over at the werewolf, apparently attacking Sirius' neck. He yelled, "Dumbledore! Quick!"

The old wizard hurried into the room and looked around. Moony raised his head, looking at them. Then his hackles rose and he growled low in his throat. Blood from earlier had dried on his fur, but some still dripped and glistened on his chin. James looked horrified. "Moony's killed Sirius ... he's dead ... my best friend is dead ..."

The werewolf took a couple of steps towards them, still growling. Then he threw back his head and howled, long and loud. James stepped towards Sirius. Moony growled at him, baring his long fangs. Suddenly, he leapt forwards. James' eyes widened and he took the only option he had.

He changed into his animagus form, a large white stag, turned bluish in the moonlight, with impressive ivory horns. Dumbledore smiled, but the rest of the Order present gasped and looked at each other as if to ask 'did you know he could do that?' Moony tore a long gash down Prongs' shoulder. The stag turned his head sharply and bashed his antlers into Moony's side. The werewolf yelped in pain, falling heavily to the floor.

Sirius groaned softly, rolling onto his side. Prongs and Moony both looked at him. Moony dashed over to him and nuzzled into his neck, lying down with his side pressed against Sirius' stomach. The animagus curled up, burying his nose in Moony's thick, silvery fur and grabbing a handful near his throat.

Prongs tentatively walked over. Moony raised his head, but the growl died in his throat as he finally recognised a member of his makeshift 'pack'. The stag lowered his head to nudge Sirius' shoulder. He reached one arm over his shoulder, half-conscious, and brushed his fingers to Prongs' head.

Prongs nuzzled into Sirius' body. After a moment of snuggling into Sirius, he thought of Dumbledore and the others, so stood and trotted over. Once out of range of Moony, he changed back to his human form.

Immediately, he grabbed his arm where Moony had broken the skin, but didn't stop. When he reached his companions, he was bombarded with whispered questions about his ability, but Dumbledore told them to be quiet. James said, "Remus isn't going to move, Dumbledore. He's protecting his mate. We can't do anything here."

Dumbledore nodded. "We will call the Ministry and St Mungo's. You can stay here, Mr Potter. The rest of you, with me. We will check the rest of the fortress for Death Eaters, and then contact the correct authorities."

They filed out, leaving James alone. He returned to Moony in his animagus form and lay down at Sirius' back, equally protective. They remained like that until the moon set and the sun rose.

Moony staggered to his feet and away from Sirius and Prongs. The stag blew down Sirius' ear, hoping to wake him. It worked. He opened his eyes and looked around groggily. He saw Moony starting to change and called, /Come here./

The werewolf complied, whining in pain. He lay down next to Sirius and allowed him to cuddle him close as he transformed. When the transformation was complete, Remus looked up at Sirius and snuggled into his chest. "I thought I'd lose you."

Sirius held him tighter, leaning back into James, who had changed back into his human form. James wrapped his arms around both of them, choosing to ignore the cuts and scars on their bodies, and lay there on the cold floor with them, waiting for the Order to return.

* * *

_(A/N: Yay! Everyone's alive! And the torture is over, as is the whole evil business with Voldemort. He will NOT make a comeback! Happiness is a must from now on ... So yeah. AU or what? Hmm ... Just REVIEW!)_


	29. Safety

_(A/N: You have no idea how relieved I am to be over the depressing torture and stuff ... sighs. Anyways, this chapter is going to be happy (nearly) all the way. Enjoy.)  
_**

* * *

Chapter 29 – Safety**

After a long while, Sirius whispered, "Jamie?"

James took a deep, unsteady breath and muttered back, "Are you OK? I mean, I know you're not, but ..."

"Jim ... thanks for coming for us ..."

James felt tears pricking at his eyes. "I'd follow you into hell to drag you out if I had to."

Sirius murmured, "I want to get out of here, Prongs."

"I know, Padfoot. Dumbledore'll come back in a minute, then we can go."

Remus whimpered something into Sirius' chest. Sirius nodded in reply. James ignored it; he was used to his two best friends talking like that by now. He hissed, "I've been so worried about you."

Sirius sobbed. Two pairs of arms tightened around him, almost crushing him in the intense embrace. He nuzzled into Remus' hair, and arched his back to curve into James' body. James whispered, "Sirius, it's over. It's OK. Everything's going to be OK."

Sirius' breath caught and he slumped, all energy leaving him. Remus tensed. Quietly he called Sirius' name. The animagus whimpered. James leant up on one elbow and looked at Remus. Sirius whispered, "I want to go home."

James released him, stood and took off his robes. He'd be cold without them, but Remus' clothes had been ripped apart in the transformation and so he needed them more. He passed them to Remus. "Here. Look after him. I'm getting Dumbledore."

He ran out of the room. Sirius, his ear pressed against the cold marble floor, heard every thud his feet made. It was oddly comforting, almost like a heartbeat. He stared at nothing, starting to shiver as he remembered the feeling of his heart stopping as green fire clogged every artery and vein. Remus pulled James' robes over himself and held Sirius tight, snuggling his body into his own and trying to bring comfort.

A minute or so later, James returned with Dumbledore and Andromeda. Dumbledore walked over to Sirius and Remus and knelt down. "Sirius?"

The animagus looked up at him. Dumbledore rested his fingertips on Sirius' forehead. He murmured, "Sleep."

Sirius' eyes closed and he drifted into blissful, dreamless sleep.

* * *

When Sirius awoke, he recognised nothing around him. Everything was white, and smelt of antiseptic and magic. Hospital. St Mungo's. He closed his eyes again, not moving because that would probably tell people he was awake. Silently, he called to Remus. Immediately he got a response. He whimpered. /Why am I here, love? I want to go home./

/I know. We can't go home yet; you're not well. You're body's weak after what happened – /

/I can work up my strength better at home./

/Try telling them that,/ Remus replied, laughter in his voice. Sirius could feel him coming closer, and allowed a smile to flicker across his lips. He heard the door open, and a burst of noise flooded the room; clamouring voices shouting endless questions. He opened his eyes and looked around to see Remus shutting the door again on a solid wall of reporters.

Remus turned and looked at him. Sirius felt a single tear roll down his cheek. Remus crossed the room in a couple of strides and sat on the bedside. He leant down and enveloped Sirius in a warm, comforting hug. Sirius shut his eyes and gripped the back of Remus' jumper in a death grip. Remus slid his arms around Sirius' back, feeling the diminished scars from his lashing but ignoring them. He felt Sirius bury his head in his shoulder and responded by sliding one had up to tangle in his hair.

Eventually Sirius whined, "I thought we'd never get out of there."

Remus suddenly realised his mate was crying. He held Sirius tighter, crushing air from his lungs. Sirius didn't care. They were free; Voldemort was dead; the Potters were safe; _they_ were safe. Sirius' arms suddenly felt heavy. He loosened his grip on Remus and sobbed. Remus swung his legs up onto the bed and lay down next to Sirius, cuddling him close. Sirius let out a shaky breath and was unable to hold back tears for another minute. He sobbed into Remus' chest for a long time, relief washing over him in waves. He wasn't going to be tortured again, and nor was Remus.

Remus stroked his hair gently until he was calm again and then tilted his head back to look into his eyes. He kissed him gently on the forehead, then the cheek and finally their lips met. Sirius relaxed completely and closed his eyes again. He murmured sleepily. "I'm tired, Remmie."

"That's OK; you sleep. We can talk later. We've got all the time in the world. Sleep now."

Sirius snuggled into Remus' body, holding him tightly, and fell asleep in the comforting embrace of his lover.

_::A week later::_

Sirius opened his eyes and sighed deeply, absently running his fingertips over the three long scars Moony had left on his chest. He didn't care that the werewolf had scarred him; the scars marked him as property of Remus and Moony, and he didn't care who knew that.

He sighed again, snuggling back into the bed. He had missed home more than anything, and had only been allowed home the night before. It was so good to be home, away from the fussing St Mungo's staff, away from Ministry of Magic officials, away from newspaper reporters screaming for him to answer questions – particularly Rita Skeeter, the most annoying and nosy woman alive who could twist even the simplest statement – and away from people constantly asking him how he felt, if he wanted anything, telling him what a horrible time he had had.

The trials had been concluded the day before, and Peter, along with all the Death Eaters, except a few who had either been 'under the Imperius curse' – is too influential to be locked away, like Lucius Malfoy – or had done the things Voldemort had ordered while truly terrified for their lives. Regulus was one of the latter. While Sirius had been in St Mungo's he had been taken to see him, and had begged his brother to help him stay out of Azkaban, swearing that he hadn't ever killed anyone and that he had barely done anything. Sirius believed him; Regulus had always been easily led, and had been forced into Voldemort's service by their parents in the first place. When the Ministry officials had questioned him, Sirius had replied that Regulus had been under the Imperius curse. He knew that he was too weak to do any real damage in the future; he was hardly likely to stir up the Death Eaters again.

Now, however, he finally had time to be alone with Remus.

He rolled over to face the werewolf, thinking he was still asleep. However, he jumped as he saw that Remus had been watching him sleep. Remus leant over and kissed him hard. When he pulled back, he muttered, "Good morning."

Sirius leant in for another long kiss, snuggling up to Remus until their bodies were pressed together. Remus whimpered into his mouth, sliding his arms around Sirius' slender waist. Sirius pulled back suddenly and looked up into Remus' amber-gold eyes. "I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

Sirius nestled into Remus' body, forcing his head under his chin and closing his eyes. Remus cuddled him close. Sirius murmured, "I've just decided something."

"What's that?"

"You're wearing far too much," he whispered, nuzzling into Remus' chest. Remus smiled as the animagus began to slowly unbutton his pyjama top and slide feather-light fingers over the skin he revealed when he pushed the cloth back. Remus licked his lips as Sirius wriggled lower, undoing the last button and pushing back the top. Remus squirmed out of it, while Sirius trailed butterfly kisses down his stomach.

Sirius pushed Remus' pyjama bottoms down and almost immediately took Remus' fast-growing erection into his mouth. The werewolf moaned, gripping Sirius' hair and trying not to thrust forwards. He desperately wanted to throw back his head and howl as Sirius sucked him further into his mouth, but forced himself to watch as Sirius slowly swallowed his length. Sirius' teeth grazed his cock and he gasped, accidentally giving his lover's hair a sharp tug. Sirius growled, his tongue rubbing against the underside of his erection, making the werewolf desperate to push further into the wet heat around his cock.

After a long moment, Sirius pulled back and looked up at Remus. The werewolf's eyes were dark, his pupils dilated so that only a sliver of burning bronze outlined them. They stared at one another for a long moment, then Remus dragged Sirius back up his body until they were eye to eye. Sirius swallowed hard, licking his lips. Sirius murmured, his eyes closing, "It's been far too long ..."

Remus frowned as he looked down at Sirius body, his eyes lingering over the recent scars. Although the healers at St Mungo's could heal his more recent wounds so they didn't leave a mark, they could only make older scars less livid. Sirius opened his eyes again as Remus kissed along his scratchy jaw. Remus lowered his lips onto the scar above his collarbone, sucking and nipping at the spot until it was bruised.

Sirius rolled onto his back as he did so, leaning back against the pillows and closing his eyes. Remus kissed down his chest and pulled Sirius' boxers off. He then licked up another scar before shifting so he was lying on top of Sirius. His cock rubbed Sirius' and they both groaned. Remus shifted his hips and thrust down onto Sirius' thigh. Heat flooded Sirius' body as his erection was crushed under Remus' thigh. He met each of Remus' thrusts with one of his own, his hands fluttering down Remus' slick body to his hips to grind them together.

Sirius growled softly, "Remus, I want you inside me. Now."

The werewolf pulled back just long enough to allow Sirius to change position for him, then lay back on top of him. He stopped for a moment, his heart thudding into his chest as he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too. Take me, Remmie ..."

The werewolf thrust forwards and felt his cock slide into Sirius' body. His lover squirmed under him, his skin burning under Remus' hands. Remus started to thrust further into Sirius, watching little flickers of expressions cross his features. Suddenly, Sirius gasped as Remus became rougher, lowering his forehead to rest against Sirius. Their faces were millimetres apart, amber eyes burning into midnight blue ones as they came closer to completion.

Remus growled fiercely, "You're perfect."

Sirius gasped back, "I'm a part of you; of course I'm perfect."

Remus smiled. Sirius cupped Remus' face in his hands and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Remus moaned into his mouth, his thrusts becoming faster. Sirius whimpered and squirmed, trying to rub every inch of his body against Remus'. The werewolf pulled back, gasping, as Sirius' muscles tightened around him.

Remus thrust forwards again and Sirius keened as heat shot up his spine, arching his back. Remus rubbed the tip of his cock hard against Sirius' prostate, groaning and whimpering as pleasure threatened to swamp him. Sirius numbly realised his fingers were tangled in Remus' hair. He looked up and saw the expression of desire on Remus' face. He whispered, "I love you, Remus."

Remus gasped, his thrusts becoming erratic, losing all rhythm he had had as he came so close to completion. He whimpered, his eyes closing as the world shrank around him and all sensation centred on the places he and Sirius were touching. Sirius murmured, "I love you so much ..."

Remus let out a strangled cry of Sirius' name that turned into a scream as he came. Sirius came too, gasping Remus' name. Remus slumped on top of Sirius, panting, and wrapped his arms around him. He managed to gasp, "I love you more than anything, mate ..."

Sirius smiled, rolling them onto their sides. Remus snuggled into his body, forcing his head under Sirius' chin. The animagus could feel sleep clouding his mind. He leant back and tilted Remus' chin up. He pressed his lips gently to Remus' in a long kiss. They parted again and curled into each other, falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

Sirius sighed deeply and nuzzled into Remus' neck. The werewolf tightened his arms around him, muttering something unintelligible. Sirius smiled and kissed Remus' collarbone gently. They were both still half-asleep. After a while, Sirius decided he wanted Remus awake. He murmured, "Remmie?"

Remus opened his eyes blearily and looked down at Sirius. "What's matter?"

"Nothing. I just want to tell you something ..."

"Mm?"

"I love you."

"Ng ... you wake me up to tell me that?" Remus complained, closing his eyes again, an annoyed frown creasing his forehead. Sirius smiled. "Well, yeah. And to do this ..."

He leant over and captured Remus' lips in a long, languid kiss. The werewolf moaned into his mouth, and Sirius could tell he didn't mind being woken up quite so much any more. Remus' arms tightened around Sirius' waist and then the werewolf rolled them over so that he was on top. Sirius broke the kiss and nuzzled into Remus' neck, sighing deeply. Remus whispered, "I love you too."

Sirius smiled and slid his hands down onto Remus' waist. The werewolf frowned as Sirius shifted his hips, pulling him closer. Remus bent and kissed Sirius, flickering his tongue at his lips until they opened. Sirius pushed his tongue against Remus', still coaxing the werewolf to move. Remus pulled back after a long moment, gasping. Sirius could feel the werewolf's hardness growing inside him. Remus thrust forwards suddenly. Sirius yelped as he hit his prostate. He gasped as Remus bit down on his shoulder.

He groaned, "Harder, Moony ... I need more ..."

Remus thrust harder into Sirius' body, growling. Sirius closed his eyes and linked his arms around Remus' neck. Remus himself propped himself up on his elbows, still pushing into Sirius' body, and looked down at his mate's closed eyelids. "Siri ..."

The animagus smiled, opening his eyes again. They simply looked at each other for a long moment, eyes locked together. Then Remus made a small noise at the back of his throat, and thrust forwards again. Sirius' eyes flickered closed again and he whined softly. Remus gasped. "Ah! Sirius, I'm –"

Sirius pulled him down into a kiss before he could finish his sentence. Remus came, leaving Sirius whimpering and still painfully hard. He slid a hand down Sirius body quickly and started to stroke. Sirius gasped, grabbing Remus' hair in one hand and the pillow behind his head with the other. He keened softly as Remus squeezed, sending him closer to release. He suddenly realised he was muttering Remus' name over and over as he ran his fingers over his cock. "Remmie ... oh – oh, God!"

Sirius climaxed, shaking and panting, unable to do anything but whimper. Remus smiled and wrapped his arms around him. "I love you."

"Love you too," Sirius managed, snuggling into Remus' chest. "Love you so much. Love you forever."

Remus smiled and stroked his hair. "I know. I'll love you forever too."

* * *

_(A/N: Sappy, I know, but I love happiness, I really do ... especially when it's everyone's two favourite canines being happy ... Anyways, just a warning that the next two chapters contain more than their fair share of fluffiness. Not that I see that as a bad thing! On a technical note – we are half-way through August. Sorry if it isn't clear or there's bad continuity! Review, please? Please?)_


	30. Baby Stuff

**Chapter 30 – Baby Stuff**

Sirius Black never learned. Playing Scrabble against Remus was never a good idea if you wanted to win. Sirius looked down at the scores. It was pathetic. He was losing by nearly a hundred points. He sighed. "I've got a Q and a Z and no vowels except E's – I'm never going to win, unless the word 'Queeez' exists, which I seriously doubt. I'll just give up now, shall I?"

Remus grinned. "OK. I win. Again."

Sirius growled. "You always do. Want a return match of Chess? Or Gobstones?"

"Sirius, remind me why we're sitting here playing board games and not outside in the sun?" Remus asked, rubbing his forehead. Sirius stood and walked around to Remus' side of the table and sat on his knee. "We're waiting for James and Lilly to bring their baby round."

"Why, is it unconscious?"

Sirius grinned and kissed Remus' cheek. "I love it when you're funny."

"Come on, let's sit in the garden for a while. You're far too pale."

Sirius smiled and stood, pulling Remus to his feet. Then, holding hands, they walked outside. Remus slumped down in the grass, which looked less like a lawn and more like a field every day. "You need to cut this grass."

"I like it this way. It's tickly …" Sirius replied, lying back into the grass and pulling Remus with him. The werewolf rolled onto his side, grinning. "I suppose it isn't that bad … But you'll do the front garden, won't you?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, if you want. So long as you don't make me do the weeding; you know I hate that."

Remus snuggled up to Sirius, who gave him a one-armed hug and kissed his forehead. He murmured after a moment, "We'll be parents soon. It's only two and a half months to October …"

Remus smiled. "I know …"

"Will you mind if I decline the offer to be on the National Quidditch Team?"

Remus frowned. "Why? I thought it was what you want to do."

"If you don't want me to – "

"I want you to be happy."

"And I want to play for the Cannons. James is going to play for the Nationals, but … it's too much attention for me right after this. And I like the Cannons."

"But, I thought …"

"Remus."

The werewolf shrugged. "Whatever you do doesn't matter to me … Just so long as you stick around."

Sirius ginned and kissed him again. After a while, they heard a shout from inside the house. Sirius got to his feet slowly and pulled Remus up. "Our visitors have arrived."

They walked inside slowly and James met them in the hall. He walked over to them both, ginning, and said, "It's good you're home. I'm glad I don't have to worry about you any more …"

Sirius smiled as he and Remus were pulling into a hug by their best friend. When James released them they walked into lounge. Lilly was sitting on one of the sofas, holding a small baby. Sirius and Remus both went over and sat on either side of her, smiling down at the little boy. "What's his name?" Sirius asked after a moment, realising that he didn't actually know.

Lilly and James replied in unison, "Harry."

Sirius grinned and reached over to touch one of Harry's tiny hands. His fingers curled around Sirius' finger after a moment. His smile widened as Harry opened brilliant emerald eyes and gave him a gummy smile. Remus grinned as he watched Sirius pull his finger out of Harry's quite firm grip. /Babies are stronger than you think, Remus! Stop grinning like that./

Lilly looked over at Remus and passed Harry to him, then stood up. Sirius shuffled over to him and looked over Remus' shoulder at Harry.

/Sort of makes everything worthwhile, doesn't it?/

/Yeah …/ Remus replied as Harry looked from one of them to the other. /I think he likes you …/

Sirius smiled again, leaning over to kiss Remus' cheek. /What's the matter?/

/Nothing!/

/It's our deal with Blade, right? Seeing Harry's made you think about … about giving one of our children away …/

/Yes./

/We'll write to her and tell her we've changed her mind./

/But –/

/Remus, shut up. She said that we could change our mind any time!/

/But what if she does mind?/

/Remmie … Blade will understand, I think./

James coughed to get their attention, sliding his arm around Lilly, effectively stopping their conversation. "Sirius, we were wondering … would you be Harry's Godfather, please?"

Sirius blinked slowly. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Please will you?"

Remus replied before Sirius could, knowing that Sirius would dance around the question before answering. "Of course he will. Who's going to be his Godmother?"

The conversation drifted in the direction of Harry's Christening, then Remus passed Harry to Sirius while he and Lilly went to make drinks. The little boy reached up for Sirius, gurgling happily. James sat down next to Sirius and said, "He really does like you."

Sirius barked a laugh and asked, "Doesn't everyone?"

James punched his arm gently. "Bighead."

Sirius grinned. After a moment, he asked Remus, /Can I tell him about Blade?/

/Go ahead, I was just about to tell Lilly./

Sirius took a deep breath. "James, before Voldemort took me and Remus away we decided … we decided we were going to try and have children. No, listen! There's this charity …"

Sirius explained how they were going to have children thanks to the charity Jorja had introduced them to. When he had finished, James was grinning. "So when're they due?"

"October. They could be early though."

James shook his head. "I tell you everything about me, and you go and do something like this behind my back!"

Sirius grinned and shot back the same remark James had when he'd complained about not being told about Lilly being pregnant immediately. "Well it's not like they're yours, it is?"

James shook his head again. Sirius passed Harry to James and said, "I'd better go help carry the drinks …"

* * *

That evening, when the Potters had gone home to put Harry to bed, Sirius and Remus went out into the garden again. It was dusk, but the house hid the setting sun and the garden looked a lot darker than usual. Sirius slid his arm around Remus' waist and whispered, "I'm glad we told Lilly and James."

"Me too. I told my mum while you were … unconscious. She came to visit and I told her to cheer her up."

"She pleased?"

"She's going to have grandchildren. Of course she's pleased. And she really has forgiven you for … my drug problem. She was really worried about you," Remus smiled. Sirius leant his head against Remus'. The werewolf asked after a moment, "What about your mum and dad? What do you think they'd say?"

"That'd hate me even more. They'd say I'd polluted the blood of the 'Ancient and Most Noble House of Black' or something …"

Remus laughed softly and snuggled closer, looking up at the sky. The stars were starting to glisten in the black sky like glitter thrown on black velvet. He smiled as he looked for the Dog Star; it was automatic now, the first star he always looked for. Sirius looked down at him and kissed his cheek suddenly.

"What's that for?"

"I have to give a reason now?"

Remus shook his head and pressed his lips to Sirius' again. They eventually parted and just stood in the growing darkness, looking at one another. Remus murmured, "I think we should go shopping tomorrow."

"What for?" Sirius murmured, leaning forwards and nuzzling into Remus' neck. The animagus stroked Remus' hair. "Baby stuff – clothes, bedding, toys …"

Sirius smiled. "Yeah, we can go tomorrow. Can we redecorate one of the rooms?"

"Sure. We can enlist James' help – if he has time."

"He'll make time. You know how he thinks he owes us now …"

"Hmm. Sirius, can we go to bed now?"

Sirius kissed the werewolf's neck and bent slowly to pick him up. Remus panicked slightly, then simply wrapped his arms around Sirius neck and allowed him to carry him upstairs to bed.

* * *

Finally, after a lot of work for a week and a half, the bedroom was done. Sirius leant on the doorframe and looked at it critically. Remus came upstairs carrying two cups of tea. "Hey, how's it going?"

Sirius turned and took one of the cups. "It's done – finally! Go look."

Remus walked into the room and almost tripped over James, who was crouching in the doorway painting the last corner. Remus steadied himself just before tea spilt over the new carpet. James looked up and grinned. "Sorry."

"After I brought you a cup of tea, too …"

James got up and took the mug from him, taking a long drink. Remus looked around the doom and smiled. "It looks great. You two have done a great job."

"No magic either," James said. Remus raised his eyebrows. James scowled. "Don't worry, we both read the instructions on everything. It's not going to fall apart at the seams!"

Remus walked over and kissed Sirius' cheek. "Well done. When you've both had a wash you can put a drying charm on the paint and whatever else you've used and we can move all the stuff in. I can't stand having it all in the lounge a minute longer!"

Sirius laughed and they wandered towards the bathroom, still drinking their tea. Remus went downstairs and wrinkled his nose at the things in the lounge. He sighed and walked over to remind himself exactly what they had bought. This could take a long while.

* * *

It took them a couple of hours but eventually the room was planned out to Sirius and Remus' specifications and everything was out of the lounge. James sighed, looking around the room. "It looks like a real nursery now."

Sirius smiled over at Remus. /And it'll look even more like one when we get a baby in here./

Remus grinned back, leaning against the wall. James clapped his hands together. "I'd better go. Lilly'll be trying to get dinner ready and look after Harry at the same time. I have to go help."

Sirius nodded and their friend apparated and Sirius and Remus were left alone. Sirius sighed and walked over to Remus. "I've done enough for one day, and so have you. Let's get a takeaway."

Remus smiled and pushed him off. "Go wait in the living room; I'll call for a pizza."

* * *

An hour later, they migrated upstairs to the bedroom and sat on top of the bedcovers, leaning back against the headboard. Sirius snuggled up to Remus and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too. Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

Remus started to unbutton Sirius' shirt. "Make love to me?"

Sirius kissed Remus gently, then pulled the werewolf's t-shirt over his head. He kissed down Remus' neck, running his fingers down his sides until he reached the waistband of his trousers. "You never have to ask for that, love. You know it."

Remus sighed and snuggled closer to Sirius as the animagus started to nip and suck at his neck. He closed his eyes as Sirius pulled him down so his head rested on the pillows. Sirius took off his clothes and dropped them at the side of the bed before he knelt over Remus' body. Remus smiled, running feather light fingers up and down Sirius' arms. The animagus took his hands after a moment and kissed each knuckle. "I really do love you."

Remus smiled and pulled Sirius down to kiss him. "I know you do, Siri, but please hurry up …"

Sirius smiled and sat up again. Then he unfastened Remus' trousers and pulled them and his boxers off.

Then Sirius was kissing him. He pulled back and moved back to crouch with his knees holding Remus' thighs apart. He slid his fingertips up and down Remus' inner thighs, watching the werewolf whimper and moan under him. He leant forwards and licked up his cock. Remus gasped, reaching down to pull Sirius closer by his hair. Sirius smiled and ran his tongue over Remus' tip, before dragging his hair out of his shaking grip and pulling back.

He whined, watching Sirius with dark eyes. Sirius murmured, "What do you want?"

Remus arched up off the bed. Sirius lay down on top of him, rubbing his cock against the werewolf's and pushing him back down onto the bed. Remus groaned at the intimate touch, and yelped desperately, "Want you – now – inside me!"

Sirius smiled as he felt Remus' legs wrap around his waist. He pushed forwards and felt his tip brush against Remus' entrance. He nipped at Remus' collarbone, moving up to his earlobe and leaving a trail of light marks, then let out a long, slow breath against Remus' neck. The werewolf gasped. As Sirius thrust forwards he muttered, "Love you. Need you."

Remus yelped as Sirius pushed inside, one palm on the small of Sirius' back to stop him from moving away, the other hand's fingers in his hair, dragging him down into a kiss. Sirius groaned, his passion mounting as their bodies moved together in a rhythm as though they were one.

All barriers ceased to exist in this state, and they were as close as possible to being one. Sirius could feel every thought, every sensation Remus had as though they were his own and vice versa. He lowered his head onto Remus' shoulder, moaning in pleasure. Remus squirmed under him, pushing Sirius' painfully hard cock further into himself.

Sirius whined, nuzzling into Remus neck. The werewolf moved his hands so he could wrap his arms around Sirius and crush their bodies together. Sirius ran his fingers into Remus hair, every nerve ultra-sensitive. His greying hair felt silken against Sirius' fingers. He thrust further into Remus, hitting his g-spot. The werewolf yelped, every muscle contracting. Sirius groaned, pulling himself almost completely out of Remus' body before thrusting back inside, hard. Remus gasped and came, although his fierce arousal didn't dissolve.

Sirius rubbed his cheek against Remus', then pulled him into a kiss. Remus wriggled again, rubbing his body against Sirius'. When Sirius pulled back for oxygen, Remus smiled. "I love you."

Sirius smiled and closed his eyes, leaning down into Remus neck again. Remus moved one hand up to the back of Sirius head, holding him close. Sirius keened softly, feeling pain squirm in his groin. "Remmie …"

Remus kissed Sirius' hair gently. "Love you."

Sirius gasped and thrust forwards one last time before he came against Remus' prostate. Remus let out a low cry of ecstasy as he came too. Sirius went limp over Remus' body, all his energy spent. Remus smiled and stroked his hair, placing gentle kisses there and then on his cheek when he worked up the energy to lift his head. Sirius breathed, "I love you too."

Remus rolled onto his side, moving Sirius with him. Sirius pulled out of his body, causing a light gasp and a frown. Sirius muttered something, probably an apology, and snuggled into Remus' chest. The werewolf curled around him, holding him close and safe. Sirius smiled, kissing Remus' chest. In the aftermath of their lovemaking, Sirius could still sense Remus' every feeling, although dully. It was a pleasant feeling, knowing how his mate felt and what thoughts flickered through his head. Remus nuzzled into Sirius' hair and Sirius pressed closer, revelling in the feeling of skin on skin and minds so closely intertwined they were one.

* * *

Sirius sighed and walked out into the garden. He had put it off as long as possible, but Remus had literally thrown him out of the house and refused to allow him into their bedroom until the job was done. A slight problem if Sirius wanted any decent sleep – or anything else. Besides, he didn't want to spend a night away from his werewolf. And, as Remus said, he had promised …

So he stared at the long grass in front of him, willing it to cut itself. He had no idea whether or not there was a spell to cut grass, and he wasn't willing to try and invent one. Sirius sighed as he grabbed the handle of the lawnmower in a death grip. This had to be his least favourite job. He tapped the mower with his wand and it started up; he couldn't be bothered uncoiling the wire and actually plugging it in. He sighed deeply and was about to start cutting the lawn when there was a crash that sounded very much like breaking crockery.

Quickly, Sirius tapped the lawnmower again and it stopped. He hurried to the front door and poked his head inside. "Remmie? You OK?"

There was no reply. He dashed down the hall and into the kitchen, pushing open the door. Remus was using the table to hold himself up, a smashed plate at his feet. Sirius could see that someone was using the floo network to talk to him, slowly and soothingly. Sirius walked around the table, frowning, and kissed Remus' cheek, sliding an arm around his waist. "What's the matter?"

He turned to the fireplace. It was Chris. She took a deep breath and said, "Blade's just gone into labour."

Sirius went white. His mouth dropped open. He closed his eyes and tried to get his brain into gear. After a long moment, he whined, "But it's AUGUST! They aren't due to be born until OCTOBER!"

Remus made a small, agonised noise. Sirius kissed his cheek again. Chris said, "Everything's OK so far. She's at St Mungo's. Will you come down?"

"Sure … of course. As soon as Remus has stopped being catatonic we'll be there," Sirius replied. Chris nodded and left, the green flames disappearing with her. Sirius turned his attention to his mate. "Are you all right, Remmie?"

The werewolf let go of the table and slung an arm around Sirius' neck. "Need to sit down …"

Sirius picked him up and carried him into the living room. He gently deposited him on the couch and sat beside him, stroking his hair. After a while, Remus murmured, "What if something happens?"

"Nothing is going to happen. Remus, everything's going to be fine. Come on, love, it's OK."

"We're going to be parents, Padfoot!"

"I know, wasn't that the point?" Sirius replied soothingly. Remus sounded almost as though he was going to start hyperventilating. Sirius pulled him into a tight hug. "Remus, hush. Don't make yourself ill."

The werewolf took a shaky breath and said, "We'd better get to the hospital, hadn't we."

"I'll go and send James and Lilly and your mum owls while you sort out that plate, OK?"

Remus nodded and wandered into the kitchen, still in a state of shock. Sirius apparated.

* * *

Five minutes later, they were sitting in a badly decorated waiting room with three other men, sitting along the opposite wall. Remus was fidgeting, twisting his fingers together. Sirius had his head leaning back against the wall, staring blankly at the ceiling. After a while, Remus looked at Sirius. "How can you be so calm?"

Sirius hissed back, "You think this is calm?"

He looked over at Remus, and he saw the agitation in Sirius' eyes. He slid an arm around the animagus' shoulders and found the muscles tensed. He pulled him close and kissed his temple. "It's OK."

Sirius closed his eyes and tried to relax into Remus' touch. A moment later, one of the men opposite coughed. "Are you sure you're in the right room?"

Sirius opened his eyes for a moment and glared at him. Remus tensed. The werewolf growled and told him, his voice clipped, "Yes we are in the right room, thank you, sir. Now would you kindly shut up?"

He shut up. No one argued with that tone of voice. Sirius carried on staring at him until he became unnerved and turned to talk to one of the other men about the weather. Only then did Sirius close his eyes again and Remus relax slightly. No one else commented.

After a while, Chris bounced through one of the doors out of the room. Two pairs of eyes widened. She walked over and sat next to Sirius. She was beaming. "Hey! Everything's going great, nothing to worry about."

"But … They're two months early," Remus whined, sounding like a petulant child. Chris' smile became gentler and more comforting rather than hyperactively excited. "It's OK. The healers say they are going to be just fine. Another couple of hours and you'll be the proud parents of twins."

"Twins!" Sirius squeaked. Chris stood up again, nodding frantically, practically bouncing with enthusiasm. Remus raised his eyebrows. Chris bounded out of the room again. Sirius turned to look at Remus. He asked incredulously, "What is she on?"

"Whatever it is, can I have some?"

Sirius grinned. "Bad wolfie. Can I share it with you?"

Remus smiled back and ruffled Sirius' hair. The animagus pushed him off, yelping in annoyance as his hair was messed up. Remus leant over and finger combed it for him until it lay flat again. While he was close he whispered, "Your hair looks best all messy. It looks very … feral."

"Feral?" Sirius asked, his eyes full of laughter. Remus smiled. /Yeah. Reminds me of how you look when we've just made love. You always look beautiful then./

Sirius smiled, blushing, and snuggled up to Remus, sliding his arms around the werewolf's torso. Remus kissed his temple and nuzzled into his ebony hair.

::To be continued::

_

* * *

(A/N: This chapter is – are you ready for it – the next to last. The next one is the last chapter ever – for this story. And it's LONG so be prepared … I know the title's rubbishy, and the chapters kind of boring – so sue me, I've written worse! So. Anyways. REVIEW, please? I was upset and shocked at the lack of reviews I got last time I posted. I got 3. So please review! Please? I'm begging! I go back to school tomorrow - give me a nice (or not so nice, if you want) review to come home to! Please!! REVIEW!)_


	31. Names

_(A/N: This is the last chapter. It's the most cheesy, bad chapter ever, but I happen to love it. What can I say, I like cheese. Plus the title sucks big time.)_

* * *

**Chapter 31 – Names**

A few minutes later, Remus whispered, "What're we going to call the babies?"

"Don't know."

Remus sighed and said sarcastically, "You're helpful."

/Well do you have any suggestions, Mr Intelligence?/

/Just because I'm intelligent doesn't mean I know what I want to call my babies!/

Sirius smiled and nuzzled into Remus' chest. He murmured, "Come on, there must be something you wanted to call them ... do you want two boys, two girls or one of each?"

"One of each. I've always wanted a little girl, but two ... that makes me shudder. As does two boys. They'd probably both turn out like you ..."

Sirius laughed. "Girls love their dads more anyway."

"True. Every girl I know loves her dad more than her mum."

"Well let's hope for that then."

They sat still for what felt like a long while, holding hands. Sirius asked, "So what are we going to call them?"

"I don't know!" Remus whined, looking at his watch. His heart jolted as he realised they had been there over an hour and a half already. Sirius leant into him and said, "If ... if there is a girl ... can we please call her Cassiopeia?"

Remus looked down at Sirius. "After the constellation?"

Sirius blushed. "In ... in my family someone's always been named after a star or constellation. It's one of the few traditions I actually like, and ... well, I like the name. If you don't like it –"

Remus smiled and shushed him. "Don't. It's a beautiful name. And we could call her Cassy for short ..."

Sirius smiled and looked up at Remus. "I thought that. What would you want to call her?"

"Don't know ..." Remus replied, not looking at Sirius. The animagus shook his head slightly and forced Remus to look into his eyes. He sighed. "You'll laugh."

"I won't," Sirius protested softly, burrowing closer to Remus and nuzzling into his neck. Remus sighed. "OK, OK, stop it! You're tickling!"

Sirius licked Remus' neck, causing him to shiver agreeably. The werewolf pushed him off and murmured, "Lilia."

Sirius melted. "That's adorable!"

Remus frowned, trying to find sarcasm in Sirius' words. Sirius grinned. "It's so sweet and innocent ..."

Remus asked, "Are you feeling OK?"

Sirius nodded and snuggled up close again; Remus put his arm around Sirius' shoulders. Suddenly, Chris burst into the room again, looking more excited than before. If that was possible. She slumped in the chair next to Remus and squeaked, "Congratulations, you're officially parents. You've got a daughter, and the other little one's coming!"

Sirius blinked at her for a moment. Remus swallowed hard. Sirius said weakly, "That's good, right?"

She laughed and leant over to give them both a kiss on the cheek. "I'll go back and see how things are going."

She rushed out again, giggling. Remus looked at Sirius and he stared back, his eyes slightly glazed. Remus gave him a shake. "Hey! Back to the land of the living, Siri."

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking ..."

Remus smiled and leant into Sirius for a hug. Sirius slid his arms around the werewolf and closed his eyes, leaning his head against Remus'. He cuddled him close and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"So which name are we going to choose?"

Remus sighed, bordering on getting annoyed. He had only just finished saying that he had no idea when the door to the corridor opened and James looked in. He grinned when he saw them and came in, sitting beside them. "Hello! How's things?"

Sirius released Remus and replied, "We've got a daughter."

James' grin widened. "Great! Chosen a name yet?"

Sirius scowled. James held up his hands. "Don't bite, Padfoot, it was a simple enough question! I'll take it as a no, shall I?"

Remus sighed, "We've narrowed it down to two. It all depends on whether we get a son or a daughter next ..."

Sirius muttered, "I hope it's a boy. And if it is, I really hope Blade has a name because I damn well can't think of one ..."

"OK, so what names have you got?" James asked. "Let's see if I like 'em."

Remus opened his mouth to reply when Chris came back once more. Remus felt every muscle tense as he realised how grave she looked. Sirius whimpered, then coughed as thought to clear his throat. He asked, "Everything is OK, right Chris?"

She sat down. She was biting her lip, tears shining in her eyes. Sirius closed his eyes, trying not to panic. After all they had been through something had gone wrong ... Remus growled. "Just tell us whatever's wrong!"

Chris's face broke into a grin. "You've got a son to go with your daughter! They're both healthy and absolutely gorgeous and the looks on your faces then were priceless!"

Sirius opened his eyes again and turned to Remus. He hugged the werewolf fiercely, snuggling into his shoulder. Remus muttered over his shoulder, "Don't you ever do that to us again, Christine Skeeter! That was horrible!"

Sirius gave a bark of laughter, pulling back to kiss Remus. The werewolf pulled back after a moment and murmured, "We'd better go and see them."

* * *

Sirius pushed open the door and looked around. Blade was asleep, lying flat out on the bed. Sirius went in and walked quietly over to her, sitting on the chair at her bedside. He reached over and stroked her long black hair. He whispered, "Thank you."

Remus sat down on the bed and took her hand. "We shouldn't wake her ..."

"We'll tell her how much in her debt we are when she wakes up. She needs to rest right now," Sirius replied, running the backs of his fingers down her cheek. Remus bent to kiss her cheek, then they both stood and walked over to the opposite end of the room, where there were two cots. Remus took a deep breath and looked into one of them. His face split into a smile. He murmured to Sirius, "Pick her up ..."

"Why can't you? And how did you know this one's the girl anyway?" the animagus protested, bending to pick up the baby girl. As he cradled her in his arm Remus walked up beside him and looked down at her tiny face. As they both looked down at her, she opened her eyes. They were dark but brilliant blue, although a section of her right eye was gold.

Sirius smiled as Remus stroked her cheek with one gentle finger and she fought one arm out of the blankets she was wrapped in to grab his finger. He glanced up at Sirius as she did so and their eyes met for a second. Remus murmured, "She's beautiful."

"She gets that from you, Remmie."

Remus chuckled, shaking his head and blushing. Sirius still couldn't believe how small the baby was; he was able to fit her onto the lower half of his arm, with her feet cradled in his hand and her head resting in the crook of his elbow. Remus said quietly, "She has your eyes. They're almost exactly the same."

Sirius grinned, looking up at Remus. The werewolf looked up too. Sirius kissed him gently. Remus slid his arms around him, so that the baby was almost squashed between them. Sirius pulled back and whispered, "What's her name going to be then?"

"You decide. I don't care; it doesn't matter anyway. She'll still be our little girl whatever her name is."

"Cassiopeia Lilia sounds better than the other way around, doesn't it?" Sirius replied, looking into Remus' face to make sure it was OK. Remus grinned. "Yeah, it does."

He looked back down at their daughter. He bent slightly and murmured, "Hello, Cassy."

She yawned at him. Sirius said, "Here, you hold her a minute. I'll get our son, OK?"

He passed Cassy over to Remus, who cuddled her close, murmuring softly to her as she closed her eyes again and seemed to go back to sleep. Sirius picked up the other baby and brought him over to where Remus was standing, still holding their sleeping daughter. Whispering so as not to wake her, he asked, "Are you going to be able to bear to put her down?"

Remus grinned and looked over at their son. He was wriggling in Sirius' arms much more, reaching up towards his face with tiny fingers. Sirius grinned down at him, leaning further towards him. This turned out to be a rather painful mistake, as his hair fell into his face from behind his ears, bringing it into the reach of the baby, who grabbed it and pulled.

Sirius winced, bending further to stop the pain, powerless to pull out of his grip because both his hands were full. Remus bit his lip, trying not to grin. The animagus hissed, "Remus, help!"

The werewolf gently put Cassy back into the cot. For a moment, she whimpered, her forehead creasing into a frown, then she relaxed back into peaceful sleep. Then Remus walked over and pulled Sirius' hair away from their son. He tucked it back behind his ears and murmured, "Weren't you saying the other day you needed a haircut?"

"Stop it! I like it this long ..."

Remus shook his head and looked down at the little boy, who had stopped squirming to watch his parents argue good-naturedly. Remus noticed that his eyes, unlike his sisters' were dark chocolate brown, the same colour Remus' had been before the bite had turned them amber-gold. He was just about to tell Sirius when Blade interrupted him. "Oh, hello. Beautiful, aren't they?"

They both turned and smiled at her almost guiltily. Remus replied, "Yeah. They are."

He walked over to where she was sitting up in the bed and sat down. Sirius tried to put the baby down, but he started to cry. Sirius stopped for a second, then picked him back up and snuggled him close, rocking gently. Remus smiled over at him. He muttered to Blade, "I never would have thought he'd do that ..."

She smiled. "I suppose babies bring out the best in people."

He grinned, nodding in agreement. After a moment, he said, "We both want to thank you for carrying our children and having them and everything ... we owe so much to you ..."

"You owe me nothing."

"We feel that we do. It's not something anyone could do," Remus paused, then asked uncomfortably, "You aren't upset that we want them both, are you?"

"Well ... I've been thinking. I don't want them to be separated either, but nor do I want to stay apart from them ... I was thinking of ... of moving into the village near your house. We went to look at a house there – my husband and I, I mean."

"For a second there, I thought you meant you and the twins before they were born ..."

Blade smiled. "Cute thought ... anyway, then I would be close by if you ever needed a babysitter quick, or any help at all ..."

"And you could come see them whenever you like ..."

Blade ginned. Sirius looked over at them. "What're you plotting, sitting over there with your heads together?"

"Blade wants to come and live in the village, so we don't have to split up our children and she can be near them. God, that sounds good. 'Our children' ..."

Sirius laughed and looked down at the small baby cradled in his arms. He said, "I don't think I could ever have let you have either of them ..."

"It's all right. I wouldn't argue over splitting them for the world, now. I'll be close to them anyway, so I don't really mind so much."

Sirius nodded and went back to fussing over the baby, and Remus turned to Blade. He said, "When we were waiting we were discussing names and we were wondering what you want to call him."

"Theodore. Theo for short. We were going to call our son Theo, my husband and I. And Theodore means God's gift ... and he is like a gift from God, isn't he ..."

Sirius walked over and sat down on the bedside. Blade reached out for their son and took him. Suddenly a tear rolled down the woman's face. Sirius frowned and asked what the matter was. She whispered, "I was so worried when I heard You Know Who had taken you away ... I thought you were going to die, both of you. I don't know what I would have done if he had killed you ... I mean, I ... I kept thinking about the children and ... it brought me to tears to think about it ..."

Sirius hugged her as tightly as he could without crushing Theo. "We're both fine, Blade."

When he released her, she sobbed, "But if you hadn't been – "

"Blade, please don't start going on about what could have or might have been. What matters right now is our future, with these two children. Right?" Sirius said firmly. Remus raised his eyebrows. /That was poetic./

/Don't start!/

/Do you know something? Babies make you cute, Siri./

The animagus blushed and gave Remus a gentle punch on the arm. Then he asked Blade, "Do you mind if we let our friends traipse in to see Cassy and Theo?"

She shook her head and passed Theo to Remus. She grinned, "I'll just lie here inconspicuously and let you both do the talking."

Sirius paused at the door and looked back at the cot with Cassy in it. He walked over and picked her up, then came and sat by the bed again. Blade asked, "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just ... want to be alone with your four right now, is it a crime?"

Remus grinned, pulling the chair over until it was right up against the bed. "No it isn't a crime. It's just about the sweetest thing you've said all day."

Sirius blushed, looking down at Cassy. She had woken up when he walked across the room, and had been gurgling up at him. After a moment, she sneezed then yawned. Sirius smiled down at her. Cassy blinked and shut her eyes and went to sleep again. Sirius looked over at Remus.

/This makes everything sort of worth it, doesn't it./

/Mm. I'm glad we did this./

/Me too. I think ... apart from the thought that Voldemort was going to kill Lilly and James – not to mention Harry – the thought that we were going to be parents was what kept me going. It stopped me from ... curling up, stopping fighting, letting myself give up and just die. I'd never have told him, but sometimes I thought that death would bet he only way out of there ... the only was to stop the pain ... I don't know if I could have taken that much torture if I hadn't had this to, well, look forward to I suppose .../

Remus furiously blinked back tears, and when one rolled down his cheek he immediately and roughly wiped it away. Crying wasn't going to erase what had happened to them both; nothing could do that. Besides, Remus wasn't sure he wanted to. He wanted to remember how fiercely protective of his friends and Remus himself Sirius had been.

He smiled over at the animagus and replied, /Nothing like that is ever going to happen again. Ever. He's gone. We're going to go home and look after Cassy and Theo./

Sirius grinned and whispered, "You're right. As always."

They were interrupted any further conversation by James and Lilly, carrying Harry, pushed open the door and came in to look at the new babies.

* * *

_1 month later_

Sirius looked out of the back door at Remus, who was sitting with Cassy and Theo in the back garden. He was sitting on a blanket and leaning back against a tree, out of the sun, reading one of his books. The babies were lying on their backs on the blanket, pulling Remus' bookmark to pieces between them, looks of deep concentration on their faces. It wasn't particularly hard as the bookmark was simply a strip of weaving with a tasselled end. Remus hadn't noticed. Sirius crept out of the door and across the garden, determined not to disturb either of them for the moment. When he within two paces of the blanket he stopped and said, "Remus, look at the babies."

The werewolf looked up at Sirius, frowning. He opened his mouth to ask how he had got so close, but Sirius gestured at the children and Remus yelped as he saw what they was doing to his bookmark. He said firmly and quite angrily, "No, Cassy! No, Theo!"

They both stopped, Theo letting go of the piece of weaving but Cassy holding on. They looked up at him with suddenly teary eyes. Remus gently pulled the now useless bookmark from Cassy's strong baby-grip and held it up, a look of shock painted over his face. Cassy sniffled; Remus had never really got angry with her before. She burst into tears, unable to understand why her Daddy was angry with her. And, of course, once one baby starts crying they all start. Such is the way of things.

Sirius sat down and scooped her up into his arms, making soft soothing noises. He cradled her in one arm while trying to calm down his son without picking him up. After a moment, he murmured, "Don't cry, it's OK, I'll get him another. It's OK, Daddy's not angry."

Remus looked over at Theo, then at Sirius, down at Cassy and back to Theo. He shuffled around until he was next to Sirius and picked up Theo. He whispered to them both, "Shh, baby, I'm not mad. I was just surprised."

Cassy squirmed in Sirius grip, not crying any more but just whimpering. Theo had also calmed down a little, but tears still leaked from his huge chocolate eyes. Cassy pushed away from Sirius, holding out her arms to Remus. They swapped babies and Remus cuddled her close. "Daddy isn't angry with you. Not with either of you."

Sirius slid his free arm around Remus' shoulders and murmured, "I will get you another one if it bothers you so much."

Remus laughed, looking down at Cassy as she settled, gripping his t-shirt in one hand and leaning her head on his chest. He looked over at Theo and saw that he wasn't crying any more. He was staring up at them both, still looking vaguely upset. Remus leant over and murmured, "I'm sorry I shouted at you."

After a moment, when the boy shut his eyes he said to Sirius, "I just didn't expect them to be able to destroy it like that. You must be very clever mustn't you?"

He lifted Cassy slightly and kissed her forehead, then glanced over at Theo. He decided not to risk waking him up by kissing him too. Sirius grinned and said, "They take after you. Course they'll be clever."

Remus laughed, leaning against Sirius. "I still can't believe they're almost a month old. It seems like they've always been here, yet it feels like they were only born yesterday."

"Apart from the little detail that they've both got a lot heavier. Have you tried holding them both at the same time recently?" Sirius replied, laughter in his voice. He looked down at Theo and said, "Not that we mind."

Remus smiled. "Babies really do make you cute."

Sirius blushed, nuzzling into Remus hair. After a moment he asked, "Remus, will you still love me when I'm old and ugly."

"You'll never be ugly, Sirius. And even if you were, I'd still love you. I'll love you forever. So long as you'll always love me, and you won't suddenly decide I'm a stupid old werewolf and leave me."

Sirius kissed Remus' cheek and murmured, "I will always love you. Nothing in the world can change that. Nothing."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Sirius reassured him, lying his head down on Remus' shoulder and closing his eyes. "Remmie?"

"Mm?" the werewolf said, turning his attention to Cassy who was reaching dangerously close to Sirius' hair and trying to grab it. He shifted her weight around so he could hold her with one arm while picking up the battered bookmark and waving it over her head to distract her. Sirius, hearing their daughter giggling, opened his eyes and grinned down at her. He glanced at Theo, but he was still asleep in the crook of Sirius' arm.

Remus asked, "What were you going to say?"

"What? Oh, yeah. I was going to say that James said that Lilly told him to invite us to dinner whenever so can we go?"

Remus laughed. "Of course. You can go over later and tell him. And we can ask Blade to baby-sit, since she's settled in the house now."

Sirius smiled. Blade had moved into a small cottage in the nearby village two weeks ago. He and Remus had moved her things inside while she sat in the unruly back garden entertaining their children.

He looked down at Cassy, who had caught hold of the end of the bookmark and was sucking on it. He pulled it out of her mouth quickly, telling her 'no' firmly but not angrily. He sighed. "I don't think I could manage even a few days looking after them on my own ... they are way too much work ..."

Sirius laughed and told him, "You'll never have to look after them on your own. I'm not going anywhere without any of you."

Remus smiled, "Can I bring them to watch you practice soon? Show them how good their daddy is on a broomstick?"

"You know you can."

Remus smiled and snuggled up to Sirius, who slid his arm around him and kissed him gently. He murmured, "Would you ever marry me?"

"Of course I would. You know I would."

Sirius let go of him and pulled a small, velvet covered box from his pocket, with difficulty because he had to be careful not to jog Theo or fall over. Remus blinked at it for a moment, then Sirius opened it, again with difficulty because he had to do it with one hand, and revealed a thick gold band with three small diamonds set in a diagonal on it. Remus swallowed hard. Sirius asked, "Do you want to get married then?"

Remus looked up at Sirius, unable to speak and barely able to breathe. Sirius continued, "I mean, I know it's not technically a marriage, it's a ... oh, what do they call it? Civil union or same-sex-union or whatever it is – that's not important. Well do you want to? Because I do. I want to make you mine and nobody else's."

Remus swallowed hard and replied, "I'm already yours and nobody else's."

"I know. And I know that you don't think it matters, but I still want to. I want the whole world to know how much I love you. I want us to be a real family, Remus."

Remus felt tears welling in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He didn't want to cry because the love of his life was asking him to marry him. "We already are a real family –"

"You know, if I didn't know you better, Remmie, I'd say you were trying to wriggle out of answering."

"Siri, you know I'll marry you, or same-sex-union you or whatever the hell they call it. Because I love you too and there's nothing I want more than to have everyone see you with a ring on your finger and think 'Oh, that's Sirius Black, property of Remus Lupin'. Or whatever our surname will be when we get same-sex-unioned."

Sirius laughed out loud, tugging the ring from the box. He said, "Now if you can just wriggle your left hand out from under Cassy ..."

They both laughed and Remus juggled their daughter onto his other arm so that Sirius could slide the gold ring onto the third finger of his left hand. Sirius leant over, threading his fingers between Remus' as he did so, and kissed him chastely. A moment after their lips met, Cassy started to cry. And of course, when one starts, the other joins in ...

They parted, reluctantly, and Remus said, "I think we're going to get interrupted a lot more often."

"I'll put a lock on our door as soon as I can buy one."

Remus laughed and got to his feet, taking Theo from Sirius before he walked into the house to give them their bottles. Sirius sat under the tree for a while, staring up at the ever-changing pattern of light and shadow between the leaves. He sighed and stood, folding the blanket and picking up it, Remus' book and the ruined bookmark before he went inside.

He put the things away quickly once back in the house and then went into the lounge where Remus and the children were. Theo was already full and fast asleep on the couch next to Remus and Cassy had just finished her bottle and was being rocked to sleep. Sirius sat down beside Remus and looked down at Cassy. Remus said, "I thought you'd stay outside for a while."

"I was lonely. I missed you – all three of you."

Remus smiled over at Sirius and kissed him gently. "You don't have to be lonely, you know that."

"I know. I love you so much ..."

"I love you more."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"Not you don't."

"Yes I do."

Suddenly Cassy giggled sleepily up at them, and they both stopped arguing to look down at her. Sirius commented, "She's right. I suppose it is funny us arguing over something like who loves who more."

"Yeah, because we all know I love you more –"

Sirius grabbed Remus and kissed him fiercely. When they parted, Remus blushed and said, "OK, OK, you win. Look, I have to take Cassy and Theo to bed now. Don't move."

Sirius froze as Remus stood, taking what he said ridiculously seriously. The werewolf shook his head, laughing, and took their children upstairs. When he returned he sat back in his old place and told Sirius, "You can move now."

Sirius immediately wrapped his arms around Remus and pulled him into a series of long kisses, before he trailed butterfly kisses down his neck. Remus murmured, "I'm glad we're getting married."

Between kissed, Sirius replied, "Me too."

"I want to get married at the end of the summer, just when the leaves are changing colour."

"Where?"

"I don't care! All that matters is that we're getting married."

"OK, so can we get married by Elvis in the Chapel of Love in Las Vegas?"

"What, you think because I've chosen you to be my mate I'm going to sink that low? You must be joking! I do have standards, Sirius! OK, they might be low standards, but they are not that low!"

Sirius cuffed him lightly around the head. "Why do you always go to sarcasm first?"

"Why do you always drive me to it?"

"Would you prefer to walk?"

Remus snorted with laughter. "Why do I find you're really bad humour funny?"

"I don't know, maybe because you love me?" Sirius replied sweetly, kissing Remus' cheek. The werewolf laughed again. He sighed deeply. "No, not even love can make what you just said funny. I think I must have a warped sense of humour."

"Mate, I've known that for a long time ..."

"Why do you always go to scathing comments first?"

They looked at each other and them burst out laughing, unable to stop for a long while. When they finally did stop, Remus said, "At the edge of a wood or a forest or something, close to the full moon."

"What?"

"That's where I want to get married. Or whatever. At the back end of summer at the edge of a wood when it's near the full moon."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just always imagined that."

"Your wish is my command. We'll get married when and wherever you want. You can have anything you want," Sirius smiled and pulled Remus close to him. The werewolf nuzzled into Sirius' neck, closing his eyes and he smelt his familiar scent. He sighed deeply and murmured, "I've got everything I want already. I love you."

"I love you too, mate."

Remus kissed Sirius' neck and then pushed him down onto the couch until they were lying side by side, crushed together because the couch was barely wide enough. Remus forced his head beneath Sirius' chin and slid his arms around the animagus. Sirius cuddled him close and shut his own eyes, forgetting everything as they lay together in the soothing silence of their home.

Finally, after all the pain they had been through, they had reached the light at the end of the tunnel. Remus snuggled closer into Sirius and murmured, "Everything's right."

Sirius murmured back, "Of course it is. We're together in our home and our babies are asleep upstairs. We love each other. And there's plenty of time before they wake up again for ... naughty things ..."

Remus chuckled softly as Sirius' hands crept lower, stroking his hip. He murmured, "We shouldn't ..."

"We can be quiet ..." Sirius whispered back, kissing Remus' neck and jerking his hips closer. Remus moaned softly, squirming. Suddenly he pulled Sirius on top of him. He smiled and replied in a low voice, "You're right, we can be quiet and we have plenty of time. So go on, get on with it, Siri, or Cassy might wake up. You know what a light sleeper she is ..."

The animagus laughed softly and kissed his werewolf before they both sank into the pure bliss of making love to each other.

* * *

_(A/N: I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry ... OK, I'm going to cry. ::cries::_

_I can't believe it's finished ... I never thought I'd actually finish it. Oh, well ... I loved writing this fic, I really did. And I'm really sorry the last chapter has been so incredibly cheesy. It couldn't've been cheesier if I'd stuck a slab of Gorgonzola in there ... Never mind, I'm happy with it._

_Oh, and by the way, a bit of the credit here has to go to Kynny ... the idea of Blade moving house to be near the babies is her idea ... hope she doesn't mind me using it! I just thought it was in infinitely better idea than my original one ... and I've re-written this ending about three times now, so I hope you like it!_

_I might write a sequel. I have a vague (but quite bad) idea, so a sequel is on the cards. Look out for it! Now, however, I would really like to thank some people._

_First off to Captain Hawk – my best buddy ever. Thank you so much for beta-ing this. I couldn't've done it without you. I'd probably have given up long ago without you and my friends. Also thanks to you for letting me base a character (very shakily) off you. Jorja Hawk, if anyone cares. Thanks for the same reason to Fire Breathing Ferret and Tsunami for Sarah Hardy and Cassandra Webb (in that order)._

_And to the rest of my friends, including those above and – but not limited to – Aranel, Laymisse and K-Servo. Without you I'd gladly go bonkers. Unless I already am bonkers ... or you've sent me bonkers ... anyway, for whatever reasons, thanks! (And thanks Aranel and FBF for introducing me to in the first place. What would I have done without you?)_

_Now. Reviewers. Just a little note to all of you who have reviewed faithfully while I've been writing and haven't given up when the chapters have been rubbish and the gaps between them have been long ... Thanks, in no particular order to all of you who reviewed at sometime, because I can't include you all here because it would get hopelessly long, sorry. I really, really wish I could because you all deserve my thanks for supporting me and telling me my writing isn't actually that crap ... Thank you so much, guys! Love you all. Now just review one last time ..._

_Bye for now, Black Crystall Draygon. Xxx)_


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